I'm five days late but I finally caught up with the season preem of "The Office."

Gawd, I've missed the gang. Amy Ryan is a fantastic addition to the ensemble as Holly, HR replacement for Paul Lieberstein's Toby and a "major dork," in Jim Halpert's estimation. Is there anything Ryan can't do as an actress? I ran into Craig "Darryl" Robinson on the red carpet at the Emmys, and he told me Ryan was "his favorite" and brought a great energy to the set.

This season's opening seg, "Weight Loss," written by Lee Eisenberg and Gene Stupnitsky and helmed by Paul Feig, was full of great "Office" moments, including the return of B.J. Novak's Ryan as a temp receptionist after his fall from corporate grace. As Ryan made the rounds apologizing to the Scranton branch-ers who he treated badly during his tenure as a veep, the LOL moment for me was one of the excuses he gave to his ex-flame, Mindy Kaling's Kelly, along the lines of "I hadn't really processed 9/11." Such a Ryan thing to say.

The furtive warehouse lust going on between Angela Kinsey's Angela and Rainn Wilson's Dwight ought to make for meaty plot points in the episodes ahead, as Angela braces for her nuptials to Ed Helms' hapless Andy.

At no extra charge, we got a fun when-TV-worlds-collide moment with brief guest shot from Rich Sommer, better known to "Mad Men" fanatics as Harry "I want to leave at 5 o'clock" Crane. Wonder if he'll be back to flirt with Jenna Fischer's Pam some more?

And whaddya know, Toby really did head down to Costa Rica after all. I'm guessing we haven't seen the last of him, in or out of traction.

"Desperate Housewives" fans should hop on over to the Season Pass blog for a fun, video-enhanced Q&A with Marc Cherry, conducted by Season Pass maven Kathy Lyford from questions sent in by fans.

Cherry is candid and insightful in discussing his creative process and the characters that populate Wisteria Lane. To wit:

Eva and I sort of discovered the character together. At some point I started making Gabrielle selfish and mean and self-obsessed and materialistic and Eva kind of was scared at first. She thought people wouldn’t like her. But I discovered she had the same qualities that Rue McClanahan did in “Golden Girls,” which is the ability to do unlikable things and still have the audience love you. And once I was confident in her ability to pull that kind of character off, we really went for it. It’s all about coming up with ways for Gabrielle to do just horrible, horrible things and we’re having a lot of fun with it.

After all the rip-snorting plot developments in the previous "Mad Men" episode, "A Night to Remember," we take time in this week's seg for a few then-and-now reflections on American culture -- capped by a blast of plot-thickening in the closing minutes.

Before we dive in to episode-dissection, a hearty congratulations go out to Matthew Weiner, Scott Hornbacher, Robin Veith, the ensemble cast extraordinaire and to everyone else involved with the show for last Sunday's Emmy win for best drama series. Well done and well deserved. (Trivia question: In which category did "Mad Men" win its first Emmy? Answer at the end of the post.)

So let's start at the end of tonight's episode, "Six Month Leave." (Quit reading now if you haven't seen it yet.)

As our hearts and minds are so focused on Betty and Don's travails, we're thrown for a loop by the news that Roger has left his wife Mona (played by John Slattery's wife Talia Balsam) for "a secretary" in this episode, written by Andre Jacquemetton, Maria Jacquemetton and Matthew Weiner and helmed by Michael Uppendahl.

Specifically, Jane, Don Draper's new-ish secretary who seems predisposed to rub everyone at Sterling Cooper but Roger the wrong way -- most of all her boss. Given Don's angry reaction to this news, I guess the big question is whether this is enough of a jolt to force him to try to repair his own marriage. He sure didn't seem to be leaning that way earlier in the episode.

As a tribute to a great American, someone in TV land needs to get a hold of the kinescope of the 1956 "U.S. Steel Hour" production of "Bang the Drum Slowly" and showcase this gem starring Paul Newman, Albert Salmi and George Peppard. TCM, AMC, PBS, ESPN Classic, TV Land -- I'm talking to you.

In doing a little research, I noticed that "Bang the Drum" first aired on CBS on Sept. 26, 1956 -- 52 years to the day that Newman died of cancer at age 83. It was the first adaptation of Mark Harris' heart-tugging novel, published the same year, about a baseball player who is desperate to hide his terminal illness from his teammates.

Newman plays the team's star pitcher Henry Wiggens, narrator of the novel, who tries to help his friend Bruce Pierson (Salmi) hide his condition.

I saw this version of "Bang the Drum" once years ago -- it was either on PBS or TV Land (back when TV Land wasn't afraid of black and white programs) -- and I remember the famous opening with Newman addressing the aud on a dark stage.

The presentation had that extra bit of crackle and snap that comes with live dramatic TV, plus the retro-excitement of knowing that you're watching an important moment in the career ascent of a great actor. As an added bonus, the young twinkly-eyed Newman is breathtakingly handsome.

The first presidential debate between John McCain and Barack Obama was substantive, sophisticated and, of course, historic. But it was not great television.

This 90 minutes of live TV dragged in the middle (it felt like a very long middle), the perfs were wooden at times and the script repetitive in many parts. I was looking at the clock by the time it wrapped up.

In the post-debate pundit sweepstakes, I flipped around the dial Friday night, and found myself agreeing with CBS News' Bob Schieffer, as is often the case.

"There was no knockout here tonight," Schieffer opined to Katie Couric. "Nobody made any gaffes. We're about where we were when we went in" in terms of public perception of the GOP and Democratic hopefuls, he said.

I feel shallow complaining about the lack of theatrics or fireworks, but c'mon, with the polls this tight didn't someone think about a little sizzle? A zinger or two? Moderator Jim Lehrer, to his credit, kept the discussion focused on serious stuff. It veered into petty-fussy here and there when McCain and Obama felt the other was misrepresenting the other's position or voting record, etc.

But even there, neither seemed to break a sweat, although McCain definitely registered irritation with a wince-smirk far more than Obama did. He looked like he was holding back a "nyah nyah" when he was needling Obama about his shortcomings (in McCain's view) as chairman of of the Senate's Foreign Relations subcommittee on European Affairs.

Rough debuts last night for NBC's "Knight Rider" and CBS' 8-9 p.m. comedy block of "The New Adventures of Old Christine" and Jay Mohr frosh "Gary Unmarried."

ABC's "Dancing With the Stars" stomped all over everything in the opening hour of primetime, drawing 15.6 million viewers and 3.5 rating/10 share in adults 18-49.

Peacock's remake of the '80s talking-car skein brought in 7.3 million viewers and 2.4 rating/7 share in adults 18-49. "Old Christine" (6.7 mil, 2.1/6) and "Gary Unmarried" (6.8 mil, 2.3/6) came in even lower.

President Bush didn't help things with his dour 15-minute address at 9 p.m. EST, pushing back the start times of the rest of the night. CBS' fortunes picked up with solid showings from the season openers of "Criminal Minds" and "CSI: NY" (reliable numbers for those shows won't be available until later today because of the delay).

Overall, CBS won the night in viewers and 18-49 by a solid margin, with ABC running second, even though the Alphabet didn't do much business with its two-hour David Blaine spesh.

Brainstorm! "The Mentalist" looked sharp for CBS in its debut Tuesday. If this keeps up, CBS might get a little relief on a night that has been tricky for the Eye in recent years.

"Mentalist," starring the ever-charming Simon Baker, opened to 15.5 million viewers and 3.5 rating/9 share in the adults 18-49 demo, per prelim Nielsens. The procedural from Warner Bros. TV and former "Rome" scribe Bruno Heller proved a thoughtful fit with 8 p.m.'s "NCIS." "Mentalist" held the bulk of of its "NCIS" lead-in (17.9 mil, 3.5/10) and hung tough against Fox's competing "Fringe" (9.7 mil, 4.2/10) in the demo.

The story wasn't so good at 10 p.m. for the debut of "Without a Trace" in its new time slot. "Trace" (11.4 mil, 2.8/7) let a lot of its "Mentalist" lead-in slip away, as the second hour of ABC's "Dancing With the Stars" picked up steam. "Dancing" finished out with 18.2 mil and 4.7/12 in the demo.

Fox won the night in 18-49 on the strength of 8 p.m.'s "House" (12.1 mil, 4.9/14), which nonetheless is off its game from last season, but it may just be a case of the show settling into its new earlier time slot.

At the top of the night, ABC's new unscripted reality-game show "Opportunity Knocks" (6.6 mil, 1.8/5) was sluggish out of the gate, although viewership and its demo score picked up at the half-hour mark.

I'm very glad to welcome "The Big Bang Theory" back to my Monday night routine.

CBS laffer's sophomore season opener, "The Bad Fish Paradigm," took a few minutes to get going with the yucks, but when Jim Parsons' Sheldon started folding, and re-folding his laundry in the scene with Kaley Cuoco's Penny, all was right with the show.

The seg really took off for me in the scene with Sheldon as he tries to bunk for the night with Simon Helberg's Wolowitz. (Helberg was very funny in his brief role in "Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog." Hopefully we'll see more of Moist in the sequel.)

The rapid-fire riffing on Sheldon's favorite Catwomen (No. 1: Julie Newmar; No. 2: Michelle Pfeiffer; No. 3: Eartha Kitt: No. 4: Lee Meriwether; No. 5: Halle Berry) and his "X-Men" character preferences reflected the oddball side of the show that grew on me like a fungus last season.

All in all, a fun, if not uproarious, opener penned by scribes Dave Goetsch and Steve Molaro (from story by co-creator/exec producer Bill Prady), and helmer Mark Cendrowski.

Welcome back, boys. And I say that as a Pasadena City College alum -- no kidding.

It was clear from the very first moments of the show, and now we have the quantitative ratings evidence that last night's Emmycast was a stinker. In adults 18-49, the show dropped 12% from last year, which was nothing to cheer about ratings-wise, to an average 3.8 rating/9 share, according to Nielsen prelims. All those stars and the Emmys couldn't even muster a 10 share? Wow.

In viewers, the three-hour ABC telecast averaged 12.2 million, down 6% from last year's 13.1 million. Viewership declined as the night went on and the most high-profile trophies were handed out. It peaked from 9-9:30 p.m. at 13.2 million, but by 10 p.m. it was down to 12.1 million, and by 10:30 it was 11.9 million. That's rejection folks.

With all due respect to Tom Bergeron, Heidi Klum, Howie Mandel, Jeff Probst and Ryan Seacrest, the idea of using five reality show hosts was a stinker, as were most of the show's scripted bits. And as the night wore on, the producers' haste at playing winners off before they'd barely gotten on the stage in the effort not to go long made it all play even worse. There was much complaining about it back stage -- justifiably so.

Sure, there'll be a lot of pontificating about low ratings generated on a night when the big series winners are shows that are watched by teensy-tiny slivers of the viewing aud, NBC's "30 Rock" and AMC's "Mad Men." But anyone who was there or watched it live heard the whoosh of channels changing about six minutes into the telecast and that nonsensical bit from the five hosts having "nothing" prepared. Frankly, even opening on a preachy note with Oprah Winfrey lecturing about the "power" of the medium was a little downbeat.

It's all water under the bridge to nowhere now. Let's chalk this one up to experience and try to do better next year.

5:02: It's started. Oprah Winfrey is speaking about the power of television. Guess we should pay attention. Television is medium that can "not just entertain us but educate us and often inspire us. It's putting our own lives in high-definition," she instructs.

5:04: Here come our hosts, Tom Bergeron, Heidi Klum, Howie Mandel, Jeff Probst qnd Ryan Seacrest come out in tuxes. Yes, Heidi's in a tux.

"We feel like the stepchild of TV. This is important to me. I wanted this to be special. This is my moment -- our moment," Mandel says.

Now they're into a bit about how they have nothing planned for the opening. And blaming Oprah for stealing their hifalutin stuff about television and Emmy's 60th anniversary.

"This is serious, this is not a bit," Mandel says. "We are like on Sarah Palin's bridge to nowhere."

5:06: Now they've left it to Tom and Heidi. Tom makes a joke about how Probst has never hosted a show "with indoor plumbing." Not terribly funny.

Now William Shatner has come on stage and ripped part of Heidi's tux off, now she's in sequined shorts. Still not funny. There was buzz going around Saturday's pre-Emmy parties that the five hosts were upset about how flat the opening sketch was. I believe it.

5:09: Another un-funny bit with presenters Tina Fey and Jane Krakowski Amy Poehler riffing on welcoming new countries to the live Emmycast simulcast in their native language.

Finally, our first winner. Jeremy Piven wins his third consecutive as supporting comedy actor for "Entourage." He deserves it, even if I was rooting for "Office's" Rainn Wilson. Piven is a classy guy, and whaddya know -- he references how lame the opening bit was. Tee hee.

"These are strange times for all of us. To be a working actor is an unbelievable gift. None of this is lost on me. Thank you," Piven said. First commercial break.

5:17: We're back, and into a segment about famous TV sets. Now we're in a "Seinfeld" clip, from "The Contest." At the top of the show? Why?

5:20: Wow, Jean Smart takes the supporting comedy actress nod for "Samantha Who." Not bad for a show that barely had a half-season in a strike-disrupted Emmy frame.

"The answer to the question 'Samantha Who' is Christina Applegate. She sets the tone for the most amazing brilliant cast in the world," Smart gushes. Now she's into her litany of thank-yous. Hey, ABC's Stephen McPherson gets the first exec shout-out of the night. And they're trying to play her off...

5:25: Heidi and Jeff are back. Heidi's in a frock, finally. Probst congratulates her on "Project Runway" success and she tells him she feels "verklempt." Who wrote this??

Now we're into a "Desperate Housewives" clip package.

5:28: Now the six "Housewives" stars are presenting the supporting drama actor award. They're pretending to be fighting each other for the spotlight while paying tribute to the show's homey atmosphere.

Zeljko Ivanek wins for supporting drama actor for "Damages." Thought it would be Ted Danson for the same show or Michael Emerson of "Lost." He's humble, and quick off the stage.

5:30: Now Ricky Gervais is smiling at us  -- telling us that he wasn't here last year "but I still won." He's giving us tips on giving a good acceptance speech. This leads into a clip package of memorable acceptance speeches.

Now Gervais is back needling Steve Carell from the stage -- remember Carell accepted Gervais' award for him last year. "I sat through 'Evan Almighty' -- give me my Emmy." Now Gervais has gone down to Carell in the audience and is trying to get his Emmy out of him. "Gimme the Emmy. Give it here."

5:35: Jeremy Piven is back stage. Looking sharp in pinstripes. Giving reporters some grief. He's asked what he meant about the opening being bad.

"I thought we were being punked as an audience. I was confused, there was that awkward moment...It was confusing, so there you have it."

He's asked the obligatory question about his third consecutive win and will he beat the record of five consecutive wins held by Don Knotts of "The Andy Griffith Show."

"To be honest with you that's all I'm focused on. There isn't a moment that goes by when I don't think 'When am I gonna take Don Knotts down?'"

Boy, Piven is going on and on. I can't hear the show -- only see it on the monitors. Looks like they're giving out the music/variety writing award right now.

"Colbert Report" wins. Good! The camera shows Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart embracing -- or was that a fist-bump?

"Oh Hollywood, all is forgiven," Colbert says. Then he gets earnest and gives out the thank-yous, including exec shout-outs to MTV Networks' Doug Herzog and Comedy Central's Michele Ganeless.

5:48: I'm told that while Piven was going on and on, Dianne Wiest won supporting drama actress for "In Treatment."

5:50: Now Steve Martin is doing the tribute to the Smothers Brothers. (He was a writer for their CBS variety show way back when.) "I'd come in in the morning and say "hi" to Tommy, and he'd say "How'd you know?" Martin recalls. Ah the good old days.

Martin notes that "The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour" was replaced by "Hee Haw." You do the math.

5:52: Now we have Jean Smart backstage. She gives a hearty hello to KTLA's Sam Rubin. They're gushing over each other. She's elaborating on her on-stage remarks about "Samantha Who" star Christina Applegate.  "I've never seen an actress so beloved by cast and crew as Christina...and that was before she hit some hard times."

I'm bummed that I can't hear Tommy Smothers getting his big moment on stage. Oh well, I'll catch up with it later.

Jean Smart's earring just fell off. That was far more interesting than the cliche questions she's getting about women over 30 in Hollywood and how she manages to work so much!

5:58: Zeljko Ivanek stops in back stage. He's asked if he felt the love of applause when he won. "I did feel that, it was amazing." This is the level of discourse we're getting here folks. That said, I'm happy for Ivanek. Yes, I thought the award should've gone to Michael Emerson of "Lost," but Ivanek's an old "Homicide" hand so...there you go.

6:02: Josh Groban is absolutely dying out there on stage doing a medley of TV theme songs. It's just not funny. I kinda feel sorry for him. Somebody thought this was a good idea.

6:04: Oh my god, Groban is doing "MASH's" theme "Suicide is Painless" as a Broadway show stopper. I'm not kidding.

6:06: Thank god that's over. Now Alec Baldwin is using his best PBS voice to present the award for lead longform actress. Laura Linney wins for "John Adams." Totally fair, she was good as Abigail Adams -- a truly great American.

"Tom Hooper you're a genius," she says of the "John Adams" director. Then Linney gives us the first overtly political quip of the night from a winner. The Emmy win for the Adams mini will remind her to "stop and pause and be so grateful for the community organizers that helped form our country." Don't think that was off the cuff!

6:14: A tribute to "Rowan and Martin's Laugh-in" features clips of contempo actors doing the "Sock it to me" line. Not trying to be overly critical here, but nothing so far has been funny.

Gary Owens and Lily Tomlin are reprising their roles as announcer and goofy telephone operator. And now other "Laugh-in" vets like Ruth Buzzi are presenting the variety/music/comedy series award, using the old "Laugh-in" windows set.

"The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" wins. Stewart does a pretty mean Arte Johnson impression as he's hugged by Joanne Worley, Ruth Buzzi and Lily Tomlin. "Very in-teresting." It's pretty much the highlight of his remarks -- remarkably dry for such a quick wit.

"This has been a remarkable run for us; we really do appreciate it. And I really look forward to the next administration ...whoever it is," Stewart says.

6:21: Barry Sonnenfeld wins the comedy directing Emmy for the "Pie-lette" of "Pushing Daisies." He gives exec shout-outs to Stephen McPherson and Warner Bros. TV's Peter Roth "for championing our show." "You should surround yourself with people who are smarter than you and you'll get a great show, and you'll get all the credit," Sonnenfeld says.

6:25: Tina Fey wins for comedy writing for "30 Rock." She's classy, giving props to her fellow "30 Rock" writing nominee Jack Burditt. She thanks him for writing the phrase "Never go with a hippie to a second location." Fey looks genuinely happy to win in the category.

"I would not have any of the other jobs I've had if I had not been a writer first," she says.

6:32: Martin Sheen has just delivered a get out and vote plug, in his Josiah Bartlet persona.

6:33: Kinda weird. TV Acad prexy John Shaffner seems to be delivering an apology for the biz for last season. He tells viewers that the creative community is "dedicated to bringing you a full season of television." OK...

6:36: "Recount" wins made-for-TV movie. Good. The Cinderella story of "Recount" writer Danny Strong is complete. Producer Paula Weinstein does the talking for the group, and she notes: "This belongs to the men and women on the ground in Florida fighting to count every vote. They'll be on the ground in November. So vote." She also mentions original "Recount" director Sydney Pollack, which garnered big applause from the room.

6:40: Barry Sonnenfeld is back stage and he's really coherent, thoughtful and humble about his "Pushing Daisies" win. He admits that a lot of time when he's in public he starts babbling about his penis, but this time around he was focused. He said he owed his award to "Daisies" creator Bryan Fuller ---always a nice touch from a helmer.

Asked by me about his shout-out to Warner Bros. TV's Peter Roth and the reports last season of friction between him and the studio, Sonnenfeld says it was all "a coup attempt" by an exec producer who's no longer on the show. Interesting. He says season two is coming along great -- the scripts are funnier, the cast is more in a groove. And they're taking care to make sure that viewers see Kristin Chenoweth's "firm and supple breasts" in the coming season.

6:45: While Sonnenfeld was talking, Jay Roach won for longform directing for "Recount." Kirk Ellis won the longform writing award for "John Adams." That's totally right, as far as I'm concerned. Ellis gives a shout-out to HBO execs Michael Lombardo and Colin Callender. And he makes mention of how happy he was to work on a project about "a period in our history when articulate men articulated complex thoughts in complete sentences." He tried to say something else but the camera whisked us into commercial break. I think the world of Kirk Ellis, having enjoyed his work and having seen him on the Emmy chitlin circuit the past few weeks.

6:54: Dame Eileen Atkins wins the longform supporting actress award for PBS' "Cranford." She's not there to accept. I hate to say it but nobody noticed.

6:56: Kathy Griffin is delivering a tribute to Don Rickles. "GET UP" she shouts to the crowd. Liveliest moment in the show so far. "The world hasn't seen a pairing like this since John McCain and Sarah Palin," Griffin observes. Somehow I'm thinking Griffin could've come up with something better, left to her own devices.

6:59: "The Amazing Race" wins its sixth consecutive Emmy for reality-competish program. Presenter Don Rickles is ad-libbing even as Bert Van Munster gives his thank-yous.

7:02: "John Adams" wins for miniseries. Zero surprise there. Tom Hanks gives a pointed shout-out to Chris Albrecht, and then Colin Callender, Michael Lombardo and Richard Plepler for believing in it, yada yada. As the orchestra plays, Hanks gets in a dig noting how the election between Jefferson and Adams was "full of lies, bitter partisanship and scandal. How great that we've come so far since then."

7:08: Neil Patrick Harris and Kristin Chenoweth are giving out the variety/music program individual perf award. Don Rickles gets it for the HBO docu "Mr. Warmth." He's a little subdued but tells a funny story of meeting his longtime agent, ICM's Jack Gilardi.

7:15: Surprising. Greg Yaitanes wins drama series directing for "House" over Alan Taylor for the "Mad Men" pilot. But now Matthew Weiner has just won for drama series writing for "Mad Men" pilot. "I guess I'm going to have to find something new to complain about," Weiner says.

7:23: Paul Giamatti wins lead longform actor for "John Adams." It's feeling like a very colonial night.

7:26: Alec Baldwin wins for lead comedy actor for "30 Rock." Gosh I wish I could hear him but the exec producers of "The Amazing Race" are yakking away.

7:27: Glenn Close wins lead drama actress for "Damages." John Landgraf of FX gets a shout-out.

7:38: SHOCK AND AWE. Bryan Cranston wins lead actor in a drama for AMC's "Breaking Bad." No offense but ... JON freakin' HAMM??? What the heck?? (Later, Cranston hints that he shared my reaction, to a degree. "I thought I was the dark horse. I should've been in the back of the pack," he said backstage.)

7:41: Tina Fey wins for comedy actress. "The Daily Show" winners are back here talking up their win, so we can't hear Tina. Jon Stewart says, "It's always great to come out and win. It's a long flight."

He's getting probing questions like "Why are politics and comedy so connected."

"It's the elevation of the rhetoric in comedy," Stewart says without missing a beat.

7:46: Now it's the "Colbert Report's" turn back stage. Colbert's mocking us for dumb questions. How does it feel to win an Emmy? "How does it feel? No wonder people don't trust the press," Colbert says.

Another reporter keeps hammering an annoying line of questioning, asking winners who they think should play the Obamas. To Colbert, she gives it a twist and asks who should play McCain and Palin.

Maybe me," Colbert says of Palin, "because I have absolutely no business being vice president."

7:50: "Survivor's" Jeff Probst wins the first Emmy for reality-competish host. Not to be rude, really, but doesn't he kinda do the least among the nominees (which were his co-hosts)? He gives a shout-out to CBS chief Leslie Moonves, and "Survivor" producer Mark Burnett.

7:52: Betty White is on stage, getting a round of applause. Without question the highlight of the show.

7:54: "30 Rock" wins for comedy series, second year in a row. Don Rickles is back stage talking. "I got this, what can you do to me?"

7:56: Well, thank goodness. "Mad Men" has won for drama series. I read Tom Selleck's lips announcing the winner, because Rickles is still talking.

Gracious, look at the size of that cast on stage behind Matt Weiner, and how good they all are. That's great television, ladies and gentlemen.

7:59: Paul Giamatti has finally made his way backstage. The "John Adams" folks truly deserved their makeup Emmys, because Giamatti looks anything but presidential. He really didn't think he was going to win. "Not an optimist," he said, sounding every bit like Harvey Pekar.

8:13: Here's the problem with the delay in getting winners back here. Greg Yaitanes, winner for drama series directing for "House," finally comes back but everyone's so busy finalizing their stories that they don't have time for him. He's about to leave with no questions asked, but then one well-meaning reporter comes up with one, but it happens to be about the WRITING for the show. "Well, I don't write the show..." Oh boy. At least he has his Emmy.

8:18: Kirk Ellis is backstage, with an Emmy in each hand. He's clearly miffed about getting played off stage so quick. "When I stood up they were already flashing the wrap-up sign....I love how we can have 30 minutes of the ceremony devoted to reality show hosts, but the people who create the work don't get any time to talk." That got a round of applause.

8:22: Jay Roach is now telling us what he would have said on stage had he been given the time."I wanted to say that 'Recount' was about the notion that democracy really does depend on fair elections. We don't want to have to go somewhere and do 'Recount II: The Sequel."

8:28: Jeff Probst is yakking back stage about his win for "Survivor." Even he knows the Emmy show was flat. "Did that opening bit work? Hell if I know." I think he knows.

8:29: Glenn Close is here, and she's putting up with some dumb questions. How does winning an Emmy compare to winning an Oscar. "I've never won an Oscar." But she's taking the high road. "It really is the ride of my career," she says of "Damages." "It's as good as any part I'd find in a feature film."

9:01: "Mad Men" cast is in the house. They look even better up close. Matthew Weiner looks a little subdued, actually, maybe it's relief. What a build up. Jon Hamm is getting a lot of questions, and I couldn't help but notice that January Jones downed at least one flute of champagne while standing there looking gorgeous.

The actors really do look like they like each other. "I have this amazing cast, and none of them were asked to present tonight," Weiner observed.

"It is fun to dress up and smoke and drink in play land," Hamm admits when pressed about all the boozing and smoking and philandering in "Mad Men."

More to come, but it's time to hit the parties...

(Pics by Mathew Imaging/WireImage.com)

Lotsa fun to be had out on the red carpet at the Nokia. Where else are you going to see moments like William Shatner apologizing to Glenn Close for stepping on the train of her dress? Melora Hardin and Tina Fey complimenting each other on their shows and predicting that each other's would win the top comedy prize.

Plenty of actors seemed to come in character, like most of the "Mad Men" troupe. Couldn't help but notice that Elisabeth Much Moss and Vincent Kartheiser came together -- Elisabeth looking lovely in silver sequins.

Christina Hendricks (pictured left) could stop traffic -- or more accurately, start traffic -- in a gorgeous emerald green clingly thing with a drop-dead neckline. Even her jeweled strappy heels were gorgeous.

Didn't get to see Jon Hamm or January Jones, but Bryan Batt (Salvatore), Michael Gladis (Paul) and Rich Sommer (Harrry) all came together, and in character it seemed (Gladis sported a silk polka dot scarf).

Most fun was running into Stephen Colbert, who was bragging about how he goes way back with Sarah Palin. "Sarah and I go way back together. We used to hunt together. She's all truthiness."

Most enlightening was running into Emilie de Ravin from "Lost." "Claire's not dead," she said when I gave her my condolensces. She won't be in the first few episodes of the fifth season, but "she's not dead." She said it twice so it must be true. Phew.

Brooke Shields (pictured right) is channeling Rita Hayworth tonight. She looked stunning with flowing curls and a maroon frilly dress. Va va voom.

OK, trying not to be a total grouch here yet but the press set-up at the Nokia Theater for the Emmycast seems less than ideal.

We're in a tent above a parking garage that feels like it's a mile away from the theater and the red carpet. For people like me who were high heels once, maybe twice a year, that's a problem. I'm wondering how they're going to get the winners back here for quippage. Golf carts?

OK, I'll stop complaining and head back to the red carpet. Here's some early arrivals snaps: Ricky Gervais (top right), "Lost's" Jorge Garcia and Leslie David Baker and Phyliss Smith of "The Office."

Wouldn't you just love to know what Don Rickles and Kathy Griffin were talking about backstage at the Nokia yesterday during the final rehearsals for tonight's Emmycast!?! Maybe we can get it out of one of them at on the party circuit later tonight.

Nice to see that Lauren Conrad of "The Hills" (pictured right) got some extra practice on presenting technique.

It's now T-minus six hours and counting, and I'm just about to start making myself look presentable (it'll take a while). I'm heading down to the Nokia around 1:30 with Bill Higgins, Variety's intrepid red carpet warrior. If technology doesn't fail me, the first on-the-scene dispatch should come around 2:30 or 3 p.m., or as soon as something worth writing about happens.

Until then, enjoy this pic below of the first lady of television, the great Betty White, at Saturday's rehearsal.

(Pics by Mathew Imaging/WireImage.com)

We're in full-fledged countdown-to-Emmys mode now.

Show producers are putting the finishing touches on the stage and red carpet for the Emmycast's debut at the Nokia Theater. HBO's small army of party mavens are busy recreating Rio de Janeiro at the Pacific Design Theater. (HBO's bash will have a Brazilian theme, for no particular reason other than it's festivo.)

The TV aficionados in Variety's newsroom could not be more enthralled with the new season of "Mad Men," so you know who we're rooting for on Sunday night -- not that every nominee doesn't deserve to win and it's an honor to be nominated...sincerely. (And I've been very torn about it because "Lost" is also up for the big drama series prize, but as much as I dug "Lost" this past season, my gut tells me "Mad Men" deserves the gold this year.)

So watch this space starting at midday Sunday for dispatches from the red-carpet scene Nokia, and live blog color commentary on the main event starting at 5 p.m.

With any luck, the Emmycast will be so entertaining that at the end we'll all rise up and shout: "It's toasted!"

(Pictured above, from left, Emmycast producer Danette Herman, TV Acad chairman John Schaffner, Emmycast exec producer Ken Ehrlich, producer Ron Basile and helmer Louis Horvitz. Pictured below, from left, Emmy hosts Ryan Seacrest, Heidi Klum, Jeff Probst, Tom Bergeron and Howie Mandel)

"Mad Men" fanatics alert: Some swell tidbits were shared by series creator/exec producer Matthew Weiner and his assistant-turned-staff-writer Robin Veith during Wednesday night's panel sesh with Emmy-nommed writers at the Writers Guild Theater in BevHills.

Most awesome, to my ears, was the anecdote that Veith shared about the unforgettable scene in the seg toward the end of season one where a stressed-out Betty Draper shocks her children by picking up a BB gun to shoot the neighbors pigeons as they fly overhead against a postcard-perfect blue sky. The neighbor had threatened to shoot the Draper's new puppy after the dog got a hold of one of the pigeons.

Veith vividly remembers being a shocked at the age of 7 or 8 while growing up in "farm town Maryland"  when her own mother did the very same thing after her dog, Boo, snapped the neck of a pigeon kept by their very unpopular neighbor -- whose birds were the scourge of their cul-de-sac.

"It was the greatest thing I'd ever seen," Veith said, with obvious pride.

Veith (pictured left) gave us another insight relating to an element in this season's segs that has generated a ton of commentary in "Mad Men" blog-o-sphere.

"Sally Draper mixing cocktails for her parents -- that was me," Veith said, noting that daiquiris were among her specialties. There was a momentary hush in the aud.

Another funny bit relating to a plot point from the first-season finale, "The Wheel," for which Veith and Weiner (pictured above) are nommed (Weiner's also up for the pilot): Weiner bought an actual "Relaxercizer" machine that he found in a thrift store more than three years ago, before "Mad Men" was even set up at AMC, with the idea that he would use it in the show one day.

"That's how I work," he said.

Here's a made-for-Internet series with potential.

"Dating Brad Garrett," produced by Sony Pictures TV for Sony's Crackle.com vid site, is pretty much what it sounds like -- a dating contest for the star of "Til Death" and alum of "Everybody Loves Raymond." Garrett, newly divorced, and not for the first time, will go on a 10 blind dates with women culled from vid submissions gathered during the summer.

The Final 10 were selected by a panel of judges that include Garrett's mother, Barbara Ames (who appears to have been an actress in the '40s and '50s), his first ex-wife, his urologist and his exterminator. New installments will be posted every Monday night on Crackle.com.

The first seg, which bowed this week, seems like it could have been funnier and punchier, but I'll give "Dating Brad Garrett" at least one more shot. The submission vids posted on the show's home page are entertaining, as are the snippets with the judges, particularly his mom.

I've always liked Garrett -- "Raymond" wouldn't have been the show it was without him -- but if even half of the stories about him being, er, high-maintenance on the job are true, then I'm guessing these gals are in for quite an experience.

Why is Garrett doing this? After all, he's gainfully employed, which is more than a lot of sitcom-types can say these days. (It's also interesting, perhaps telling, to see Sony putting time and money into beefing up the original fare on Crackle.)

It's an act of desperation, Garrett explains in the first seg (posted below). "My social life mirrors my movie career -- I'm picky and not in demand," he explains.

Posted by Kathy Lyford

I've watched a lot of television in my life but I do not believe I've ever seen a series so intricately complex and painstakingly crafted as "Mad Men." Not a detail is left to chance. It is therefore very difficult to recap. Forgive me for the length of this post.

This episode is all about the women and, with the help of outstanding performances from January Jones, Elisabeth Moss and  Christina Hendricks, we see the ladies' facades start to crumble.

Let's start with Betty.

It's been an undetermined amount of time since Jimmy Barrett let Betty in on the secret that their respective spouses have been involved in more than just business. We open with her, clearly frustrated, taking an early morning ride on her horse. And it must have been very early because she returns home to find Don still in bed. He's in a playful mood, even calling her "Birdy" at one point, but she's having none of it. She's as cold as the ice in one of his cocktails.

Preparations are under way for the big dinner party the Drapers are throwing for Rogers and Cowan exec Crab Colson and his lush of a wife Petra, the Sterlings and Duck. Much as she will later confront her troubled marriage, Betty confronts a wobbly dining chair, deciding in the end that it's easier to dismantle it than fix it. It struck me during this scene how utterly accustomed to dysfunction Sally and Bobby have become as they watch with mild curiosity as their mother destroys the offending furniture before they just go back to watching TV.

Well, here we are at the Nokia Theater for the Creative Arts Emmy ceremony.

Thanks to hosts Neil Patrick Harris and Sarah Chalke (getting cheeky at right), we've already gotten in one good gag about SAG and AFTRA reps beating each other up. And we have our first winners: FX's "Damages," for drama series casting; NBC's "30 Rock" for comedy series casting, and HBO's "John Adams," for longform casting.

Sarah Silverman presented the casting nods. She looks good, very low-key in a off-white tutu-ish frock.

Thesp Glynn Turman (pictured left) just won the guest actor in a drama series for his turn on "In Treatment." He looked surprised, and joked about how he can't read during the day because he went to night school. Backstage, Turman just told us that his wife has nixed his idea of "welding (the award) to the front of my car."

"Pushing Daisies" star Lee Pace, who's up for lead comedy actor honors at next week's main event, has handed out the costume awards: "John Adams" took the longform trophy, while Showtime's "Tudors" won for series. Lead "Tudors" costume maven Joan Bergin admitted "I'm gobsmacked at how much I wanted to win again."

Whoo-hoo, Showtime's "Tracey Ullman's State of the Union" has won for non-prosthetic makeup for a single-camera series. They surely earned it for their work on the comedienne of 1000 faces.

After the "Tudors" and "State of the Union" wins, Showtime prexy Robert Greenblatt led the on-stage exec shout-out derby early on with three mentions from winners, but HBO's Sheila Nevins pulled it out in the end with at least four (after about three hours I lost track).

Everyone in the backstage area is excited because Tom Hanks is in the house. He's pictured here in the green room with "Grey's Anatomy's" James Pickens Jr. Hanks is going to present the Governors kudo to National Geographic Channel.

"Mad Men" just picked up its first-ever Emmy win, hairstyling for a single-camera series. Just think of the work that goes into Joan's beehive alone. And this just in: "Mad Men" also wins for main title design.

Thankfully, the buzzed-about "Jimmy Kimmel Live" video "I'm F---ing Matt Damon" won't go home empty-handed. It's just won the honor for picture editing of clip packages for talk, performance, award or reality-competition program, in a tie with "American Idol." And for what it's worth, Sarah Silverman's "I'm F---ing Matt Damon" beat out her former beau's "I'm F---ing Ben Affleck" in the category.

In the cutter competish, the series editing nods have gone to "Pushing Daisies," for its "Pie-lette," and to AMC's "Breaking Bad." Bravo's "Top Chef" prevailed in the cutting for reality programming. HBO's "Autism: The Musical" won for editing for nonfiction programming.

OK -- I've got nothing against Jim Dooley, who just won the music composition for a series award for his work on "Pushing Daisies" -- really I don't. I liked "Pushing Daisies." But week in and week out there's no better series score on TV than the work Michael Giacchino does for ABC's "Lost," who was also nommed in the category. Oh well.

Ooh. Big political moment at the ceremony from Jeff Beal, who won for longform music composition for his work on TNT's Cold War era miniseries "The Company." Noting that the mini was about political shenanigans of an earlier era, he said: "After eight years of eight years of insanity, violations of human rights, censorship and unprovoked war, it is my hope that in November we'll move toward being a country that will be worthy of (lofty) aspirations again." Of course, the orchestra was furiously trying to play him off, but Beal got a big round of applause from the room.

Oh how cool. Sarah Silverman's willingness to sacrifice a Saturday to be a presenter today has really paid off. Her "I'm F---ing Matt Damon" vid from ABC's "Jimmy Kimmel Live" won a second award, this time for original music and lyrics. Silverman couldn't resist a reference to her ex, Kimmel, as she reeled off a list of thank yous.

"And to the person for which this whole video was made -- Jimmy Kimmel -- who broke my heart, um, who'll always have a place in my heart," Silverman said with a grin. Good for her. (Sarah's pictured at right, accepting with her fellow tunesmiths.)

Very classy: Seth Green has just delivered a nice tribute to two giants who recently passed: animator Bill Melendez and voice over titan Don LaFontaine. And then Green handed out the animation awards. Fox's "The Simpsons" added another one to its trophy case, for the seg "Eternal Moonshine of the Simpson Mind," in the category of animated programming under an hour. Comedy Central's "South Park" won in the hour-or-more category for the seg "Imaginationland."

More class: Tom Hanks is saluting National Geographic for its "Preserve Our Planet" eco-initiative in presenting the Governors Award.

"With National Geographic's help our planet will be a better place for our kids," Hanks assured.

Kind of a funny juxtaposition and many hundreds of years difference in the f/x competish. Sci Fi Channel's "Battlestar Galactica" got the win for series f/x, no surprise there. In the longform heat, it was HBO's "John Adams."

"Galactica" later captured the award for short-form live-action entertainment program (whatever that is) for Sci Fi Channel.com's "Razor Featurette No. 4." "Well, frak me," "Galactica" captain Ron Moore said in accepting his gold.

Jenna Fischer looked great as she presented a slew of sound mixing awards -- all of them with three-line category names. "Wow, I wish they would give me this many lines on my show," Fischer quipped, sounding every bit like her "Office" alter-ego Pam.

It was also nice to see a bit of proud L.A. TV history on stage, as Klaus Landsberg won as part of the sound mixing team for variety, music series or special, for his work on the 50th annual Grammycast. Landsberg is the son of a genuine TV legend (with the same name), Klaus Landsberg, the genius behind KTLA-TV, back in the mid-'40s when it was a futuristic experiment housed in a closet on the Paramount lot.

"Mad Men" creator Matthew Weiner got a burst of applause and he wasn't even on stage. But when the series picked up another trophy, for cinematography for a one-hour series, d.p. Phil Abraham gave him a shout-out, call him "my great friend and fantastic boss, whose passion is completely infectious and made us all rise to the occasion and do the best we possibly could." Abraham won for the "Mad Men" pilot, which marked his first victory after five noms.

Oh boy, we're getting to the when-will-it-end point.

Awwww, good for Kathy Griffin. She bags the reality program award for the second year in a row for Bravo's "Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List." (There's still the reality-competish category to come next week on the main event, don't forget.)

And Tim Conway closes our three-and-a-half-hour Emmy extravaganza on a goofy note as he wins comedy series guest star (his sixth career Emmy, btw) for his visit to NBC's "30 Rock."

Noting that it feels like he's been in the theater "since 1918," Conway accidentally stabbed himself with the wings of the Emmy trophy and walked off the stage with a wave.

Gordon Ramsay fell in love yesterday -- with a Bloody Mary sorbet.

"I was slightly dubious about it" at first, he confessed, noting that it is seasoned with Tabasco sauce. "Now I'm over the moon. It's working brilliantly."

Ramsay shared this morsel during a phone chat yesterday afternoon (he was somewhere in England) to talk about the mega renewal deal he's just inked with Fox for two more seasons of "Hell's Kitchen" and "Kitchen Nightmares," plus a blind series commitment and plans for a  live "cook-along-with-Gordon" special sometime in the coming season.

That's a lot for a guy who's already hosting multiple shows in the U.K. and running a growing portfolio of Ramsay-branded restaurants.

"It's a happy problem," Ramsay assures. "I take it all very seriously, and I have an amazing (production) team behind it all."

Mike Darnell, Fox's prexy of alternative programming and Ramsay's biggest fan on this side of the Atlantic, is in awe of Ramsay's work ethic. He doesn't just host "Hell's Kitchen" and "Kitchen Nightmares"; he is those shows, Darnell says.

"Unlike a regular reality show host comes in, does his job and leaves -- these are incredibly demanding television shows for Gordon," Darnell says. "On 'Nightmares,' he spends four-to-five days in each city. He's on camera 12 hours a day. This is a hard-working man."

Yikes. Rough start last night for Fox's new sitcom "Do Not Disturb."

Show that was pretty well batted around by crix drew 4.9 million viewers and 2.0 rating/5 share in adults 18-49 in the 9:30 p.m. berth, according to prelim Nielsens. "Do Not Disturb" sank from its "Til Death" lead-in (6.4 mil, 2.4/7), which in turn gave up significant ground from a solid lead-in from 8 p.m. drama "Bones" (8.9 million, 2.9/8).

"Do Not Disturb" wasn't quite in "Anchorwoman" territory -- the comedy Fox yanked after one woefully low-rated airing last August -- but it's not a promising preem, by any means.

Overall, NBC won the night with another two-hour installment of "America's Got Talent" (11.5 mil, 2.8/8).

Meanwhile, in late night, Barack Obama's visit to "The Late Show with David Letterman" pushed Letterman to a narrow win over "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno." "Late Show" polled a 4.1 household rating/10 share in Nielsen's 55 overnight metered markets to "Tonight's" 3.9/10. Craig Ferguson's "Late Late Show" squeaked past "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" by an even tighter margin (1.9/7 vs. 1.8/6).

Ever wanted to pose a question to "Desperate Housewives" creator Marc Cherry?

Well, Season Pass maven Kathy Lyford has a contest for you. Click here for the details.

Lots of pre-Emmy events coming up in the next week. On the heels of Saturday's Creative Arts ceremony (start time: 2:30 -- no kidding), the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences in hosting a bash for this year's producer nominees on Sunday at Social Hollywood....

The Writers Guild of America West hosts its usual panel featuring writing nominees on Wednesday (Sept. 17) at the WGA Theater in BevHills. Slated to appear for the jawboning sesh moderated by Larry Wilmore are Kirk Ellis ("John Adams"); Bryan Fuller pictured left ("Pushing Daisies"); Danny Strong ("Recount"); and Matthew Weiner and Robin Veith ("Mad Men")...

Meanwhile, Josh Groban is warming up his pipes to deliver a tribute to television theme songs during the Sept. 21 Emmycast on ABC. (Nevermind that theme songs are nearly extinct these days -- one more reason we fell for "The Big Bang Theory" last season.) Emmy exec producer Ken Ehrlich promises Groban (pictured right) will perform a "once-in-a-lifetime medley" of tube tunes, including the themes from "Friends," "The Simpsons" and "The Brady Bunch."

Craig Ferguson was in fine form on Wednesday's edition of CBS' "The Late Late Show."

He's never better than when he's fired up about some great big only-in-America topic, and tonight he was just that -- worked up about the state of the presidential horse race and the media coverage of it hath wrought.

Ferguson was so worked up his rant spilled over from the monologue into the first post-commercial segment. There were jokes squeezed in here and there, but you can see it in his eyes -- this newly minted U.S. citizen is seriously upset about the state of the discourse in the campaign and how much of a turn-off it is for so many eligible voters.

Do you know what bothers me is every election year you get the voter registration drives aimed at the young people. “Rock the Vote” or “The Vote is Crackalackin” or “Think the Vote,” “Music the Vote," “The Vote, The Vote, The Vote!”

Are we so lost we have to be sold our own democratic right? What the hell is wrong with us?  What is going on? We have to sexy-up the vote for young people?  ...

Listen, here is what I am saying to you, if you don’t vote, you’re moron. “Not voting is a vote” – no it isn’t!! Not voting is just being stupid.

Voting is not sexy.  Voting is not hip. It is not fashionable.  It is not a movie.  It is not a videogame, all the kids are doing it. Frankly, voting is a pain in the ass. But here is a word, look it up, it’s your duty to vote!

The foundation in this democracy is based on free people making free choices. So young people if you can’t take your hand out of your bag of Cheetos long enough to fill out a form, then you can’t complain when we wind up with President Sanjaya.

I agree with almost everything he had to say -- save for a bit of blanket media bashing that I can't subscribe to  -- but his underlying point was something that anyone who cares about this country can get behind. Get out and vote. No excuses, just make up your mind and vote on Nov. 4.

Ferguson pushed this point so hard on what he called "the grumpy political edition of the show" that held up a voter registration card on air and promised to give one to every member of the studio audience on their way out of the door.

It is kinda your IQ form on whether you can vote. All you have to do is fill in some pretty tough questions – names, address, when you were born, telephone – if you have a phone.

You can put, “I decline to state a political party.” I would do that if I were you, you know why? Just to be ornery. And then you just sign it and send it away and you get to be a part of the democracy that we live in....What I am saying is, please do me the honor of being my fellow Americans and vote.

With an invitation like this, from a charming Scotsman who is head over heels in love with his adopted home, how could anyone say no?

"Fringe" got off to a surprisingly modest start for Fox last night.

It did respectable business, for sure, for a new show, winning the night for Fox in the adults 18-49 derby. But for all the promotion Fox gave it and for J.J. Abrams standing in the sci-fi/fantasy TV world, you would've expected more people to show up for the first seg.

Airing from 8-9:35 p.m., "Fringe" averaged about 9 million viewers and a 3.2 rating/9 share in adults 18-49, according to prelim Nielsens. The good news is that viewers didn't flee from the show at the half-hour marks. And "Fringe" will get a boost next week when it airs at 9 p.m. with a lead-in from the mighty "House."

Meanwhile, folks over at the CW have to be satisfied, if not overjoyed, with the second-week perf of "90210" and the debut of "Privileged." "90210" fell to 3.3 million viewers from last week's 4.9 million. "Privileged" hung in there at 9 p.m. with 2.9 million. And "90210" may yet see an uptick next week. Last night, the first-season finale of ABC Family's summer success "The Secret Life if the American Teenager" (still awaiting those numbers) aired opposite "90210," which surely put a dent in the teen and young femme turnout for CW.

Variety ratings guru Rick Kissell has all the details on last night's numbers right here.

** Spoiler alert ** Don't read this if you're a "Swingtown" fan and haven't seen the finale.

Kudos to "Swingtown's" creative stewards for wrapping up the series last week in a satisfying a way. Instead of the pulling out the old trick of "let's leave 'em on a cliffhanger so the fans will raise a ruckus for renewal," exec producers Mike Kelley, Alan Poul and Carol Barbee gave us conclusions for the show's three central couples: Susan and Bruce Miller, Janet and Roger Thompson and the fun-loving Trina and Tom Decker.

So the real cliffhanger for viewers is: Does "Swingtown" go down as a 13-part miniseries -- beach reading for the summer of '08 -- or does it get an eleventh-hour renewal?

(Read another take on "Swingtown" from Brian Cochrane on Variety's Season Pass blog.)

Lots of intrigue, if not a whole lot of action, in this "Mad Men" seg, "The Gold Violin."

For all the plot seeds that appear to have been planted in this hour, the one image that really stuck with me in this seg -- penned by the quartet of Jane Anderson, Andre Jacquemetton, Maria Jacquemetton and Matthew Weiner and helmed by Andrew Bernstein -- was the shot of the Drapers packing up from their picnic. Litterbugs! Miscreants! Eco-terrorists!

It was one of those moments that  that took advantage of "Mad Men" being a period drama to get us to thinking about how far we've come in our attitudes about how we treat Mother Earth. It was bad enough that Don crumples up his beer can and pitches it as far as he can into the bucolic setting where this increasingly estranged family has stopped for a respite.

But when Betty shakes out their picnic blanket, letting the paper and food trash hit the grass without even giving it a second thought -- I shuddered. Yes, I know, the mind-set was very different back then -- interesting to note that Rachel Carson's "Silent Spring" was published in 1962, same year as we're in on "Mad Men."

Still, I gotta believe plenty of people back then would've naturally been inclined to tidy up after themselves, if only because it's the right thing to do. I think trashing the countryside is a sign of Betty's growing detachment from reality. Certainly, she's becoming the ice queen as far as her children are concerned -- she seems to treat them more like a nuisance. It's quite a 180 from the picture-perfect mom she was striving to be in season one.

But let's back up a bit. I think the overarching theme of this seg is about materialism and the moral decay that conspicuous consumption represents.

Don buys his Cadillac and seems to worship it like a lover because he thinks it signals he's arrived. Bertram Cooper shells out $10,000 for a Rothko painting, not because he likes the red "smudgy squares," as new-girl Jane puts, but because he thinks it'll double its value in just a few years.

Ken Cosgrove, in his "Far From Heaven"-esque visit to Salvatore and Kitty's home for dinner, spells it out during their discussion the inspiration for his latest short story, and the title of this episode. "It was perfect in every way, except it couldn't make music," Ken tells them of the gilded fiddle he saw on display as an objet d'arte the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

By Bobbie Whiteman

I'm one of the privileged few who were at the Kodak Theater in Hollywood, home of the Academy Awards ceremony, on Friday evening to watch dozens of celebs vying for a prize more precious than an Oscar -- a cure for cancer.

I felt doubly privileged to be there because, on April 10, 2007, my persistent back pain was finally traced to five tumors that had made themselves at home along my spine plus one in my brain, though, thankfully, not in a part that I actually use.

The prognosis wasn't good but thanks to the doctors at Cedars-Sinai and UCLA, who still don't agree on the actual diagnosis for this rather obscure cancer, I'm still here.

No wonder, then, that I found the hourlong "Stand Up to Cancer" fundraiser, broadcast commercial free by ABC, NBC and CBS, painful, joyful, educational, emotional and inspirational. And I felt honored that so many celebrities, medical specialists, their patients and families would give their time to help others to fight, and more importantly, survive cancer.

The harrowing stories of so many who had lost their struggle, which had me fighting back the tears, were balanced by the heartwarming and inspirational stories of survivors, often told by themselves.

I defy anyone not to have been moved by a beautiful little girl who, after enduring radiation and chemotherapy, managed to smile and say she just concentrated on "just making it through another day." It was a pleasure to see her joy at meeting her screen idol, Abigail Breslin (pictured above).

The numbers presented made terrifying reading. An American is diagnosed with cancer every 20 seconds, one dies every 60 seconds.But there are 12 million survivors out there -- from Lance Armstrong (pictured left), speaking from U.S. Cellular Field (home to the Chicago White Sox), to Patrick Swayze, still battling pancreatic cancer, who kicked off the show in the auditorium.

I was heartened by the reports from scientists very hopeful of finding a cure, an actual cure, in the next three to five years -- if they have the money to speed up the process.

Very classy. With Laura Ziskin at the helm, ABC, CBS and NBC pulled off a historic simultaneous telecast devoted to raising money for cancer research and awareness among viewers of the importance of early-detection tests for the disease that claims 550,000 Americans every year.

"Stand Up to Cancer" was part telethon and part tribute to the millions of famous and ordinary folks who have battled cancer in its many forms. The hourlong, commercial-free special, originating from Hollywood's Kodak Theater, was notable for featuring a joint-emcee appearance by the Big Three news anchors -- Charlie Gibson, Katie Couric and Brian Williams -- and appearances by a gaggle of celebs. Presidential contenders John McCain and Barack Obama sent in vids, as did producers of "The Simpsons."

All in all, an uplifting hour that harnessed the awesome power of the medium on behalf of a most worthy cause. Kudos to Ziskin (pictured below with Ellen DeGeneres), a cancer survivor herself, for joining with Sherry Lansing, the Entertainment Industry Foundation and other organizers to make it happen.

(More pics after the jump. Below right: Jennifer Garner, Evan Handler and Scarlett Johansson)

God, this is good stuff. Scribe Ian Parker has penned a heck of a profile of "30 Rock" star Alec Baldwin for this week's New Yorker. There's a bit of requisite NBC bashing in there, of course some discussion of the fateful voice mail message he left for his daughter last year, but the best stuff is really the stream-of-Baldwin-consciousness that he lets flow, and flow, and flow (see below). I'm rooting for Baldwin in the Emmy lead comedy actor competish this year, for obvious reasons.

“I always think, What if you just took your hand off the wheel, and slowly, over time, it all went away, and your life became about, you know, ‘Is the mail here yet?’ I always think about that.” But this dream of disengagement quickly gave way: in the space of a few minutes, sitting in weak sun on a New Jersey driveway, smoking a cigarette, Baldwin imagined himself as the restaurant critic of the Times; the proprietor of an inn near Syracuse; and the presenter of a classical-music show on public radio. “I could do that,” he said, and he wasn’t exactly joking. He cares about classical music; he began to take an interest in his twenties. (Perhaps not surprisingly, he adores Mahler and can’t quite see the point of Mozart.) “To sit there in the studio and just say”—a rich radio voice—“ ‘And now Tchaikovsky’s Symphony No. 6, with Charles Dutoit and the Montreal Symphony Orchestra.’ Click. Hit a button, and then you sit back and listen, and they pay you for that. And I can’t imagine they pay you as much as the movies, but to me it’s getting to that point where there’s just something else I want to do. I don’t know what it is. I’m tired of being somebody else. I spend the waking hours of my life saying things that other people think and say and do. And behaving as someone else. I’m tired of it. I want to be me! I want to be myself!”

Friday update: Well, 38.9 million viewers disagreed with me. That's how many checked out McCain's speech in the 10 p.m. hour, marking a 500,000 viewer gain over Dem nominee Barack Obama's speech last week.

I guess it is a generational thing.

Sarah Palin was MTV in her widely viewed veep nomination acceptance speech -- fast-paced and full of cuts and jabs, zingers and flash. For tonight's main event at the Republican National Convention, John McCain was a Hallmark Channel movie -- well-produced but utterly predictable, sticking with a formula that plays well the target aud.

For a guy who's billing himself as a "maverick," McCain TV didn't seem to veer far from the traditional GOP campaign themes of recent elections: national security, taming big government, tax cuts, school choice, Washington insiders (bad), love of this great country (good), and protecting the health care system from a bogeyman in the guise of "a bureaucrat standing between you and your doctor."

In fairness, McCain's long speech was notably free of culture-vulture saber-rattling and hammering on some other wedge issues. But even the theme of the night, as plastered all over the St. Paul convention hall, "Country First," served as a constant reminder that watch out -- the other guys are putting something other than their Love of Country first in this campaign.

"I'm not running for president because I think I'm blessed with such personal greatness that history has anointed me to save our country in its hour of need," McCain said toward the end of his nearly 50-minute address. "My country saved me."

McCain has never been accused of being a great public speaker. His delivery is a halting and he's got a habit of pausing a little too long before flashing a toothy smile to punctuate his applause lines. He used a bunch of them during the overly long Candidate's Cut of his speech.

By the time he got to his "stand up and fight with me" closing, he frankly sounded more winded than fiery. (My husband gave up long before, and went into another room to catch Gordon Ramsay's "Kitchen Nightmares" special on Fox.)

But I can't help it -- I have long had a soft spot for John McCain. It was much softer during the 2000 campaign, when it felt like he was actually trying to challenge his party's orthodoxy, than it is today. Still, there's no denying that his story as a war hero and Hanoi Hilton survivor is admirable and inspirational. He is a Great American, imbued with the honor, courage, dignity and patriotism that the other convention speakers lauded him for.

But does he still qualify as a maverick? By his demeanor and delivery, it felt like he was sticking to the script for the most part on Thursday.

No matter what you think of her politics, there's no denying that Sarah Palin's speech tonight at the Republican National Convention made for great television.

The woman can throw a verbal punch, and she was probably extra pugnacious tonight because of the going-over she and her family have endured this week. She clearly responded to the roar of the crowd, loosening up and losing her caribou-in-the-headlights look and ramrod-straight posture as she went on. It was fascinating watching her work through this make-or-break moment in her relatively brief time on the national stage.

Of the many crowd-pleasing zingers Palin lobbed at Barack Obama, the one that that probably stood out to the ears of showbizzers was her reference to Obama's set design choices for his coronation speech last week.

"But when the cloud of rhetoric has passed ... when the roar of the crowd fades away ... when the stadium lights go out, and those Styrofoam Greek columns are hauled back to some studio lot - what exactly is our opponent's plan?" she said, with a snide emphasis on "some studio lot."

The parsing and analyzing of what Palin did and did not accomplish in her big moment will go on ad nauseum in the next few days, as will the slicing and dicing of her personal and professional life. Former "Daily Show" dude Mo Rocca made me laugh out loud with his observation on "CBS Evening News'" post-speech webcast that the most intriguing part of her perf came at the end when Palin's youthful family joined their self-described "hockey mom" on stage. 

"It was like the cast of 'Alaska 90210,'" he said. So true, and with just as many plot twists, eh?

I also couldn't stop thinking about how Tina Fey could probably do a hell of a Palin impersonation were she still on "Saturday Night Live." And with the brunette Palin favoring a slight beehive and Cindy McCain going for the Farrah Fawcett look, I'm thinking if this White House bid doesn't work out there's gotta be a conservative-themed "Charlie's Angels" remake in the works, no? Maybe Curtis Nowrasteh is available.

Sarah Palin has been the gift that keeps on giving as far as latenight joksters are concerned.

Anne Thompson has posted a LOL roundup of all the Palin quips that have flown during the past few nights. I got a kick out of the clips of Palin in her big-hair local TV sportscasting days, but my favorite Palin find on YouTube so far is a vidclip that she sent into to CBS' "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" in June of last year, when Craig was on his campaign to become an honorary citizen in every city in the U.S. (That was before he became a full-bodied citizen of the U.S. of A. earlier this year.)

Palin sent in a vid message to "Late Late Show" in June making Craig an honorary citizen of Alaska. "This is God's country," she informs him. She invites him to come up to the wilderness and "we'll show you what fishing's all about. We'll let you partake of rich, succulent wild Alaskan salmon."

Ferguson demonstrates the sharpness of his observational skills in asking his aud, "Is it just me or do you get a kind of naughty-librarian vibe from the governor?"

The pipes still work at CW. "90210's" two-hour opener wins the night for CW in all of the demos it cares about, even adults 18-49 (2.6/7). Total viewership for the two hour stood at 4.9 million, and the numbers went the right way (up) at the half-hour marks. And of course, the numbers will likely rise when the delayed DVR viewing during the next few days is factored in.

All told, CW was hailing its highest-rated scripted series preem ever and a bunch of other records, as Variety ratings guru Rick Kissell reports. Good for them. Let's hope 70%-plus of these folks come back for more next week.

With the dawn of "90210," we are off and running with the 2008-09 television season. It's been noted a few million times in the past week or so in the preamble coverage that this campaign is a crucial one for the two-year-old CW, but in truth it's a big one for the netlet's older sibs as well.

The Big Four have a lot to prove this fall after the strikus interruptus of the '07-'08 campaign. Let's not forget that even when the major nets' big scripted guns returned to the skeds in March and April, viewership was down precipitously for most shows. The biz is holding its collective breath in the hopes that auds will settle back into something like their normal routines as the cycle begins anew this month. Certainly, it is true that long-absent shows like ABC's "Pushing Daisies" and "Dirty Sexy Money" and NBC's "Life" and "Lipstick Jungle" are much closer to being newcomers for the vast majority of the aud than sophomore players at this pre-launch moment.

For the sake of Our Town, let's hope that decent starts in the holiday-light viewing zone of Labor Day for CW's "Gossip Girl," Fox's "Prison Break" and NBC's "America's Toughest Jobs" -- not to mention TNT's impressive perf with "Raising the Bar" -- are good signs that people are at least paying attention again.

As for CW's Big Test with "90210," we'll know in quantitative terms if America cared or not by the time the Nielsen overnights roll in early Wednesday. The early off-air reviews from critics (who were denied the usual lead time to formulate opinions by CW's decision to hold back on screeners) have been mixed: Variety's Laura Fries was not impressed; the AP's Frazier Moore declared "It didn't screw up!" 

Among the younger set that matters most to CW, "90210's" first two hours seemed to generally get a passing grade, judging by the blogosphere chatter. (Here's a representative sample from Television Without Pity.)

But for a show that's all about nubile (skeletal for the girls) young things, there's a delicious irony in the fact that thesp Jessica Walter (a fave of TV aficionados for her role on "Arrested Development") seems to be garnering the most kind words of any of "90210's" sprawling cast. Even the text-messaging/blog-worshiping crowd is raving about the comic relief Walter (pictured right) provides in her role as the boozy, over-the-hill actress and BevHills grandma to the recently-relocated-from-Kansas Wilson clan. That's a casting coup "90210" godfather Aaron Spelling would have loved.

CW deserves a little credit for bravery for being the first into fall's choppy waters with its big premiere -- although the numerological appeal of launching "90210" on 9/02 played a big part in the skedding decision, as did the unpleasant memory of how CW's preems got trampled last year by going head to head with the big-leaguers.

The parade of new series bows continues next Tuesday with the Sept. 9 two-hour opener of Fox's biggest bet for the fall, "Fringe."