Outside the Box

Paris to Arkansas ...

... And Nicole went, too. While it's pitched as an unscripted, Green Acres-ish big fish out of their urban water and into a little rural pond show, and it looks like princesses descend upon the paupers, we hope "The Simple Life" may well be as it's named: a view of celebrities thrust to the other side of the velvet rope, a kind of Monty Wooley thing no doubt.

On Fox, and produced by "Real World" vets, this "surreal world" stars not simply celebrity, but notoriety: Paris Hilton (Conrad's great-grand daughter and once Elizabeth Taylor's grandniece) and Nicole Ritchie (Lionel's daughter and Michael Jackson's god-daughter) -- infamous for, respectively, a sex tape (not safe for work) and a heroin bust (not safe for anyone). Those "Real World" execs have faced such issues before, but we digress.

Swagged is a plastic dressup toy ala Colorforms, where the plastic sticks by lying smooth to the plastic below it (like this, but different. Swag de-swanks cowed party girls into cow patty girls, from hotels to Holsteins.

Swag explainer: What some call the surface-to-surface adhesive-free bond; what static electricity isn't; what static electricity really is; why it's not static cling working; what is working.

Focus on Fotos

What's jpg'ed here isn't swag for the "The Clinton Years" sequel to "Catch Me If You Can" (or even "Catch Me If You Can"); no, it's a two-page spread of pix by Martin Schoeller from among the jaw dropping crop of photography swagged in the "Full Frame" edition of "Crop," the Corbis photo agency's foto catalog of major proportions, each page a hugeifying 24"x36".

Tack sharp printing on matte paper with unbound pages creased into a sophisticated heavy card stock cover, evoking a portfolio case of lithographs, it's distinct from their other stock services as this is a harvest from their crop of news and feature work, for example, fotogs in Baghdad at the literal and figurative fall of Saddam Hussein, before and after. Amid their bounty: Large solos like this "Fargo"-esque shot to artfully chosen couplets paired -- oftentimes -- to show obvious differences in similar things or obvious similarities in different things. Photo essays too.

The best of it & the worst of it: A+ & D-; Too big to share a coffee table with a cup of coffee. Unrealistic size -- despite the unmanagable loose sheets -- makes us want it as much as prevents having it. Damn them.

Nov 24, 2003 at 03:33 PM by James Hames in Books | Permalink | Comments (0)

Animal Magnetism

Q: How do we know Animal Planet has lawyers?

A: Because when they swag magnets printed with animals and package them in a box that only kinda sorta represents Animal Crackers (not "Animal Crackers") and the box has a list of shows presented in a manner only sorta slightly like the mandated FDA Nutrition Facts label and beneath that a list of ingredients: "Magnets, Paper, Ink" -- they still find the need to warn "Not a food product. Do not eat."

Species sorta relate to specific new shows for their reintroduced "Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom" airing in the original series' slot of Sundays at 7 p.m. Alec Baldwin plays Marlin Perkins, sorta. We've referenced the show before.

Life spanness: A; Long after they run out of Baldwins, we imagine these on refridgerators holding Kandinskys that moms think are Renoirs.

Nov 21, 2003 at 05:40 PM by James Hames in Television | Permalink | Comments (0)

You Say You Wanted 'Revolutions'

We knew Warner Bros. had made a mint on the Matrix franchise, but we were nonetheless surprised to see they'd minted swag to promote Part 3 for the L.A. premiere at Frank Gehry's new Disney Hall (awesome exterior pics). Plenty of wags have wigged about the general plots' subreferencing other film forms generally and specific films specifically, but the image here of Agent Smith (not Agentsmith) with a punched-in face sounds like a reference to "Heckle & Jeckle" and its face-becomes-the-shape-of the-frying-pan-that-hit-it technique. Those Talking Magpies have minting experience too.

Finding value: A; Opening bid on eBay, $39.
Finding purpose: D; Perhaps a paperweight or to level an uneven table leg or to plug a rabbit hole.

Nov 20, 2003 at 05:45 PM by James Hames in Film | Permalink | Comments (0)

Oh Brother

Disney, swagging "Brother Bear," includes a 2-sided print job that opens and unfolds with pictures of movie's various animated animal characters until reaching its full-size, a 50"x21" poster echoing the film's billboard in shape and content. Animated pic's plot includes the growth and transformation of a youth whose parents are out of the picture ... about which we think Disney has a recycling program, recently: "Lion King"; "Mulan"; "James and the Giant Peach"; "Hercules"; "Oliver & Co."; "Tarzan"; even in "Finding Nemo"; "The Little Mermaid"; and "Monsters, Inc."; and historically: "The Jungle Book"; "Peter Pan"; and most famously "Bambi".

Giftosity: D-; How young does someone have to be for them to not care about creased folds through their wall art?
Reuse: C-; Now that city recycling programs take glossy paper (MS Word file), the poster iteself could have an transforming experience.

Nov 19, 2003 at 01:56 PM by James Hames in Film | Permalink | Comments (0)

A Casa Blanca

In proclaimation of the DVD of the first season of "The West Wing," NBC wings a model West Wing our way.

Swag is in fact an elaborate box that, when the hinged roof is lifted, hollars the tunes "Hail To The Chief" and "The Star Spangled Banner" so loudly we failed to note how many measures of each it plays ... the pre-set volume can only be quashed by slamming the lid shut.

Tangents: The real west wing; take a White House panoramic photo tour; often officious -- but completely unofficial -- white house sites: .org, .net, .com (not safe for work).

White House synchronicity with Hollywood is notable at least twice: 1) the real possiblity of Democratic Party "front-runner" Howard Dean aligning with West Wing's premise of a Democratic governor from small New England state making it to the White House (& both Dean's wife and the fictional President Bartlet's wife are M.D.s); and 2) the story of Ronald Reagan being offered the role in "Casablanca" (Spanish for "white house") long before he got the role in The White House, which isn't true at all.

Nov 19, 2003 at 09:10 AM by James Hames in Television | Permalink | Comments (0)

If It's Sundae, It Must Be Belgian Chocolate

Fox's Sunday lineup, a confection of sitcoms, swags us a pun of a D-I-Y sundae kit: each ingredient connected to one from their roster -- chocolate malt balls for "Oliver Beene," Beer Nuts for "King of the Hill," sprinkles for "The Simpsons," M&Ms for "Malcolm in the Middle," gummy bears for the "Bernie Mac Show," plus a sundae dish and ice cream scoop linked to "Arrested Development." A jar of fudge sauce, serving to cover everything literally and thematically, is labelled "Sunday Sundae."

While some ponder the Beer Nuts phenomenon, or the proclivities of gummy bears, there may be some trademark infringement laywers salivating like Pavlov's dog (not Pavlov's Dog) about whether those chocolate malt balls are Whoppers Malted Milk Balls, or those gummy bears are Gummibaeren. Such trademark issues are why the ice cream dessert is spelled sundae; not!

Nov 18, 2003 at 05:40 PM by James Hames in Television | Permalink | Comments (1)

Goodwill Hunting

Most recent swag items posted here, and others besides, have made their way to a local Goodwill Store.

"The mission of Goodwill Industries of Southern California is to enhance the quality of the lives of people who have disabilities and other vocational disadvantages by assisting them to become productive and self-sufficient through education, training and job opportunities."

The Goodwill has a Hollywood tie in Fred Grandy, who went from "The Love Boat" to the U.S. House of Representatives representing Iowa to being president of the charitable organization. He offers the group's public/private partnership case study, beginning on page 7 of this report (in PDF format).

Trivial pursuit: Grandy was the best man at the David Eisenhower and Julie Nixon White House wedding in 1968.

Nov 13, 2003 at 08:20 PM by James Hames in About | Permalink | Comments (2)

Shedding 'Skin'

And poof, it was gone — no blaming the swag. Another take, perhaps a more sustainable one, on the region's adult entertainment industry is revealed in fellow blogger Rob Kendt's Wicked Little Town.

Nov 12, 2003 at 04:23 PM by James Hames in Television | Permalink | Comments (0)

I've seen you on the beach and I've seen you on T.V.

To get us to focus on their focus on awards shows and top miniseries, cabler Trio swags a canvas book totebag and watch with a band of rubbery plastic, both of which demonstrate the cabler's branding-conscious major investment in color and typography. The motto and logo are heavily dependent upon punctuation: Tr!o, for example, is hoping we encase our books in their billboard announcing it's about "pop, culture, tv." Yet, we suspect it's really just about "pop culture tv." We could be wrong.

That distinctive black, red and white color scheme has proven effective for everyone from The White Stripes (1st, 2nd, 3rd & 4th) to the Reich (3rd).

If swag can indicate a project's target market, this says Trio considers its viewers to be people who have time to read books and time to wander the cable menu looking for obscure channels so they can tell strangers they prefer to watch TV that's about TV. Only coincidentally does this show on Trio have a name similar to this blog.

Practicality: A-; If you don't mind logos -- though to the cabler's chagrin, its obscurity provides some cache

Irony flashback: Last year, Trio was pushing a month of themed programming looking at previously censored programming. CableWorld weighs in:

"In an unplanned bit of controversy, Trio found that its splashy ad campaign for Uncensored was itself censored by Viacom, a billboard giant. The ads, which went up last week in New York, including a billboard in Times Square, feature Michelangelo's statue of David, with a pair of underwear down around its knees."

Nov 11, 2003 at 06:34 PM by James Hames in Television | Permalink | Comments (0)

Tooning In

The Cartoon Network's kid-empowering program, "Codename: Kids Next Door," swags figurines -- big heads, big hands, spaghettini arms and all. These "five extraordinary 10-year-olds are dedicated to freeing all children from the tyrannical rule of adults." To do so, they obviously must overcome major obstacles: At 3-inch tall, they seem a wee bit short for age 10; Being flexible, but not poseable, must inhibit their battles with other figurines. We expect subsequent seasons to follow the kids as they learn to conquer adults by assimilation.

Fun-to-folly factor: B; Figures are as interesting as we could expect from such a thing and wacky enough to not need exposure to the show to appreciate.

Collectable-to-cash quotient: D; cabler sells them for $13.

Freudian pun: Site's purchase page describes Kids' mission as being "freeing all children from the tyrannical rile of adults." In that, we support their goals heartily.

Nov 10, 2003 at 03:34 PM by James Hames in Television | Permalink | Comments (0)

Short Subject

For the many millions of us blessed to live in Los Angeles, colliding daily with its place in the media world marketplace, today's opening of "Elf" did not go unnoticed, because there are enough bus bench signs and billboards for every resident to have one. New Line is afraid that's not enough.

They generously swag: a jack-in-the-box (not spy-seeking Jack In The Box), a snow globe, an elfy hat, a rubbery keyring fob, a movie soundtrack of Christmas songs, a bookmark, a 138-page novelization of the story, a D-I-Y fill-in the colors puzzle (wax crayons included), and a T-shirt... all emblazoned with the movie logotype, the lead Will Ferrell's face, or both.

We'd imagine it's enough to have the eight stories of Ferrell's beaming face (big enough to guide ships at sea) on the south side of the 12-ish (now elvish) story storage facility at Santa Monica and Highland Blvds. But Ferrell goes past "ubiquitous" with "Elf Day" in New York City.

Swaggie Award, for Best Garment Material Content and Care Label, Short Subject: The embroidered fleece elf hat says "100% polyester, wash warm, dry cool, keep sodium intake low." Good advice all around.

Interconnectedness with project: A; Toys B Them.

Resellability: A to D; Opening price for a jack-in-the-box, $50. Key fob? Probably much less.

Nov 7, 2003 at 07:15 PM by James Hames in Film | Permalink | Comments (3)

There is no baseball; it's not a yellow jacket

"Radio," a family bonding amid highschool sports period movie with a whizbang homepage, featuring a mentally disabled character from a period before many called them that, is based on a real-life Sports Illustrated article (and we only read it for the articles [safe for work]). The Cuba Gooding Jr., Ed Harris, Alfre Woodard, Debra Winger movie poster has an Orion's Belt of badges endorsing its wholesome goodness. Too bad they missed the Vatican's 100-year award deadline.

The real-life T.L. Hanna High School has a whizbang (for a high school) website, with links to its pages of a school assembly where film's stars interact with real-life counterparts, emails, a bio about the real Radio, and more. Their football team is doing good this year.

Apropos-ness: C-; We can follow the threadbare logic that swags a baseball cap to promote a football team called the Yellowjackets... but did they swag a yellow jacket? Nooooo. We don't mean a Vespidae or jacket from these musicians, or these, but in the manner of this musician's jacket. Or what about a radio (Hello? Sony is doing distrib; maybe they have some radios sitting around). But it's the baseball cap about which we can only admire the choice of design: Embroidered film logo at rear is easily Sharpie-ed into obscurity and; Size adjusts by Velcro, which is nicer than the typical hard plastic snap adjuster which leaves a row of dots across the foreheads of people who turn their hats backwards in a desperate desire to get carded.

Nov 7, 2003 at 10:36 AM by James Hames in Film | Permalink | Comments (0)

Necro fancy

The busy people in PR at Fox swag for "Tru Calling". The show -- a bioengineered mutant blend of "Groundhog Day" and "The Sixth Sense" set in a morgue -- stars a babe with something extra upon whom lives depend.

Eliza Dushku is said babe and for her benefit comes to us swag of a shiny, steely-looking box meant to convey a morgue's drawers containing cadavers, though this one contains a T-shirt, a toe tag slipped into a heavy black plastic bag, and a boudoir pic of the show's lead photographed from above to look as if she's sliding out of the cadaver storage drawer. These folks likely have all the (not safe for work) fotos they need of Dushku sliding out of drawers.

Show has a blog -- ostensibly -- from the set; co-star Zach Galifianakis is a noted local standup.

"City Morgue" T-shirt is well made and suitably goth. But trugothness comes in the L. A. City Coroner chalk line product line and its body bag garment bag -- clever, no matter how anachronistic: "But Carrier admits it has been decades since a coroner's employee actually drew a chalk outline."

Keen quality: B+; We found office chatter about details and spectacle of this swag noteworthy, even if the necrophilic implications of the photo are are creepy.

Utility: B-; A shirt, OK fine, but the box -- with handle hardware on the side (otherwise it looks like a mockup of a filing cabinet) -- makes it awkward in use. Wouldn't stop us though.

Nov 6, 2003 at 03:08 PM by James Hames in Television | Permalink | Comments (0)