Coffee table? Meet Chuck Lorre.

The prolific TV producer is making the leap from screen to page, signing a deal with a deal with Simon & Schuster for the release of "What Doesn't Kill Us, Makes Us Bitter."

The book will be the first ever print collection of Lorre's cheeky vanity cards seen at the end of hit skeins like "The Big Bang Theory," "Two and a Half Men," "Dharma & Greg" and "Mike & Molly." Lorre has been including the vanity cards at the end of his shows' episodes (for exactly one second!) since '97. Each card offers an inside look to Lorre's thoughts, inspiration and musings for his shows and once could only be consumed through deft pausing with VCR recording or DVR.

"What Doesn't Kill Us, Makes Us Bitter" will be published in October and retail for $100. All proceeds from the sale will go towards the Dharma-Grace Foundation which was established by Lorre in 1999 to support the Venice Family Clinic.

Viewing the cards doesn't require freeze-framing anymore, though, since Lorre has published the vanity cards on his own website. I did some digging and stumbled upon the vanity card that spawned the hardcover coffee book's title, #345:

What doesn't kill us makes us bitter. I used to believe that to be both funny and true. Years later I learned that pain could also be the touchstone for personal growth, which of course points back to the original saying, "what doesn't kill us makes us better." Not funny, but perhaps closer to the truth. Or at least the truth I choose to believe in these days. So, having recently experienced a bit of pain, am I better? Well, let's review: I think I'm fairly immune to name-calling now. I'm not sure I could have made that claim a few months ago. I've also come to see that the things I used to think were big deals, are not. Problems appear to be relative. If you have a big one, it makes all the others seem almost charming in comparison. And finally, when your life takes a path you could never have foreseen, it's humbling. In a good way. It's kind of like a friendly reminder from the universe that while you may think you have the starring role in the movie of your life, you're actually just a bit player trying to grab a quesadilla off the craft services table when no one's looking.

So, to sum up: I now have a thicker skin, I'm less likely to sweat the small stuff, and, perhaps most importantly, I have a renewed sense of humility. All in all, better. That being said, I still try to stay reasonably bitter in order to maintain my eligibility in the Writers Guild of America.

The vanity card ran at the end of "The Big Bang Theory's" episode "The Engagement Reaction" on May 12, 2011, when the Charlie Sheen "Two and a Half Men" fiasco had finally begun to cool off. Vanity cards from the months of the highly-publicized debacle often served as diary entries of sorts for the producer. No word as to whether Lorre will ever write a tell-all about his years in Hollywood and the Sheen meltdown, but "What Does Not Kill Us, Makes Us Bitter's" vanity cards, when taken together, may be as close as we're ever going to get.

Plus, your house guests will probably like reading it.

Lookie here, CBS is giving Jay Mohr's "Gary Unmarried" a test-drive in the post-"Two and a Half Men" slot next week.

When the Mohr show came out of nowhere as a hot pilot for CBS in the pre-upfront frenzy in May, I figured it had to be bound for the post-"Men" slot: Charlie Sheen, Mohr, guy's guy humor, etc. Just made sense. It was a surprise when "Worst Week" landed there after some hardball negotiating by producer Universal Media Studios after the pilot tested through the roof.

"Worst Week" has had trouble hanging on to "Men's" coattails, though the show has held steady in recent weeks at a 3.0-ish demo rating out of a 5.0-ish lead-in from "Men." But in that time slot, CBS' concern is always about the handicap that a squishy lead-in presents to 10 p.m.'s "CSI: Miami."

So, Jay Mohr, come on down. CBS will air a repeat of the "Gary" pilot behind a repeat of "Men," but it will still give the Eye's programmers a sense of whether "Gary" might be a better friend to "Men" and "Miami" in that slot. Stay tuned.

Hot off the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences nomination vote-tallying machine, here are the top 10 finalists for Emmy noms in the comedy and drama series heats. The final noms will be announced on Thursday, July 17.

(My 2 cents on the list follows after the jump)

COMEDY

Curb Your Enthusiasm
Entourage
Family Guy
Flight of the Conchords
The Office
Pushing Daisies
30 Rock
Two and a Half Men
Ugly Betty
Weeds

DRAMA

Boston Legal
Damages
Dexter
Friday Night Lights
Grey’s Anatomy
House
Lost
Mad Men
The Tudors
The Wire

It sounds like something that will either be very good or very ... not so good. But I give 'em all credit for derring-do and willingness to try something totally off the wall -- a scribe swap that cuts across genres, and even studios.

"CSI" writers Sarah Goldfinger and Evan Dunsky have penned the May 5 seg of "Two and a Half Men," based on a story by "CSI" czarina Carol Mendelsohn and Naren Shankar. Chuck Lorre and Lee Aronsohn, co-creators and exec producers of "Men," have done the script for the May 8 installment of "CSI."

The "Men" seg, "Fish in a Drawer," involves a CSI team coming to Charlie Harper's beach house to investigate -- what else? -- a mysterious death. It should be further enlivened by guest stars Robert Wagner and Jenny McCarthy.

"CSI" seg "Two and a Half Deaths" revolves around the death of a high-maintenance sitcom star, played by Katey Sagal, while shooting her show on location in Sin City. Suspects include the entire writing staff, her loser husband and her stand-in, played by Rachael Harris. 

I'm thinking positive and hoping these experiments be as playful as they outta be. I will do some more investigating and find out whose DNA is all over this idea, what the motivation was and the weapon (laptop, legal pad, etc.).

In the meantime, here's some more pics of the crossover episodes.

(In the pic above, that's Aronsohn leaning over the body, and Lorre directly behind him.)

From the "CSI" - "Two and a Half Deaths" seg:

Fan question: What have you learned from working with Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer on "Two and a Half Men"?

Cheeky answer: Absolutely nothing!

That was Angus T. Jones on Wednesday night at the Paley Center for Media, where the top-rated CBS/Warner Bros. TV sitcom was feted for reaching the milestone 100-seg mark.

Jones' quip got a good laugh, but in reality the Q&A sesh with the thesps and "Men" co-creators Chuck Lorre and Lee Aronsohn was a full-on love fest among people who genuinely seem to like working with one another -- even the notoriously hard-to-handle Sheen.

Event also featured a screening of the triple-digit seg, set to air Oct. 15. "City of Great Racks" features a return visit by the always-funny Jane Lynch as the therapist of Sheen's character.

Pictured above: Jon Cryer and Angus T. Jones. Pictured at right: Charlie Sheen and Chuck Lorre. Pics by Kevin Parry/Paley Center)

Among the guests on the next seg of CNBC's "Conversations with Michael Eisner" is the peacock's Ben Silverman. Episode is set to air Sept. 26 and also features L.A.'s hizzoner Antonio Villaraigosa and celeb blogger Perez Hilton....

Among the events of particular interest (to me) on the Paley Center for Media (fka the Museum of Television & Radio) sked of events for the 2007-08 season include seshes at the New York outposts with the writers from CBS' "Late Show with David Letterman," set for Nov. 9; a so-long-farewell-Auf-Weidersehn-etc. to "Scrubs" (Nov. 10); and an "Evening with" sitdown with the inimitable Angela Lansbury (Nov. 14), pictured left. At the Bev Hills branch, good times outta be had at the Oct. 1 "Inside 'Robot Chicken' panel -- that's gotta be a bizarre 90-minutes; the 100th-seg salute to "Two and a Half Men" (Oct. 3); and the "Lou Grant" reunion (Nov. 16)...

Kinda sad to see that Don Bellisario didn't appear to make it to the "NCIS" 100th-episode cake-cutting photo op on Tuesday. I never did figure out the story behind Bellisario's abrupt exit from the drama he created (one of many) at the start of last season -- some reports blamed it on a clash between him and star Mark Harmon. Oh well, Bellisario will soon (one day?) be able to take comfort in his syndie residual and profit-participation checks.

This time next week Warner Bros. Television and CBS will be celebrating the taping of the 100th episode of "Two and a Half Men."

Good grief, can it really have been four seasons-plus since the show debuted? (Just for fun here's Brian Lowry's dead-on first Variety review of the show from September 2003) Warners is inviting some industry folks to the taping at the studio, followed by a champagne and cake soiree. It ain't a 100th episode party if you don't have a big-cake cutting photo to show for it. So congrats to Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronson, Eric and Kim Tannenbaum, Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer, Angus T. Jones, Conchata Ferrell and the rest of the folks behind the show that is not only TV's top-rated comedy but also Emmy-nommed this year. (Here's a highlights reel from last season). In these lean times for sitcoms (especially good ol' fashioned multi-camera sitcoms) the 100th seg is a real milestone (and as always a happy sign of the syndie coin that's soon to flow).

I'm sorry that I won't be able to make the "Men" taping, but not too sorry. I'm going to be out of town -- out of BlackBerry radar, even -- next week on vacation. During my absence, On the Air will be in the good hands of Variety's Stuart Levine, who did yeoman's work in this space in July during the long march of the Television Critics Assn. tour.

Take it away, Stu...!