"TV sets are bigger than ever, kids are fatter than ever and gas has never been more expensive," he told advertisers at the Alphabet net's upfront presentation Tuesday. "We have a whole country sitting on its couch right now. If we can't sell TV to them, we should be ashamed of ourselves."
Kimmel repped the one piece of entertainment in what was, by design, a bare-bones ABC presentation this year. No bands, no celebs and no party.
"ABC may be the worst date ever," Kimmel quipped to the media buyers in the aud. "We expect you to put out, and won't even buy you a drink."
Alphabet net took a few lumps, but Kimmel saved much of his more biting swipes for NBC. The Peacock dubbed its recent upfront presentation the "infront," he said, "because they're just in front of the CW."
Kimmel also referenced NBC's recent pledge to air a 52-week primetime sked.
"They may even have to go outside Ben Silverman's production company for some of them," he said. (A joke sure to resonate among rivals who've noted the number of Reveille projects on NBC's air.)
Kimmel also briefly referenced the upcoming late night upheaval, jokingly reading a letter from "Bob Iger," claiming Kimmel's safe from losing his slot to a rival talk show host. Earlier in the day, ABC Entertainment prexy Steve McPherson didn't rule out recruiting Jay Leno for a show once he became available, but said Kimmel would be consulted and a part of the process if that were to happen.
-- Michael Schneider