Outside the Box

Swag lag

Outside the Box is currently on hiatus.

Of Corset

Eventhough it's not mandatory to use our teeth to open the press kit for "Call Me, The Rise and Fall of Heidi Fleiss," we'd be compelled to. Eventhough we think we're smarter than to be seduced into interest in a USA movie based on a true story whose newspaper narrative was racier than anything basic cable is gonna present circa 2004 A.T.N. (After The Nipple, not safe for the FCC -- chair's rant in PDF & the regs) -- wholly removing the likelihood of the true quality sleaze that would make us want to watch, yet we'd be compelled to. That it's just ribbon laced through eyelets of printed brocadey, tone-on-tone card stock shouldn't cause a slight -- eventhough involuntary-- intake of breath, yet we're compelled to.
Such is the power of iconography, of metaphor, of context-- it's a press kit whose design wouldn't change much if Fleiss had been a basketball player and those were shoelaces, not back laces, even with title's typefont treated as if channel-set with diamonds, telling us she's no cheap whore. High-priced all the way. Bling bling.

Through analysis of period writings, these two eye the darker notions of corset symbolism:

"The shape of the corset -- essentially that of the female torso -- is not an obvious phallic symbol, yet it transforms the soft and pliant torso into something hard and rigid."

And text also debunks some myths:

"I have devoted so much attention to bizarre accounts of tight-lacing not because I think there existed many actual fetishists (quite the reverse), but in order to demonstrate how these letters cannot be accepted at face value (as they have been)."

Societal upheaval can be told by the concurrent unfetterring of waists. A how-to fetter, which was hip about 1600 B.C.E. Corset symbolism is used to artistic affect and commercial advantage (go figure, same guy designed this); historical photos and samples from movies abound.

Interesting enough herself, Fleiss is a retailer, author, crime victim and an opinionaire:

"-- when I got out of prison, I saw on ABC, on TV, how to meet and marry a millionaire -- and I thought, 'I went to jail for that.' I cornered the market in basically what was a boy's club -- they didn't like that -- and I paid a heavy price for it."

"There's no benefit to being famous."

"... hindsight is 20/20. It was very difficult for me to file those charges. Because of my past, I knew it wasn't an even playing field, and when it was over the DA got the conviction, they gave a grand speech that they would prosecute domestic violence at all levels, for rich or poor. But that's not true. I had to fight every step of the way for them to prosecute. And at the end, everyone came out with a victory speech, including Mr. Sizemore -- he gave a speech as if he won an Academy Award -- everyone gave a speech except for me."

Fleiss also sells corsets and handmade ceramics: see her mug shots.

Project's Tie-in: A+; Tightly laced, with ribbon.

Mar 26, 2004 at 05:19 PM by James Hames in Television | Permalink | Comments (0)

Hot Pink

Take an orange liqueur (Triple Sec, Grand Marnier, Cointreau), add cranberry and lime (not lime) ... with vodka it's a Cosmopolitan; ... with tequila, it's a Tequila Cosmopolitan or a Cuervopolitan or a Rude Cosmopolitan; ... with champagne it's a Cosmopolitan Champagne Cocktail (pic); ... with lemon instead of lime, it's an Evan; ... with Vermouth and orange, it's a Petit Zinc; ... with citrus-favored rum, it's an O'Cosmopolitan; ... with a DVD release and a marketing campaign, it's a Pink Panther Cosmo... the recipe of which seems to differ from the standard cocktail only by being swag.

Curiously, attached recipe doesn't specify for swagged item (Randy Raspberry Cocktail Candy raspberry-flavored cocktail sugar) to be rimmed on the glass, ala margarita salt. Product is swagified by getting Shagified: repackagifying from normal for filmic tie-in by package's original artist Shag (interviewed for some anachronistics).

MGM -- trying to bring the "Pink Panther" franchise into a modern era by linking it to the Cocktail Nation lounge craze, which is not unlike trying to link flavored sugar products to the Cosmopolitan cocktail craze -- does so on the occasion of the film's 40th anniversary, repackaged by the artist formerly know as Josh Agle who's also courted by Disneyland on swag for its Enchanted Tiki Room's 40th anniversary to be available through the Disneyland Gallery. A typography buff identifies Adventureland's Tiki type, among others. Shag has a type of Tiki type all his own, and a cocktail culture thing too.

Some swagger might've suggested a pink of a different flavor, or another still, but neither had a trendy show associated with it.

Tin, made of aluminum and about the size of a Super 8mm film can, has applied labels with pseudo-60s colors and the messages "Life is short, make it sweet" and touting the "stylish round tin and sponge we've included make the rimming of the glass simple" eventhough we weren't aware it was hard (for the record, we encountered no sponge). Label has a flavor of being very before-the-title, big-budget-Hollywood, listing a pecking order of proprietary notices: "Cocktail Candy produced for Planet Sugar, Inc. by Twang, Inc." Candy has a flavor (we take this job seriously, folks) like raspberry in the way that Tang tastes like orange juice, hence the name Twang who sells a Tex-Mex'd series of citrusy products.

For the science obsessed: If astronauts liked Tang (not Tang) why are they testing orange juice? More citrus science: as a weapon against HIV and as a weapon.

For the trivia obsessed: The Cosmopolitan cocktail made the public record (at end): "Hunter S. Thompson -- the self-proclaimed 'mad doctor of gonzo journalism' -- managed to get it cited in an affidavit used in The People of the State of Colorado v. Hunter Stockton Thompson."

For the copyright obsessed: Adventureland is not Adventureland is not Adventureland.

For the flavor obsessed: Insist on fresh lime juice and simple syrup. Rose's is fine if you're seafaring and fighting scurvy or really lazy (tip: straining saves on cleanup strain). Otherwise, it's not something we ought to be paying for, and further, for the thrift obsessed: Bottle your own (PDF) (tip: to yield more juice, microwave for 15-30 secs & let sit a minute before squeezing.)

Swaglife for the cocktail obsessed: C; We don't prefer too many flavors between us and our alcohol, so this would likely end its life as an ice cream topping.

Mar 24, 2004 at 08:00 PM by James Hames in Video and DVD | Permalink | Comments (0)

A Brush with Greatness

To remind America of the traditions surrounding non-traditional relationships in what would be Cary Grant's 100th year, Fox swags a DVD collection of the Mae West protege wherein: 1) Grant cross-dresses to circumvent U.S. immigration laws; 2) sleeps with an unwed mother and protects a man condemned to be executed; 3) he sleeps with an unwed mother who then comes to share Grant's and his wife's home; and 4) as a WWII Navy pilot on leave in Baghdad-by-the-Bay, he makes moves on another man's finacee while ignoring his duty.

To convey the suave and debonair deportment of such a character, swagged is a nameless, disposable safety razor and shaving brush of brandless origin and a cake of Conk shaving soap in a zippered pouch (ostensibly for pencils) for the guy or gal on the go or in need of that between-waxings touch up. Col. Ichabod Conk Products also sells mugs for drinking, shaving or both; a $200 razor (4th item); rubber band guns; a corn razor that "gently trims away corns and calluses;" a multi-tool that "comes with nail file, screwdriver, knife, scissors, and lighter;" and ear spoons: "Safely removes wax from ears." Their mustache wax is apparently unrelated.

Swag presumes being clean-shaven evokes Grant's glamor, but this suggests it's much more than that: "Grant's glamour is directly tied to his objectified beauty." It could have been his charm with Paris Hilton's great-grandfather or a screen kiss, as described. But it's unlikely it was his kissing off autograph seekers.

The facial hair issue marks cultural change and crosses cultural boundaries (and has prevented same, 1st item) and creates firm economic ones. Distaff preferences vary, historical trends (6th item) too.

Reuseality, Regiftability, Recycloness: D-; As functionable it all may be, there's little besides intended use in store for any of this.

Mar 22, 2004 at 06:58 PM by James Hames in Film, Video and DVD | Permalink | Comments (0)

Popping for Corn

Wabash Valley Farms tells us they grow corn, so they sell popcorn. They also grow soybeans, so they sell soy candles and oils.

Because they sell popping corn, they sell popcorn poppers. Because their popcorn popper can be used as a coffee roaster, they also sell coffee rosters but they don't say that their coffee roster can be used to pop popcorn. If they grew coffee, they wouldn't package others', but if you're buying coffee ... go to people who know, as Seattle residents (Seattlites? Seattleans?, Seatapolitans?) make note -- note where Starbucks, Peet's, Seattle's Best show up. Tops is Vivace, who offer a Roast Your Own bean. How serious about coffee are they? Picture this, for example (which, curiously, look kinda like analog versions of this MIT weird fields contest with a how-to). Home roasting is a phenomenon among the caffeinated. More folks being serious too, but not too serious; and who to scapegoat for all this but escapading goats. No such historical genesis anecdote accompanies popping corn.

If there were, we're sure it wouldn't involve anything as spiffy as this swagged popper and popping corn and a bottle of champagne which combine to create a deluxe, sorta, TV-watching party kit. If the soy/corn farmers grew grapes they wouldn't farm out the bubbly to Iron Horse Vineyards whose swagged Brut is labelled as a classic blend (help here) of 65% Chardonnay and 35% Pinot Noir from Sebastapol.

Site plugs family vitner's books for gourmands and oenophiles. Joy Sterling's '94 book was "account of the wine-growing year" ... ; the '96 book "year in the life of" ... ; and 98's book is called "Vineyard: A Year in the Life of California Wine Country;" and '99's book is "guide on the best wines to drink in 2000" ... . It's a wonder she doesn't produce a book per vintage.

It's vintage technology of a hand-cranked popcorn popper that evokes a by-gone age when Orville Redenbacher was a pup (not ID'd there as Sam Henry), in a world before air poppers -- which this guy uses for roasting coffee, BTW -- gave way to microwaves having popcorn settings (which was part of the ovens' development, last item). Wabash Valley Farms sounds homey, homier than Felknor International (search here) -- as NAFTA registered (search PDF) and trademark registered (last line) rules dictate -- who is proudly ID'd as the manufacturer here and here and their popper is the standard which even other popcorn sellers use.

Wabash nee Felknor says on their site: "We finally discovered a popper that offered the features and benefits of commercial poppers and liked it so much we bought the company" yet says on their Real Theater Popcorn package they're "the inventor" and the package contains "Secret Ingredients Used By Movie Theaters!" which can only be among the following:

Popcorn, may contain one or more of the following oils (coconut, sunflower, vegetable, corn), salt, beta carotene, natural and artificial butter flavor.

Swagged recipe book says key to great popcorn is "High heat and a way to move the corn while it pops. It takes a temperature of 465 degrees."

Variable Assertion Analysis: B-; We don't know if Felknor bought Wabash or Whirley Pop or the other way around to make a popper that's vital to making quality popcorn ... or it's the secret ingredients ... which are added to their particular corn they grow that makes it special. We suspect it may be the wine.

Mar 19, 2004 at 06:39 PM by James Hames in Miscellaneous | Permalink | Comments (0)

Noodling with Westerns

"The Good, The Bad and the Ugly" DVD release swagged by a package of Santa Maria dry spaghetti pasta, pegged on the Spaghetti Western's cult status as paean to Atkin's Diet outlaws.

Re-inventing an image of Westerns as a serious genre, Spaghetti versions specifically, genre and Clint Eastwood seriously grew a fanbase despite sloppiness in filmmaking. A fan went to the exact location of the pivotal graveyard scene; in this slow-loading applet you can almost imagine Eli Wallach running in circles. Seriously want to be a cowboy? (not the tune nor the tome), for those who take myth seriously ... very, very seriously.

Years ago, pasta maker (not a pasta maker) had troublesome expiration dates on some food products, not an issue with pasta with its 2-3 year shelflife. Company's facility won a cement award though and they offer gluten-free products for restricted diets.

Who is Al Dente and why is he eating so much?: Whether blogging pasta generally or cooking pasta ala brand specifically, one casa es su casa.

Score one for Ennio Morricone. Composer's work here cited as "This is the most fertile of all Western soundtracks ... Not even the endless corporate raping of the title theme for purposes of advertising can tarnish this work. It will remain as the standard by which all music associated with the period geography of the film will be judged." Remixed to dubious (read that as annoying) result, compilations 1 & 2 (with some audio samples; downloads here), his fat oeuvre remains available. Another medium's twist on updating a genre, called "Macaroni Westerns" in Japan from whence the movie form mutated orginally. More than a composer for Westerns, Morricone's still not Oscar-ized even after 5 noms.

In the Valley of Monuments to Clever Ideas: C-; Spaghetti for a Spaghetti Western? An idea so thin that spaghettini would have been the better swag.

Mar 16, 2004 at 01:38 PM by James Hames in Film, Video and DVD | Permalink | Comments (0)

Eat Me

When Alice descended down the rabbit hole and into the looking glass of Wonderland, it came after undergoing a transforming experience of perception and reality brought about by drinking and eating things that said "Drink me" and "Eat me," consumed with a quality of faith generally unknown in real life until the cultural phenomenon of Deadheads. But now, no doubt as the result of molecular bio-chemistry, crop hybridization, micro-mechanical superchip engineering and even truth-in-packaging laws, consumers are pre-informed of the visual excursions to come. Truly, it's a leap forward in the technology of recreational hallucinogenics ... a wonderland, indeed.

This advance comes on the occasion of the DVD release of Disney's "Alice in Wonderland" and the connection between eating swagged cookies and seeing the animated classic, although probably not causal, is clearly inevitable. It's a Mrs. Beasley's Iced Scanned Cookie that conveys the data in a low-res manner, seen better here.

Story author Charles Dodgson (aka Lewis Carroll) was a photography pioneer, making portraits including Alice Liddel, a relationship referenced in song. Evidence suggests though, older sister Ina may have instead had his eye.

"Alice" caught the eye of every era's top illustrators, from Sir John Tenniel in 1856, to 1904, to 1, 2, 3 in 1907 (when British copyright expired), to 1914, to Disney's in 1951, to 1966, Salvador Dali in 1969, to 1982 (by Barry Moser, about whom there's a docu), and someday (who knows what will pop-up?), plus in 3-D CG.

Book was born of its time and this pulls the story into the 21st Century and this looks at Disneyland in the mid-20th. There's deep cultural impact from Dodgson's tome obviously; eventhough "Wonderland" is named after a street's murder scene, and "Next Stop ..." named after a dog track/train station and used as a metaphor here: 1, 2, 3, 4 (docu with Zippy creator), yet the term "wonderland" predates Carroll's use by at least 66 years.

So far, we referenced sex and drugs and for the whole Ian Drury triumvirate (not Triumvirat) -- we find rock'n'roll collides with "Alice" repeatedly. Of course this classic, but remember the hoopla about Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon" synching up with "The Wizard of Oz," as if in a hand-cued LP & pre-VHS era any rock band would ... let alone could ... key an album's worth of songs' music and lyrics -- sprocket by sprocket, groove by groove -- to a film. Yet some hunt for synchronizations again and again. "Alice" is #14.

Likewise some search Disney films to see if animators have slipped a Mickey in (how?), specifically into "Alice in Wonderland."

Function fulfilling focus: B-; Even before visual-inducing swag, people viewing film have been seeing things and hearing things of dubious reality for quite some time.

Mar 11, 2004 at 12:12 PM by James Hames in Film, Video and DVD | Permalink | Comments (1)

Hmmmmm... Links

Specials today at Le Swag Blog include links, with relish on the side. Served in a series of courses, these provide a melange of flavors and seasoned by our chef's pallete of sensory goodness. Some savory, others spicy hot, these enhance our daily specials and revolving entrees that discerning epicureans have come to enjoy. More than just meat-and-potatoes nutritious, these links include confections and garnishes to round out your digestive experience. Many come paired with an expertly chosen whine. Bon appetit.

SWAGGIFYING SITES OF SWAGFULIVITY
ABOUT STUFF: ThingsMagazine.net, a view of the world from looking at its things -- fat with links, smart & well-written; BrandWeek.com, AdCritic.com, AdAge.com and TrademarkBlog offer insights into marketing; miscellaneous advertising links; an example of merchandising gone wild; Adbusters fights back; Consumers Union fights for you & publishes Consumer Reports; Colors shows why (although online presence is low-content, navigate to archive to glimpse past issues of this superb graphics heavy/infobit rich, revolving mono-topic periodical & it's bi-lingual. Four stars.)

THE STUFF ITSELF: People collect things, boy do they ever:
CollectorEssentials.com, Collect.com, ACGuide.com, Swappers&Collectors.com, Cards & stuff, GiveMeToys.com; Fwak and Qlu swag because it's just fun to say; FunToCollect.com; collector cards; CollectingChannel.com; Antique&CollectibleExchange.com; CollectibleTreasures.com; GottaHaveIt.com; CollectibleClassifieds.com.

People buy things, boy do they ever:
CatalogLink.com, catalogues & more catalogues; BargainsLA.com, regional retail; TotallyFreeStuff.com, no-cost commercial come-ons; Swapmeet & flea market resources: OpenAir Markets, FleaMarketGuide.com; CafePress.com, all the world's a T-shirt; ConsumerMatch, about buying online; Amazon.com; AllMusic.com, ClickMusic.com; eBay.com; Yahoo auctions; BarnesAndNoble.com.

Promotional products, sources & resources:
PromoMart.com and their Imprint magazine; GoPromos.com; eMerchandise.com's rare (they say) index; ePromos.com; ExtraMile.com; FICI.com; Coporategift.net; PrintablePromotions.com; LeaveAnImpression.com, FortuneCookieAdvertising.com, BaronBob.com novelties; an open directory of links; another's links; an anecdotal success story; CorporateLogo.com; this too can be promoted; WearablesBusiness.com; in the news.

People want entertainment industry swag, boy do they ever:
MovieMalls.com; ReelClassics.com, old movie merchandise; OneSheetDesign.com posters index, ShopTv.com movie stuff too; ClassicTvShop.com; StarStore.com; CoolMerchandise.com; AllPosters.com; GreatestPosters.com with multiple categorized pages; ArtAsylum.com makes toys; TelevisionGifts.com huge index; StarStore.com; ShoppingBrains.com; ShopHeaven.com; WonderClub.com; MovieProp.com index; OriginalMovieProps.com index; more props.

BECAUSE THERE'S JUST NOT ENOUGH DIALOGUE ABOUT ENTERTAINMENT AROUND
Links you have & some you don't in nor order what-so-ever:
Variety.com links; TVAcres online subject index; Tagline blogs culture; CinemaMinima.com media-related links and posts; What I Learned from Movies obviously; ReelClassics.com old movies; miscellaneous articles; Who?, celebs in TV ads they don't want you to see; MediaCulture.org.au; need more on TV?, TV links; recording professionals; NY Film Forum; ScreenIt.com; MovieSpoiler.com comprehensive plot points; TvTome.com good references; MusicFromTheMovies.com obviously; CelebritySpider.com index; TheNumbers.com box office stats; FilmFreak.com; CineMedia.org links index (navigate categories); ClassicTV.com database; JackassCritics.com reviews etc.; CGChannel.com computer graphics-centric; IWantMedia.com everything media-esque; AtomFilms.com; MovieMartyr.com suffering through; BeInAMovie.com extras extras read all about it; FilmCritic.com, JoBlo.com reviews etc.; ReelJewels.com classic film stars; CelebrityPortal.com links index by name; CultureDose.com, FilmThreat.com reviews and news etc.; MovieCliches.com dumb plot devices ridiculed; ClassicTvHits.com obviously; DeadOrAlive.com trivia; Fansites.com has a comprehensive index of celebrities, CelebsOops has a comprehensive index of celebrities naked (obviously NSFW); someone you know wants this info; ContactAnyCelebrity.com by subscription; CultureShockerFilm blog; SitcomsOnline.com obviously; The Razzie Awards because some movies just stink; PopCultures.com links; TvBuzz.com pitch a show; SimplyScripts.com writer resources; CableWorld obviously; FilmFour UK-centric film site; Sci-fi props discussion; StarSeeker.com index; X-E pop culture blog; NameThatMovie.net online quiz; Ain'tItCoolNews.com reviews and news etc.; RottenTomatoes.com reviews and news etc.; MovieJuice.com entertainment blog; PocketMovies.net downloadable trailers etc.; StarsOfHollywood.com actress index & actors; TheBigPicture.com blog on everything and sometimes media.

BLOG'S NODS
Tagline remarks that this swag blog "Sprinkles the links like the free candy at the Ice Cream Factory. They're just everywhere through every entry, which turns this from something kinda interesting into something with a lot higher clickability factor." Also: "Someone had the brilliant idea to write about all the free crap people send Variety" said Scallion Pancakes; Amy Langfield with a wedding story, LAObserved observed us first wethinks; swag envy from Brendoman; these referencing Variety blogland as a whole: WeblogHype with CyberJournalist, CinemaMinima and OnlineJournalism.com making note; stretching context here. Se habla blog? Si!: "Sobre los elementos promocionales de las películas que elaboran los estudios." Help here.

As Fred Allen said: "Imitation is the sincerest form of television." Thus, this ... either that or it's a random notion striking more than once at more than one place. Details pending.

Mar 10, 2004 at 04:12 PM by James Hames in Links | Permalink | Comments (3)

Vote for the US President? They May or May Not

As election-year Americans make a choice for a vote-worthy candidate (free registration), likewise Fox throws its support behind Gene Hackman for president -- ostensibly conceivable after his "service" in the military, (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11) and in jurisprudence for various law enforcement agencies (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10,) in law (1, 2, 3) and in government 1, 2, 3, 4, 5). Eventually he retires to a tiny town and runs for mayor where a local citizen gives him a run for his money ... thus is the narrative to "Welcome to Mooseport."

Swagged is 6-panel baseball hat which adjusts by quality means: a fabric strap clamped by a fixed position buckle. Antlers and embroidered logotype are equally well-stitched -- logotype virtually designed itself the moment the movie was titled, much like this ... which means something different today.

Press materials maintain the conceit as if it was prepared by the Mooseport Chamber of Commerce, arriving with postcards and promotional brochures. Text avoids the resident nickname dilemma, calling everyone "Mooseport residents." Residents' nicknames -- the suffix that gets added to the place name that identifies its residents, like New Yorkers or Los Angelenos -- have few standard protocols. People in Moscow, Naples, Liverpool and Florence are called Muscovites, Neopolitans, Liverpudlians and Florentines. State residents' nicknames are pretty well set, but not so for the Mainers who would be Mooseporters, Mooseportians, Moosepolitans, Mooseporvites, Mooseportlians, Mooseportines, Mooseports ...

Cities themselves get nicknames, often. Toponym is the study of place names and demonyms are the people who live there. For example, a few L.A. specific names. Apparently, this is the sole authoritative source. What's in a name? Links and more links.

Wearability / Whereability: D; Few would wear such a hat outdoors, unless copious amounts of alcohol or drugs are involved. A different antlered hat that might've been worn in public; another that wouldn't.

Mar 9, 2004 at 04:33 PM by James Hames in Film | Permalink | Comments (0)

Bio-diversity Gone Mad

Sci Fi Channel double swags its Thursday night lineup including "Mad, Mad House" and "Tripping the Rift," both shows that merge diverse types together. In "House," a bushel of contestants arrive at some suitably creepy mansion to have their inner weirdnesses exposed by five judges whose outer weirdness is pronounced. Dubbed "alts" -- as in alternatives -- they sit in judgement like in the "Star Trek" original series' episode "The Gamesters of Triskelion," where the Providers bet quatloos on the actions of the Thralls -- you know the episode, we know that you do. We remember best the aluminum foily outfit (bottom row) of sorta famous guest star Angelique Pettyjohn, but we digress. Show swags collector cards, sorta.

"Rift" (genesis was a download for grownups) is a CG cartoon with PG-13 aspirations and a mix of characters rendered diversely to exaggerate the inter-species contrast as they flit about in outer space and back in time -- opening episode goes back to creation where they inadvertantly kill God. Swagged is a Colorforms-type plastic peel-off/press-down dress-up toy similar to swag here, adhering by means somewhat like this. Choices to apply rely heavily upon "Star Wars" imagery, using one thing to designate another -- metaphors be with you (a pun highly regarded here).

Collectibility cash-out: C; Fans of the original "Rift," and they are legion, may be drawn to item. "House" cards may be of interest to someone, because someone somewhere is interested in anything from anywhere.

Mar 3, 2004 at 10:00 PM by James Hames in Television | Permalink | Comments (0)

Lights, Camera, Cookies

Yummyphoto.com swags a shortbread cookie, tubthumping their promotional products and touting a cookie printed with a pic, any pic. Pick one: National Geographic, Corbis (who swagged), links to photogs, Hulton Archive via Getty Images, Photography Museum.

Cookies and commerce met again with TVBuzz.com swagging from fortunecookieadvertising.com, who suggest 96% of people read their cookie's fortune, 67% read outloud. No stats on how many add the phrase "In Bed" afterward ... as in said swag's saw, which said: "He who loves you will follow you" ...in bed. Although the addendum isn't always as apt as some would suggest. For example, adding "in bed" to a recently received fortune seems to veer from desired intent: "It's better to have a quick mind than tongue."

Look Back: FuseTV's Bazooka bubble gum swag (recently followed by mini-Oreos) supplies fortunes also; specifically: "You will be a fine swimmer and may make the Olympic team" and "Expect unexpected visitors" which we expect will neither alter our definition of "unexpected" nor put us on the Olympic team ... in bed.

Mar 2, 2004 at 09:30 PM by James Hames in Miscellaneous | Permalink | Comments (0)

Rye Comments

It's a good thing people stuck in cubicles don't need to be, like, self-sustaining and all Biosphere-like. Yet to test the viability of such a "keep them at their desks with our heels at their necks" plan, the Vast Management Overlord Conspiracy (the VMOC, you heard it here first) under the guise of swag from Fox, seeds the workplaces of America with kits of perennial rye grass -- that Pleg calls office dirt, dig?
Why rye?
Although its soil sustaining and eroding qualities aren't likely needed on desktops, it's common for food & feed.
Nutritious cereal grains grow from true grasses which are distinguished by the vascular system of the stock. Rye itself is hearty stock, ergo: "Fewer diseases attack rye than other cereals. Ergot is the most serious disease." Heartiness is also proven by how easily the non-native naturalizes, enough to be pictured here.
But if the VMOC wants gardeners, why hire common cubicle clones (not Clone Cubicles).

The VMOC may not have built in clones' foliage foilage capacity < sotto voce >(Neither do the Overlords know how long one can take to do a job) < /sotto voce >.
Aluminum pot has a how-to, as others do too:

Place pellet inside pot. Fill pot halfway with warm water. (Since the metal pot can't be microwaved, figuring water into a mug into a microwave for 30 seconds to return to the desk, 5 minutes maybe more.) Wait 5 minutes for pellet to absorb water. (Figure 15 minutes, easy.) Using a pencil or pen, break up the top soil from the expanded pellet. (Wandering to another cublicle or two, idle co-worker chitchat, surreptitious lifting of most-convenient pen or pencil, 15 minutes -- maybe double if co-workers know you're the sort who does that.) Place seeds 1/4" deep in soil. (Covering distance to office supply storage, lingering over multi-colored paper clips and opportunistic hunting of difficult-to-find soft erasers but not finding anything to measure 1/4"... finding and asking someone older how to figure out how big a quarter-inch is, "Find something you know the length of and divide it or multiply it til you reach a quarter-inch." "Huh?" "How tall is your business card?" "2 inches, just like every other." "Right. Fold that in half, then again and again and again. That'd be a quarter-inch right?" "Ohyesofcourserightsure hmmmmmmmcouldn'thavebeenthateasy." (Figure 30 minutes, triple if you try.) Keep soil moist (10 to 20 minutes daily, double every other or third day when it really needs water.) and place in sunlight. (Ha!) Seeds will sprout in 7 to 14 days. (36+ by the time we're done thankyouverymuch with added plea how "Silent Running" shows biospheric domes maintained by robots implies that it can take an eternity, and they don't take 1-hour-and-45-minute washroom breaks.)

Lawn & liquor too: With a promise of tee shots and whiskey shots, the VMOC green thumbs its nose at cubicle clones, drafted with a cubicle-sized still and combined with a cubicle-sized combine to bring in the harvest. Also needed: a cubicle-sized yolk to turn the millstone ... which gets bread, but not roses.
Context For When You Read This Later: The grocery workers voted yesterday to end the months-long strike.

Topical TV tie: B+; On yeah. Did we mention the "Lost in Space" DVD of the '65 TV season. No?

Mar 1, 2004 at 09:33 PM by James Hames in Television, Video and DVD | Permalink | Comments (0)

Who Needs Gewgaws When You Have Naked Women?

Typically, as loyal readers know, a film's DVD release is heralded by swag -- some virtually worthless bit of a thing with type or a logo symbolically representative of the project positioned upon it somewhere obvious. If your movie is about naked matrons, what promotes that better than a nude woman positioned somewhere obvious?

In this instance, that's a storefront near London Bridge; GettyImage has pics (posted here.)

Can't be sure, but we ponder if "Calendar Girls" is itself the first movie about a piece of swag (film version).

Feb 27, 2004 at 10:29 AM by James Hames in About | Permalink | Comments (0)

More Beeping FAQs

Beep: So, here's this thing me and my compatriots have toiled over and sweated about, and all you do is make fun.

That's life in the big city, tinsel town, a place of heartbreak and disappointment and a success that often comes at the cost of interpersonal comfort and good parking.

Beep: You seem really attuned to the entertainment business. You must be waist deep in the river of entertainment releases.

Is that a question?

Beep: Don't be a smart-ass.

You haven't been reading.

Beep: Well?

Immersed in Hollywoodivity? Nope. For example, we see very little TV, broadcast or cable; not premieres nor any movies upon release and no screenings of any kind and few screeners of any consequence; almost no commercial radio broadcasts but some internet; magazines, what a pain in the butt they are; and that industry party ... we weren't there.

Beep: How can you write about the films and TV shows then?

It's about the swag.

Beep: Is this blog just a gimmick to enrich your life, home and office with bushels of promotional items that will grow more collectible over time and after you plug their value?

No. Swag, not otherwise spoken for, is regularly spread between various non-profit thrift shops around the city. What they do with it is up to them. But little swag lingers in our life; it can't be redundant to anything we already possess and it has to be either intensely practical or absurd, plus compact and athesetically pleasing ... and that likely means no project logo.

Beep: What's the trouble with logos? To you, sometimes they're good and sometimes they're bad? What gives?

A projects' logo type increases cache if the project is successful in the mainstream or even more if it's sucessful in some cultish way. But many subjective analyses impinge: Does the logo render the item useless? Is the swag item common and only made uncommon by adding the logo? Might it still communicate some message to those who have no idea what it's referring to? Can the logo be easily removed? Is the item pointless once a logo is removed? Does it look better? Is it something only a completist could love? Or a crewmember? We have no pat answers, only memories of swag and the little shreds of project logos that remain.

Beep: Who says?

You haven't been reading.

Please don't call, this post has been pre-recorded for presentation in this time zone.

Read the PREVIOUS FAQ post

Feb 26, 2004 at 09:59 AM by James Hames in About | Permalink | Comments (0)

Feel a Draft?

This post and its title subject line have nothing to do with wind or wind, but instead the breeze of political discontent wafting over the country in this election year and an opening for an outsider to enter the political arena (free registration). Could anyone be further outside the mainstream than a fictional candidate? (This notion has been broached before.)

Across the political landscape and onto basic cable comes Jack Tanner, via Robert Altman and Gary Trudeau first in '88 and resurfacing now (not NOW) on the Sundance Channel; its fact/fiction merging presaged this recent TV offering. Series is touted here as exemplary in the genre of actors playing pols. Some reviews are still pending on actors as pols, examples: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, & 8 (a near-comprehensive list, but not yet including 9).

Late-Breaking Tangent: Trudeau made news today, by way of his Doonesbury comic strip.

Collectductivity: B; Although thematically embracing political collectibles, swag isn't one. However, bumper stickers that aren't plugging a radio station -- with notable exceptions -- seem rare on these streets. Another bump up in value comes from the fact that any bumper such a thing was put on in '88 was very likely damaged by a 2.5 MPH collision, the standard having dropped during the exiting administration. Why? Because they can. What's a 5 MPH bump (in '98 $s) do?

Feb 25, 2004 at 02:17 PM by James Hames in Television | Permalink | Comments (0)