Hi, all. This post isn't really a post -- it's the last post for HAL.

I really enjoyed collecting the links, and the writing, but as the blog's increasing (in)frequency will testify, there isn't enough time to do it.

However, we're reinvigorating two other Variety.com blogs, The Cut Scene and Technotainment, with veteran reporter Chris Morris. He starts blogging tomorrow (Thursday, May 21).

And, rather than wail and gnash my teeth, I went through the archives to pull together a greatest hits collection (as it were). Thanks for reading. -- Dana Harris

• The CAA email (that was not from CAA)

• HBO vs. LDS: The Mormons strike back

• Are we watching the 'Watchmen' backlash?

• Watch Mickey Rourke's very, very first movie

• Christian Bale, the remix

• Strangest PR call of the year: The CIA

• Dubious honors: The worst opening weekends of 2008

• Capt. Jack Sparrow is a one-man morality clause

• Bollywood makes a silk purse from Hollywood's tin ear

• Investors lose $40M on movies; they're shocked. Just shocked.

• Unsung history: The first time Amy Winehouse canceled a gig

• Wally Cleaver makes good, exhibits at the Louvre

• When good stars find bad movies: Life at the AFM

• Hot priests! Get your hot priests!

• Dana Giacchetto to sell soul at auction

• "Slumdog Millionaire" throws product placement into reverse

• Peter Hoffman repays $1.5M loan to Sacramento Warriors point guard Baron Davis

Funny, you don't look famous: Roy Silver, Bob Dylan's first manager

A new Bob Dylan album is always cause for curiosity, especially when it comes to the extras that have been a feast for hard-core Bobologists. The deluxe edition of his latest, "Together Through Life," continues this tradition with "Roy Silver: The Lost Interview," a genuinely engaging DVD oddity that features Dylan's earliest manager.

Conducted shortly before Silver's death in 2003, the interview was intended for the Martin Scorsese doc "No Direction Home" and provides refreshingly candid peek into the beginning of the Dylan legend. On screen, Dylan dismisses Silver as "a hustler" and "one of those guys always selling something." In kind, Silver remembers the 1961 Dylan as "weird" and a malleable pawn of the famously overpowering Albert Grossman -- the manager who escorted Dylan into fame after he "convinced" Silver that selling him Dylan's management contract for $10,000 would be a good idea.

Silver went on to manage Bill Cosby and become an investor in the Rainbow Bar and Grill, but he is perhaps best remembered in Hollywood as an owner (along with recording czar Neil Bogart and future studio chief Peter Guber) of another Sunset Strip establishment, Roy's. For those who don't remember the establishment, Josh Karp's biography of National Lampoon cofounder Doug Kenney, "A Futile and Stupid Gesture," contains this reminiscence:

Roy's was an after-hours club (open until three or four AM) for people such as the Eagles, Mick Jagger, Neil Young, Burt Reynolds, Hunter Thompson... In the back were booths built to resemble separate Pullman cars — cabins that seated four to six, with a large drape that could be drawn around each table. Roy himself catered to his clientele by providing instant access to cocaine for anyone who wanted it. If there wasn't enough available from the restaurant's private stock, Roy called a dealer who arrived in minutes. Even the dinner plates at Roy's were billed as perfect for using to snort lines.

Ah, the '70s. -- Steve Gaydos

Laurie Percival at Lalawag astutely noticed that Ashton Kutcher has somehow managed to finagle nearly 800,000 Twitter followers -- second only to CNN Breaking News. Then Kutcher made a video saying he would "ding dong ditch" Ted Turner's house if he got 1 million followers before CNN.

Meanwhile, fameball* Julia Allison promised to dye her hair red if she could reach 25,000 Twitter followers before Kutcher hits 1 million. (She also promises to "video it. And send it to Ted Turner." By that I don't know if she means sending the hair or the video, not that Turner would care either way or that it would represent any radical gesture on her part. But I digress.)

Perez Hilton promised nekkid pictures of Zac Efron and Robert Pattinson (together?!) if he gets more followers than Ashton. And Larry King shot a video of his mock-tough schtick, taunting Kutcher for thinking he can top CNN.

That was yesterday. At this writing, Kutcher's Twitter numbers have jumped to 921,871, with CNN at 955,224. (For what it's worth, he already dwarfs the New York Times, Barack Obama and NPR.) And tomorrow, he will be on the Larry King Show "discussing his Web video post earlier this week challenging CNN to a popularity contest on the internet social media site Twitter. Kutcher and CNN are each trying to achieve 1 million followers before the other on the popular micro-blog."

Yeah.

Remember in the fifth grade, on Valentine's Day, when it became all important to collect more valentines than anyone else -- didn't matter who they were from, what they said or if they said anything at all?

Our own Joseph Helfgot, founder of Variety sister company MarketCast, died earlier this month from complications of a heart transplant. However, as The Wrap reports, he will live on:

In a Hollywood-style ending to a colorful life, Joseph Helfgot, the movie market researcher who passed away last week at age 60, became the second facial transplant donor in the United States, the family revealed on Tuesday.

Helfgot, whose insights in movie marketing were one of Hollywood's best kept secrets, passed away unexpectedly on Sunday April 5 as a result of a stroke during heart transplant surgery.

In a surprise twist ending to his life, not only did his family re-donate the heart that had been transplanted into Helfgot and donate his liver, but also donated his face.

"To the end, he was a trailblazer, leaving a legacy that we are proud to say included the ultimate gift, namely, a new face, a re-transplanted heart and liver, allowing three individuals to survive, a final testament to Joseph's legacy as the son of Auschwitz survivors," his family said in a statement.

Doctors at Brigham and Women's Hospital said on Tuesday that the recipient of Helfgot's face -- the victim of an industrial accident -- was doing well, and that they were "cautiously optimistic" for his recovery. They spoke on ABC's "Good Morning America."

Noted: The Helfgot photo, like the story, came from The Wrap; the photographer was Wrap EIC Sharon Waxman. HAL regrets the omission.

Give Lindsay Lohan credit for having a sense of humor, and a willingness to poke fun at her tabloid-darling status and her recent break-up with Sam Ronson. La Lohan made a faux eHarmony profile vid that just hit FunnyOrDie.com. It's her best work in years!

Billboard is reporting that director Cameron Crowe and Pearl Jam are teaming up on an upcoming film about the Seattle-based rock group.

The project, which sounds like a compilation of pre-existing Pearl Jam footage, was revealed last month on Seattle's "Don and Ron" radio show by guitarist Mike McCready.

"We're building up to our big 20th anniversary," McCready said. "We're trying to have a little campaign of building rereleases with new mixes and new outtakes up until that time and we're also trying to do a movie with Cameron Crowe with all of our footage."

Crowe and Pearl Jam first teamed together on the '90s grunge pic, "Singles," which featured soundtrack music, baggy flannels and "acting" from band members Eddie Vedder and Jeff Ament. Crowe also exec produced, "Pearl Jam: Single Video Theory," a short making-of documentary about the group's 1998 LP, "Yield."

Pearl Jam is currently working on a new album due out later this year and are scheduled to headline the Outside Lands Festival (August 28-30) in San Francisco.

--Stuart Oldham

This was Phil Spector as captured some 33 years ago by Brad Elterman at the Magic Castle. It's part of an exhibition that will open May 9 at Equator Books in Venice.

Also of note: A virtually unrecognizable Leif Garrett and Nicolette Sheridan;

Robert Plant, none too happy being caught playing soccer in a Speedo;

And another, wholly work-unsafe pic, which includes this in its caption:

She never had a problem with taking all of her clothes for the camera. That is the way it was back then -- you would just see a pool on a warm summer day and off came the clothes! Kari, if you are reading this, do not flip out that I am using this photograph. Remember, I still have the signed photo release.

Heh. Full gallery, here.

From The Onion:

Michael Bay Signs $50M Deal To Fuck Up 'Thundercats'

LOS ANGELES—In the largest deal ever made to shit out a movie, Warner Bros. and director Michael Bay announced a landmark $50 million agreement this week to monumentally fuck up ThunderCats.

According to executives, Warner Bros. settled on Bay after a 12-month search of Hollywood's most reviled directors, including Joel Schumacher, Roland Emmerich, and Brett Ratner. In the end, the studio decided only Bay could be relied upon to deliver a 220-minute cinematic clusterfuck with enough tedious performances, overblown cinematography, and CGI explosions to make even the most casual fan want to scratch their eyes out.

"We're just getting started on the storyboards, but I've already got a lot of really contrived ideas about zooming in way too close and shooting everything at nauseating angles," said Bay, who claimed viewers won't be able to tell if the climactic final battle is between two blurry elbows or a half dozen leopard-print pillows. "I promise you'll walk out of the theater feeling like you just flushed $12 down the toilet."

"Michael Bay has this innate sense of how to ruin a great story," Variety reporter Todd Brick said. "His ability to create astonishing plot holes, pepper dialogue with groan-inducing clichés, and abandon storylines halfway through is unparalleled. He was born to destroy this movie."

Obviously, this story is bogus. We've never employed anybody named Todd Brick.

An 1,875-word email -- one that details the current challenges in the entertainment industry, that may or may not have been sent by a CAA talent agent to his/her clients -- is making the rounds in Hollywood. [UPDATED 4/13: A CAA rep says: "The email didn't come from CAA."]

On one level it’s a cover-your-ass apologia since the underlying message is, “I know you’re not getting auditions, but please don’t fire me!” However, the reason the email is being sent and re-sent (those are SnagIts from the various forwards, above) is it’s a tidy assessment of the state of the union and pulling that off in less than 2,000 words is impressive.

It closes with "good news," which only goes so far as your belief in the supposed windfall of "new platforms" and ad models. But whatever; it's (supposed to be) from an agent, after all.

I’ve taken the liberty of reprinting it here, minus all the weird characters and line breaks that come when an email goes viral, but here's the highlights:

• "Since the SAG contract expired on June 30, 2008, there have been few to no STUDIO feature films (this does not include companies such as Lionsgate and the Weinstein Company that are not in AMPTP and as such have completion agreements). Some analysts say there are up to 200 feature films on hold. Around September, we started to see a mass movement of film actors to TV projects. Many of my "name" actors have done one-day guest stars (this is very typical right now), and we are seeing a number of Guest Star level actors doing CO-STAR roles."

• "During the Writer's Strike of 2007-2008, Studios adapted and used the void to eliminate pilot season as we know it.Gone are the days of hundreds of pilots. In fact, this year, there are only 67 pilots to have registered for production of which only about 35 have been green lit for production."

• "Studios and networks believe that by committing named stars to their projects, they will receive more money from this year’s upfronts from ad agencies. They are banking on star power to leverage better buys at the all important UPFRONTS."

• "Many Guest Stars are now doing Co-stars and Co-stars/Developmental Actors (those with less than 5 primetime credits) frankly are not getting seen much. One CD recently told me that she had over 25 women who would be considered working actors going for a co-star role.

• "We are seeing the erosion of quotes. Due to the availability of so many talented actors, CDs and Producers are in the driver's seat in negotiations. When they say, "Well, we got someone else who will do it for less," they ain’t kidding."

• "Many are hoping that with the end of this stalemate, Hollywood will get back to normal. I have to say that I am not one who necessarily believes this... I believe that, even after the SAG stalemate is over, there is probably not enough money for 50 Studio Feature Films to be done right out of the gate."

• "I know it is easy to be skeptical over the studios, networks, cablers, production houses, show runners, etc, losing money, but it is a cold-hard fact right now... When I attended NATPE in January, all the talk was how to get "thinner." Everything is getting tight. Budgets, Marketing, Staffing, etc., and this will undoubtedly impact the actor."

The full email, after the jump.

Broken Social Scene frontman Kevin Drew directs this touching yet somewhat unraveling short entitled, "The Water." We'd tell you what it's about but we don't want to ruin the surprise. Cillian Murphy ("28 Days Later," "Batman Begins") and Drew's close friend/singer Feist star. Click here to watch.

(Source: Pitchfork)

Fans of Mike Judge rejoice! The hilarious creator of such hits as "Office Space" and "King of the Hill" appears to be returning to form in "Extract," Miramax's new comedy starring Jason Bateman, Ben Affleck and Mila Kunis.

Check out the teaser below. It looks a KA-JILLION times better than "Idiocracy." Then again, what doesn't?

"Extract" hits theaters September 4th.

Director Adam Shankman's first Funny or Die experience was for the wildly popular (and hilarious) "Prop 8: The Musical," starring Jack Black, John C. Reilly and a long list of other notable celebs.

In a new, albeit much less comical, Funny or Die segment, the "Hairspray" helmer teams with teen icon Zac Efron and a random batch of young Hollywood faces (minus Queen Latifah) in the clip, "Zac Efron's Pool Party."

Also appearing in the sketch are "High School Musical" actress Vanessa Hudgens, Nicole Richie (and boyfriend Joel Madden), Lance Bass, Justin Long (?), Carmen Electra, Brittney Snow, Jessica Stroup, Brody Jenner, and Jessica Rose (lonelygirl15).

Thomas Lennon ('Reno 911') is pretty much the only semi-funny person in the vid, which appears to have been conceived (and poorly executed) at a pretentious cabana bash.

Check it out.

--Stuart Oldham

Just in time to embrace the "Star Trek" juggernaut, Hustler Video has wrapped production on "This Ain't Star Trek XXX." For those who keep track of such things, it's the latest title in Hustler's trademark-skating series of porno parodies that includes "This Ain't Happy Days," "This Ain't Bewitched," "This Ain't Three's Company" and "This Ain't The Brady Bunch."

That's Evan Stone as Captain James T. Kirk, Cheyne Collins as Dr. McCoy and Ero Sennin as Sulu. Also of note: The cast includes Sasha Grey, who will make her theatrical-feature debut with the May 22 release of Steven Soderberg's "The Girlfriend Experience." 

"This Ain't Star Trek XXX" is slated for release May 12, just four days after J.J. Abrams' "Star Trek" reaches theaters May 8.   

Celebrities beware: Slim Shady is ba'aack.

"We Made You," Eminem's first not-so-great single off of the forthcoming disc, "Relapse," has gotten the video treatment. The Detroit rapper's latest targets? Jessica Simpson, Sarah Palin and Lindsay Lohan, among others.

Thanks to original cast members Vin Diesel and Paul Walker, Universal's "Fast & Furious" drove off with a record-breaking $72.3 million at the box office over the weekend. Meanwhile, Seth Rogen and "Saturday Night Live's" Andy Samberg took the street-racing franchise to a whole different level. Enjoy...

If you aren't up to speed on the fracas inspired by the "Wolverine" piracy/Roger Friedman review, click here. As to where things stand now? Depends who you ask!

On Friday, when Friedman posted his "Wolverine" review, this was blowback from 20th Century Fox:

We've just been made aware that Roger Friedman, a freelance columnist who writes Fox 411 on Foxnews.com - an entirely separate company from 20th Century Fox -- watched on the internet and reviewed a stolen and unfinished version of X-Men Orgins: Wolverine. This behavior is reprehensible and we condemn this act categorically -- whether the review is good or bad.

Then, as rumors circulated that Friedman's punishment had escalated from hand-slapping to neck-snapping, News Corp. released this statement late Saturday night:

Roger Friedman’s views in no way reflect the views of News Corporation. We, along with 20th Century Fox Film Corporation, have been a consistent leader in the fight against piracy and have zero tolerance for any action that encourages and promotes piracy. When we advised Fox News of the facts they took immediate action, removed the post, and promptly terminated Mr. Friedman.

Except! Friedman told Variety that he hasn't been fired. And while Fox News isn't ready to back him up, they're not ready to concede defeat, either. Yeah, Friedman's post basically acted as an Evite for anyone who hadn't seen "Wolverine" online already, but... Friedman's a brand-name draw for Foxnews.com. Can't we all just get along? So here's the Fox News stance as of Sunday afternoon:

This is an internal matter that we're not prepared to discuss at this time.

Three different News Corp. divisions, three different statements. This is the best reality programming the networks have seen all season.

This week's online leak of "Wolverine" wreaked 31 flavors of corporate havoc at 20th Century Fox -- so what was Fox News "freelance" columnist (a decade's worth of freelancing, but who's counting) Roger Friedman thinking when he posted a review of the film on Friday?

Reports say he's been fired for this act of treason -- and let's say, for the sake of argument, that's the case. But sweet smoking Jehosaphat, was or wasn't, what the hell?

To quote Friedman via Rope of Silicon (which had the foresight to get a screengrab, since the review has since been pulled):

Yes, I’ve seen “X Men Origins: Wolverine.” It wasn’t at a screening, either. I found a work in progress print of it, 95 percent completed, on the internet last night. Let’s hope by now it’s gone.

Some commenters are arguing that if Friedman's been fired, it's shooting the messenger since this is how so many people are watching entertainment content, how can you deny that, blah blee blurgh.

OK, I'll give you that -- but if Friedman's a humble messenger, I wouldn't want him anywhere near a UPS truck. "I found a work in progress print"? Really? Wow, aren't you something. You must use Google.

Beyond being a dumb statement, given the level of attention to the "Wolverine" piracy crime (hi, FBI!), it was a deeply disingenuous one for any carbon-based lifeform, much less for an entertainment writer and one who is/was employed by News Corp. Sez his would-be former employer:

Roger Friedman’s views in no way reflect the views of News Corporation. We, along with 20th Century Fox Film Corporation, have been a consistent leader in the fight against piracy and have zero tolerance for any action that encourages and promotes piracy. Once we learned of Roger Friedman’s post we asked Fox News to remove it, which they did immediately.

Whatever else may come out of this, I hereby recommend the creation of an entertainment category for the Darwin Awards: The Friedman.

Ever hear of "Swastika"? Maybe not; Philippe Mora and Lutz Becker's 1973 documentary about how Nazis infiltrated German lives had a rough go ever since its Cannes Film Festival premiere, which had to be stopped when audience members began fighting. However, after a 36-year ban in Germany, it will premiere at the Biberach Film Festival in October, followed by a screening in Berlin. 

The footage that inspired the fisticuffs came from Eva Braun's color home movies of Adolf Hitler playing with children at his home in Obersalzberg. In an email to Variety, Mora writes, "Of course, the whole point of the film was that Hitler was a human being and if we didn't recognize that, we would not see the next one coming." (He also says that German "distributors claimed, among other things that it was anti-German.")

"Swastika" went on to open in London, Washington D.C, Paris and Sydney. A stolen print also wound up unwound on the graves of Jews at Paris' Pere Lachaise cemetary. (Mora credits "Baader Meinhof types" for that stunt.)

Writes Mora:

BTW I am Jewish, my father was high up in the French Resistance and my godfather was Marcel Marceau, another Jewish resistance fighter -- they both thought the film was spot on. Marceau once did an instant imitation of Hitler at the late Le Dome that brought the house down. Generally the reviews got it, and were great--first look at the real Hitler, etc. Washington Post, Time magazine, Variety & many others gave kudos. (BTW the home movie color film we located is now on cable in myriad films every day--History Channel, etc.). Bert Schneider's BBS picked it up for U.S and it was released non-theatrically by Paramount, and theatrically by the Pedas Brothers in D.C.

The film will also receive a special screening at the British Film Institute in September, followed by a new DVD release in the U.K. And you can watch a six-minute clip from the film, above.

Whenever director Joe Wright and Keira Knightley team up ("Pride and Prejudice," "Atonement"), there's usually a whirlwind romance, tea party dresses, and gaping English hillsides, but never has the 24-year old actress taken a bruiser for Joe (unless, of course, you count Mr. Darcy's polite indifference...).

Knightley, who's currently shooting 'London Boulevard' with Colin Farrell, recently did a TV spot for domestic abuse charity, Women's Aid. The two-minute ad (directed by Wright) features Knightley being kicked around and beaten rather badly by her not-so-nice partner.

Normally, I'd say something funny here but domestic abuse isn't very humorous (even though the fake blood they used looks like Kiki's fingernail polish).

Have a look...

--Stuart Oldham

Just days after the MPAA slapped Sacha Baron Cohen and Universal Pictures' "Bruno" with an NC-17 rating, the "Borat" creator has unleashed the first trailer for his new comedy on MySpace. Enjoy.

Warning: Adult content ahead!

(Video may take a few seconds to load)