Dapper Clapper

Not only does MGM/UA swag its spring slate but their exec contacts too, tucking tabbed index cards with brief film descriptions along with other cards having various studio suits' phone numbers into a heavyweight cardboard holder fashioned to represent one of those whatchamacallits, a clapper, a slate, a clapper board, a slate board clapper, everything but a clapper slate board. Bored? Can't figure it out? Piece of cake.

Useability: B; Imagine if everyone in town sent their contact numbers around this way. Clever enough as far as it goes, but it won't replace anyone's Rolodex, not since these are doing such a good job of that already.

Jan 29, 2004 at 12:31 PM by James Hames in Film | Permalink | Comments (0)

No One Expects the Spanish Inn Query Shunned

Fox Searchlight provides "L'auberge Espagnol (The Spanish Apartment)," as one of the many films (1, 2, 3, 4) that make you want to go to stay in Barcelona, not the least of which being "Barcelona"). In this instance, it's an ensemble who have come to stay in Barcelona (red button for English), exporting from either Paris, Rome, London or Berlin and helping the marketing of the film to regionally resonate, internationally.

Here's the trailer... via Australia... with enough cityscapes to intensify your desire to go stay in Barcelona. To help you getting there, swagged is a passport cover with movie advert's type package slavishly reproduced, stamped into the surface. To hinder you getting there, a French phrase describing Spanish lodgings (literally: "The Spanish Inn") will only bring questions in two languages that likely won't get answered by a mono-lingual American who is being asked their travel plans, and Custom Agents are not accustomed to having their questons shunned.

Movie packaged for Cannes '02 and domestically as "Euro Pudding," perhaps a reference to the French title also being idiomatic for "for a place where cultures are mixed together like a stew" and "Euro Stew" sounding more like an international currency report.

Thematicalistically atuned to project: A; Obviously.

Terroristical image that you'll project: F; No kidding, but what says "Please body cavity search me!" at a border crossing better than your passport esconced in a cover referencing a internationalistic French border cross-culturally esconced in Spain ... this being the time of escorted airliners and Orange Alerts.

Speaking of which: Those colored alert designations haven't really caught on, we feel. Colors only vaguely speak to levels of awareness and security ... wherein they're more like a reignbow and less like a traffic light, sorta non-specific: what's orange/yellow to us might be yellow/orange to you. And if we aren't all sharing the same level of anxiety, well ... the terrorists win. So Mr. Ridge sir, if you're reading this (and we know that you are), we offer these regionally resonating suggestion for terror level titles: Chillaxing, Puckery, Harsh, Mezzed and Un-frikking-real. Be prepared.

Jan 26, 2004 at 06:35 PM by James Hames in Film | Permalink | Comments (0)

Little Ditty About Jack & Diane, ...

... Two American kids, playing in the Hamptons. Entitled "Something's Gotta Give" (in which there is an unseemly allusion to a collision of seams and middle-age spread), we think we're entitled to note the irony in this swag from a movie about AARP-aged movie stars Nicholson and Keaton falling in love. The studio learns movie-goers are happy to see all women naked -- so, logically -- Sony swags clothing.

No school marmy rap across the knuckles from us for "gotta," because bad grammar do marketing good since Winston's less than Churchillian ad campaign.

Is this another movie (alluded to here) with a title taken from a song that doesn't appear in the film?

Uniqueableness: C+; A baseball T-shirt is a pleasant, if slight, verge from the norm.

Qualitativity: B+; Yeah, they're above average.

Communitably-minded: A+; We can put a robot on Mars, but technology does not yet provide the means to have a "no sweat shop" label mean you won't sweat while shopping. It does show that while studios have huge piles of cash to make movies, someone working there knows folks who make their swag will need a small pile of cash of their own to go out to see the movie. Win-Win. About some other brands? Just ask this guy (surprisingly NSFW); no smarmy rap for him either.

Jan 23, 2004 at 08:03 PM by James Hames in Film | Permalink | Comments (0)

Memphis Rings Own Bell

We come neither to support nor refute the claim by Memphis, Tennessee, to be "Home of the Blues" and "Birthplace of Rock n Roll." It presents its case with a swagged guitar case, trumpeting and drumming home the city's creds with two guitar picks, a button plugging Elvis' 2nd singles compilation CD, a CD of Memphis' best and Memphis' best barbecue sauce. A case could be made that the cultural phenomenon that came to be called rock 'n' roll was born when a particular guy first recorded his particular flavor of a particular songstyle. Thusly, the spot it was recorded in would be the birthplace. Had Sam Phillips been interested in setting Sun in Memphis, not Memphis, that might be rock's creche and The King would be The Pharoah, a fusion concieved of before. Musical influences and sources abound, but considering the U.S.'s top contributions to the icon pantheon -- cowboys and Elvis (smerged here) -- we can grant here their property rights in annexing the title "Birthplace." Possible city motto remaining for claiming: "Wet Nurse to Pop," although that sounds more like a reference on a different blog.

Opening 2004 as rock's 50th year, city wants vistors to blow out candles from the cake and consider all things Elvis Graceland and a docu due. Many herald their Elvis links, even Tupelo honey, deifying and reifying the much-abused icon's puzzling status, often trivialized and toyed with.

What makes him such an American icon? Dysfunctions ...

"I believe that Elvis Presley, the individual and the symbol, will be inseparable from American cultural history so long as we have the courage to tell the truth about ourselves and the age in which we live."

... And an influence too frightening to consider begun just 50 years ago.

Memphis is also closing their Year of The Blues and claims blues' homestead. They don't mean these folks, nor a home for aging blues musicians or these folks, not the album from Nashville, the radio show from Oklahoma or the song from the deep dark abyss. They mean Beale Street where WC Handy brought it up from the Delta. They could claim the title of Castle of the Blues, since this local DJ made good with a new career. His guitar, sorta famous, was born in Memphis too.

Clarions for Memphis' PR push: Elvis sideman Scotty Moore, Isaac Hayes, BB King and ex-'Nsyncer Justin Timberlake, on board to plug Detroit musical legacy with show filmed in Los Angeles. It may seem weird to mention Justin Timberlake alongside WC Handy, but we can't blame the municipality for that. A bigger dichotomy confronts Seattle, which can claim in it's heritage Nirvana and Muzak, Jimi Hendrix and Bing Crosby. Don't forget Mia Zapata and Quincy Jones too.

Even more dubious self-applied proprietary distinctions: C; The burg also makes the assertion of being the resting place for the MGM Lion they say is named Volney, and a lion named Tarzana from a Johnny Weismuller "Tarzan" picture. Other sources differ: Trained by Volney Phifer, this MGM lion rests here in New Jersey, is named Leo, maybe there's another lion but none reportedly named Volney.

Barbecuity: B+; For those who note there's a connection between a intense musical tradition and meat -- Kansas City and Austin, each have a rich music (K.C., A.) & barbecue (K.C., A.) history. And they smerge in Nashville, too.

Jan 22, 2004 at 02:06 PM by James Hames in Destinations | Permalink | Comments (0)

Drum Fu

Fox Home Entertainment, drumming up the DVD release of martial arts hits (1, 2, 3, 4, 5), swags a peddler drum noisemaker of plastic and drum skin with a hand-snipped card attached by fugitive glue. Info quotes Confucious (perhaps meaning Confucius or perhaps making sure the man who said "The essence of knowledge is, having it, to apply it, not having it, to confess your ignorance" didn't get mistaken credit) saying "Little drum makes little noise; but little movies make action superstars." We feel humbly enriched for helping make that distinction clear.

Regifting with malice: A; Who needs martial arts to take out an enemy? You can quickly get him to dispatch himself. Give this to his 5-year-old.

Jan 19, 2004 at 06:28 PM by James Hames in Film | Permalink | Comments (0)

Undoubtedly the Prototype Program was Called a Pilot

How confident is Southwest Airlines about their customer base? Plenty. They know the risk of placing a camera to document patrons' encounters with their customer service reps; will it capture those who are swearing and swearing off the carrier? Regardless, the company allows A&E aboard to air their dirty laundry on "Airline."

Swagged is a jet-shaped key fob, a logo-embedded luggage tag and an inflatable airplane. All flew coach to Variety in a box evoking an airline meal container.

Although a staple in the diet of standup comics and their jokes (some by airline personel, and here's more), airline food appears in just a handful of film examples posted here. We are gratified to see the crew eats no better than the passengers.

Jet blew: C; Do not attempting to inflate da plane da plane as a flotation device in the event of a water "landing".

Now arriving: After "Airplane," "Airport," and "Music for Airports," "Airport Shuttle, The Opera" seems inevitable.

Jan 15, 2004 at 09:07 AM by James Hames in Television | Permalink | Comments (0)

Chocolate, In Lieu of Manna

It was a miracle that even the wrapper remained after swagged chocolate descended here in swagland on the occasion of the Crenshaw Christian Center's 30th anniversary, plugging their Ever-Increasing Faith Ministeries. Being a New World creation, chocolate doesn't figure much in liturgy. But considering the tastiness of some comestibles handed out by clergy, a candy bar suits us fine ... and it's manna-sweet. Biblical account of manna -- bread of the heavens, food of the desert -- gets a second look: "the sudden discovery of a source of pure and attractive sweetness would have been an exciting event," since being lost in the desert bugged them.

Jan 14, 2004 at 11:03 AM by James Hames in Destinations | Permalink | Comments (0)

Polly Want Hot Pepper Sauce?

Universal's "Along Came Polly" revisits the tale of a stuffed shirt unraveled by a stitch (others that have come along: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6). Ben Stiller has the Cary Bogart part, Jennifer Aniston is Carmen Hepburn and the leopard is played by a ferret. Thus, we think the asp is played by Tabasco Sauce, swagged here and paired with Pepto Bismol, each relabeled to embody the character it represents -- even if the metaphor frays: "Fear of commitment. Resistant to change. Chronic sufferer of gastro-instestinal distress"; and makes promises like a politician in an early primary state: "Soothing relief for five symptoms: Spicy foods; upset stomach, heartbreak, paranoia and reckless love." Women/food metaphors are easier to sustain perhaps: "Hot & spicy. Bold & adventurous. Not intended for sensitive stomachs."

Made by the McIlhenny Co., Tabasco's ability to cure (as in vulcanize) can be had by the sip, swallow or submersion. The company's neighborhood also needs a cure (as in medicative), losing as much as 35 sq. miles annually.

Conveniality: B; Though hardly universal, hot pepper sauce -- to those that use that sort of stuff -- is the sort of stuff they use & as for the bubble gummy, wintergreeny bismuth subsalicylate ... well, got stress?

Jan 13, 2004 at 01:33 PM by James Hames in Film | Permalink | Comments (0)

Pass Up Chocolate? Neigh

Universal trots out the "Seabiscuit" DVD with chocolate cookie swag, pulling with the force of a horse of course. Yoking their product to the product of Harbor Sweets, whose Sea Biscuits product is a biscuit dolloped with peanut butter and covered with -- despite the "Dark Horse Chocolates" label -- milk chocolate, cast into a mold relief of a racehorse. Swag arrives in a stable straw-evoking excelsior-filled tin, labelled with a representation of the Daily Racing Form, a publication that needs a how-to.

Want this "Chocolate Horse"...? Check with this bookie. A
Chocolate Horse of a different color, of course. But a horse of chocolate, no one can eat just one.

With so many other equiny confections, why go to Massachusetts for this particular cookie? We guess it's because of the label's boast: "Sea Biscuits are made from the finest ingredients, regardless of cost." The producers likely identified with that.

Branding Bloviation Boffocity: B; Low-key movie logotype, almost incidental to swag, betting baker's branding bears that burden.

After It's Put Out to Pasture: C; A tin is a tin. Sticker's stuck.

Jan 7, 2004 at 05:01 PM by James Hames in Film | Permalink | Comments (3)

Homemakers

"A good home must be made, not bought," (writes Joyce Maynard in "Domestic Affairs"). The 16 contestants on "House of Dreams" hope to make a good home for one of them, pitching in before they're pitched out. All are part of an ever-diminishing construction crew building the eventual winner's building, before they're scrapped, "Survivor"-like, by group vote. A&E smerges together a bunch of hand-picked average Joes (not "Average Joes"), brings them to the not-so-average town of Harmony, Fla., and brings them host George Wendt, who played the average Norm on "Cheers" and who'd likely miss these average norms (PDF file, 4th page).

Implication is of lumbering, wired studs getting into jambs, lots of off-camera nailing and venting ... pairs cementing and building foundations and facing issues of creating walls, insulation, not to mention the possibility of attacks by mortar. Floored? We're guessing they all work on the house too.

Swagged is a mailbox, of PVC and less than regulation-size at 9" long; and a heavy keyholder cast in soft alloy smerging with series' goal of winning a new mailing address and keys to the home they all helped build. Key is key to game's inserted randomness -- players draw keys to select the vulnerable castmembers, somewhat mitigating the inherent advantage of the physically gifted, interpersonally engaged, and those burdened with the woefullest yarn of tragedy and need yet blessed with the least sense of entitlement.

Title Meant: We are presuming they're pursuing the American Dream of "Homeownership for Less Than Full Price." This is only half true, the experience likely a nightmare for most contestants. Most likely the program is home to their American Dream of "Being on TV."

Afterthought: A group of people compete for prizes on television ... if they bring the public in for taping, it's a game show; if they bring the taping out in public, it's a reality show.

Jan 5, 2004 at 05:00 PM by James Hames in Television | Permalink | Comments (0)