Craig Ferguson, honorary American

This just in...

Erstwhile "CBS Evening News" anchor Bob Schieffer (we were just talking about him a few items ago, see 'Rosie wasn't right for 'Price' anyway") is making an appearance on tonight's "Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson," delivering a faux news report about Craig's ongoing campaign to become a citizen of the United States.

Earlier this month Craig began soliciting cities and towns across this fair land of ours for honorary citizenship status. According to CBS, so far the mayors of some 7,200 hamlets have responded, along with the governors of North Dakota, South Dakota, Alaska, Nevada, Montana and Texas, with letters giving Craig his red-white-and-blue due. As they should.

We are a nation of immigrants, and by my yardstick Craig's one of the better ones to have arrived on these  shores in the past 15 years or so. Think about it. The pride of Glasgow's many talents -- actor, writer (and not just short scripts but he pens the trifecta of TV, films and fiction tomes) , producer, host, father, motorcycle rider, keen-eyed pop culture observer, etc. have helped keep people in employed (stagehands, typesetters, craft services, mechanics, etc., etc. ) and he's contributed to the Clean Air Act by maintaining high standards for his double-entendres despite his past-the-FCC's-indecency-policing-jurisdiction time slot of 12:35 a.m.

So by the decree of On the Air, the People's Republic of Variety.com grants Craig lifelong honorary citizenship. He can come hang out in our Miracle Mile digs anytime. After all, Craig's home-away-from-home-away-from-Scotland, CBS Television City, is just around the corner.

Also, as Variety's Joe Adalian reported today, "Late Late Show" is committed to seeing the U.S.A. in a Chevro-..er..Ford this summer by sending two staffers on a road trip full of Ford logos. Maybe afterward one of them will get hopped up on ...coffee... and write the great American buddy-road novel of the early 21st century on one long continuous roll of paper in a sweltering one-room apartment in New York...