Rye Comments
It's a good thing people stuck in cubicles don't need to be, like, self-sustaining and all Biosphere-like. Yet to test the viability of such a "keep them at their desks with our heels at their necks" plan, the Vast Management Overlord Conspiracy (the VMOC, you heard it here first) under the guise of swag from Fox, seeds the workplaces of America with kits of perennial rye grass -- that Pleg calls office dirt, dig?
Why rye?
Although its soil sustaining and eroding qualities aren't likely needed on desktops, it's common for food & feed.
Nutritious cereal grains grow from true grasses which are distinguished by the vascular system of the stock. Rye itself is hearty stock, ergo: "Fewer diseases attack rye than other cereals. Ergot is the most serious disease." Heartiness is also proven by how easily the non-native naturalizes, enough to be pictured here.
But if the VMOC wants gardeners, why hire common cubicle clones (not Clone Cubicles).
The VMOC may not have built in clones' foliage foilage capacity < sotto voce >(Neither do the Overlords know how long one can take to do a job) < /sotto voce >.
Aluminum pot has a how-to, as others do too:
Place pellet inside pot. Fill pot halfway with warm water. (Since the metal pot can't be microwaved, figuring water into a mug into a microwave for 30 seconds to return to the desk, 5 minutes maybe more.) Wait 5 minutes for pellet to absorb water. (Figure 15 minutes, easy.) Using a pencil or pen, break up the top soil from the expanded pellet. (Wandering to another cublicle or two, idle co-worker chitchat, surreptitious lifting of most-convenient pen or pencil, 15 minutes -- maybe double if co-workers know you're the sort who does that.) Place seeds 1/4" deep in soil. (Covering distance to office supply storage, lingering over multi-colored paper clips and opportunistic hunting of difficult-to-find soft erasers but not finding anything to measure 1/4"... finding and asking someone older how to figure out how big a quarter-inch is, "Find something you know the length of and divide it or multiply it til you reach a quarter-inch." "Huh?" "How tall is your business card?" "2 inches, just like every other." "Right. Fold that in half, then again and again and again. That'd be a quarter-inch right?" "Ohyesofcourserightsure hmmmmmmmcouldn'thavebeenthateasy." (Figure 30 minutes, triple if you try.) Keep soil moist (10 to 20 minutes daily, double every other or third day when it really needs water.) and place in sunlight. (Ha!) Seeds will sprout in 7 to 14 days. (36+ by the time we're done thankyouverymuch with added plea how "Silent Running" shows biospheric domes maintained by robots implies that it can take an eternity, and they don't take 1-hour-and-45-minute washroom breaks.)
Lawn & liquor too: With a promise of tee shots and whiskey shots, the VMOC green thumbs its nose at cubicle clones, drafted with a cubicle-sized still and combined with a cubicle-sized combine to bring in the harvest. Also needed: a cubicle-sized yolk to turn the millstone ... which gets bread, but not roses.
Context For When You Read This Later: The grocery workers voted yesterday to end the months-long strike.
Mar 1, 2004 at 09:33 PM by James Hames in Television, Video and DVD | Permalink
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