Season Pass

'The Office': Proposals and Disposals

Is there anything in television quite so bittersweet as a richly executed season finale?  The satisfying pleasure ... the aching for more ... it's just too much!

Once again, "The Office" has left us pining for the next season just as the last one has wrapped.  And while Thursday's finale didn't cause the romantic gasp of Jim and Pam's first kiss to conclude season two, or his asking her out for their first date at the end of season three, the episode was special in its own way.

Let's see how "The Office" left each character before heading into summer vacation ...

Michael (Steve Carell): Recovering from one of his nastiest days (in the previous week's "Job Fair" episode), Michael remerged Thursday at his most sympathetic. As was the case at the end of season two, when Jan and Carol both showed up to "Casino Night," Michael has two women in his life again — and once again, everyone but him seems to know that he's favoring the wrong one. 

While the time was right for Jan two years ago, it's clearly wrong for him now, with the revelation that Jan surreptitiously and successfully became pregnant via anonymous sperm donor while she was dating (and not telling) Michael.  This news hurt Michael, who as happens from time to time showed the kind of charming vulnerability that actual human beings are known to have.  Having extricated himself from his relationship with Jan following the "Dinner Party" gone wrong, Jan's betrayal should have only validated his choice to move on, right? Especially considering how much the new girl in town, incoming HR rep Holly Flax (Amy Ryan), has piqued his interest.

Well, timing sure is everything, isn't it?  Heck, as we realized that Holly had much of Michael's goofy sensibility (she speaks Yodaese and makes inappropriate sexual remarks) and that she was interested in him too, it was hard as a viewer to resist the urge to see them in each other's arms right away.  But Michael picked this day of all days to finally digest Jim's advice to play it cool when it comes to women, and not declare love 15 minutes after meeting them. So he didn't make a serious move on Holly before the Jan news, and then was too distracted after the Jan news to pick up on Holly's flirtations. In the end, Michael was lamentably dialing Jan's number and getting ready to join her in that thing she'd have to explain to him: "lamaze." And convincing himself, through his desire to have children, that this was a good thing.

As for work matters, Michael's hatred for Toby has always been, shall we say, profound. But he certainly got his comeuppance this week when Pam manipulated him into giving Toby his watch. And the sight of him having to couch his intended-to-be-bitter questions at the exit interview was one of the many big laughs of the episode. "Who do you think you are? What gives you the right?"   

Jan (Melora Hardin): No surprise that Michael's former paramour resurfaced for the finale, but I have to admit being caught completely off guard by her pregnancy. (On "Scrubs," this would have been par for the course, of course.) Jan looked clean and sober and even sympathetic in her own way as she tried to explain herself at the market to Michael, but it was impossible not to go back and realize that when she was drinking herself mad during "Dinner Party," she had to know she was at least possibly pregnant, if not definitely. That ain't cool.

Not to get melodramatic, but good luck to that son of a candle-making alcoholic. I always wish Jan the best, but I'll continue to wonder, as I've long wondered, if she's ever going to get the help she needs. No character on the show is in more need of healing.

Toby (Paul Lieberstein): You can't help but love Toby, although you might love him a little less ever since he really started to lose his grip on his infatuation with Pam. It was interesting that without explanation, Pam seems to have forgiven (or forgotten?) Toby's inappropriate hand on her knee, and to the camera even admitted thinking he was cute. So instead of seeing Toby trying to win back Pam's friendship as he readied himself to leave Dunder-Mifflin forever, he was focused on trying to get a photo with her that will no doubt become well-perused in years to come.

I can't say I expected Toby to follow through on his off-voiced Costa Rica plans, and so even as he has punched his ticket, forgive me for thinking that he will return. I did also wonder whether he would even want Michael's watch, but then decided that he would take it as a trophy.  For Toby, it's all about the small victories.

Kevin (Brian Baumgartner): In a series overflowing with them, I'm not sure there has ever been a funnier "Office" subplot than Holly being convinced by Dwight that Kevin was mentally challenged. How perfect was that?  Kevin didn't have to change anything about his manner or behavior to unwittingly abet the ruse. Simply hysterical.

Anyway, Kevin (who, don't forget, is nursing the wounds of his own recent breakup) took Holly's sympathy for him as raw sexual chemistry. Who knows how their dessert played out — on first thought, it seems impossible that Holly would end up in Kevin's arms, but since Holly has more than a little bit of Michael in her, isn't anything possible?

Ryan (B.J. Novak): Did you think it would be the drugs that would bring Ryan down? I did, but then we got a hint that more trouble was brewing for him on another front when he impatiently told Jim to double-book his recent big closing.

Quite the fall for the self-proclaimed wunderkind, though it did inspire another great line of the night, Oscar's "The real crime, I think, was the beard."

Will the "Office" spinoff take place in a jail cell ... ?

Andy (Ed Helms): Barely seen for the first 50-odd minutes Thursday night, Andy still ended up making a huge impact, derailing Jim's proposal plans with a "Will you marry me" of his own to Angela.  The outright theft of Jim's moment was softened somewhat by the appearance of Andy's parents, showing that Andy had some romance aforethought of his own (not to mention the fact that he's had a ring in his wallet for six years).

Indeed, give credit to Andy.  He won Angela more or less the way he usually wins over people — to quote him from season three, "name repetition, personality mirroring and never breaking off a handshake." In other words, he wins over people kind of the way that Dwight gets people like Andy to sell him cars.

And the twists keep coming …

Angela (Angela Kinsey): Hey, she's a passionate lady.  Passionate about cats, passionate about impassionate parties, passionate about not having to repeat her agreement to marry someone ("I said okay.") and ultimately, passionate about Dwight.  Her epilogue tryst with her former lover was absolutely earned (and kudos, by the way, to Kinsey for looking so sexy in that moment, especially considering that she was about 13 months pregnant at the time). Hope Andy takes the news of his significant other stepping out better than former Scranton branch colleague Karen Filippelli did.

Dwight (Rainn Wilson): I believe everyone, or at least beet farmers, should be forgiven one cat homicide. And since Dwight engineered the Holly-Kevin story — in addition to being a great foil for Jim's cold opening prank — he had all my support in the world Thursday. Let's hope he hangs onto Angela this time around.

Meredith (Kate Flannery): Meredith had a great Meredith moment when she told the camera how much she hated Holly, right after Holly was so nice to her.  But the best of Meredith ended up on the chopping block.  Here's a deleted scene:

Every scenario under the sun has been dreamed up for the "Office" spinoff — including of course, the distinct possibility that it won't really be a spinoff, but will be set up with entirely new characters — but there are worse ideas than giving people like Flannery more screen time.

Phyllis (Phyllis Smith): Rather gracefully handling the reality that there is no such thing outside a Wonka movie as an anti-gravity machine, Phyllis put together a heck of a party. (Bonus points for taking it all on herself and not making her first call to hubby Bob Vance, a member of the Five Families of the Scranton Business Park after all.) Phyllis has come a long way since failing to lure Sue Grafton to Michael Scott’s Dunder Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Pro-Am Fun Run Race for the Cure. A battle with Angela for party committee leadership seems destined for season five.

Oscar (Oscar Nunez), Stanley (Leslie David Baker), Creed (Creed Batton), Darryl (Craig Robinson), Kelly (Mindy Kaling): Mostly background in the finale, though it's nice to know that Creed can almost remember what his job is, and Darryl can play the music to "Goodbye, Stranger" without preparation.  And Kelly will have a nice visit to see Ryan in prison, won't she ...

Jim (John Krasinski): His aborted proposal should just be a hiccup.  Although the case was made that Dunder-Mifflin was the appropriate place to pop the question, and Jim certainly kept up his going-the-extra-mile-to-make-it-special part of the bargain, and it was just crushing to see Andy grab Jim's moment, if he can regroup, we can too. And he can regroup.

Prior to those scenes, it was a little scary to see Jim start to lose it with Ryan (on voicemail) before Ryan's arrest, but the law has cleared away Jim's biggest work concern. Here's the question: Does Jim again become a candidate to replace Ryan in Jan's old job? Company topper David Wallace has always liked Jim, and unless David wants to go with a wizened hand, Jim seems a logical choice.

That job's in New York.  Pam's going to school for the summer in New York. Hmm.

Pam (Jenna Fischer): However disappointed she was at not getting engaged that particular night, Pam should recover.  I can understand her emotions, but turning Jim's non-proposal into a bigger deal wouldn't make sense.  Their love is too sincere, too true. 

In fact, it also wouldn't make sense that Jim would wait much longer to get that ring on Pam's finger. Could it happen over the summer, to be shown to us in flashback?

Regarding the latest in Pam's design drama: Last week on OfficeTally, "Office" writer Lee Eisenberg answered a question about Pam's artistic abilities. "Personally," he said, "I think Pam has some talent that hasn't been totally tapped. I think she can draw buildings really well.  And probably bowls of fruit." In other words, we still don't really know how far Pam can take her artistic career, but she should at least be able to have one.

I truly think Jim and Pam will, at however slow a pace, continue to have their cake and eat it too.  I think "The Office" is one of the rare shows to know how to deal with a relationship in ways other than breaking it up. The show remains a treasure, and season five can't come soon enough.

— Jon Weisman

(The title of this post is an homage to episode director Paul Feig — astute TV viewers should know why.)

'America's Next Top Model': Plus size prevails

I have been saying for several weeks that the producers were hell-bent on having a plus-size winner this cycle. (Just ask my friend Lori. I said those exact words to her last week.)

Well, they went and got themselves one, as Whitney beat out natural beauty Fatima and high-fashion prodigy Anya for the title.

If only I had devised a drinking game wherein I took a shot every time either Whitney or Tyra uttered the phrase "Plus Size" it would have been a much easier season to endure.

There's just not a whole lot to say here. After an utterly disastrous Cover Girl shoot in which Whitney was the only one who managed to do an entire take without blowing it, Fatima is sent home. She really was the only one with a model's look. But, as Paulina says, imperfections are what sets a girl apart. Hard to believe that coming from perfect Paulina.

So Anya and Whitney move on to the Versace runway show and they were both, you know, OK, but not spectacular. (I think that could be the tagline to this entire Cycle 10.) They each struggle with their problematic second gowns - Anya barely able to walk due to the narrowness of of the bottom of her dress and Whitney nearly faceplanting several times after repeatedly catching her heel in the flowy train.

At panel, none of the judges is overly effusive about either girl but they ultimately decide that Whitney is the lesser of two evils. And being normal sized sends a message to America… or something like that.

And after weeks and weeks of enduring whining and moaning about how difficult life is for Whitney being "plus-size" Tyra finally tells us that the proper term is "full figured model." You couldn't have told Whitney, and us, that weeks ago - just to break up the monotony? Thanks.

And, just to tide you over til next cycle, Tyra does that "smiling with her eyes" demonstration again. Woo!

Congratulations Whitney. May a Lane Bryant contract be in your futures. Except for the fact that she's like a size 8. Still smaller than 90% of the women in this country.

— Kathy Lyford

‘American Idol’: We predict the new Idol will be named David

Erin: Yep, folks. It’s David vs. David for the final two. The rocker vs. the kiddie crooner. Two men enter, one man leaves! Welcome to the Thunderdome!
Kathy: This has been a foregone conclusion since early in the round of 24 when Little David sang “Imagine” and rocker Dave sang that Lionel Richie song. The biggest drama of the entire season was Michael Johns going home a week or two too early. No wonder the ratings are down.

Erin: Sorry if my enthusiasm seems a little forced, but I am so totally reeling from the finale of “America’s Next Top Model.” That was awesome. Not that “Idol” doesn’t have its strong points, but the David vs. David vs. Syesha face-off just isn’t as nail-biting as the Fatima vs. Anya vs. Whitney thing going on at the CW.
Kathy: More on that later. Man I'm exhausted.

Erin: So, during the Top Three results show, we had a blessed visit from Fantasia doing her best Grace Jones impression, which is totally fine by me. I love Grace, so anything the remotely reminds me of her is cool in my book. I wonder what Mister would say about the hair though?
Kathy: Did you see Simon’s face!? He looked perplexed… and a little scared. I was a little scared too. Mostly by her outfit.

Erin: We also took a look at the Top Three as they visit their hometowns like conquering heroes, where they were welcomed back with open arms. Each of the Idols got a day dedicated to them, which apparently fairly common for small towns once you gain fame on a reality show.

Do the fine citizens of Grand Prairie, TX, still celebrate Nikki McKibbin Day with family picnics and repeated blarings of “Total Eclipse of the Heart”?

David A. got to go back to Utah, which confirms my cousin’s theory about young Davey escaping a polygamist cult in the recent past. The lad was mobbed by thousands upon thousands of blond cheerleaders, all of whom have cell phones and are way more obsessive about calling “Idol” with their votes than either you or I.
Kathy: Is it just me or does the mayor of David’s fair town look like Yosemite Sam?

Cue tears.

Erin: Syesha also headed home to Florida. I would have actually fast forwarded through this part, but I used up my TiVo buffer on Ryan’s banter, so I watched her visit the Sunshine State and its local Fox affiliates.
Kathy: Loved they way her dad basically told her that her newfound fame was the only thing keeping him away from the bottle and the crack pipe. Way to put pressure on the girl, daddy.

Cue tears.

Erin: David C. brings his cute emo geek brother on stage to recount the fact that he wasn’t even going to audition, but got suckered into it by Fox interns. Man, that’s gotta sting, bro. Seriously. When Mr. Cook his travels through Missouri,  during the concert you can see his brother mouthing the words to the song, secretly wishing his sibling ill will. I know, I know, he’s sick and his brother supports him, but you can’t believe for a second that there isn’t a dark spot in his heart. Kathy, what do you think?
Kathy: I think the brother is going to hold that over David’s head for the rest of his life. I know I would. Bro is going to sit and play videogames and live off the success of his more talented sibling. Hopefully, when that scene from Ford video becomes a reality, David will have a mansion with a driveway full of cars that are not Focuses and Explorers.

Erin: Anyway, on his travels, David C. Got to visit his old music teacher, throw out an opening pitch at a baseball game, walk in a parade, cure the blind and solve the global warming issue.
Kathy: Oh man, my dream of all dreams is to throw out the first pitch at a Major League Baseball game. Damn you, David, for stealing my dream. Of course, it was the Royals so — big whoop.
Also, I’ve met my fair share of celebrities and have never been reduced to tears in front of them. Why does this always happen? I was reduced to babbling incoherently in front of George Clooney once but I think that’s a common phenonmenon. Erin, can you explain all the girls in tears?
Erin: Kath, keep in mind that we live in a world where celebs are not confined to the screen. They live here, they play here, they hit your car at the Trader Joe's, they take the last cupcake at Sprinkles and they buy studded dog booties at the Grove. We are used to seeing them up and around, but in the fly-over states, they've probably glorified them to near deity status. For them, Cameron Diaz is a golden goddess. For us, she's the chick that took the last size-small pink cami at the Fred Segel sale.

Cue tears.

Erin: So, it’s the battle royale between the Davids next week. I can’t wait.
Kathy: Oh, neither can I!

— Erin Maxwell and Kathy Lyford

P.S.
Check Variety.com later today for big news on a previous “Idol” winner. We're such teases...

'American Idol': Long week made even longer

This week is a little something that we in entertainment journalism like to call “hell week.” The scheduling gods conspired to combine the busiest day of the TV upfronts, opening day of the Cannes fest and the Tony noms all on the same horrifying day. As a result, Erin is bowing out of today’s recap and getting some much needed sleep. I’m here, but I’m punchy, so bear with me.

The penultimate performance show of this godforsaken season of “American Idol” taught me three things:
1) Simon should pick songs for everyone every week
2) When insulted, Randy becomes pouty and takes out his anger on people half his size
3) Syesha’s only friends on this show work in the wardrobe department

The kids sing three songs each, one chosen by a judge, one they chose themselves and one chosen by the producers. And nearly all the choices are dismal.

The finals are pretty much a foregone conclusion as Paula told David A. he’s secured a spot in the finals; Simon tells David C. that he’ll “sail through to the finals” and the nicest thing Syesha hears all night is Randy saying “That’s why you’re standing here as #3.” Very nice.

And here we go…

Round 1 (Judge’s choice)

David A.
Song: Paula chose “And So It Goes” (Billy Joel)
Gack. Thanks a heap, Paula, for allowing Little David to say in his sickly sweet ballad box. He sang it well, I guess, but gawd what an awful song. I was bored out of my mind. The last thing I needed this week was a lullabye.

Syesha
Song: Randy chose “If I Ain’t Got You” (Alicia Keys)
Nice going, Randy. Way to set the girl up for failure. You can do nothing with this song to set yourself apart from Alica. No matter who tried to sing this, it would have sounded karaoke.
However, Syesha looked stunning in the first of three rather spectacular outfits. Like I said, at least the stylists love her.
Simon chided Randy for the song choice — wisely. The big guy didn’t take the criticism at all well and spent the rest of the show being pissy and giving the same criticism to every kid/song: “ That was just OK for me.” Very mature, Jackson.

David C.
Song: Simon chose “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face” (Roberta Flack)
Seemed an odd choice but it really did achieve what Simon set out to do: It allowed David to put an original spin on a familiar song. Paula liked it, Simon loved it (natch) and Randy only disliked it because he was still mad at Simon.

Round 1 goes to David C. with David A. dead last, in my opinion.

Round 2 (Contestant choice)

David A.
Song: “With You” (Chris Brown)
OK, this was hilarious. Hearing a tot from Utah sing “I need you, boo, Gotta see you, boo, Hey little mama” was like watching Baby Pearl swear on those Will Ferrell comedy shorts. It was just so wrong, and so, so funny. Thanks for making me laugh during this very bad week, David. I owe you one.
I applaud him for attempting to break out of the boring ballad mode but, Lord, was this a misguided choice. Too bad his dad couldn’t have helped him.

Syesha
Song: “Fever” (Peggy Lee)
Sy donned sexy ensemble #2 and turned up the heat. And I liked it a whole lot better than the judges did. They are just bound and determined not to like this poor girl. My wish for her is that she finds all the success of third place finisher Kimberley Locke and then comes back in a few seasons to perform and prove the judges wrong.

David C.
Song: “Dare You to Move” (Switchfoot) – with guitar
Daughtry-lite picks another mediocre song from some random band. David really needs some guidance. We all know by now that he’ll have a career after this. Let’s just hope a firm hand at the record label guides his choices. Still, he probably won this round too. The bar was set pretty low.

Round 2: David C., then Syesha with David boo bringing up the rear again.

Round 3 (Producer choice)

David A.
Song: “Longer” (Dan Fogelberg)
Ugh. Worst song ever. I couldn’t even listen to the whole thing without going into a diabetic coma. I really have had enough of this kid.

Syesha
Song: “Hit Me Up” (“Happy Feet” soundtrack)
Again, sang it well, but it just didn’t all quite come together.
It was “just OK” for Randy. OK, Jackson, we get it. You’re in a bad mood. Is it the ugly shirt they put you in? Are you jealous because the peeps who pick out the clothes like Syesha best? Get over it.
All three judges ding Syesha for her song choice. I’d like to point out the she didn’t choose it. Your lame producers did. Leave the girl alone already.

David C.
Song: “I Don’t Want to Miss A Thing” (written by Diane Warren, performed by many)
I’m getting the feeling here that the producers want David C. to win. Not only did they gave him the best of the three songs, but they put on a special light show for him. They even planted Diane Warren in the audience.
They’ve nearly anointed him the winner already. Can we just skip right to that and finish up this dreadful season already?

Round 3: David C., Boo, Syesha

If the world was a fair place, the final 2 would be David Cook and Syesha. But as “entertainment news hell week” proved to me and Erin the world is not fair. Not at all. So the final will be the battle of the Davids. Let’s just hope the right one wins.

— Kathy Lyford

"How I Met Your Mother": Enough with Britney

First off, I'm a huge champion of "How I Met Your Mother." The cast is terrific, the writing consistently funny and the direction by Pam Fryman is stellar. So speaking from a fan's perspective, last night's episode left me disappointed.

The first time Britney Spears appeared on the show a few weeks back, it was a great piece of stunt casting as showrunners Carter Bays and Craig Thomas integrated her character just enough so that we knew it was Britney but it didn't interfere with how smoothly the rest of the actors work together and it didn't take anything away from the storyline.

Not so much last night. It wasn't that Britney's character -- a young woman who has a crush on Ted but sleeps with Barney to get even -- was involved too much in the episode but, rather, Britney just plain can't act. Period. She looked stilted and foolish in scenes with TV pros such as Neil Patrick Harris and Josh Radnor.

Ratings for "Mother" shot up for Britney's first appearance, and for a show this good that has never received the high ratings it should — series just got the OK from CBS for another season, yeah! — any way to push the Nielsen meter is smart, but last night's episode felt to me as if it had crossed a line in pimping to get viewers.

From Britney's perspective, coming on as a guest star is a smart move. By working on "Mother's" tight sitcom schedule, it helps keep her life straight -- or straighter than usual -- and makes her seem a bit more like a "normal" person and not just tabloid fodder.

But her exposure and rehab felt like it came at the expense of "Mother." I'm hoping it doesn't happen again next season.

— Stuart Levine

'Survivor': Flirting her way to $1 million

At last, we come to the end of our "Survivor" voyage. I'd be feeling all nostalgic, except that I have THREE HOURS of 'Survivor' to recap for y'all. There is no time for nostalgia. There is only time for facts.

Fact: Erik, at the beginning of Thursday's episode, is torn between many women, as Natalie and Amanda are both trying to manipulate Erik into taking them with him on the reward challenge if he wins. Natalie asks him first, but Amanda makes the more convincing argument. Or looks cuter in a tube top. Flip a coin. And both were wise to make a play for Erik, as today's reward challenge is "Survivor" Trivia -- but trivia about actual past seasons of "Survivor."

It is the first challenge to really give an edge to the fanboys, and you know who is a superfanboy? Erik! So he wins easily, and per Amanda's suggestion sends Parvati to Exile Island before the two of them take off for a day at a spa/resort.

And at the next day's immunity challenge, he kicks some further ass by running around and solving puzzles. Erik, you would think, is playing an awesome game of "Survivor." But that means overlooking that he's got the social skills of... well, a 22-year-old dork surrounded by scantily clad women who all want something from him.

Erik's strategy of just saying anything to anyone is a poor one, and all the women agree that if he weren't immune that night, he'd be going home... And that's when Amanda and Cirie begin encouraging Natalie to, um, "convince" Erik that he should give his immunity to her, as part of a fake master plan to vote Amanda out. Natalie thinks this sounds stupid, but when Amanda points out that Ozzy and Jason were previously this stupid, Natalie agrees to give it a shot.

Erik at first is skeptical. But Cirie backs Natalie up by telling Erik that if he gives up his immunity, she'll believe that he's committing to voting out Amanda, and that he needs to do something nice to win favor with the jury.

At Tribal Council, the women basically remake all these points, and Erik cows to the pressure, handing over his necklace. When he does this, the members of the jury actually start laughing at him. Laughing loudly. Oh, poor dumb Erik. Poor dumb voted-out Erik.

James holds his hands up high, declaring that he is no longer "the world's dumbest 'Survivor'." I have no time to mourn my beloved Erik, though, because it's time for the final four! Okay.

But as we start this final two hours of TV, we're going to play a challenge of our own. It's called "how many minutes do we need to fast forward to reach any new or interesting content?" The answer is twelve minutes: first, a full season's worth of clip show, then, five minutes of the four ladies gloating over kicking Erik's scrawny ass to the curb, followed by credits, commercials, and yet more gloating. At minute 13 Parvati climbs up a tree to get some coconuts. RIVETING TELEVISION.

The girls are all bonding, and we learn about how Natalie needs to learn to ask for what she wants. Of course, what Natalie should ask for is immunity, because Amanda, Cirie, and Parvati's alliance has been pretty tight from the beginning. Unfortunately, while Natalie gets a good lead on the challenge -- a combination of obstacle course and ladder assembly -- Amanda ultimately triumphs.

Natalie's not going to lie down and take it, though. You can tell, because they start showing B-roll of snakes and lizards. Natalie starts leaning hard on Parvati, which reveals that Parvati's concerned about Cirie winning jury votes, while Cirie's concerned about Parvati and Amanda liking Natalie better. At Tribal, the Favorites sisterhood prevails, and Natalie, the last remaining member of the Fans, walks off with a resigned smile.

But afterward, Amanda and Cirie get into one of those big emotional girl fights that's all about feelings and misinterpretations. Like all emo-girl fights, it ends in hugs. But all of them are optimistic that this season will end in a Final Three, rather than a Final Two, which means all three of them will be eligible for the ultimate prize... Whoops! Nope.

The girls instead receive tree mail summoning them to their next immunity challenge -- this season, it's a Final Two. Which is really sad for them, apparently.

Before they get to that last immunity challenge, we have to do the "salute to those who got voted out" montage. With commercials, this amounts to fifteen minutes of airtime. Oh, reality TV. You'll never change.

The final immunity challenge involves balancing a marble on top of an increasingly unstable wooden cylinder for five-minute increments, and Amanda takes it after Cirie chokes in the last round. But now that she has to choose between Cirie and Parvati, she's heartbroken. Amanda never wanted to be in this position, you know. I know it's a bit hard to tell, since she worked so hard to win that last immunity challenge, but really, guys, she's just devastated by having to choose who will compete with her to win the million bucks. DEVASTATED, I tells ya.

Ultimately, she chooses to stick with her BFF Parvati, Cirie walks off into the night, and Amanda and Parvati have a day to tear down camp and plot for their opening statements at the final Tribal Council.

Really, as Amanda and Parvati make their opening statements, the wisdom of Amanda's choice seems somewhat clear. The same people hate Cirie and Amanda. Different people hate Amanda and Parvati. And Amanda is much nicer than Parvati. Well, superficially nice.

But the picture that develops during this last Tribal Council is that of Amanda the faker and Parvati the flirt. Apparently, Parvati was flirting with Natalie? Natalie's feeling jilted? What?

Meanwhile, Erik and Cirie seem pretty firmly not in Amanda's camp, but Ozzy is very much Team Amanda. You can tell. Because Ozzy literally says "I started to fall in love with you"...

Votes are cast, and Parvati and Amanda hug -- and then we're in previously recorded New York City! Jeff gets right down to business, reading out the carefully arranged votes...

And Parvati wins the million by two votes! Crazytown. That's the ballgame.

What have we learned from this season of "Survivor," kids? Never give up your immunity. Try and avoid infection. And flirting trumps love, every time.

— Liz Shannon Miller

"Friday Night Lights": Reason to celebrate

Before the entire "Friday Night Lights" production moves to Austin in the dead of summer — yeah, it shouldn't be too hot that time of year over there — the cast, crew and execs gathered at a watering hole in Santa Monica last night to celebrate the third season pickup.

It almost wasn't meant to be, but DirecTV decided "FNL" could be a watershed moment for its entertainment division and decided to pay for part of the production tab for the show, somewhere around 40%, with NBC picking up the rest. For its commitment, the satellite provider will have the exclusive window for 13 episodes that are scheduled to begin Oct. 1.

Then in midseason 2009 (probably February or March), NBC will start airing those same episode for folks who don't have access to DirecTV. Hopefully, diehard viewers who will have to wait and see the episodes on NBC will be able to keep themselves in a media blackout from reviews, blogs, plot developments, etc.

Cast members attending the bash Thursday were Aimee Teegarden, who just bought her first car and, much more impressive by our standards, threw out the first ball at the Dodgers-Mets game Wednesday afternoon; Kyle Chandler, who just might be the nicest and most down-to-earth leading man on TV; and Minka Kelly and Connie Britton, who both mingled among the masses.

Showrunner Jason Katims said season three would focus more on on-the-field action than in season two, and that issues will be raised about all the seniors on this year's team. Katims reiterated that senior year can be great fun for those about to graduate, but the Dillon High School gang will face situations that will, once again, test their mettle against trying scenarios.

Also there to relish all things "FNL" were in-house director Jeff Reiner, exec producer David Nevins and creator Peter Berg, who directed the Billy Bob Thornton movie.

— Stuart Levine

'Scrubs': Now That It's Been Saved, Can It Be Saved?

"Scrubs" bid farewell to NBC on Thursday in appropriate style, with moments alternatively sweet and stupid, silly and senseless. Now what?

Unless the world we've been living in is merely one of J.D.'s fantasy sequences, "Scrubs" will rematerialize next season on ABC. Once a cult favorite (for all the good and bad that implies), "Scrubs" has been surpassed in the buzzmeter by the likes of "The Office" and "30 Rock," which makes one wonder what exactly the Alphabet net hopes to get out of the show.

More than 25 years ago, in a much more forgiving climate for broadcast series and closer to its creative highpoint, "Taxi" made the reverse move, jumping from ABC to NBC at the start of its fifth season. The sharp writing kept right on coming, producing such episodes as the two-part "Scenskees from a Marriage," "Elaine and the Monk," "Arnie and the Kids," "Jim's Marios" and "Simka's Monthlies." I mean, we're talking classic stuff.  Nevertheless, the show's ratings tumbled — NBC initally placed the show in the Thursday 9:30 p.m. timeslot after a little-seen new show called "Cheers," before moving it three times  — and it was canceled at season's end.

"Scrubs," though at its height as joyful, touching and inventive as "Taxi" if not more so (I'll take Vic Ferrari over "Guy Love," but your mileage may vary), has struggled to maintain its creative juice in recent years. For all its craziness, the show is openly formulaic — on Thursday's season finale, J.D. had a line that jokingly called out the typical scenario — and so each episode depends on how funny or touching the show can be in that formula.  It's hit or miss.

Heading into season eight, "Scrubs" ain't likely to have many new viewers discover the show, even if ABC offers a larger base audience for Bill Lawrence & Co. to draw from.  And those newbies figure to be negated by long-term viewers who will take NBC's abandonment of the show as another sign that it's no longer essential television. Certainly, the good people at ABC and "Scrubs" have thought this through and concluded that the enterprise is still worth pursuing, at least on a pocketbook level. But creatively, there's a big challenge ahead.

Suggestions?  This might or might not already be in the works, but "Scrubs" should take a cue from "The Office" and finally put their own Jim and Pam together — for good. J.D. and Elliot have never gotten to play out their relationship on a romantic level for more than a few episodes at a time.  It's time to unshackle those two and let their own particular madness flower inside of a long-term relationship. (That kind of energy was mostly wasted when they were paired with Kim and Keith, respectively.) Beyond that, to counter the inconsistency of its more cartoonish efforts, "Scrubs" needs to either make its characters less shtick-dependent and more likable on a human level or find some new ones who will be. The series leads are stuck in a rut, and as for the Janitor, Ted, the Todd — those guys are played, Jerry, played.

"Scrubs" has reached a point where a number of the characters just don't seem worth caring about.  To make the ABC episodes worth our while, "Scrubs" need to make us fall in love again.

— Jon Weisman

'America's Next Top Model': Dom can't believe Dom didn't win

If the title had been "America's Next Big Trash Talker," Dominque would have won long ago. Alas, it's "America's Next Top Model," so Dom has taken her leave. Not a moment too soon for me.

It seems like if you have a face that looks good from only a couple very specific angles and from all other angles makes you look like a tranny, maybe this isn't the competition for you. She should be proud of herself she made it as far as she did. And I'm pretty sure she is proud of herself. That's what she did best.

This really might be the weakest top three in the history of the show. You have Fatima, who was blessed with a perfect face but has yet to learn how to pose; Anya, who is lovely and looks like a model but who has trouble forming a sentence; and Whitney who will never get over the phony, overacting business. Wait, that last thing may not be a problem. It seems to work for Miss Tyra.

I guess the producers are running out of money for challenge guests as the season winds down because the reward challenge involved the final four taking pictures of Paulina and the elimination challenge used everyone's favorite "noted fashion photographer, Nigel Barker."

The reward challenge was kind of dull as it served only to showcase how hot Paulina still is. How hard would it be, really, to get a great shot of her? I'm pretty sure my niece could do that with her Hello Kitty camera. Anya and Dom are lost as photographers. Whitney did a great job but was outshined by Fatima, who wins 50 extra frames for the photo shoot with Nigel. Fifty extra frames that she will waste.

The photo shoot, which involved posing with a male model and pretending to be a star running from the paparazzi, seemed to really throw all four girls for a loop. Maybe they were just nervous posing for the smoking hot Nigel. Understandable. Anya got her best shot only because she tripped on a step. Whitney's photo was stunning but looked, guess what?, posey. And Fatima is only still with us because Dominique sucked more.

And that's what we get going into next week's finale. What a snooze of a season. If I had to guess what's going to happen, I'd say Anya barely squeaks by in the Cover Girl ad, reaching the final runway walk. There she'll face Whitney, because they seem determined to have a plus size girl in the finale this year. Also, Fatima is bound to do something dumb. Then Anya will crush Whitney in the final runway show, emerging as the winner. And Whitney will go home where she will never again be called "plus size" at a size 8.

See, I've saved myself and all of you from having to watch next week. You can thank me later.

— Kathy Lyford

‘American Idol’: Jason up in smoke

Erin: Well kids, it’s time to say goodbye to the goofy antics of the very pretty Jason. We will miss his lackadaisical attitude, his laid-back demeanor and his one-trick pony singing style. In a few seasons, he will be all but forgotten, remembered only as “that hot kid with the dreads.” And rightfully so.

Kathy: I was out late last night and from the lack of emails I received I knew before I even sat down with my Tivo that everything was as it should be and that Jason had finally made his exit. He seemed relieved, if anything. He actually said that he didn't know how he would have learned three songs next week.

Jason seemed like a nice kid but I never got the feeling he wanted to be the “next American Idol.” I really couldn't figure out why he tried out for the show to begin with. I suspect he thought celebs get free weed. Maybe they do. Do they?

Erin: So, to recap the results show, “Idols” brought back Bo, who will always stand out as one of my favorite all-time contestants. Remember his version of “Whipping Post”? He looks good and is still working the rocker beat, and although his song choice isn’t the greatest, I still think fondly of the boy and his many, many split ends.

Kathy: I was thinking the same thing while he performed! The boy needs some Pantene, stat. Also, I was wondering how his stomach is after all those emergency surgeries. He seemed healthy.

Erin: Also on this show, we get a performance by Maroon 5, who like Jason, is easy on the eyes but not so much on the ears. I realize that with that comment I’m going to get a lot of hate mail, so before you guys start with the death threats, please keep in mind that not all of us are into lighter side of alt music. I know, I know, that’s not enough. Can’t you just focus in on the fact that I conceded on the point of how hot both Jason and Mr. Levine are? Isn’t that enough? Can’t we bond on that?

Kathy: All hate mail should be directed to Erin directly. I have no beef with Maroon 5.

Erin: A look back at Jason’s journey revealed some interested facts:
* The boy didn’t realize that the song “Memory” from “Cats” was sung by a cat.
* He befriended crazy guy in the white suit that sang the “We Are Brothers” song.
* He is naturally shy in front of a camera and has issues talking about himself. This is pretty cute actually, but you must wonder why he auditioned on a reality show if he didn’t embrace his narcissistic side just a little bit.
* Jason didn’t realize that the song “Memory” from “Cats” was indeed sung by a cat. I think it’s important that we look at this statement again. I mean, it’s called “Cats.” There are cats on the poster. The show ran in every American city at some point with an extensive ad campaign featuring dancing cats. Seriously. There are a lot of hints here.

Kathy: I’m still stuck on the fact that after looking at a list of the 500 most influential rock songs of all time, Jason claimed to recognize only a few. How is that possible? Also I enjoyed the look of terror Jason got on his face when Andrew Lloyd Webber told him "Memory" was sung by an "old glamour puss." Hee.

Erin: I don’t think Jason was as well liked as producers would have thought. No one cried when he left. No one tried to comfort him. They cut off his final performance before he can mutilate “I Shot the Sheriff” any further. And none of the other Idols told him that “Cats” features cats singing.

I rest my case.

Erin Maxwell and Kathy Lyford

P.S.
Another life after “Idol” career path is chosen: Ace will be on an upcoming episode of “Bones,” along with Brandon Rogers. A synopsis of the episode:

"Both singers will play characters who take part in an amateur club singing contest in the hope to become famous one day. Since this is "Bones," expect one of the contestants to end up dead. … Ace Young's character, named Tommy Sour, is the one biting the dust after the competition. Brandon Rogers will play a character named in the script as "Broadway Wannabe."

‘American Idol’: Hall of shame

Erin: It’s Idols gone wild night on “American Idol” as the remaining four contestants get their chance to shine by picking songs we all expect them to sing. With the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame catalog at their disposal, the top four kids give viewers exactly what we’ve wanted to see. This is the reality TV version of “True Romance,” where every actor involved is playing up their typecast. The rocker Idol sings rock songs, the diva Idol sings soulful ditties, the Idol we all assumed listened to reggae sings Marley and the heartthrob Idol sings love songs that make the whole world sing.

Kathy: I was just sitting here trying to figure out who had the most difficult job in America on Tuesday night: Hillary Clinton’s spin doctor or Ryan Seacrest, who had to single-handedly piece contestants back together? I’m going with Seacrest.

This week, the producers wisely decided to let the judges critique after each perf, and boy does Paula look relieved.

ROUND 1

David C.
Song: “Hungry Like a Wolf” (Duran Duran)
Erin: David is really best when he reshapes (or borrows someone else’s reshaping) of an unconventional tune. But in this perf, he pretty much does it by the book. It’s fine, but because I’m a Durany and have a long-standing crush on Nick Rhodes (and a newly formed crush on Mr. Cook), David gets a pass from me.
Kathy: For Erin it was Nick Rhodes, for me it was Simon LeBon. And David’s perf was so dull, so karaoke, that I spent the whole time thinking about how Simon LeBon could help David with his hair problem. But, as Erin said, David C. can do no wrong at this point so he gets a pass.

Syesha
Song: “Proud Mary” (Ike & Tina)
Erin: Syesha looks like she’s been studying both archived performances of Miss Tina and the recent performance by Tina and Beyonce from the Grammys. Her gold dress, sweeping arm movements and twirls all smack of classic Tina, but it seems to me that she’s holding back a bit. But man, does she look damn good. Hardcore Syesha fan Phil Gallo is probably having a heart attack by now.
Kathy: Sparkly Syesha started off a bit slowly but then, whoa!, wow. You go girl! She’s got Tina’s dance moves down but can’t match the pipes. Still, she keeps on improving week to week and getting more comfortable on stage. I continue to be disappointed that Simon won’t give her a break, because she' really giving it her all, unlike…

Jason
Song: “I Shot the Sheriff” (Bob Marley) - with guitar
Erin: I loved the way he cackled when talking about choosing a Marley song, like it’s an inside joke as to why he picked the reggae master. Sorry honey, it’s not really a mystery wrapped in an enigma here. I get it. The viewers get it. The producers get it. Hell, even people in comas who are watching “Idol” from their hospital beds because candy stripers left the TV for them so they won’t feel “lonely,” get it too.
And damn, it’s just horrible, but extremely amusing. The judges go for the jugular on this one attacking Jason from all sides, which led the best exchange ever in the history of “Idol.”
Simon: “What were you thinking!”
Jason: “I was thinking, ‘Bob Marley!’”
I want to see this kid on more talkshows. He is apparently one of the great analytical minds of the century.
Kathy: The Bob Marley Society called. They want their dreadlocks back.
Poor, dumb Jason announced to the world that out of the 500 most influential rock songs, he recognized “a couple.” Oh boy. Jason deservedly took quite a beating from the judges. Simon basically told him that William Hung and Lady Morgue did a better job in their auditions than Jason did here, stripping him of all dignity and leaving Seacrest to try to soothe Jason’s ego. I was almost sad for him. Maybe he’ll save face with the second song. Or not.

David A.
Song: “Stand by Me” (Ben E. King)
Erin: This is David A. showing off his chops in a big way. I love how he threw in a reference to Sean Kingston’s “Beautiful Girls” for the tween scene. If you listen closely, you can still hear the screams of 12-year-old girls declaring their love for the young crooner.
Kathy: This is hard for me to admit. Little David did a great job. And I, too, give him props for the Sean Kingston sample. He even made me laugh with his comment that the judges faces scare him. Hee.

ROUND 2

David C.
Song: “Baba O’Riley” (The Who) – with guitar
Erin: Dave took the classic song, slowed it down, removed the bridge and gave it an emo edge. It’s nice to hear the song outside of the “CSI” franchise, which has been using the tunes of the classic band as an anthem for overacting and random autopsies. Anywho, Dave was off to a rocky start, but really pulled it together by the end.
Kathy: David worried me with the song choice but, you know, he made it work. It’s an awfully good thing he had two songs. Still, he seemed a bit off last night. Whatever’s going on in his personal life seems to be weighing on him. C’mon David just a couple more weeks. You’ve got to salvage this season for me by winning.

Syesha
Song: “A Change is Gonna Come” (Sam Cooke)
Erin: She did a much better job with the second song choice. For those of you playing the “Idol” drinking game at home, here is the tally:
1. Got Paula to stand up (1 shot)
2. Got Paula to cry (2 shots)
4. Simon liked it (1 shot)
5. Simon announces that he agrees with Paula (2 shots)
5. Randy makes an contestant cry (down the bottle and find a place to crash)
Kathy: Syesha ticked me off a little at the beginning by comparing her “Idol” journey to the civil rights movement of the ’60s. Yes, Syesha, everything is about you. But I got over it quickly because she was wearing a fantastic dress and she did a really good job with the song. Then Randy did a terrible, terrible thing and made Sy cry and I immediately felt bad about being ticked off with her. And it’s not just a few tears, she’s really losing it. Even Simon looks sympathetic. Poor Ryan is left to hold the tissue box once again. Man, he’s really earning his pay tonight. Randy, I hope you’re happy. Meanie. It’s too bad Syesha couldn’t have saved the whole crying jag for next week when she’ll really need it.

Jason
Song: “Mr. Tambourine Man” (Bob Dylan) - with guitar
Erin: Remember that scene from “Animal House” where Belushi bashes the guitar after hearing the first few lines of “I Gave My Love a Cherry”?
Yep.
Man, Jason is just a’ train wreck tonight. Jason flubs on the lyrics once again, but his version of the song is so terrible, this small mistake is barely even mentioned. At this point, Jason is so bad that even if an alien broke loose from his chest during the performance and began devouring members of the audience and two of the producers, it would take a backseat to his dreadful version of the song. 
Kathy: In Jason’s video clip he says “I picked Bob Dylan because how can you go wrong with Bob Dylan?” Oh, let me count the ways…. Seriously, how do you forget the lyric “Jingle jangle morning”?!
Erin, correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t this the third time this season that words have been forgotten by “the best top 12 in ‘Idol’ history”? The only positive thing I can say about this perf by Jason is that I guess Syesha is safe tonight.

David A.
Song: "Love Me Tender" (Elvis)
Erin: Teen girls everywhere are spontaneously combusting at this point. Yes folks, we have a winner. Behold the glory of David A. It’s been said if you stare too long at his magnificence, you’ll eventually go blind from the cuteness.
Kathy: David announces that he hasn’t yet sung a love song on the big stage. Really? All you’ve done is ballads. But the kid sure does know how to play to his strengths. He may just have wrapped it up tonight. David Cook is now destined to join the ranks of Clay and Daughtry as a runner up who outsells the winner.

Best
Erin: David A.
Kathy: Hate to say it, but Little David

Worst
Erin: Jason
Kathy: Duh

— Erin Maxwell and Kathy Lyford

'Survivor: Micronesia': Career-ending injury

Welcome to "Survivor," which for the first few minutes is seriously concerned with the survival of Gravedigger James's infected finger. "Surivor" Doctor warns him right after Tribal Council that the infection is close to the joint, and if it's not better soon he stands a chance of permanently disabling the finger.  Meanwhile, Alexis face-planted while walking around that morning, and is now nursing a leg injury. Knowing that injury might remove two obstacles in her path to victory, Cirie is as jazzed as someone can be without coming off like a horrible human being.  But only just barely.

This week's reward challenge: Survivor "Family Feud"/"Trivial Pursuit," where everyone's quizzed about everyone else.  What are they gonna win?  Loved ones!  Well, not new and exciting loved ones, presumably, but visits from family members.  Erik is positively gleeful over his brother Kurt, showing off his beard ("Sweet beard," Kurt agrees) and his proximity to Jeff Probst ("Look, that's Jeff Probst, he's just standing there!").  Jeff tells Erik that he's a freak. Don't talk that way about Erik, Jeff.

I was gonna give Kurt the award of Hottest Family Member, but do you know who is good looking?  Cirie's husband H.B.  He even gives Cirie a flower!

Trivia challenge doesn't reveal too much we didn't already know, except that everyone is pretty sick of Parvati's talk-talkin'.  And James, who targets Parvati relentlessly during the elimination portion of the challenge, is clearly still holding a grudge.  Alexis wins, and decides to take Cirie and Natalie, along with all relations, to swim in a lake full of jellyfish.  Allegedly the jellyfish are stingless. Still not my idea of a reward, though.  Pretty to look at, but only through glass.

Hey, you know what sucks double?  Losing a reward challenge and then getting pulled out of the game by "Survivor" Doctor.  Jesus, is this season just three episodes shorter than usual?  James is the third person to leave because of medical issues (or being an idiot).  And, hey, poor James!  He wasn't going to make it much longer, anyways, but this is still super-sad.  But my boy Erik is the last man standing. So that's something to be glad about.

Alexis chooses an all-too-willing Amanda to go to Exile Island, where much digging and searching reveals the final clue to the now back-in-play hidden immunity idol, which is buried back at camp. I'm sure it's a little disappointing not to have it in your hands, but it still puts Amanda one over everyone else.  Which is good, because Alexis, Natalie, and Parvati are discussing who to get rid of, and Natalie and Alexis both think that Amanda is a threat.  Parvati says she could never vote against Amanda, her "Survivor" BFF.  We'll see how long that point-of-view lasts.

Today's immunity challenge: shooting a gun at sake bottles.  First to destroy three takes it.  What does this represent about Micronesian culture? Japanese fighter planes and World War II? "Survivor" confuses me.  Either way, Erik's possible past as a hardcore gamer comes in handy and he takes immunity.

Amanda, meanwhile, is a genius (well, a genius who says "oh my god" a lot). Right after the challenge, she empties her bag in front of everyone so that they know she doesn't have the hidden idol, and tells a story about how she couldn't find the first clue.  Which is a pretty small lie in the grand scheme of things.  But she confesses the truth to Parvati, saying she needs her help to dig it up.  Looks like their BFF-ery is intact after all.

Erik and Alexis, meanwhile, believe Amanda's story about not finding the hidden idol and decide to target her.  Amanda confronts Erik, asking him to tell her whether or not he's going to vote for her.  He says yes -- and Cirie also confirms that she's going along with that plan, since, with six people left, if Cirie voted with Parvati and Amanda then it'd be a tie that'd result in a random selection.  So, while Parvati distracts the others, Amanda starts digging -- which is when we dissolve into night and Tribal Council...

During the Oprah part of Council, Amanda does a great job of playing the pissed-off victim, calling Erik out for not protecting her when she protected him and hugging Parvati with the utmost of woe... Until, of course, all the votes are cast and Jeff asks for any hidden immunity idols that might be around.  Amanda grins BIG.  Snapadoodle! So the person going home tonight is the person Amanda and Parvati agreed to vote out, who is...  Alexis!  Alexis limps away into the night. I continue to struggle to remember who she is.

Next week: Erik is discovering the drawbacks of being the only man in a world of women.  One of which includes Natalie wanting to bitch slap you.  (Her words.)

- Liz Shannon Miller

'The Office': Stanley Steamer

Leslie David Baker has always been one of the unsung heroes of "The Office."  I can't count the number of times he's gotten little more than a line, or even just a look, in a given episode as Stanley and made himself seem like an integral part of the story.

But Thursday was Stanley's showcase, as his ongoing annoyance with Michael was coaxed into fury. With just three angry words — "Did I stutter?" — in response to Michael's prodding him to participate in an admittedly silly group brainstorming session, Stanley became the elephant in the room that could no longer be ignored.

After finding no other option to deal with the problem (aside from the untenable one of letting Dwight install the Dunder-Mifflin equivalent of martial law), Michael concluded that fooling Stanley into thinking he was fired would scare Stanley straight. Perhaps most interesting about this was that everyone in the Scranton branch could see this plan would backfire, but no one stepped in to stop it.  Normally, that would be Jim's role, but he had just been cowed by his new nemesis, Ryan, about his own job status.

Inevitably, Michael dug himself a bigger hole, as Stanley threatened a lawsuit that would make his sins look like jaywalking tickets in comparison to Michael's.  Now, we know Stanley has bluffed before — threatening to take a job under Rashida Jones' Karen in Utica — but Michael took him dead serious.

The episode resolved itself after Stanley belittled Michael to such a degree that it drew out that shred of professionalism that we occasionally see in him. Michael cleared the office out for a one-on-one with Stanley that began with supplication but ended with Michael standing on his own two feet. If nothing else, Michael is a survivor — he's been one since his childhood — and he was able to strip everything away and tell Stanley, objectively, that he simply couldn't talk to Michael that way. And with this, Stanley found one sentence out of Michael's mouth he could respect and abide.

If this sounds like it was anything but a barrel of laughs, guess again.  As always, Office Tally has the rundown of the best lines, perhaps highlighted by Darryl's long history of gang involvement: Crips, Bloods, Latin Kings, Newsies. 

One parting question: Does everyone have something of a perverted fixation on Pam now?  There's Creed's open ogling, Toby's increasingly hands-on pining and now, with the sight of Pam in her backup glasses, Kevin's librarian fantasies. ("Could you just say, 'These are due back Thursday?' ")  Frankly, Michael's repeated badgering of Pam's four-eyed appearance was something of a welcome relief.

— Jon Weisman

'American Idol': White out

Erin: Oh Brooke, you did pretty well, kid. You made it this far and you still managed to hold on to your innocence, which is something to be said for a reality show. (“Flavor of Love” and “Rock of Love” ladies take note: it is possible to go on TV without bring shame upon your entire family. Really.)

Kathy: I was probably more invested in Brooke for a longer time than any other contestant this season, except for Asia’h. So this one was a little sad for me. Brooke was like a bright light for a few weeks, until the show started to take an emotional toll on her. Don’t worry Brooke, I’m sure your sister will forgive you for missing her wedding. I think Brooke can carve out a niche for herself and probably won’t have to go back to being a nanny. If Jasmine could manage to turn her “Idol” stint into a decent career, Brooke certainly should be able to.

Erin: Here are my highlights from last night’s long haul:

Neil Diamond tried to shill his new album by refusing to play “Cherry Cherry.”

Natasha Bedingfield proved that even established females over the age of 13 can also succumb to the charms of David A.

Simon finds out his first kiss has been stalking him for the better part of four decades.

Paula does not have a problem.

Kathy: I enjoyed contrite, humbled Paula quite a bit, but there were two highlights for me last night.

When the Natasha asked if she could “go say hi to David,” David Cook immediate leapt to his feet with open arms to await her embrace, only to see the lovely Brit songbird plop herself down right next to Little David. She even asked David A. to take her to the prom!

When Constantine and Gina Glocksen were shilling whatever their “Idol” related show is, Gina said — with a gleam in her eye — “We get the first interview with the elminated contestant. And sometimes there’s lots to tears!!”

Erin: We also explored the concept of “the zone.” This is apparently a happy place where contestants go and can do no wrong. Judges keep bringing it up like it’s the Holy Land. In “the zone,” for one fleeting moment, you are the best. Until America votes and brings you back to reality, knocking you off your game like a Rock ’Em Sock ’Em Robot.

Jason and the Davids were safe and found a spot on the couch, while the ladies were banished to the bottom two. Syesha guided Brooke to her usual barstool at the corner of the stage where the audience members sequestered to that area welcomed her back with open arms (“Norm!”). Seriously, this is the sixth time that Syesha has been in the bottom. In the real world, nobody would get by after this many bad performance reviews. If this was the Gap, she would have been fired by now.

Brooke gave her teary farewell, ending the night with her back toward the audience like the final scene in the “Blair Witch Project.” And with that, we bid adieu to Brooke. But don’t worry, we’ll see her in the audience soon enough. Apparently, life after “Idol” doesn’t only include a spot on the traveling tour, but a lifetime supply of free tickets to the shows. Right, Constantine?

Kathy: After another large ratings drop last night, I’m sure Nigel and the crew are brainstorming on ways to tweak the show. Here are my suggestions. Replace one of the judges. Maybe two of them. Tell us who got the highest vote total and have them sing us out on elimination night instead of forcing a crying, exiting contestant to sing a song that nobody liked the night before.

— Erin Maxwell and Kathy Lyford

‘American Idol’: Diamond Dogs

Kathy: Next week on “American Idol,” Jason sucked, David Cook rocked, Syesha sang well but nobody liked her and Little David made yet another song sound exactly the same as all the others while little girls screeched.
What’s that you say? Next week hasn’t happened yet? Oh boy. I've misread my notes. I thought they all sang next week already. Now I’m embarrassed. Erin can you take over for a minute while I figure this out? Tell the folks a story or something. I’m going to have another swig of Paula’s Coca Cola and try to get my bearings.

Erin: It’s Neil Diamond week on “Idol,” and I am happy to say that Neil looks fab. I’m so glad he didn’t go the Kenny Rogers route in aging. Neil take the kids under his wing as they step up to the plate to either popularize his tunes for a new generation, or mutilate them so that lifelong fans will learn to hate them.
And since Ryan gets to tell a dumb story about Neil Diamond, I feel justified in sharing my story as well.

Back when I was  a kid, my mom used to teach at this hoity-toity school where celebs sent their spawn for an alternative education. As the  classroom charity cases, my sis and I got to tag along on many of the field trips, which were not your normal “let’s take a bus to the zoo” thing. It was more like weeklong ski trips and tours of Malibu beaches. Anyway, on one of the trips, the  entire class went camping for the weekend with parents in tow. Neil came with his kids and even brought a guitar along for the campfire. Looking back, it was pretty cool, but at the time, I had little idea of who he was, so my sister and I spent  the night taunting him for not knowing the words to “La Bamba.” I’m really sorry about that Neil. In hindsight, I was an idiot. If I ever go camping with you again, I’ll just sit quietly and listen to whatever tunes you want to play. You’re the man, baby.

Kathy: Oh yeah, Neil Diamond. We’re on the same page now. I wasn’t looking forward to this week, especially when I heard that each kid was doing two songs. I was pretty sure there weren't 10 Neil Diamond songs I could sit through. But Neil is an affable guy, although WAY more tactful than Andrew Lloyd Webber — so, not as fun. And he does look great. There’s a lot to be said for aging gracefully. Yeah, I’m talking to you, Kenny Rogers. Maybe I’ll cancel that Botox consultation I have set up.

Erin: This week, each Idol gets the two chances to shine, and the judges must remain mute during the first performance. It’s double the fun, double the groans.

Kathy: Before we talk about the actual performances, let’s talk about Paula and that thing that happened last night. It may have been the single most entertaining segment in “Idol” history, but not in a good way.

Erin: When Paula is asked to give an opinion of Jason’s first performance, she has a vision of the future by giving a review of his second performance as well. I think she had taken a few too many of Mother’s little helpers Tuesday, or she took the perfect amount and it has released her psychic abilities, “Dead Zone” style.

Kathy: I watched it six times. I couldn't get enough. The whole thing kind of happened in slow motion, like a traffic accident. Here’s my play-by-play of the whole event.

Paula says to Jason, who has only sung once, “I thought your second performance was, um, lacking that charm you usually bring." Plus something about how it left him (or her, I'm not sure) empty. Randy says "He only sang one song." Then Paula made it worse: “WHAT? I can’t read my notes. This is hard. You mean you didn’t sing twice? I thought you sang twice.”

First everyone was frozen, just trying to figure out what the hell Paula just did. Then David Cook barely stifled a laugh, forever cementing a place in my heart. Jason looked confused. Oh wait, no reaction from Jason; he always looks like that. Brooke looked concerned. Seacrest looked bewildered. Then the lady stage manager (remember her, the one who wanted to touch Brad Pitt?) obviously yelled something from backstage because Seacrest glanced to his right, looking pleadingly backstage and everyone suddenly sprang into action. I imagine she shouted something like “Stop her now, before it gets worse!” Randy and Simon stepped in like protective older brothers and helped Paula out of the fog she was in.

Randy: “Paula, Paula, Paula, just tell us who was your favorite?”
Simon: “Oh I’ve had enough. Here we go. Jason, you’re forgettable. David Cook you’re just above average. Brooke, it was a nightmare. Archuletta you were amateurish and Syesha, you were old fashioned. You better all step it up.”
Way to bring us back to reality Simey.

Note to Paula from Erin and Kathy:
1) Take notes that you can read. We do it every week.
2) This is not hard. Erin and I manage and we have full time jobs and no servants.
3) You do not get to pre-judge the contestants. Only Erin and I get to do that.
4) Have your doctor regulate your meds.

And here’s what we thought of the performances, after actually hearing them.

"American Idol": Paula has, uh, lost it

Attending the "Idol" taping last night made me feel like a first-hand witness to the beginning of the end.

Not so much on "Idol" itself, which is having ratings woes but still dominates the competition and isn't going anywhere anytime soon, but on Paula Abdul, who hit a new low — even for Paula standards.

Sure, the format was changed when the kids did five performances in a row before hearing from the judges. And, yeah, it was somewhat difficult for the judges to compile their thoughts on all the songs in a compressed time period.

But when Paula started commenting on Jason's second song, before he had even sung it, well, it just sent the in-studio audience into a kind of "what just happened" moment. When the show went to a commercial break right after, Paula scurried out of her seat, head down and left the stage without saying a word.

She, obviously, knew she had screwed up big time, but the episode didn't come off as an easy and forgettable laugh or just another  "Hey, isn't that Paula wacky" scenario. This seemed far more serious; at least if felt that way at the time.

While there's little question Paula's antics can make for a ratings bump -- in the way rubberneckers like to slow down on freeway to get a look at an accident -- doesn't producer Nigel Lythgoe owe it to viewers, and especially the contestants, to use the most qualified judges as possible if the show is to have any credibility at all?

Simon, as good and honest as he is, can carry the load on his shoulders for only so long.

— Stuart Levine

'Survivor: Micronesia': Reality love gone wrong

I find it interesting that this week's "Previously On…" casts Parvati as a straight-up double-crosser, when last week, we saw that Cirie was also a huge proponent of betraying past alliances to vote out Ozzy.  But in gauging the aftermath, perhaps the "Survivor" editors have a point. Because while Cirie stays mostly at the sidelines this week, Amanda is actively annoyed by Parvati's girl power plan, and both she and James are pissed.

Parvati isn't oblivious to this, and first tries to save her relationship with "Survivor" boyfriend James.  But James is too busy ruminating on how Parvati can't stop eating "the apple" (of temptation?) to really take her apologies seriously. Here's a thought, Parvati: when your "Survivor" boyfriend can't stop comparing you to Eve in the Garden of Eden — your reality TV love may just be DOA.

Almost as awkward is Parvati's conversation with her (possibly former) BFF Amanda. Cirie wanders over just in time to confirm that it's her, Amanda and Parvati to the end.  But for some reason, Amanda doesn't totally trust the two women responsible for voting out her "Survivor" boyfriend.  Amanda?  Not as dumb as she looks.

We cut away from the drama to focus on important things. Like this season's blind auction. This element of the season always makes me feel deeply uncomfortable, like the producers are rubbing America's excesses in our faces. After all, Cirie spends $120 on a hot dog and french fries. Tell me what's more American than that.

Other highlights of the auction include James enjoying some fruitbat soup, and Natalie winning a large chocolate cake, which she and three others have to eat in 60 seconds. She of course chooses her alliance of Parvati, Alexis, and Cirie, and afterward Erik offers $20 to lick their fingers. Cirie takes him up on it. YOU'RE MARRIED, CIRIE. There is an entire montage of people licking chocolate off fingers.
Like I said, uncomfortable.

One interesting twist does come up during the auction — because Ozzy never played his immunity idol before being voted out, a new immunity idol has been hidden. We find this out because Natalie wins a chance to send a whining Jason off to Exile Island. "Maybe this time you'll find a real idol," Jeff observes.

After the auction, everyone talks about getting rid of Jason.  But that doesn't stop Jason from finding the hidden immunity idol easily. He thinks that this is a sign that Natalie sent him there on purpose, and that he and Natalie are in an alliance. But back at camp, Natalie calls him a "bitch" like four times while discussing how she and the other woman will target him at tribal council, with James ready as a second choice.  Erik isn't on the table, because today it's Erik's birthday and "as evil and diabolical and manipulative as women can be," Natalie says, "we want Erik to have a good birthday."  Wow.
Natalie's a real peach.

Today's immunity challenge is a