Outside the Box

Swag lag

Outside the Box is currently on hiatus.

Popping for Corn

Wabash Valley Farms tells us they grow corn, so they sell popcorn. They also grow soybeans, so they sell soy candles and oils.

Because they sell popping corn, they sell popcorn poppers. Because their popcorn popper can be used as a coffee roaster, they also sell coffee rosters but they don't say that their coffee roster can be used to pop popcorn. If they grew coffee, they wouldn't package others', but if you're buying coffee ... go to people who know, as Seattle residents (Seattlites? Seattleans?, Seatapolitans?) make note -- note where Starbucks, Peet's, Seattle's Best show up. Tops is Vivace, who offer a Roast Your Own bean. How serious about coffee are they? Picture this, for example (which, curiously, look kinda like analog versions of this MIT weird fields contest with a how-to). Home roasting is a phenomenon among the caffeinated. More folks being serious too, but not too serious; and who to scapegoat for all this but escapading goats. No such historical genesis anecdote accompanies popping corn.

If there were, we're sure it wouldn't involve anything as spiffy as this swagged popper and popping corn and a bottle of champagne which combine to create a deluxe, sorta, TV-watching party kit. If the soy/corn farmers grew grapes they wouldn't farm out the bubbly to Iron Horse Vineyards whose swagged Brut is labelled as a classic blend (help here) of 65% Chardonnay and 35% Pinot Noir from Sebastapol.

Site plugs family vitner's books for gourmands and oenophiles. Joy Sterling's '94 book was "account of the wine-growing year" ... ; the '96 book "year in the life of" ... ; and 98's book is called "Vineyard: A Year in the Life of California Wine Country;" and '99's book is "guide on the best wines to drink in 2000" ... . It's a wonder she doesn't produce a book per vintage.

It's vintage technology of a hand-cranked popcorn popper that evokes a by-gone age when Orville Redenbacher was a pup (not ID'd there as Sam Henry), in a world before air poppers -- which this guy uses for roasting coffee, BTW -- gave way to microwaves having popcorn settings (which was part of the ovens' development, last item). Wabash Valley Farms sounds homey, homier than Felknor International (search here) -- as NAFTA registered (search PDF) and trademark registered (last line) rules dictate -- who is proudly ID'd as the manufacturer here and here and their popper is the standard which even other popcorn sellers use.

Wabash nee Felknor says on their site: "We finally discovered a popper that offered the features and benefits of commercial poppers and liked it so much we bought the company" yet says on their Real Theater Popcorn package they're "the inventor" and the package contains "Secret Ingredients Used By Movie Theaters!" which can only be among the following:

Popcorn, may contain one or more of the following oils (coconut, sunflower, vegetable, corn), salt, beta carotene, natural and artificial butter flavor.

Swagged recipe book says key to great popcorn is "High heat and a way to move the corn while it pops. It takes a temperature of 465 degrees."

Variable Assertion Analysis: B-; We don't know if Felknor bought Wabash or Whirley Pop or the other way around to make a popper that's vital to making quality popcorn ... or it's the secret ingredients ... which are added to their particular corn they grow that makes it special. We suspect it may be the wine.

Mar 19, 2004 at 06:39 PM by James Hames in Miscellaneous | Permalink | Comments (0)

Lights, Camera, Cookies

Yummyphoto.com swags a shortbread cookie, tubthumping their promotional products and touting a cookie printed with a pic, any pic. Pick one: National Geographic, Corbis (who swagged), links to photogs, Hulton Archive via Getty Images, Photography Museum.

Cookies and commerce met again with TVBuzz.com swagging from fortunecookieadvertising.com, who suggest 96% of people read their cookie's fortune, 67% read outloud. No stats on how many add the phrase "In Bed" afterward ... as in said swag's saw, which said: "He who loves you will follow you" ...in bed. Although the addendum isn't always as apt as some would suggest. For example, adding "in bed" to a recently received fortune seems to veer from desired intent: "It's better to have a quick mind than tongue."

Look Back: FuseTV's Bazooka bubble gum swag (recently followed by mini-Oreos) supplies fortunes also; specifically: "You will be a fine swimmer and may make the Olympic team" and "Expect unexpected visitors" which we expect will neither alter our definition of "unexpected" nor put us on the Olympic team ... in bed.

Mar 2, 2004 at 09:30 PM by James Hames in Miscellaneous | Permalink | Comments (0)

Qlus Encounters of 3 Kinds

Qlu (sounds like "clue") alien plush dolls land (seemingly in Poland, note the location, search here for Qlu) from Qluto, without evidence of proper documentation yet heartened by amnesty news; regardless, they are currently choosing representation. Hearing there was a war on, they followed the grand tradition of other entertainers in wartime and using their worldly experiences, have been recruited to help the U.S. Marines. You'll note there is no joke here about the Marines needing a Qlu. But they know people who do.

Dolls have that now-iconographic (stylized here) alien tribal thing goin' on, plus names and mini-bios. And though there's more than three characters, they reduce to red, yellow and white. They squat, cutely buddhaesquely, with a bean-bag gravity in a misshapen M&M sorta way. Plush toys, not to mention plushie toys (not safe for work), have collectors.

Utilizery: B; Just 6" tall, they seem to have the power to choke those under 3 and, regardless of age, those with pica.

Dec 18, 2003 at 12:58 PM by James Hames in Miscellaneous | Permalink | Comments (1)