Full disclosure: I am a big fan of "Big Love." And I find the LDS (Latter-day Saints, aka Mormon) faith fairly baffling. 

That said, I thought this was an interesting, detailed and reasonable take on the whole HBO vs. the Mormons controversy. (And if this sounds a little like a press release, the author owns a PR agency; he probably can't help it.)

[EDITED TO ADD: I've posted a LDS-sanctioned video, "Why Mormons Build Temples." Equal voice and all that. Thanks to commenter HiveRadical for the suggestion.]

Dear Daily Variety and Daily Variety Readers:
 
As a devout member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints ("Mormon") I am certainly not surprised that HBO is moving forward with its plans to air a segment of "Big Love" that purports to show scenes from what is arguably one of the most sacred portions of the LDS religion -- the temple endowment ceremony.
 
Then again, I am disappointed in HBO as I would have hoped that HBO and its parent company, Time-Warner, would have been more respectful of the faith and a people who have experienced significant persecution during its 175-year history. Obviously, those were false hopes.
 
More importantly, it appears that in spite of communications to the LDS Church to the contrary, HBO and the producers and writers of "Big Love" seem intent on blurring the line between the LDS/Mormon Church and the failed and illegal practices of a few polygamists.
 
As a practicing polygamist, Jeanne Tripplehorn's character, Barb, would not be allowed into a dedicated Mormon temple where sacred rites are performed and religious instructions are given. She would not pass muster in the two worthiness interviews required with two local leaders of her local & regional congregations before she could receive a "letter of recommendation" to provide her with access inside a temple.
 
In truth, anyone (Polygamist, Christian, Muslim, Christian, Hindu, Buddhist, Jew, Gentile, Wiccan, Atheist, or whatever) can enter any Mormon meeting house around the world and attend any of our regularly scheduled meetings, and they can do so without being baptized and becoming converted to the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
 
That said, entrance into any LDS temple first requires baptism into the LDS Church and continued adherance to minimal standards for at least a year after baptism before one is eligible to seek a Temple Recommend.
 
Some of these Temple Recommend standards include

*  no smoking;
*  no drinking of alcohol, coffee or tea;
*  no use of illegal drugs;
*  no misuse of prescription drugs or medications;
*  no sexual activities outside of (or before) a legal and lawful marriage relationship;
*  paying of tithing (10 percent of annual income);
*  regular attendance at Church meetings;
*  volunteer service within the Church;
*  acceptance of the current President of the LDS Church as Prophet, Seer and Revelator;
*  belief in God the Eternal Father, Jesus Christ as the Son of God and the Redeemer of the world, and the Holy Ghost as the 3rd member of the Godhead (and each of these beings as separate and distinct individuals);

and (though perhaps last in this list, but not least for this commentary)
*  agreement to follow and obey the laws of the land where you live.
 
Last I checked it is illegal to be in a polygamous relationship in the U.S. It is also grounds for removal from the Mormon Church if a Latter-day Saint is found to be practicing polygamy and will not give it up. Practicing polygamy will also prevent one from being able to A) be baptized into the LDS Church and B) from receiving a Temple Recommend allowing one to enter an LDS Temple.
 
I am ABSOLUTELY CONFIDENT that the "Big Love" writers and producers know these facts. I am ABSOLUTELY CONFIDENT that the management of HBO and Time-Warner know these facts.
 
Unfortunately, I am also ABSOLUTELY CONFIDENT that the segment of "Big Love" scheduled to premiere this weekend will air as scheduled.
 
By doing so, the HBO and all affiliated with "Big Love" will do all Latter-Day Saints and the public at large a huge disservice by blatantly depicting not only something that is held as being supremely sacred by Mormons around the world, but also by depicting and promulgating a lie that a practicing polygamist (like the character "Barb") would ever be allowed into an LDS Temple. Then again, I have a hard time believing that any practicing polygamist would even want to go through a Mormon Temple ceremony; but hey, who am I to judge?
 
At the end of the day, I agree with the premise that HBO has the constitutional right to produce and air "Big Love" as well as this forthcoming segment.
 
I also have the right to NOT watch "Big Love" and to point out the the world and to HBO what I believe to be HBO's patently misleading, hurtful, salacious and disrespectful approach to all members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
 
Sincerely,
 
 
David Politis

UN-EFFING-BELIEVABLE.

From NPR:

Bernard Madoff and his wife claim they are entitled to keep a $7 million Manhattan apartment and an additional $62 million in assets.

Court papers filed on Monday state that Madoff and his lawyer say the Manhattan penthouse and money held in accounts of Madoff's wife, Ruth, are not subject to seizure.

The court papers say Madoff claims the apartment and the $62 million are unrelated to a $50 billion fraud Madoff has been accused of carrying out.

The $62 million contains $45 million in municipal bonds on deposit in an account held by Ruth Madoff and $17 million in her name at Wachovia Bank.

In other words, Bernie and Ruth claim that they are entitled to keep $69 million in assets because they somehow remain entirely separate and distinct from the $50 billion in other people's money that Bernie Madoff folded into breathtaking origami and threw in the air while he did the hokey-pokey and turned himself around. Because THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT.

(As metaphors go, I know that one's specious bordering on insane. And, given the circumstances, entirely appropriate.)

Swindler's List is a blog published by the Jewish Journal and it's as you might expect: It contains the latest updates on the continued fallout from the $50B Bernard Madoff scam. [Hat tip: LA Observed]

Question: How many of you don't know anyone who was affected by this, at least tangentially? I'd never heard of his name before last week; already I know of two entirely separate set people who have lost money to Madoff.

RELATED:

• "Is your friend evil?" [Variety]

First off: Can you believe what former TYCO CEO Dennis Kozlowski looks like? He's straight from Central Casting as a fatcat-turned-jailbird. Secondly: As Silicon Alley Insider's Caroline Wexler points out, "Why the jailers would agree to let him appear (on Fox Business) is beyond us."

However, he may (may - not putting money on that, no pun intended) have a point when he says his actions don't really register when you look at Lehman Brothers, Bear Stearns and AIG: "Tyco is still a viable company, still alive and kicking. Bear Sterns is under, Lehman Brothers is under. Merrill Lynch had to be acquired. There are all kinds of banks going under right now."

Still, it's hard to feel too badly when he says stuff like this: "I sit here and I read about a $150 billion bailout of AIG, I compare it to a $6,000 shower curtain. It's hard to reconcile the two."

True. That's because NO ONE IS SUGGESTING THEY'RE THE SAME THING. It's not like his gold-laced shower curtain wasn't obnoxious, but it didn't even came close to being the extent of his sins against Tyco Intl.; he was convicted of misappropriating more than $400 million in corporate funds. Granted, an AIG bailout could support 37 Kozlowskis in the lifestyle to which they were accustomed, but let's face it: That's still pretty gross. [Fox Business]

This was a good week for the culture jammers. First the Yes Men distributed 1.2 million copies of a fake New York Times announcing the end of the Iraqi war; then, indie filmmakers Dan Mirvish and Eitan Gorlin wrote a new play for the How To Get Ahead in Hollywood handbook: Create a political pundit, make him famous and then confess that he doesn’t exist.

The NYT broke the “Martin Eisendstadt” story Thursday, explaining that the would-be John McCain pundit who publishes a blog, operates a Washington, DC consultancy and is the subject of multiple YouTube videos as well as the apparent subject of a BBC documentary, is actually the creation of filmmakers Mirvish (co-founder, Slamdance Film Festival) and Gorlin, whose “The Holy Land” won the Slamdance grand jury prize in 2002.

Eisenstadt was initially created for a sitcom Mirvish and Gorlin are pitching, “The Pundit.” With Gorlin portraying the character in popular YouTube videos, the myth remained relatively intact throughout the election cycle; sources ranging from CNN to the Huffington Post took his existence on faith.
Mirvish and Eitan also manipulated the spin cycle to spread rumors that Paris Hilton was feuding with McCain, that Sarah Palin received a $900 spray-on tan and that Joe the Plumber had a tryst with SNL's Kristen Wiig.

However, Mirvish and Gorlin decided to reveal themselves the week after the election, when reports surfaced that an anonymous McCain source said Palin didn’t know Africa was a continent.

“Someone said it, but it wasn’t us,” Mirvish says. “So we took credit for it.”

Mirvish posted the claim Tuesday on Eisenstadt’s blog and then spent a few hours at the American Film Market. By the time he got home, MSNBC’s David Shuster was reporting the Eisenstadt-Africa connection as a breaking news story.

Eisenstadt’s political career may be over, but Mirvish and Gorlin’s has just begun. They already have received an offer from the publishers of Sacha Baron Cohen’s  “Borat” book. And, says Mirvish, “We still think he's a brand. We're doing meetings next week. Eisenstadt still has to carry on.”

Mirvish is nothing else if not persistent. He made his first film, "Omaha," in 1995; when Sundance rejected the comedy for its lineup, Mirvish responded by launching Slamdance. When he wrote and directed the “real-estate musical” "Open House" in 2004, he raised a ruckus when the Academy refused to activate its live-musical category that year.

I spoke with Mirvish as he was preparing and shuttling his three kids to school on Thursday morning. His wife, a doctor, had worked the night shift.

Did your agent know you were doing this? Or anyone else in the industry?

It's very generous for you to presume I have an agent. I've had a few over the years; I don't have one right now. There's a number of people in the TV world who knew about us and our shenanigans -- production companies, networks. JJ Abrams' company Bad Robot, Paramount TV, CBS, Comedy Central, Sony TV, Ashton Kutcher's company...

So basically, it was a massive left-wing conspiracy?

Dan Mirvish is nothing else if not persistent. He made his first film, "Omaha," in 1995; when the Sundance Film Festival rejected the comedy for its lineup, Mirvish responded by taking the film to Park City, Utah to launch Slamdance. More recently, when he wrote and directed "Open House" in 2004, a "real-estate musical," he raised a ruckus with the Academy when it refused to activate its live-musical category that year.

And so it would follow that he'd be involved with the Great Sarah Palin Caper otherwise known as Martin Eisenstadt, the conservative talking head who claimed Palin didn't know Africa was a continent but, in reality, doesn't exist. (Eisenstadt, that is. Not Palin. Or Africa.) The New York Times wrote about the hoax in today's paper with the cooperation of Mirvish and his partner in crime, Eitan Gorlin. And all hell has been breaking loose for Mirvish ever since, mostly because his doctor wife worked the night shift and left Mirvish in charge of getting their three kids to school. Nonetheless, he picked up the phone in between zipper and shoelace crises to discuss his adventure.

Did your agent know you were doing this? Or anyone else in the industry?

It's very generous for you to presume I have an agent. I've had a few over the years; I don't have one right now. There's a number of people in the TV world who knew about us and our shenanigans -- production companies, networks. JJ Abrams' company Bad Robot, Paramount TV, CBS, Comedy Central, Sony TV, Ashton Kutcher's company...

So basically, it was a massive left-wing conspiracy?

(Laughs) Right. Not that any of them were involved at all, because they weren't. (At this point, chaos takes over as his daughter Becca starts to scream.) Zip it up, no, OK, take it off. Who left me in charge? You know what, Dana, let's continue this a little bit later.

[More coming.]

You know how John McCain aide Martin Eisenstadt claimed that Sarah Palin didn't know Africa was continent? Maybe Palin didn't know (I'll bet she does now!), but that McCain leak never happened because Martin Eisenstadt doesn't exist. He's actually Eitan Gorlin who, with Dan Mirvish, crafted an elaborate hoax designed to lampoon the gluttonous 24-hour news cycle. That, and help the filmmakers pitch a TV show. (Frankly, if it weren't for the fact that I've known Dan since he co-founded Slamdance in 1995, I'd still doubt the veracity; "Eitan Gorlin" looks like a family name that comes from a long line of anagrammers.) Richard Perez-Pena has the story, "A Senior Fellow at the Institute of Nonexistence;" I'll have an interview with Mirvish later today. [NYT]

On page 44 of today's Daily Variety, tucked amidst AFM ads for "Dim Sum Funeral" and "Love At the First Hiccup," is an even seedier advertisement: The announcement of a bankruptcy auction sale "Relating To Dana Giacchetto, 'Financial Adviser To Hollywood Stars' ". (Click on the image for larger resolution.) Giacchetto, of course, served time after being indicted for securities fraud eight years ago; last year, worked with biographer Amy White on "You Will Make Money in Your Sleep: The Story of Dana Giacchetto, Financial Adviser to the Stars." Janet Shprintz reports that he still owes people more than $2 million, so he's auctioning his life rights (minimum bid: $100,000), a "Titanic" VHS signed by his former client, Leonardo DiCaprio (minimum bid: $1,000) and "Giacchetto personal items seized from him by US Marshals upon his arrest after allegedly violating bail order." Bidding starts at 9 am on December 11 in US Bankruptcy Court for the Southern District of New York. [Variety]

UPDATE: Now with pictures! Click here to see a gallery of the items available at auction! They include the most dreadful fingerpaintings ever created by a disgraced former celebrity money manager and his client, the Leo-signed VHS, a weird leather pouchy thing and, perhaps best of all, a Discman.   

Todd Shemarya, of Todd Shemarya Artists, was socked with a sexual harassment lawsuit in LA Superior Court by a former assistant who claims that he barraged her with "racist and sexist slurs, pornographic emails, thefts and drug use after persuading her to abandon her previous career with empty promises of becoming a talent agent, then he fired her by email." Rotten stuff, but one question: Who the hell is Todd Shemarya?

Karina Brown at Courthouse News Service, which picked up the suit, describes him as "a high-profile Hollywood talent agent" who "represents Hollywood heavyweights such as Brad Pitt, Matthew McConaughey, Angelina Jolie, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Natalie Portman, the complaint states." The complaint can say whatever it likes, of course, but why did the New York Post, WENN, and a host of other sites around the world swallow the release whole without even bothering to taste it? "One of Hollywood's biggest agents," breathes Hollyscoop.

Full disclosure: I had never heard of Todd Shemarya before this morning. And while I no longer cover the agency beat, some quick double-checking confirms that Pitt, McConaughey and Portman are still represented by CAA. DiCaprio is still represented by Rick Yorn. Jolie by Geyer Kosinski. And so on and so forth.

So who the hell is Todd Shemarya? Well, there's a 2001 article that says he's a former modeling agent who designed a clothing line with Pitt. In 2007, the New York Times mentioned Shemarya as the "brand agent" of Rachel Zoe and, yes, Pitt, Jolie and Jennifer Aniston. What's a brand agent? “What I do,” Shemarya told the NYT, “is to take an entity, whether it be a celebrity or a stylist, and enlarge their profile. I take whatever anyone’s best assets are and then I apply those in a business situation.” In other words, Todd Shemarya Artists handles their endorsements. Most recently, he brokered the deals for the Brangelina and McConaughey baby pictures.

So, Shemarya may well be one of Hollywood's biggest endorsement agents. But that's not really the same thing, is it?

Look, I'm a (business) gossip whore, too. In the rapid-fire world of blogger aggregation, I'm the last one to point fingers at anyone who moves too quickly and gets it wrong. Nonetheless, I still can't believe that everyone saw the names "Brad Pitt" and "Todd 'Who?' Shemarya" together and didn't blink before proclaiming that "Hollywood's biggest agent!" was linked with a whole bunch of henious accusations (including my favorite, "harassed her by arranging that the only office bathroom lacked a door during her entire 6 years on the job."). But is "one of Hollywood's biggest agents" going to work out of a residential address between Beechwood and Gower? That makes him, at best, E, not Ari Gold.   

Right now, all of the assistants for those stars' actual agents have my deepest sympathies, because today is gonna suck. [CNS]