"American Idol": Oh, Orlando!

Posted by Erin Maxwell

Orlando turned out to be the land of milk and honey as far as “Idol” execs were concerned. It yielded more talent than LaGuardia High School. I have a theory about this.

The reason that Orlando is able to produce an abundance of talent is because at one point, every person in the city had to pull Disney Duty, similar to the methods used in recruiting for the Israeli army. Half of those folks were probably drafted into parade patrol or a barbershop quartet; thus we have a large population of camera-ready crooners.

Let's take a look at the good ones:

• Seth, who has a disabled son and money issues, sang Frank Sinatra and made it through. Probably worked in Liberty Square at one point in a pointy hat.
• Jermaine sang Tony Bennett. I see him on the Carousel of Progress.
• Jay, the human beat box machine, just finished his gig at Star Tours.
• Sisters Bernadette and Amanda make up two of the three bears in Bear Country Jamboree that sing "The Men Who Turn Me On, Turn Me Down."
• Cornelius split his pants and made it through, which seems like reverse sexual discrimination since Kara was all about this guy and gave Bikini Girl from last season a hard time. Yeah, he worked Splash Mountain (with the racier pics appearing on Flash Mountain adult site).
• As for the three random chicks that go put through, I see them as the other dancers behind Cinderella in the Celebrate parade.
• Matt, who went “looking for adventure,” at one point tried to lure a key away from a dog by clinking a metal cup and whistling.

And, FINALLY, after nine seasons of patiently waiting, I finally get to see someone hauled away in handcuffs. It was fabulous. Jarrod, whose perf made the Jordan Sparks poster behind him flinch, refused to give up the spotlight and they had to call in the "Idol" security team. The whole scenario would have been better if he was actually good at singing. I would love to see him wheeled onto the stage Hannibal Lecter-style for Hollywood Week.

And can I just mention that it wasn't the convicted felon that got hauled away. Welcome to Florida!