Welcome back to "Survivor," where we can't begin a new day without remembering the last one. Remember last week? When Cirie ignored Jonathan's whining to become temporary queen of the Favorites? Good
times. But now it's the morning after the night before. And it is AWKWARD here in the Favorites camp. This isn't just wow-weren't-we-both-drunk awkward. This is the-safe-word-was-"raspberry"-and-I-know -I-said-"raspberry"-at-least-twice-and-my-wrists-really-hurt-now awkward. By which I mean Jonathan is pissed over Cirie flipping alliances, and Cirie sees little reason to apologize to him. Jonathan waggles his finger a whole bunch and no one trusts anyone else. And thus begins yet another episode of good wholesome family entertainment!

Seriously, "Survivor" -- if you're going to bother flashing "Fans" and "Favorites" subtitles over the names of the tribes, why bother having the tribe names? Why not just make "Fans" and "Favorites" sound vaguely tribal and leave it at that? "Fanii" and "Favorika," maybe. It'd make things easier on us all. In fact, I'm taking matters into my own hands.

Fanii Natalie, a personal trainer who's been pretty quiet up until now, explains that, indeed,  that is exactly her strategy -- she's keeping her head down and tending the camp like a good little tribe member,
presumably until she can make her own vicious grab for power. Natalie mentions this because old man Chet's just sitting around, neither plotting nor working, which is simply unacceptable. Mikey B says that Chet is bad for morale, and that "he's gone." That seems like a pretty bold pronouncement. But Mikey B has already proved himself to be much better at talking about this game than actually playing it. (And he's not that good at talking about it.)

Meanwhile, Eliza is apparently not up to the rigors of "Survivor"-ing -- which would make sense to me if she were a newbie, but nope, she's an alleged Favorite. What season was she on, "Survivor: Club Med"? Does she have secret limbo skills I don't understand? James speaks for Favorika's Hook-up Kids when he says that they're annoyed about getting rid of Yao-Man when clearly they should have gotten rid of the hundred-pound weakling. Eliza is totally offended when James and Ozzy openly discuss these basic concepts of Darwinism right in front of her. She may be a secret limbo-ing Creationist. She also hates
everyone on her tribe. Lotta love on this island.

Reward challenge! There are some coconuts with letters written on them, submerged in an underwater cage. So the coconuts need to be fished out of the water before being taken back to the beach, where the other half of the team will unscramble the coconuts to spell a word. You know what is compelling TV? Watching people fish one or two coconuts out of a submerged cage. You know what is not compelling TV?
Watching people fish 20 coconuts out of a submerged cage. But Ozzy shows the first real sign of being a veteran Survivor when he implements a solid strategy for coconut-fishing that gives Favorika a solid lead. And Gravedigger James is the one to figure out the word! Even he's surprised!

The Favorites win chickens, a rooster and chicken feed. I'll be seriously surprised if that rooster lives long enough to even get a taste of chicken feed. They also send Ozzy and Fanii Kathy to Exile Island. This actually annoys the Fans -- half because she's not a team player, and half because she gets to hang out with Ozzy all day. (He is looking less and less like David Faustino as the weeks go by, so I
suppose I see their point.)

Out on the "island," Kathy (burned out from her previous two trips to Exile Island) has no interest in looking for the immunity idol. So Ozzy blows her off to go searching by himself... and he finds it! Could have been you, Kathy! Way to be a quitter!

Ozzy proves yet again that he is pretty sharp on strategy, crafting a fake immunity idol to take the place of the real immunity idol was. This means that another visitor to Exile Island, down the line, might confuse Ozzy's fake with the real idol, and try to play it later on. But while Ozzy is good at strategy, he is not good at arts and crafts, and it's doubtful his fake idol (which he nicknames "Eeyore") will really fool anyone. He is able to do all this right under Kathy's nose, though, so perhaps I shouldn't go overestimating the intelligence of these kids.

And off we go to the immunity challenge -- which is frankly ridiculous. Most of these challenges tend to gain inspiration from practical skills, but I cannot figure out what's going on here. Six players from each team are bound together on a six-pronged hub that they have to maneuver around an obstacle course while collecting bead necklaces that plug into yet another word scramble... You think it sounds ridiculous? Imagine spending 10 minutes of your life watching it. Here's what matters: the Fans lose big-time. And you know what that means?

If you think it means "a full five minutes of Mikey B's overanalysis," then you are right. But according to Mikey, this Tribal Council is a no-brainer -- Chet is weak and everyone is done with him. Except for Chet's buddy Tracy, that is, who decides to stir up some fun by asking Joel why, exactly, he's rolling over for Mikey. This is, as it turns out, a fantastic way of getting Joel to do what you want. Tracy tells him that if he can get one more person to join them, they plus her Chet-and-Kathy alliance can get rid of Mikey right then and there. Joel doesn't initially seem thrilled by the idea of keeping Chet around, and even Chet is underwhelmed by Tracy's attempts to save him...

But! At tribal council, Darwinism does NOT prevail, and Tracy's plan works, with Mikey B getting the big snuff-out, five votes to four. Analysis of the post-credits sequence shows that Eric cast the swing vote. Eric probably has some beloved grandma whom Joel threatened to "pay a visit." Ah, well. Goodbye, Mikey. I'm sure we'll see you on the message boards.

Next week: It's time for the tribe switcharoo! Now I am actually going to have to start remembering the tribe names. Crap. Also, Joel reflects fondly on medieval times, when he would have been allowed to  kill Chet himself. Yes, he actually says that. Heaven help us all.

- Liz Shannon Miller

"Lost" has been opening passages faster this season than one of them haunted houses with the doors flapping in a thunderstorm, so it was nice to see someone actually make it back through alive.

What first appeared like it might merely be one of Desmond's visions (and I use the word "merely" with great affection) turned out to be something more - his consciousness traveling between the years 1996 and 2004, between a year when Penny would say to him "And now you call with some expectation that I still care for you" and a year when she'd say "I love you." Tonight, we didn't have flash-forwards or flashbacks, we had both. We had flash-sideways.

It was a pretty exciting episode, featuring not only a ticking clock (as represented by the demise of Eloise the lab rat and George Minkowski the Fisher Stevens) and real uncertainty over the fate of Desmond before episode's end, but also an expansion of this season's mysteries. To "Lost" numbers aficionados in particular, it provided digits up the yin-yang.

Highlights: I'll start at the end with Desmond's plea to 1996 Penny to give him her phone number, and his short-lived reunion via telephone with 2004 Penny. Henry Ian Cusick has had countless fine moments as Desmond, but I don't know that he's had any finer than his climax tonight, eyes sparkling with a transfixing combination of love, desperation and reborn confidence. And Sonya Walger was with him, beat for beat.

Elizabeth Mitchell nicely delivered her sarcastic line about Daniel talking really slowly so that she and Jack could understand him. Also, I love Frank (Jeff Fahey). There's something so unprepossessing about him – he's welcome every scene he's in.

Lowlights: We were fairly lowlight-free in this one.  I'm not sure I even mean this as a criticism, but none of the series regulars besides Desmond had anything particularly interesting going on. I guess I'll mention Charlotte's attempt to stop Daniel from spilling the secret about the time delay.  It was feeble, bland.

Truths I'm willing to wait to find out, that you're probably on your way to figuring out: This list could go on for a while.

1) Why is Daniel at odds with the ship's sergeant (Graham McTavish) and doctor (Marc Vann)? How, when and why did their mission or their faith in each other split? Is it merely that they think Daniel has lost his mind? ("Faraday can't even help himself.") Clearly, Daniel's got some useful intelligence left to offer, even if his memory, stability or sanity are shaky. And presumably, signs of that mental malady were in place before Daniel even got on the boat, if only because ...

2) Should Daniel have protected himself better while playing with radiation at the Queen's College Physics Department at Oxford?

3) How does what happened tonight affect our view of Charlie's final scene last season? No, it wasn't Penny's boat, but yes, Penny was trying to contact the boat – repeatedly, according to Graham, but no, the boat wasn't allowed to answer her calls ...

4) Is it possible that people who seem dead on the island can leave or actually have left the island via time/consciousness travel? (This might just be a flight of fancy on my part, but I'm always wondering about the permanency of death in Lostland.)

5) So, they've decided to bring the Black Rock and Hanso back into the conversation, via the auction that Charles Widmore bid on. What dots are connecting?

6) Why does a sink at a fine auction house have such poor drainage?

7) Numbers, anyone? 2.342? Oscillates at 11? ("Spinal Tap" homage?) Five minutes vs. 75 minutes? 423 Cheyne Walk?  7946-0893? 12/24/04?

8) At the end of the episode, when the show cut back and forth frequently between Desmond walking away from Penny's new residence with her phone number in 1996, and Desmond on the ship in 2004, was Desmond traveling back and forth that fast in mind and soul, or did the show just switch to conventional cross-cutting between past and present?

9) The escape of Sayid, Desmond and Graham from the sick bay: In the words of Pablo, the busboy whose cat ran away on "Seinfeld," "Who left the door open?" Was it good ol' Frank?

10) Where are they hiding Michael? I mean, he's there somewhere, right?

And so on, and so on, and so on ...

– Jon Weisman

"Idol" starts off with the usual singalong, where the producers attempt to pair up singers into possible couples. The "Sounds of the '70s" medley is every bit as crappy as the previous two nights have been. Honestly it's like advertising a "Classics of the '70s" film festival and then screening "Roller Boogie" and "Ben."

And can I just say that Amanda looks fab. She look off about 30 pounds of makeup, but still looks like she can kick ass. Yay. Except that means she took Paula's advice. Don't do it again Mandy. And apparently, Ramiele's haircut is either addictive or contagious, 'cause now Paula is afflicted with it.

After revisiting Tuesday's "high"lights, it's time to send a boy home. For the first round of boy cuts, it was down to Jason Y. or Danny, who looked like a deer caught in headlights for the most part. But he missed becoming this week's roadkill as Jason was sacrificed to the "Idol" gods. Since I can't remember a single song he sang without the help of clips, it's difficult for me to feel his pain.

Recap of Wednesday night and it's even worse than I remember. The first chick elimination comes down to Amanda or Alexandrea, and sadly it was Lushy that had to go. Figures, since I just gave her a cool nickname. But she forever endeared me to her by calling Ryan a freak for depriving her great grandmother the chance to take a spin on Big Thunder Mountain. The whole thing ended with a Kodak moment between Lushy and David A., where they embraced and cried. Had the camera stayed on them longer, animated birds would have appeared along with unicorns and rainbows to cement the occasion as the most adorable bit ever captured on television.

The second round of girl cuts comes down to Alaina or Kady and I swear I still can't tell them apart, Alaina got the ax and, in a moment of unrehearsed emotion, actually began bawling. Now I feel bad about making fun of her. No, wait. I don't. But it was still pretty sad. Even before Ryan said her name she looked on the verge of a meltdown. I have to admit at times like this that Seacrest is damn good at his job. He managed to talk Alaina off the ledge. At first, Alaina wasn't going to warble the final goodbye. For one dreadful moment I thought they might play Paula Adbul's new video again instead of making Alaina sing. But never fear, the girls of "Idol" gathered around and joined their chunky plastic rings together to summon the enough power to get Alaina to sing her Walk of Shame song.

We're down to the last cut for the the gents, and everyone named David is safe; it's either Luke or Robbie. Fake rocker boy Robbie said goodbye with little fanfare, but not before one last "authenticity" dig from Simon. Robbie's girlfriend is incredulously hot, so he'll be OK. Robbie's now off to share living quarters with K-Fed in a new VH1 reality show.

We then get a short video recap of the four castoffs' "Idol" journey where we see them say painfully misguided things like "I'll never have a 9-5 job," "Singing is what I wake up in the morning for" and "I will never stop chasing my dreams." One can only hope reality sets in shortly.

In Idol news: April's "Idol Gives Back" guests will include Mariah Carey, Brad Pitt, Reese Witherspoon, Miley Cyrus and Snoop Dogg. Kady seemed especially thrilled by the Brad Pitt announcement. Too bad she'll be watching from home like the rest of us. And yes, Carrie Underwood and Chris Daughtry return to the roost, gracing the would-be stars and also-rans with their presence. Also Ruben Studdard will supply the weekly exit song for the top 12 this season. At least the big guy will finally have something to do.

Until next week, Erin and Kathy: out.

- Erin Maxwell and Kathy Lyford

I notice Ryan has stopped calling this group “the best ever.” Wise move, since these were the worst back-to-back episodes in the show’s history. Last night the girls tackled “classics” from the ’70s… and the songs tackled them right back. The show allegedly has stylists helping the kids pick out their clothes — although I’m hard pressed to believe that after the parade of fashion-don’ts I saw last night. Why, oh why, don’t they have someone helping them pick out their songs?!

Hey, look everybody, Erin’s back!

Did you miss me? I know you did. First off, I need to commend Paula on her judging method. Over the last year, she’s truly perfected what most human resources reps call the “compliment sandwich” of the good-bad-good criticism.
Example: “You really have a unique sense of style. But you are not being true to yourself. But you really shined through.”
If I had the skills that paid the bills, I would create the "Paula Abdul Compliment Generator" to accurately predict her drunky comments on each show. But alas…

This week, the ladies continue on with the ’70s theme and succeed in creating their own theme of “Songs We Should Have Never, Ever Picked.” On with the show:

Carly Smithson (TV Guide power ranking #6)
What America would be surprised to know about her: She works at an Irish bar. Shocker! Also, she likes to cook and clean.
Song: "Crazy on You" (Heart)
Erin: Because I like Guinness and Heart, I give Carly a pass. She did a bang up job. The judges were a bit harsh, but I think they were distracted by the Amy Winehouse tattoo (NOTE: I saw this comment all over the Net and just need to reiterate that I wrote this the minute I saw the tattoo. My roommate can vouch for me.)
Kathy: She’s not the Wilson sisters, but she’s better than nine of the boys. Simon calls her the girl to beat. Kind of a bold prediction before you even give the other nine girls a shot, but whatever. Carly mentions it’s her favorite song ever. And that she loves Heart. And that she told her husband if she ever got the chance she would sing this song on “American Idol.” And that it’s her favorite song ever written. OK, jeez Carly, we get it. Is Heart paying you royalties?

Syesha Mercado (TV Guide power ranking #3)
What America would be surprised to know about her: She’s done a lot of commercials. And she can imitate a crying baby. That must be useful.
Song: "Me and Mrs. Jones," only, you know, "Me and Mr. Jones" (Billy Paul)
Erin: I have always hated this song, and now that a chick is singing it, it still doesn’t endear it to me. Just for the record, any song that plays up an adulterer/stalker as a romantic interest doesn't play well in my book. It’s just creepy.
Kathy: Syesha started off rough, then got better, then went off the rails again. Simon said it was silly to sing a song written for a man. In this particular case I agree with him, although I do enjoy Amy Winehouse’s version. Syesha also can’t explain why she changed the arrangement. And that’s the crux of what’s wrong with this show. None of these kids knows anything about music, they’ve just been told they can sing, so they do.

Brooke White (TV Guide power ranking #5)
What America would be surprised to know about her: She went to beauty school but dropped out. Then she steps on my beauty school dropout joke. And she claims to always be dying to restyle people’s hair for them. Where were you when Amanda was getting ready last night?
Song: "You’re So Vain" (Carly Simon) — with a guitar, at least intermittently.
Erin: Two things really surprised me here: 1) She pumps up her beauty school training but insists she can carry off the Mane ’N Tail maintained mess of blond locks. 2) I adored her version of “You’re So Vain.” Despite the obvious Simon comments to follow, she did a great job. I didn’t even mind that she disregarded the guitar a minute into her set. Good job, Brooke.
Kathy: Brooke was the only one who chose the perfect song for her voice. Loved the performance and I love her. She’s really just got this goofy charm that I enjoy. But it was weird how she used the guitar as an accessory instead of really playing it. Also, what was going on after the song? Why didn’t she stand up? It was as if she was glued to the chair.

Ramiele Malubay (TV Guide power ranking #1)
What America would be surprised to know about her: She can do Polynesian dancing, including hula, and Filipino cultural dances. That’s kind of awesome.
Song: "Don’t Leave Me This Way" (Thelma Houston)
Erin: I know that Ramiele has the chops, but she’s been championing mediocrity for the last two rounds. Her version of this song can easily be heard at the Grove on a Saturday during the holiday season. She also stole my Malubay-lullaby joke. She also stole her haircut from Christian on “Project Runway.”
Kathy: See this is where help with song choice would really be essential. Ramiele says she had picked out a couple of ballads but decided to nix them. Bad choice. Also, I hated her outfit.

Kristy Lee Cook (TV Guide power ranking #2)
What America would be surprised to know about her: She’s a tomboy. Oh really? I didn’t get that from the multiple references to horseback riding and cage fighting.
Song: "You’re No Good" (Linda Ronstadt)
Erin: Sings “You’re No Good,” sans the soul and heart of Ronstadt's version. Simon claims he has issues labeling her. Here buddy, let me help you out: She sucks. If record labels still followed the ’60s tradition of looking for white chicks to do lame covers of R&B songs for mainstream radio play, Kristy would have a career.
Kathy: Linda Ronstadt fits into that category of female singers the contestants should avoid at all cost. Just add her to the list that includes Celine, Whitney and Mariah. No matter how well you do, you will pale in comparison. Also, I hated her shiny silver top. Simon wisely suggests that Kristy start singing Country songs.

Amanda Overmyer (TV Guide power ranking #7)
What America would be surprised to know about her: She’s a bookworm, who likes to read biographies of rock icons. Why does Simon find this charming but David Cook declaring himself a crossword puzzle nut bores him? Simon, brains are charming regardless of your gender.
Song: "Carry on My Wayward Son" (Kansas)
Erin: You’re breaking my heart over here, Amanda. First off, it appears the rocker nurse already made an enemy in the wardrobe department. Secondly, the song was just… bad. A horrible choice. I was about to make a “Hairspray” or “101 Dalmatians” joke, when my “Idol” couchmate Marguerite looked at me with eyes that conveyed betrayal and whispered one word: “Cats.” Since this revelation was announced before her performance, I was unable to look at Amanda without picturing her standing on a pile of tires using jazz hands to sing “The Jellicle Ball.”
Kathy: I was thinking Elvira, but “Cats” is so much better! Thanks, Marguerite! At least her pants matched her hair. I’m trying here, Amanda, I really am. I’ve got two words for our rocker nurse, Joan Jett. That would have been right in her wheelhouse. Kansas hasn’t been relevant since a month after they released this god-awful song. To make Amanda’s night even worse she’s told, by Paula, that she wears too much makeup. Oy. It’s like Randy telling you that you should go on a diet. Also Paula thinks Amanda’s got great moves. And that was after watching Amanda’s spastic attempts at dancing. I have a headache now.

Alaina Whitaker (TV Guide power ranking #9)
What America would be surprised to know about her: She doesn’t like the food on her plate to touch each other. So, to sum it up, she has OCD. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Song: "Hopelessly Devoted to You" (Olivia Newton John)
Erin: She took on “Hopelessly Devoted to You” because someone had to. I have a feeling the performance is probably the exact one she gave at during drama team tryouts. As for the actual perf, it’s nothing I haven’t seen outside of Dimples.
Kathy: There’s something about this girl that makes it impossible for me to remember her. Even immediately after her performances I forget her name. This outing was a mix of good, bad and really awful, all mixed together on the same plate. Also her outfit was a hot mess. Then Ryan claimed to know nothing about women’s fashion. Right, Seacrest.

Alexandrea Lushington (TV Guide power ranking #10)
What America would be surprised to know about her: She sang at Ground Zero a couple weeks after 9/11.
Song: "If You Leave Me Now" (Chicago)
Erin: Damn you, Urban Outfitters. You may have convinced the better part of the population that the shorts and high heels thing is hot, but you haven’t fooled me. You have your evil, trendy clutches on Alexandrea, but I see past your little ruse. It’s like when Sassy magazine tried to convince me to make a skirt out of ties. I'm not falling for this stupid trend. Not this time. As for Lushy’s perf, “If You Leave Me Now” totally takes me back to waiting with my sister to get my hair cut at Tipperary in my youth. I have a soft spot for the song, but not this version. Her perf was boring, but her interview was endearing.
Kathy: Could I just add, heels and cargo shorts? That's even worse than heels and regular shorts. Poor girl was awful and she knew it. And I kind of love her now for her funny, self-deprecating manner after her performance. This song was certainly apropos for her last night, since I have a feeling she’ll be leaving us. Too bad, I think she could be fun to have around.

Kady Malloy (TV Guide power ranking #8)
What America would be surprised to know about her: She sings opera, mostly in the bathroom. And actually very well.
Song: "Magic Man" (Heart)
Erin: Her dress reminds me to the gem-encrusted motherboard that beckoned Sleestaks. Poor Kady’s rendition of “Magic Man” fell flat, especially when compared with Carly’s versions of all things Heart.
Kathy: Wow, that dress was distracting. This song worked for her in one way. It reminded me that Kady performs a magic trick every time she’s on the “Idol” stage: She makes funny, kooky Kady disappear. Seriously, she seems so cool in her little video clips and then she hits the stage and becomes this bland, boring blonde. Stop it, Kady. Also Simon says he’s never heard the song before. Liar! He can't be that ignorant.

Asia’h Epperson (TV Guide power ranking #4)
What America would be surprised to know about her: She was a cheerleader in middle and high school. And she’s straightened her hair tonight.
Song: "All By Myself" (Eric Carmen)
Erin: Singing a tune that has been the theme music of suicide since its release, Asia’h’s version of “All By Myself” will inspire a new set of masses to head to the medicine cabinet and swallow fistfuls of Tylenol PM with a vodka chaser. Good job.
At this point, Marguerite and I caught on to the behind-the-scenes sabotage action that was happening when the cameras were cut. Allow me to illustrate:
Asia’h: I don’t know about this song. It’s a bit of a downer.
Ramiele: You really do an awesome job at it. You should sing it. It totally highlights your vocal range.
Kady: I agree.
Asia’h: Aww, thanks guys. And Kady, you really need to wear that rock dress. It’s not strange or ugly at all.
Kady: Thanks Asia’h. I have to go. I’m helping Amanda with her hair.
Kathy: Asia’h, since Celine did an overwrought version of this horrible, horrible song, it should be avoided at all costs. Please see the advice I gave Kristy Lee. I hope to never hear this song again as long as I live.

Best:
Kathy: Brooke, Carly
Erin: Brooke, Carly

Probably going home:
Kathy: Alexandrea, Alaina
Erin: Amanda, Alaina

Tonight, four go home.

Looking forward to new themes and mutilations next week, when I presume the theme will be songs from the ’80s, or music your parents might have been listening to when you were conceived.

— Kathy Lyford and Erin Maxwell

Well, ladies and gentlemen, Erin is sick today so you’re stuck with me. It's kind of like peanut butter without jelly, but I’ll try to not be as disappointing as the boys were this week. Erin actually got sick before Michael Johns performance and I’m pretty sure she didn’t feel any better after seeing it.

So it’s ’70s week and the show proves that it can suck the life out of any decade’s music. It’s also opposite day on “Idol” as last week’s stars phone it in and a couple who are lucky to still be around really step up and show they want it.

We start with some advice from the judges. Randy says what he always says: “You gotta be in it to win it.” Simon succinctly says “Be better” and all but three of the contestants promptly dismiss his sage advice. And Paula, well, I really have no idea. Miss Abdul is starting to sound like Charlie Brown’s teacher to me. When she did make sense last night she never actually critiqued the performances at hand. Instead she dwelled on what got the contestants to the top 24: “I know you have a lot of talent” or “You’ve shown us in the past that you have a great voice.” Thanks, Paula. Also, thanks a bunch for your creepy comment to David Archuleta that you want to "squish his head off and hang it from your rearview mirror." I really do like you better when I can't understand you.

And here are your top 10:

Michael Johns (TV Guide power ranking #1)
What America would be surprised to know about him: He plays tennis… a lot. I thought every hot Australian guy played tennis.
Song: Go Your Own Way (Fleetwood Mac)
My favorite from last week really held back this week. It was boring and, as Simon said, it felt as if he was coasting. You’d better return to form next week, honey. Looks can only carry you so far in this competition. Unless you’re Katharine McPhee.

Jason Castro (TV Guide power ranking #2)
What America would be surprised to know about him: He doesn’t like to do interviews. He cutely states that he “just likes the music stuff” and all of a sudden he’s being asked to do a lot of “not music stuff.”
Song: I Just Want to Be Your Everything (Andy Gibb)
Jason plays guitar again and this week it just doesn’t work. None of it works. Paula says he’s “cute.” Uh-oh. That’s not good. Just ask Amy. Everyone, including me, dings him for song choice and hopes he leaves the guitar at home next week.

Luke Menard (TV Guide power ranking #9)
What America would be surprised to know about him: He is a member of an a cappella group called Chapter Six that has toured all over the world. Yes, Luke, I am surprised someone pays you to sing. He also explains for those in the audience who’ve never heard the term “a cappella” and don’t own a dictionary, that “singing a cappella is a lot different than having a band behind you.” Thanks for that, Luke.
Song: Killer Queen (Queen)
At least one contestant is consistent. He was every bit as bad this week as he was last week. OK, America, here’s a little something you might be surprised to know about me. Queen is my second favorite band of all time. (I’m sorry, I don’t know you well enough yet to tell you which band is #1). Any contestant who sings Queen when it’s not Queen week, immediately gets on my bad side. Don’t try to match Freddie Mercury, because you will fail. Just don’t. Simon tells him as much. Ryan calls Luke “Dawson’s Creek” and that makes me happy.

Robbie Carrico (TV Guide power ranking #3. Really?)
What America would be surprised to know about him: He’s a drag racer. Not so surprising, Robbie. You look like every gearhead I knew in my 20s.
Song: Hot Blooded (Foreigner)
He didn’t do anything to help his “authentic rocker” claims with this dull, diluted performance. He explains in his interview that there are many forms of rock. True that, but I wasn’t aware of the rock form that puts you to sleep.

Danny Noriega (TV Guide power ranking #5)
What America would be surprised to know about him: He was in a punk band in the ninth grade. So, that was last year?
Song: Superstar (Carpenters by way of Leon Russell)
Danny does better than he did last week, but the bar was pretty low after he mangled Elvis. He’s also cut back on the sass, which may keep him in my good graces for another week. I still predict he’s the first contestant who will become unbearably irritating. Was I the only one who thought it was odd that Paula commended him for singing “the Carpenters version” of the song? Did she really think a 17-year-old was going to unearth the Rita Coolidge version? Or bust out with the Sonic Youth version during '70s week?

David Hernandez (TV Guide power ranking #8)
What America would be surprised to know about him: He used to be a competitive gymnast. Yes, that is surprising.
Song: Papa Was a Rolling Stone (Temptations)
Also surprising was that David really brought it this week. He finally located his personality and his performance was vastly better than last week’s. Good for him. Simon calls him “the best so far tonight” and David nearly wets himself he’s so pleased. Funny how the only opinion that ever seems to matter to any of the kids is Simon’s. Just sayin’.

Jason Yeager (TV Guide power ranking #10)
What America would be surprised to know about him: He plays multiple instruments.
Song: Long Train Running (The Doobie Brothers)
Jason is slightly better than last week but is in no danger of anyone asking “Which Doobie you be?” (for obscure “What’s Happening” reference, click here; key moment at the 8:22 mark. Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.) Poor Jason gets some brutal criticism from the judges (karaoke, pitchy, poor song choice, corny, ghastly) and he doesn’t take it well. He looks like he wants to cry. I’m not going to pile on. I just think Jason may want to stick to playing instruments. Also he didn’t bring along that cute son of his, so he may lose some votes there.

Chikekie Eze (TV Guide power ranking #7)
What America would be surprised to know about him: His name is Nigerian and means “something well created by God.” Also the proper pronunciation is “she kez yay,” but nobody ever got it right so he decided to stop correcting people.
Song: I Believe to My Soul. (Donny Hathaway released this song in the ’70s, so I guess it counts, but Ray Charles wrote and recorded it in the early ’60s.)
Chikezie, saved from the brink of elimination last week, proves he really wants to stick around. His performance is by no means spectacular but it’s way better than last week’s disaster so he wins over Simon. Until he defends last week’s orange suit… again. Oh, Chikezie, just give it a rest. Even his mother is embarrassed.

David Cook (TV Guide power ranking #6)
What America would be surprised to know about him: He’s a “huge word nerd” who enjoys crosswords; a “geek for vocab.” I immediately like David twice as much as I did last week!
Song: All Right Now (Free) with a guitar!
David did well enough to stick around til next week. Not a great perf, but not bad. Randy calls him the real rocker in the competition. Simon says the whole “word nerd” admission was boring and a big mistake and that David has no charisma. For the first time this season, I disagree with Cowell.

David Archuleta (TV Guide power ranking #4)
What America would be surprised to know about him: He met “Idol’s” season 1 finalists in a hotel lobby when he was 11 years old and sang for them. And he brought video evidence of Kelly Clarkson giving him props. Oh, David, you are so cute.
Song: Imagine (John Lennon)
FINALLY, a great performance. I am still waiting for someone to give me chills. I haven’t waited this long in any previous season. But David is fantastic and he’s head and shoulders above all the other boys. The judges love him and on the air Simon declares him “the one to beat.” He also predicted David will win in an interview with “Extra” earlier in the day. But don’t get too excited David, Simon called LaKisha the one to beat last season. My pal Derek says "David Archuleta is clearly a robot created by Nigel Lythgoe with the sole purpose of winning 'American Idol' and keeping the ratings up." Heh. I do think David is a force to be reckoned with, even though his dad looks like Danny Bonaduce.

Best: David Archuleta, David Hernandez, Chikezie

Probably going home: Jason Yeager, Luke Menard

Tonight, the girls take on the ’70s. Expect a lot of the Mamas and the Papas.

— Kathy Lyford

They say awards buzz might help a show that's struggling in the ratings, but in the case of "30 Rock," who would know?

For a show with an address in the title, it sure is hard to find.

In the 23 weeks since winning the comedy series Emmy last September, the NBC comedy has aired 14 times (according to the show's press site). That's including reruns. Even more starkly, "30 Rock" hasn't aired once since Jan. 10, a period in which Tina Fey has won Golden Globe and Screen Actors Guild honors, Alec Baldwin won at SAG and the series nabbed the Writers Guild comedy award.

Though some would argue that awards aren't meaningful, NBC appears to be taking this to an extreme.

New, post-strike episodes of "30 Rock" are due on the air April 10, but that doesn't mean some of the earlier ones aren't worth revisiting. It's not as if "30 Rock" is overexposed — if anything, NBC should be running mini-marathons. Why mothball the show?

— Jon Weisman

It was bugging me all week trying to figure out whom Amy Davis, recently voted off "American Idol," looked like. Today, I think I finally got it: It's Lindsey Shaw, who plays Claire on the CW's "Aliens in America."

Of course, this will mean nothing to those who don't watch TV's highest-rated show and one of its lowest. But I feel better.

— Jon Weisman

Oh, “Survivor.” Here we go again, beginning with the Fans’ Walk of Shame back from Tribal Council. After losing his main squeeze Mary last week, Mikey B the aspiring writer is pissed off. But not because he lost his primary ally! Oh, no! He’s pissed off because Joel decided to target Mary, when everyone knows that at this point in the competition you eliminate the weaker players. I wait for Mikey to explain what the loss of Mary’s cleavage has cost the Favorites team, but he never quite gets around to that.

Meanwhile Joel the firefighter, ever so graceful in victory, talks about how much he’d like to swing a baseball bat into Mikey’s face. Wow, Joel doesn’t even bother with the whole “he seemed like such a nice boy, who would have thought…” routine. Has anyone seen Mikey B. alive since this was filmed? Or is Joel waiting until after the reunion special?

After the whole Jonny Fairplay incident, the Hookup Kids decide to avoid any swing vote drama by courting Cirie immediately. Cirie, in turn, seems in no real hurry to make any sort of decision. I like her laid back approach to this game. It’s like she actually enjoys being on this gorgeous little island at the end of the world.

Hey, and then some tree mail magically happens! Because I am an old-timer, I remember the days when tree mail maybe meant a map to some more rice. Today, the tribes each get a copy of the Land’s End “Survivor” edition catalog, out of which they are to make three choices for reward, as well as some war paint. They have a jolly old time making each other up, while talking about going to war like it’s fun. Sometimes reality TV isn’t quite the escape you want it to be.

That terrifying quote from last week’s preview, about how Joel is going to kill anyone who tries to invade his home? Within the context of the episode it doesn’t get any better, because he prefaces this statement with “logically.” Great. Not only will he murder you, he’ll do it in cold blood.

The tribes meet up for this nice proper reward challenge, which is just tackle football with six balls. This is not quite the Super Bowl, though — mainly because there’s a lot of co-ed half-naked wrestling going on. I mean, a LOT. Both tribes seem to consider this quite a fun sexy war. I’ve read about inter-tribal war in the Pacific islands, though, and in real life it’s much less sexy. And there are more machetes.

Through no obvious use of strategy or skill, the Favorites win (probably because Joel didn’t have any machetes), and Kathy gets sent again to Exile Island. Oh, Kathy. Don’t worry. The mean girls in high school didn’t like me, either. Ami from the Favorites also goes to Exile Island, very excited about getting away from all the making out.

Back at camp, Cirie jokes about how she wishes that the two alliances would court her favor a little harder, since she’s the swing vote and thus has the option of playing both sides against each other. Seems like this is the position Jonny Fairplay was in two weeks ago, just before both alliances agreed to shoot him in the head and dump the body in the woods. But Cirie is uninterested in history, no matter how recent, and begins talking to Amanda and Parvati about trust issues within their alliances, clearly fishing to see if any breakups are on the horizon.

WAIT. Is Jonathan wearing a fedora? The answer is yes, he is. He is wearing a battered grey I-am-hiding-my-bald-spot-with-my-fierce-fashion-sense fedora. Wow. That’s either ridiculous or fantastic. It might just be both. He wears this fedora while talking with Eliza about whether or not Cirie is going to turn on them. He stares at Cirie’s girl-bonding moment. I stare at the hat…

Anyway, Cirie, Amanda and Parvati agree to be gal pals all the way to the end, even if Ozzy knocks up Amanda. You think I’m kidding about that last bit, but no, Cirie is specific on that point. She refers to Ozzy and Amanda’s potential spawn as “Ozlets.” Cirie clearly adheres to the medieval belief that a child is the sole genetic product of its father.

It’s nice that Cirie now has some BFFs (is she the Charlotte or the Carrie in this group?), but I worry about her. I don’t want to imply anything about their virtue, but on the first night both Amanda and Parvati immediately put out — I mean, formed alliances. So they seem a little loose. With their alliances, that is.

Night 7: A monsoon comes, and without any shelter supplies the Fans have a rough night. The next morning, they are so cold that the girls are wearing clothes over their bikinis. Actually, they do seem very sad and miserable. Chet the gay guy gives out hugs. Joel goes and sits in the boat. Staring out at the ocean. Perhaps he yearns for home. Or perhaps he yearns for his trophy case of human ears.

The immunity challenge is a game of coconut basketball, at which the women and weaker men actually do a little better, because they almost immediately start throwing underhand. It seems vaguely neck-and-neck, but given how much time we’ve already spent watching the Favorites scheme and fret, it comes as very little surprise when the Fans win it.

Back at the Favorites camp, there’s a whole lot of talking, which boils down to Cirie being worried about Yau-Man finding an immunity idol on Exile Island, because he is apparently smart (he does wear glasses, after all). So she wants to vote him out before that can happen, and because she’s the swing vote for the Hookup Kids, she in theory gets to do whatever she wants. But Ozzie wants to vote out Eliza, because she is apparently bad at challenges (she is a woman, after all — jeez, it only took three weeks for this show to make me a misogynist).

Parvati: “I just don’t think it’s a good thing if we vote for different people. I think we all need to vote for the same person.” Parvati has a real grip on the concept of an alliance here. So does Eliza, when she observes that “they’re not going to go into Tribal Council split. That’s the stupidest thing ever.” But Jonathan, who’s been eavesdropping on all this drama, decides to bank on that stupidity and target his alliance at Parvati.

Tribal Council gets catty when Jonathan calls Cirie out for manipulating both alliances, and Cirie tells him that she doesn’t trust him “as far as I can pick you up and throw you.” You know, squabbling at Tribal Council seems like the most gauche thing ever. It’s like cursing in front of your grandmother. Your sexy, scruffy, khaki-wearing grandmother.

Anyway, turns out Cirie was able to get her ducks in order. Yau-Man is voted out, reducing the Bitter Spinsters to three, and making Cirie Queen of the Hookup Kids. We’ll see how that goes for her down the line, but in the meantime — well-played, Cirie.  Well-played.

Next week on “Survivor”: They promise that Exile Island can’t be missed. I’ll believe that when I see it. So I guess I won’t miss it.  Damn it, “Survivor”!  You win this one.

— Liz Shannon Miller

It was like the reverse of the "Sopranos" finale. Was something wrong with my television? Why was the sound of people's voices on tonight's "Lost" not matching up with their lips moving?  Was this a nefarious turn in the time-delay plot from last week?

Nope.  This time, there really was something wrong with my TV. 

Eventually, the problem fixed itself, which was quite a relief. Maybe that false start to blame – then again, maybe it wasn't – but much of tonight's episode didn't have the zest of the first three this season. The focus was on Kate, and though her backstory usually interests me, I felt she was sleepwalking for a good chunk of this one.

There was some juicy stuff at the end to make up for it, however.

Highlights: Some more big revelations (more on those in a moment), plus Kate's convincing final scene with Jack in which she earnestly tells him that if he can't accept her baby, she can't accept him.

Lowlights: The uninspiring courtroom sequences (though I did enjoy seeing Shawn Doyle from "Big Love" as Kate's lawyer), combined with the almost mechanical scheming that Kate engineered to bring Miles his minute with Ben. And Sawyer, who has mostly been a dream this season, seemed a bit too oblivious in reacting with such joy to Kate telling him she wasn't preggers.

Split decision: Locke serving Miles a grenade for breakfast.  Chilling, or over the top?

Truths I'm willing to wait to find out, that you're probably on your way to figuring out: 1) The big 'un: Why were only eight original Oceanic 815 passengers found alive? While we've been hearing about the Oceanic 6 since the opening scene of the season, it was easy to operate under the assumption that others (not Others) were safely hidden away on the island, perhaps awaiting recuse a couple years from now in the final season. Maybe that's still the case, but maybe not?

2) The other big 'un?  What happened to the helicopter? It's more than 31 minutes late, and not because my TV was on the fritz ...

3) Why does Kate have Clare's baby Aaron (unless that's just No. 1 on the Island Baby Name list)?  I'll admit that I feel for the bait-and-switch, thinking Kate was carrying Sawyer's baby even as she denied it. The reveal worked for me – not quite with the power of episode three's ending scene of Sayid and Ben, but still pretty nifty. Part of me had been figuring Clare was part of the 6. Obviously, her fate is connected to 1) above. So what happened?

4) What clues were revealed with Daniel and Charlotte's variation on Three-Card Monte?

5) $3.2 million?  Not $3.3 million or $3.4 million?

6) "Xanadu" or "Satan's Doom"?

– Jon Weisman

Here we go with the most excruciating hour of the week. That’s right, an hour, to tell four people they’re going home. Of course, who could blame the network? They could slap the “American Idol” logo on a test pattern and still win the timeslot against almost any competition.

So how do they fill the hour?

1. They spend a good deal of time defending the fact that several of the contestants aren’t exactly undiscovered talent.
2. They show a video of the contestants’ “journey” set to a Daughtry song. It involves planes, cars and lots of walking. And loving shots of Michael. He’s pretty cute, have we mentioned that?
3. The top 24 sing a medley of the most dreadful songs from the '60s.They all look awkward and have weird hair. It's like watching "Hullabaloo." I always forget how excruciating the singalongs and videos are. I am forever scarred by the singing puppet Ford Focus video from a few seaons back. Compared with that, or the Devo one they did in the same season, this one was a Dean Martin Christmas special.
4. They recap the boys’ performances.
5. Then it happens. The hammer comes down on Leif Garrett Haley out of nowhere. Whoa, dudes, that was harsh.
6. Then it’s time for the “Idol” tradition that’s always made the least sense to me: Assaulting the insanely loyal audience with a repeat of the worst performances of the week, delivered by young people who’ve just had their dreams crushed on national TV. What’s next, Fox? Marathons of our favorite moments from “Anchorwoman”?
7. Recap the girls, tell Kristy she’s safe, boot off pretty Amy. Amy sings. Bye Amy.
8. They show Paula’s new video. Holy crap. There’s Randy playing guitar. There’s lots of airbrushing and wind machines and electronic help for Paula’s voice. Make it stop. Paula's video reminded me of her MTV VMAs in the early '90s when "Vibeology" came out. Fifteen years later and she's still using the same tricks to hide her tummy. Paula thanks Randy for getting her back in the studio. Yeah, thanks Randy. Thanks a heap. “Anchorwoman” repeats are sounding better and better.
9. Joanne and Amanda are invited to the center of the stage. One of them is gone. Guess which one. Bye lovely, awesome Joanne. Joanne sings, better than she did last night. The girls cry. Like all of them. Except Amanda. Atta girl.
10. Chikezie and Colton centerstage. Colton is booted and somewhere in Oklahoma Kyle Ensley smiles. Chikezie Eze Peasy lives on to wear another neon suit next week. Colton is the first of the four rejects to cry. Paula and Randy inexplicably tell him to continue to pursue his dreams of a music career. And Simon, always the voice of reason, says “Get a job, kid.” Thank God for Simon. Colton sings us out. Almost all the girls, including Danny, cry.

Kathy: So no surprises really. Chikezie and Kristy are very lucky. I thought Amy would slide by on her looks for a few weeks, ala Haley Scarnato, but it wasn’t to be. “AI” forgot to cast a villain this year, so I feel a little sad for all four. I’ll get over it.

Erin: As for the goners, adios. Thanks for all the ammo and allowing me to vent on you. Only my therapist will miss you.

To borrow a phrase - Until next week, Erin and Kathy: Out.

- Kathy Lyford and Erin Maxwell

The season preem of each cycle of “America’s Next Top Model” is a throwaway episode to me. We get to know some girls who don’t make it to the top 13 (or er, 14 this season); we don’t get to know girls who make it; and we aren’t made to care about any of them yet. Ultimately we end up with a collection of pretty girls who fill the same slots every year: the nice one, the mean one, the angry one, the awkward one, etc. Honestly, this show doesn’t really kick in for me until makeover week.

The school theme they use throughout the episode wears thin quickly, never moreso than with Tyra’s over-the-top, tragic homecoming queen act. We get the usual walking lesson from Miss J (school marm is not her best look), then the girls pose for photos. And then there are some catfights and violent threats. Yawn.

Then we get to casting panel, probably the most interesting part of any episode one. The various hard-luck stories include abuse, single motherhood, boyfriend in Iraq, has tried out for "ANTM" eight times (um, move on?), never learned to give a lap dance, grew up Mormon, married at 17, and then one I hope to never hear again: female genital mutilation for the contestant from Somalia. Yikes. Also, one girl is drinking her own breast milk while separated from her child. Maybe having an infant at home is a reason to not participate in a reality TV contest? Just a suggestion.

A bunch of girls we don’t know are eliminated and then the ones who are left, whom we also don’t know, are photographed again. Let’s get on with naming the top 13, er 14, shall we? Oh but first we are entertained by the various criticisms thrown out by Miss Tyra and the J’s (sounds like a 60s band!): too old, bad voice, too perfect, pretty girl but not a model, doesn’t want it badly enough, bad walk, too ghetto, too sexy, sucks in her cheeks, plus size (but what a pretty face). Wow they’re harsh.

And here are the 14 lucky wannabe models.

Allison
Looks Like: Sarah Silverman
Role she fills: Sassy

Fatima (right)
Looks Like: Iman
Role: Superiority complex

Katarzyna
Looks Like: Pick any Eastern bloc model. Let’s go with Paulina Porizkova
Role: Eastern European egomaniac

Kimberly (left)
Looks Like: A little like Reese Witherspoon, but exactly like Ambyr Childers, who plays Colby Chandler on “All My Children”
Role: Raw talent

Stacy-Ann
Looks like: Kimberly Elise
Role: Pollyanna, will get along with everyone

Amis
Looks like: Lisa from Cycle 5
Role: Class clown with no class

Aimee
Looks like: Nobody and everybody
Role: Religious and conflicted

Claire
Looks like: Julia Stiles
Role: Single mom. Also global warming warrior

Whitney
Looks like: Carole Alt, with meat on her bones
Role: Plus size but confident

Marvita (right)
Looks like: Chris Rock
Role: Angry, possibly violent

Lauren
Looks like: Martha Plimpton
Role: off beat and out of her element

Anya
Looks like: Gaby Reese
Role: Verbally challenged

Dominique
Looks like: Vanessa Williams
Role: Overconfident but probably insecure

Atalya
Looks like: A little like Joy Bryant
Role: Who knows? I don’t recall seeing her the whole episode. She must be the stealth contestant

— Kathy Lyford

The girls get a crack at tunes from the ‘60s. Was that decade this boring?! Seriously. Ryan calls this the best top 24 ever. Says who? Let’s give it a couple weeks before we buy into that notion. I would say this is the most palatable top 24 ever. There’s not an irritating one in the bunch… yet. Give it time, I’m sure instant fame will go to someone’s head shortly.

Things we learned from this episode: Simon enjoys when contestants sass back at him; a flu epidemic provided a convenient excuse for some of the contestants; Ryan seems to have a shoe fetish; “Idol” isn’t just about discovering new faces, but about giving second, third and fourth chances to folks who already had a moment in the spotlight. Yup, folks, Erin’s done her research and lots of these girls have a reality show past. Add that to the spate of contestants who’ve previously had recording contracts and you just might start to believe that conspiracy theory floating around the Internet that the producers have planted “professionals” this year to beef up the competition. At any rate, it’s way more interesting to me than Antonella or Frenchie’s nude photo scandals or the various arrest records uncovered from seasons past.

Things this episode confirmed: Simon is always right; Paula never makes any sense; Randy is almost never right and almost never makes any sense.

On with the show:

Kristy Lee Cook
Pre-“Idol” job: Horse trainer. And although she didn’t mention it last night, cage fighter. That rocks. Also a former model with a few strange musicvids making the rounds on the Net. Don’t believe me? Click here to check it out. It’s the odd homage to “Titanic” that did it for me.
Song: Rescue Me
Kathy: Oh, Kristy, you were my early pick. She’s OK tonight, but nothing special. She reminds us that she sold the “awsomest horse ever” to pay her way to her first audition. She’s going to have to do a whole lot better than this if she wants to buy back her pony. Kristy also reportedly had a recording contract at one time.
Erin: Well, at least we know she can sing more than “Amazing Grace.”

Joanne Borgella
Pre-“Idol” job: Plus-size model. Also won “Mo’Nique’s Fat Chance” in 2005.
Song: Say a Little Prayer
Kathy: It was mostly out of tune. OK, completely out of tune. This makes me so sad. I like Joanne so much.
Erin: I agree. She looked like she was about to faint. I was hoping for a LaKisha-esque perf from the lovely, larger lady, but she sounded like she was holding back.

Alaina Whitaker
Pre-“Idol” job: High school student
Song: More Today Than Yesterday
Kathy: Alaina is young. Very, very young. This will eventually become annoying to me. She’s pretty good but I’m having trouble caring. Simon claims to have never heard the song. I don’t believe him. He also declares that she’ll be great on a decent song. Which week will that be an option? Manilow week? Show tunes week?
Erin: They need an ’80s week. Just a whole show dedicated to keyitars and drum machines. All the girls will wear side ponytails and all the boys in skinny ties. Anywho, Alaina did a fine job, but she has no grit to her.

Amanda Overmyer
Pre-“Idol” job: Scary nurse (Erin note: This is Kathy’s opinion. I would go for rockin’ nurse)
Song: Regardless of the plethora of Janis choices the theme served up, she wisely chose to avoid that road. Instead, she sang Baby Please Don’t Go.
Kathy: Choosing a song without a melody may not have been her best move. In the middle of the song, I’m not sure what happened. Simon thought she forgot the words. I thought it looked as if she had to go to the bathroom. And Simon claims, again, to have never heard this song before. Huh? Anyway, I like Amanda a lot because she reminds me of Erin.
Erin: Thanks, Kath. I love this girl. We have the same fondness for Maybelline eye makeup, and I used to do that dye job with my hair, but it was fire-engine red. I am convinced that if we ever meet, she’ll be my new BFF. As for her performance, I didn’t actually care for the song all that much, but I did like her voice. The whole scat thing was lost on me. I know the song goes like that, but I agree with Simon. Even though I know the song, it did sound like she forgot the words. Doesn’t matter though. Love her. Amanda is my homegirl.

Amy Davis
Pre-“Idol” job: Tradeshow model, grad student, was a contestant on “Nashville Star”
Song: Where the Boys Are
Kathy: I have no recollection of this girl at all from the earlier rounds. She’s absolutely gorgeous, yet modest. And I like her, until she sings. It was out of tune here and there… and there. Because she looks like a soap star and didn’t perform well, anyone who’s seen even one episode of this show could have predicted Paula’s critique: “The camera loves you.” Translation: "You suck, but you’re hot." (Yes, folks sometimes I understand what Paula is saying). Poor, pretty Amy. : (
Erin: I thought this performance was completely forgettable. Kath, if you didn’t tell me the song, I would have no idea who this girl was or what she sang even if my life depended on it.

Brooke White
Pre-“Idol” job: Nanny
Song: Happy Together
Kathy: Brooke reminds me of Rebecca DeMornay. And she’s a nanny by trade. (Insert your own “Hand That Rocks the Cradle” joke here.) Brooke became a favorite of mine after Hollywood week but I was bored by this performance. I think she’ll stick around a while but I don’t think Simon will ever corrupt her.
Erin: It’s as if The N is producing this girl’s career. She has all the makings for a after-school series: 1. Has a horse 2. Goes to the big, bad scary city 3. Holds on to her morals despite the new influences in her life. All she needs to do is to find a bad boy to corrupt her and we have a spec script for the Mouse House. I’m waiting for her to bust out the Tori on her keyboard in the later part of the competish.

Alexandrea Lushington
Pre-“Idol” job: Student, church singer
Song: Spinning Wheel
Kathy: In Hollywood she sang Amy Winehouse. Don’t do that ever again Alexandrea. Ruin Whitney, butcher Celine. I don’t care. But don’t even dare attempt to match Amy again if you want to stay on my good side. Randy and Paula fall all over themselves praising her. Simon hated it. I thought it was OK. I did like her peace sign earring. Paula called her outfit “dope.” Paula said “dope.” Heh.
Erin: Remember when ’60s fashion had a revival in the late ’80s/early ’90s? Think early TLC musicvids or summer episodes of “90210.” That’s what this is. The one peace sign earring, the suspenders, the red Chucks… hello T-Boz (sans the random condom accessories). As for the performance, I actually liked it a great deal. It’s a weird song to begin with, so there are a lot of ways it can go. I thought the teen did a fine job.

Kady Malloy
Pre-“Idol” job: Recording studio assistant; has one album under her belt
Song: Groovy Kind of Love
Kathy: Here’s the thing about Kady. She’s the Rich Little of this competition, only funny. She does  imitations backstage and for the camera. But as Kady, she’s not great. I hope she sticks around because I think she’s got a comedic personality in there somewhere. Paula says Kady “looks pretty.” Kiss of death. Simon tells her she’s boring. Ryan steps in just in time to save her from crying on camera.
Erin: Poor Kady. I adored her gasping version of Britney at the auditions, so I had high hopes for the gal. I hope she pulls it together enough to last a little longer.

Asia’h Epperson
Pre-”Idol” job: Waitress
Song: Piece of My Heart
Kathy: They show her first audition again and I cry again. Damn you, producers, you’ve got to stop doing that to me; you’re turning me soft. Asia’h would really have to take a nosedive to fall from grace for me. Thank God, she was great this week. I love, love, love this girl.  Everything about her. Her daddy must have been quite a guy.
Erin: She is totally biting Amanda’s style, but it’s difficult to not like this girl. She’s just adorable. And she can sing well. Oh, Ms. Epperson, you can have this Janis moment. I’m feeling a bit generous today. But no more raspy soul singers for you, missy.

Ramiele Malubay
Pre-“Idol” job: Works at a sushi restaurant, http://www.myspace.com/ramiele
Song: You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me
Kathy: Ramiele’s been off my radar but she won me over this week. I’m a huge Dusty Springfield fan so thankfully she didn’t blow it. However, if she wanted to pick from the Dusty catalog, I think “Son of a Preacher Man” would have suited her better. She proves herself to be a girl after my own heart by announcing that hair and makeup is her favorite part of being an “Idol" finalist. And shoes. Hey Ramiele, want to go to the mall with me?
Erin: Love the shoes also, although Ryan creeped me out. Apparently, Ryan is as layered as an onion, with a foot fetish as one of the more hidden layers. As for her perf, I agree with Kathy. I was hoping for “Preacher Man,” but again, that song is as overdone as “Moon River,” so I’m glad she went with a different selection. She’s very soulful and I dig the funky haircut. She’s quickly becoming a fave.

Syesha Mercado
Pre-“Idol” job: Actress. In Miami. And a former contestant on “The One: Making a Music Star”
Song: Tobacco Road
Kathy: This is the first time I’ve seen Syesha’s appeal. She’s good. Very good. I’m not completely in her corner yet, but I’m coming around.
Erin: She surprised the hell out of me. I actually dug this song and her version of it. I’m still not sold on her “life lessons.” I prefer “Idol” contestants before they read “The Secret.”

Carly Smithson
Pre-“Idol” job: Tattoo shop owner. Unclear if she’s a tattoo artist, but she is a tat aficionado. She is also the most controversial of the wannabes considering she’s already had a record contract with MCA.
Song: Shadow of Your Smile
Kathy: Carly’s been at the center of Internet controversy due to the fact that she not only had a recording contract with a major label, she had an album released. Carly addresses this, sort of, by saying the record company “imploded” and left her out in the cold. She did not mention that her album tanked. Frankly I don’t care but some folks are pretty worked up about it. What all this does is put a lot of pressure on Carly to be the best. Simon was disappointed; Randy and Paula slobber all over themselves praising her. She was fourth best for me. I expected more.
Erin: So did I. I was expecting her to rock out a bit more than she did. But it might be because she caught the dreaded “Idol” plague, which originally was carried by production assistants arriving from Sicily on boat. Or something like that. My expectations on this chick are sky high, so hopefully she’ll skip on the ballads next week and get right to the rocking.

The best
Kathy: Asia’h, Syesha, followed closely by Ramiele and Carly. But my favorites are still Asia’h and Brooke
Erin: Ramiele and Amanda, although she’s just my favorite ’cause I fear her and love her.

The worst
Kathy: Amy Davis, Joanne Borgella (it kills me to have  to say that)
If I know America, and after six plus seasons of this show, I think I do, Amy and Kady aren’t going anywhere this week. I think Joanne and Kristy will bid us adieu tomorrow.
Erin: Amy Davis, Kady Malloy

Hey kids, consistency should be your watchword here. Tonight, the first eliminations. Two girls and two boys go home.

— Kathy Lyford and Erin Maxwell

P.S.
True "Idol" fans who can't get enough recaps should also check out Phil Gallo's Set List blog and our pal Ken Levine's blog

Love, K & E

They rolled out the themes early this year with “The ‘60s.” And of course the folks at Fox couldn’t wrestle the rights to any Beatles or Rolling Stones songs away from their owners, so the boys are left with a bunch of songs that do little to represent the spirit of the ‘60s in any way, shape or form. The thing is I didn’t even know there was a theme until the second contestant said so. Is Ryan falling down on the job or did I doze off momentarily? The latter actually almost happened a couple of times — more on that later.

Before we get to the boys, I’d just like to say this is a nice bunch of kids. This may be the first time in seven seasons I haven’t actively disliked at least one of the top 12 guys. But it's also a very white group, which is disappointing.

And here we go…

David Hernandez
Song: The Midnight Hour
Pre-’Idol’ career: Worked at Cheesecake Factory.
Erin: His past actually makes me like him more since we share the same dubious past. I was a booth bitch in my early 20s. Performance. Not bad. Nothing I haven’t heard before at a really nice Bar Mitzvah. Honestly, it wasn’t very risky.
Kathy: David bored me. He just isn’t good enough to win. He bored me so much I have nothing else to say.

Chikeze Eze (You just can’t say that first name without the last name)
Song: I Love You More Today Than Yesterday
Pre-‘Idol’ career:  http://www.myspace.com/Clova03
Erin: If David had the Bar Mitzvah voice, then Chikeze brought the suit. Which he defends! To Simon! Man, talk about picking your battles. The first note fell flat, and the rest of the performance was the same. It was just painful. You know, it is inevitable that when you bring a bunch of twentysomethings to H’wood, give them posh surroundings and a makeover, there is a good chance it will go to their head. But who knew it would happen to Chikeze. He seemed to laid back, so positive, and it seemed he managed to triumph over a terrible moniker.
Kathy: He’s got a great smile but that’s the end of the positive things I have to say. The orange leisure suit was more ’70s than ’60s. And it damaged my retinas.

David Cook
Song: So Happy Together
Pre-‘Idol’ career: Slacker. That will probably also be his post-'Idol' career.
Erin: Am I the only one to be distracted by his odd combover? The emperor has no hair, people. A solid performance that will keep him out the bottom three, but there no way he can win this.
Kathy: No, you’re not alone. I, too noticed the combover and immediately thought of you, Erin. Because last week you gave his hair as a reason to like him. What’s happened to him between Hollywood and this week?! David wasn’t my favorite but he did get better by the end of the song. He’s safe for a while.

Jason Yeager
Song: Moon River
Pre-‘Idol’ career: Finalist on ‘Making the Band’
Erin:
From: The Producers
To: The Top 12 Boys
Congratulations. You have made it to the top 24 on “American Idol.” Please choose one of the following songs:
Moon River
You’re the Only One For Me
Moon River
Somewhere Only We know
Night And Day
Moon River
Moon River
I Could Not Ask For More
Moon River
Maria Maria
Moon River
Moon River
After the first few notes, I left the couch and wandered around the apartment looking for something to clean.
Kathy: It is difficult to make “Moon River” your own but that music teacher from a few seasons back (Anwar Robinson) managed to do it. Jason, however, did not. But Jason has an adorable little son who will succeed in getting Jason more votes than he deserves. Plus he dedicated the song to his dead granny so he’s safe this week. Also Simon used the dreaded “cruise ship singer” insult and it got me wondering. Has Simon ever been on a cruise? Maybe he shouldn’t because I’m pretty sure the ship’s entertainer would shove him overboard or poison his Baked Alaska.

Robbie Carrico
Song: One
Pre-‘Idol’ career: Member of Boyz N Girlz United and rumored to have once dated Britney.
Erin: I know nothing of Robbie, but I assumed he was a rocker. My bad. It was the bandana. Damn you, Bret Micheals.
Kathy: Simon called him out on the fake rocker thing and he deserved it. He was, you know, fine but nothing special.

David Archuletta
Song: Shop Around
Pre-‘Idol’ career: Won a kiddie version of “Star Search”
Erin: Thank God. Seriously. This is what I was waiting for. I needed a good performance at this point like Ginsberg needs an angry fix (See? I read. I don’t only watch reality TV.) David’s perf has inspired me to change my “I Heart Aussies” shirt into a “WWDAD” design.
Kathy: Before little David sang, I was thinking “I need someone to give me chills. I need a Fantasia or LaKisha knock-my-socks-off perf.” This wasn’t quite it but it was miles better than the ones that came before it. Thank you adorable little boy. David’s been part of the whole controversy over contestants who previously had record contracts. So I will ask this — Just how seasoned a pro is he? And how much of an act is the whole wide-eyed innocent thing?

Danny Noriega
Song: Jailhouse Rock
Pre-‘Idol’ career: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=335221891. Also pretending to be straight last season when he made it to Hollywood but not the top 24.
Erin: Oh, Danny. This performance broke my heart. Contestants need to learn to keep the Elvis songs for Elvis week. It’s only a few weeks away. Until then, you are supposed to do various power ballads. It just didn’t work for me. My guess is that the Danny is gonna make the bottom three. There is a tear-filled goodbye performance in this kid’s future.
Kathy: I’m sorry, Erin, I can’t hear you over the sound of Elvis rolling around in his grave. Jeez this was bad. From the ’80s punk outfit right down to the double-snap sass. Paula says we will see “many colors of David.” Yeah, like rainbow colors?
As Phil points out on the Set List blog, this song wasn't even from the 60s.

Luke Menard
Song: Everybody’s Talking At Me
Pre-‘Idol’ career: He never existed before ‘Idol.’ A creation by U.S. government agencies to create the ultimate singing sensation. Yes, I was too bored with the guy to do much research.
Erin: I was very interested in seeing Luke, because I know absolutely nothing about him. But a few notes into his song I slipped into a small coma. By the time I came to, I was still bored.
Kathy: Luke rivals Michael Johns in hotness. Too bad he doesn’t have the voice to back it up. He reminds me of the super-cute Matthew Metzger from a few seasons ago who ended up with a (non-singing) job on a soap. Perhaps there’s a future role for Luke as an amnesiac married to his sister who came back from the dead. (And yes, I had to look up Matthew Metzger’s name. I’m not that big of a nerd.)

Colton Berry
Song: Suspicious Minds
Pre-‘Idol’ career: Sang in church
Erin: Stop with the Elvis. You folks are using up all the good songs that could be held onto for King week!
Anywho, Colton is another under-the-radar top 24 player. He got absolutely no screen time, probably because he has the charisma of a kumquat. With the blond hair and black shirt, it was often difficult at times to distinguish him from the golden-hued background.
Kathy: Way to ruin another perfectly good Elvis song. I’m leaving the room if one of them attempts “Can’t Help Falling in Love.” Even Colton’s parents looked bored. Not a good sign. I did laugh when he said he looked like Ellen DeGeneres though.

Leif Garrett Haley (that’s what we’re calling him. Get used to it.)
Song: Breaking Up is Hard to Do
Pre-‘Idol’ career: Worked on his hair. A lot.
Erin: “Hi, I’m Garrett Haley. You might remember me from ‘American Idol.’ And if you liked my performances, you’ll love this CD of ‘Soft Sounds of the ’60s’ brought to you by Time-Life...”
At this point, this is the most boring top 24 in the history of the universe. I mean, I knew with the lovely Shawn Cassidy-esque flowing locks that the kid was going to do a ballad, but why destroy a perfectly good pop song? He wrung the fun out of that tune like a wet paper towel.
Kathy: So boring that Paula collapsed onto the desk. Or maybe she collapsed for another reason. I think Garrett might be a little bit of a stoner. I think I’m going to have to take up that habit if I have to listen to him sing again next week.

Jason Castro
Song: Daydream
Pre-‘Idol’ career: Once wore a fade. Ok, I made this up, but it would be awesome if these pictures surfaced.
Erin: This kid as a career in jingles. If you close your eyes, you can easily imagine him shilling a stay at the Days Inn or some sort of chocolate beverage. And he brought a guitar, which I’m still not used to, but I think I like it as an accessory.
Kathy: I didn’t know the instruments were an option in this portion of the competition. Why isn’t Ryan telling us everything?! I loved this kid. Loved him. Why was this the first time we were hearing him?

Michael Johns
Song: Light My Fire
Pre-‘Idol’ career: Sang in a few bands. Hot with hot wife.
Erin: A top perf for the night. I know he’s married, but man, they guy is still pretty smokin’. Traditionally speaking, anyone who ends the night is usually safe ‘cause we’re still reeling from the suckfest that came before them. And after Colton, Garret and Luke, Michael could have gone up there and sung “Happy Birthday” and still won the night, ‘cause it’s not a damn ballad.
Kathy: Man, he’s hot. And consistent. He’ll be around well into April. Thank God. That will give me time to crack open my thesaurus to find new ways to describe his hotness.

Worst:
Erin: Everyone who didn’t get camera time in the early audition parts of the show or Hollywood week; Danny Noriega
Kathy: Say goodbye to Chikezie and Garrett.

Best:
Erin: David Archuletta, Michael Johns
Kathy: Michael Johns, Jason Castro

— Erin Maxwell and Kathy Lyford

Variety's "American Idol" recap champs will post their comments about Tuesday's round-of-24 episode soon enough (which means if you're reading this later in the day, you'll probably have read them already — such is the new-post-on-top world of blogging).  In any case, I just wanted to toss down a couple of thoughts.

Has any contestant ever done anything but damage their chances of winning "Idol" by challenging the judges' or snapping at Simon Cowell? As Chikeze Eze and Danny Noriega proved last night, however blunt Simon might be, it only makes things worse to fight back. 

First of all, Simon is usually right. So by taking him on, you're taking on the many viewers who agree with him.  In case no one noticed, during the audition rounds, Simon is as popular as any of the judges and perhaps more so. The caluclated howls of people in the studio audience and the churlish retorts by Ryan Seacrest whenever Simon says anything remotely negative don't accurately represent a cross-section of "Idol" viewers. Better to actually try to understand that even if he can't always articulate himself eloquently (though he's no Paula), if Simon senses something's off with a performance, something was probably off.

But let's say Simon was wrong to put the hurt on.  Let's say he was mean.  Well, Simon's not trying to win a popularity contest, is he? Criticism comes with the territory as a performer, and for many voters, a contestant's ability to handle that criticism with poise and grace plays a huge part in likeability.  Let's play back Chikeze's 2008 campaign, for example.

Auditions: Charming singer with potential.
Tuesday: Charming singer suffering through a mediocre performance, but maybe he'll bounce back.
Tuesday after Simon speaks: Crybaby who can't carry a tune on the big stage or handle the truth.

It's okay to believe in yourself and believe you did well in the face of criticism. Just don't lose your cool.

A few other tidbits ...

• David Hernandez's deer-in-the-headlights look, combined with his passable singing, made me think of Matt Saracen (Zach Gilford) coming off the bench to replace Jason Street "Friday Night Lights." There were moments when Hernandez seemed like he might just freeze out there, but if he can survive this week and ger his bearings, he might stick around for a while (even if he can't win it all).
• Luke Menard is probably in jeopardy after an uninspiring performance, but his song choice intrigued me, and I'd like to see him get another chance to make an impression.
• Ken Levine had two classic descriptions in his "Idol" recap: Jason Castro looked like "Lisa Edelstein with dreadlocks," and Noriega resembled "Jane Fonda in 'Klute.' "

— Jon Weisman

What I enjoy sometimes about the nonfiction format is that it puts my own life in perspective. For example: maybe I'm single this Valentine's Day, but at least I'm not playing to the cameras with a cheap and meaningless reality show affair.  Thanks for the reality check, "Survivor"!

The Favorites return to camp Night 3 down one Fairplay, but up one fish, which Ozzy has apparently caught with his bare hands in the dark.  OK.  Maybe I can get over the David Faustino resemblance. But only because I like sushi, and I like men who can provide me sushi even more.

The next morning, we hang out with the Fans, who are trying to establish some order in their chaotic camp - mainly by shouting a whole bunch. Finally, they start focusing on building a fire.

For fans of a show that emphasizes basic survival skills, these guys are absolutely useless at starting a fire. How do you sign up for this show without considering the possibility that knowing how to build a fire might be important? There are 9-year-old Girl Scouts who are better prepared.

"Why is everyone talking all the time and not working?" says Joel the firefighter (while the irony of being a firefighter who can't make fire flies right over his head). Meanwhile, Mikey B the aspiring writer cackles with glee over how much drama the Fans are able to generate out of these simple tasks. "We haven't even had to go to tribal council yet, and there's all this drama!" Shut up, Dramarama.

Eventually, the firestarters give up on the flint and start focusing on what Kathy has been moaning about all morning - making a decent shelter. Their solution though, is to call dibs on the caves where Kathy, Tracy and Chet were planning to sleep - and then telling Kathy et al that they're not welcome in CaveTown.

This quickly establishes the new lines of the tribe, setting up Tracy, Kathy, and Chet as outcasts. Kathy reacts by immediately comparing the other, productive members of the tribe to "those mean girls in high school," an argument that will sound familiar to anyone who's spent time on Internet message boards, while Tracy and Chet devise a separate shelter. Meanwhile, the cool kids all stand around and laugh about how cool they are not to be like the outcasts. This show is a feat of subtlety.

However, Kathy, Tracy and Chet's shelter ends up being totally rad, thanks to Tracy's mad skills, and the cool kids deign to admit that they belong to the same tribe. Especially after Tracy helps them build a another shelter. They make fire! Everyone eats clam! Peace and prosperity reign! Except, of course, that Mikey and Mary the real estate agent are flirting bunches, annoying Joel. And Joel?  Not the sort of guy you want to annoy.

That night at the Favorites camp, the Hookup Kids from last week are making out right in front of the rest of the tribe, offending many delicate sensibilities. Hard to imagine that veteran "Survivor' contestants would have boundary issues, but there you go. Fed up with the exhibitionists, Cirie gets off the sidelines and joins up with the Bitter Spinster alliance, and oh my God, there's been like 20 minutes of this crap. Can we please get to a physical challenge?

Jeff Probst says yes, yes we can. This week's game is swimming to a platform to release keys that a Keymaster (insert your own "Ghostbusters" joke here) uses to unlock a box containing puzzle pieces that the Puzzlemasters assemble. It is a complicated series of tasks requiring eight people filling a number of different roles. The Fans sit out Kathy, and the action begins!

The Favorites obliterate the challenge (Jeff likes to say "obliterate" a lot), while Chet fails to find his key, costing the Fans victory and dooming them to Tribal Council. The Favorites get to choose someone from the Fans team to send to Exile Island, and they choose Kathy because they are also mean girls like the ones in high school.  But Jeff slams down a surprise - the Favorites also have to send someone from their tribe to Exile Island! Shocking! They choose Cirie. Not so shocking.

As someone who stopped watching "Survivor" in 2001, Exile Island is a bit confusing to me, but according to Jeff it's a chance for one tribe member to get a short vacation away from their tribe - while the rest of their tribe schemes against them.

Kathy (left) and Cirie spend their intimate little getaway together walking back and forth across the ocean, looking for an immunity idol. It is the most exhausting and frustrating first date I can imagine, and I have been on some bad ones.

At the Fans camp, Mikey wants to target Chet, and is overanalyzing the way voting might break down as only a true fan can. Joel is confused and annoyed - both by Mikey's nerding out and the way in which he's trying to take control of the tribe. So Joel, knowing that Mikey is the biggest threat, decides to target... Mary, not Mikey. Because the Mikey/Mary alliance needs to be destroyed and "they'll need Mikey for some of the challenges." I can't figure out if Joel is sexist or jealous, but hey, who says I have to pick one?

Joel's scheming works, with five people voting to eliminate Mary. He grins as she walks out. It's an important message for Valentine's Day: no one likes a happy couple.

Next week: The teams play Tackle Water Capture the Flag or something. Joel: "If someone comes and invades my home I'm going to kill them." I believe him.

- Liz Shannon Miller

Wow. Wow wow wow wow wow.

Tonight's "Lost" was not only thrilling at times, it was bursting at the seams with nougaty goodness.

Let's skip right to Truths I'm willing to wait to find out, that you're probably on your way to figuring out.

1) Who is RG, the initials on Naomi's commitment bracelet, which was similar to the bracelet worn by Sayid's future paramour/pursuer/pursuee Elsa (Thekla Reuten)?

We know he or she's a big deal, big enough to have Sayid proactively killing for Ben in the future-present in an attempt to protect survivors from the island. But who will he turn out to be?

2) What is RG's connection to Penelope?

The well-trod picture of Penny and Des was in Naomi's possession when she was killed. And yet, Penny claimed at the end of last season she knew nothing of a rescue boat.  Who's zooming who?

3) What's up with the 31-minute delay in real time and island time, as shown by Daniel's payload experiment?

4) "A war is coming, that we will be powerless to stop."  How bad does that sound?

5) But that's a problem for another day.  How dangerous was the final helicopter ride, 'cause it sure seemed dangerous?

Highlights: This episode was filled with them, starting with Sayid's future identity as Oceanic 815's Jason Bourne. But for the second time in three episodes, Hurley played a huge emotional role. 

His failure to get Locke to compromise over the fate of Charlotte, combined with the regrets we know he will have about Locke once off the island, made Hurley's being tied up and gagged in the closet convincing. (It also provided laugh-out-loud lines, such as this response after Miles insulted him: "Oh awesome, the ship sent another Sawyer.") Then, when it was revealed Hurley was complicit in the ambush of Sayid, Kate and Miles, Jorge Garcia played the beat perfectly.  It's a hard-knock life, for him.

Jeremy Davies, who seemed more quirky than endearing in his debut appearance last week, bloomed tonight with his thoughtful nervousness. He's a spiritual brother of Hurley, one of the few people on the island who reacts to tension with more than dead seriousness. (And I'm still loving Jeff Fahey as Frank.)

The exchange between Sawyer and Kate, when Sawyer explains why he doesn't want to leave the island and questions why Kate would, was on the money. Sawyer feels things, man – to the point where you really have to wonder whether Kate is sensitive enough for him. 

And finally, every time a gun went off, I nearly jumped off the couch. I'm telling you – thrilling. I suppose if one were trying harder than me to guess the future, one might have seen those shots coming. But one of the reasons "Lost" works so well for me is that what's going on in a given moment can be so pure, so enjoyable in and of itself, that my mind doesn't even care to try to outguess the show.

Lowlights: None per se, but there is one thing I'll put in this section since it wouldn't really belong anywhere else. When Sayid, Desmond and the late Naomi went aloft in Frank's helicopter, it made me immediately recall of the final scene of "MASH," when Hawkeye leaves Korea in the chopper and views the "Goodbye" that B.J. has spelled out in rocks.  It was bittersweet, perhaps, but it was also cathartic.  I have to admit some sadness that when the parallel moment came tonight, when people who have been trapped on this island for 100 days (as Jack mentioned) finally got up, up and away, I couldn't be happy for them. Too much tension; none of that exhilaration that we had when Michael and Co. took off on their rickety raft at the end of the first season. Again, it's not a problem with the show – it just reinforced in me that amid all the excitement, I'm still rooting for these people to be saved.

– Jon Weisman

We open with a shamless plug — featuring Ryan Seacrest, Hayden Christensen and some special effects — for 20th Century Fox’s “Jumper” (which opens tomorrow at a theater near you!) The lame bit ends with Seacrest basically asking Hayden back to his place to see his etchings. Hayden, Erin and I, and America, collectively squirm with embarrassment.

Then the 50 contestants get fattened up for the kill with a buffet breakfast while the judges continue to argue about who is going to make the cut. We’re told that each judge had to sacrifice a favorite and, later, Simon makes it pretty clear whom he sacrificed.

Then we get right down to the business at hand: giving 24 kids sudden fame, making them instantly insufferable, and breaking the spirit of the other 26.

Each kid takes a scary looking elevator up to a cavernous room where they walk about a mile to the judges' table and essentially face the firing squad. Then they have to walk a mile back in tears. Yes, they're all in tears, win or lose, but for the losers it's the walk of shame. Yup folks, it’s the part of the series we particularly hate. Contestants are made to flounder in a folding chair while each judge proves to American audiences that they can not only judge amateurs singing Barry Manilow, but they can act too. After the wannabe settles into his or her seat one of three things happens:

1) Randy Jackson gets right to it and tells them “yes” or “no,” followed by “good lookin’ out.” Seven years in and I still don’t know what that means.

2) Simon Cowell either tells them they made it through and takes credit for it or tells them they made it but he’s not happy about it or just says “the road ends for you here” followed by an insincere “sorry.”

3) Paula Adbul babbles incoherently and/or plays word games for several minutes until the poor kid starts to have a mental breakdown and either Simon or Randy has to step in and tell them their fate and then scold Paula. The promise Paula showed in the video for “Rush” comes to fruition as she hones in on her acting chops in order to humiliate would-be Idols.

(NOTE: We think they need to add stretching portraits to the elevator ride, a la Haunted Mansion. They can use fallen “Idols” to drive home the point. Like Justin Guarini, where the short image shows him smiling at the camera, but the long image has him working behind the counter at Long John Silvers. Just a thought.)

And your top 24 are:

Hooray
Brooke White, the conservative nanny, with the winning personality.
Michael Johns, the saucy Aussie. But, uh oh, is that a ring on his finger? And was he kissing a blonde? Oh dear. Erin is bereft. Michael Johns has fallen from grace. Sorry honey. It just won’t work out between us. I know, I know. But you apparently have a very hot wife. But hey, we’ll always be friends. Friends with restraining orders. Love, Erin.
Danny Noriega. Love him. Just love him. Great singing voice and a perfect Emo haircut all wrapped up in an adorable package. There is something very ‘70s about him. I could easily picture him living in the same apartment building as a teenage Valerie Bertinelli, gathering helpful dating tips from time to time from Schneider.
Carly Smithson, the Irish import. We are all for the lovely lass from Ireland for winning. U2, leprechauns, Guinness… nothing bad ever comes out of Ireland except for the occasional potato famine. And the IRA.
Asia’h Epperson, who we will forever love for her for her first audition.
Joanne Borgella, the plus-sized model that we adore. I would love for her to win, but if you play the “American Idol” odds, it’s not very likely. However, her chances of winning an Oscar have increased exponentially since making it to the top 24. And thanks, Fox, we both missed the Joanne announcement because the show ran long and our Tivos cut it off.
David Archuleta. Another adorable young ’un. Modest, good skin and a lovely set of pipes. A definite candidate for the Top 4.
Ramiele Malubay. Great big singing voice in an itty bitty package. If she makes it far, there will probably be reference to her height on the signs audience members carry: “Good things come in small packages,” “Small Wonder”…
Amanda Overmyer, the Harley riding nurse. I really do enjoy her song stylings, but I can’t see her lasting past salsa week.
Kristy Lee Cook, the cage fighter/horse trainer.
Chikezie Eze. We don’t remember his audition but we love that name.

Eh, we’re not on board yet
Syesha Mercado, Too perky with no interesting backstory other than a few meager daddy issues.
David Hernandez, who Simon made clear was not his choice. Yes, he did well in the Hollywood round. But there are coffee tables out there with more personality. As a matter of fact I wrote down "David Henderson," that's how little impact he had on me.

Who are these people and where did they come from?!
Kady Malloy
Amy Davis
Alaina Whitaker
Jason Castro
Alexandrea Lushington
David Cook - interesting hair cut makes Erin like him
Luke Menard
Garrett Haley - This boy is a dead ringer for Leif Garrett. Not the recent mug-shot sporting version, but the ballad-singing pretty boy of the Me Generation.
Jason Yeager
Colton Berry. Blah. He’s like a Pinkberry serving with no toppings.

Surprise elimination (also, yay!)

Josiah Leming got a much needed dose of humility by getting the boot. Perhaps he’ll consider going back to school now. He's officially had more airtime than any other non-finalist in the history of the show.
Note from Erin: I am sad that Josiah didn’t make it. Not because I agreed with his diva antics at his last audition or because I feel he has a powerhouse voice, which he kind of doesn’t. But because now I am on friggin’ Josiah Watch 2008 making sure his car isn’t parked outside my digs, which offers few parking opportunities as it is. Thanks, Simon. FYI, I will happily tow your car if it means I don’t have to run six blocks to my apartment at 2:00 am. Nobody walks in L.A., kid.

And in the most painful moment of the night, when we get down to the final two boys Simon manages to make both of them feel horrible. It was down to Kyle Ensley, perhaps the nicest boy in the whole wide world, or Colton Berry. And the nod goes to Berry, but not before Simon lets the poor kid know he’s not happy about it, not one little bit. Which makes poor Kyle feel like crap because he’s empathetic and has feelings. Very nice, Simon.

— Kathy Lyford and Erin Maxwell

The 13th episode of "In Treatment" was its finest of the season to date, with thesp Mia Wasikowska shining as she delivered teenage gymnast Sophie's confession of having had sex with her coach and as she anguished over trying to understand whether she was suicidal. Gabriel Byrne also was in good form in the way Paul nurtured Sophie through the session.

But when Paul made a phone call after Sophie's session ended, why wasn't it to report the abuse to a child protection authority, which I believe is protocol in this situation?  Why would he instead call Sophie's mother, which isn't protocol at all?

Even when he's on his game, in contrast to his immature conduct in Tuesday's session with Alex, I find myself questioning Paul's behavior. I accept that Paul's personal life is affecting his work with some clients, but we've been led to believe that in the case of Sophie, he is above reproach. Or is he? It was a riveting episode, yet his decisions (or the writers' decisions) can still be head-scratchers.

– Jon Weisman

Here’s the thing about Hollywood Week. When you watch the audition process, you go through a state of denial. “I’m not addicted to ‘American Idol.’ I just like to watch a bunch of losers try to sing Celine Dion because it makes me feel better about my life” or, more succinctly, “Why am I watching this crap?”
Then, you get sucked in to Hollywood Week, and that’s when you stop laughing at the folks and you start rooting for your favorites. This is the part of the show that sinks its hooks into you and drags you through the remaining season secretly hoping that Country Western girl, car-living boy, or girl whose dad died go on to win. The show moves from compulsion to obsession to addiction. Next thing you know, you can’t even just get high off the show anymore, you just need to watch it to feel normal. Like crack, but less socially acceptable in most circles.

This year Hollywood week had a whole new playbook. First off, the contestants can play instruments in round 1, which worked for some and against others. No group singing, which always seemed unfair anyway — would you want your fate partially decided by people with marginal talent who stay up and party all night? Also there’s no "Room of Doom” where they eliminate 30 or more people at a time. This time, you sing and if get two out of three judges saying “yes,” you get to enjoy the hotel pool and room service for the next two days. If you get a “no,” you have to work your ass off the next day in a second attempt to stay. The third day is a bloodbath. Contestants come out 10 at a time, each sing a cappella and then a lucky few move on, but most go home. On the second day you even get a band and backup singers. Somehow even with second and sometimes third chances some of these entitled brats still found a way to say that they were being treated unfairly.

Before we move on we gotta ask — what has Seacrest done to his eyes? Seriously. Dude looked weird. Second, why did so many of the contestants have blue tongues? It made the hopefuls look like they were part Chow-Chow. I’m really surprised the producers dropped the ball and missed out on an opportunity for product placement on the blue lozenges or icees or whatever it was they were giving the kids backstage.

Also why all the Bryan Adams? Really, producers WHY? When Simon told one boy it was as if "a waiter picked up a guitar and started murdering Bryan Adams" it got me wishing — if only that scenario had really happened, you know, before Bryan Adams wrote all those awful songs.

So we see a bunch of good singers, then a bunch of bad singers, then some singers who rock while playing instruments then some who should never be allowed near a keyboard or drum kit again. And then a terrifying promo to the local news station’s interview with Clay Aiken, who is starting to look like an old woman.

And then it happened, the best moment in Idol history. Ever. Really.
While perky, annoying Miss South Florida Fair Brooke Helvie (left) gave an awful, awful performance of “Unchained Melody,” Simon, with an evil twinkle in his eye, gave Barbie a go-thru, forcing Paula to shoot her down. That’s right, Paula said no. What the hell is going on here? It’s the first thing Paula’s done in her life that I approve of. And it’s the second time this season that Paula made a coherent and wise decision. It looks like the former Mrs. Estevez finally hit that right combo of whatever it is she’s taking. She should really write that one down.

And in the second best “Idol” moment ever, abstinence freedom fighter Amy Flynn (right) gets booted after a soulless performance while hitting several bad notes. See, ladies? This is why it’s important to toe the line of “bad girl” every now and then. At least a little life experience won’t leave you dead behind the eyes. Also, don’t utilize as your voice coach a former contestant who never made if past the Hollywood round.

The “Idol” gods are truly smiling upon me and Erin today.

They were also smiling upon Josiah Leming, who rocked the first cut, but couldn’t get the band to bend to his will in the second round. When he took to the stage he dismissed them and tried his hand at “Stand By Me,” and sucked so bad it created a vortex in the Fox studio that caused the judges to give him a pass.
The thing with this kid is that he is in a win-win situation. Once you live in your car, there is no bottom to hit. One to two things are gonna happen:
1. He will do well enough on “Idol” to get a contract.
2. He will do well enough on “Idol” to get a place to stay. He can milk his tragic backstory to score at least a year of couch-surfing from sympathetic viewers.

(P.S. from Kathy: I just gotta get this off my chest. I know I’m in the minority here but I can't stand Josiah. I don’t want him to do well. I am easily irritated by people who don’t have a firm grasp on the cause-effect aspect of life. Josiah dropped out of school; thus he lives in his car. Josiah lives in his car; thus he is lonely and has no friends. Josiah refused to listen to the vocal coach or find a way to work with the band; thus his audition sucked. Josiah thinks he is more talented than he actually is; thus he doesn’t think anyone can teach him anything. See how this works Josiah?)

Anway, last night the field was culled from 164 to 50 as we also say goodbye to:
- Single parents Angela, Perrie and Suzanne.
- Ghaleb Emaceh whose kissing bandit act was even creepier in Hollywood. I couldn’t tell whether Paula was fighting back tears or stifling a belch after he got kicked off.
- Cute brother/sister act the Lampkins (that's Jeffrey at right)
- Kayla Hatfield, the perky girl scarred from a car accident
- Anglica Puente, with the terrible “strict” dad.

Favorites (Erin):
- The David kid from San Diego did a sultry version of “Love the One Your With” that was awesome.
- Rocker nurse Amanda, who I am pretty sure I recognize from an episode of “Dog the Bounty Hunter,” channeled Joplin once again on “Light My Fire” and got a go from the judges.
- Up With People spokesperson Syesha Mercado, who fought off a head cold that made her sound like late-in-life Kathleen Turner.
- Michael Johns, the best thing to come out of Australia since koalas. Honestly, I kind of hope he doesn't do well. Finding him drunk and depressed in a bar after he's been cut will greatly improve my chances with him

Favorites (Kathy):
- Brooke White, the G-rated Carole King-type singer who I only sort of liked in the audition rounds and now I love.
- Asia’h Epperson, who seems to be coping well after her dad died unexpectedly right before her audtion. I love this girl.
- Michael “Mr. Erin” Johns. Anyone who can rock “Bohemian Rhapsody” is OK in my book. Don’t worry Erin, I will just love him from afar.
- Carly Smithson, (left) the tattooed ball of fire from Ireland

Honorable mentions (Kathy):
- Kyle Ensley the wannabe politician, who is destined to undergo the most drastic makeover once the stylists step in.
- Youngsters David Hernandez, Danny Noriega and David Archuletta, who at this point are all interchangeable for me. (That's one of them pictured, right, but I can't be sure which one. I think it's Danny.)

Honorable mentions (Erin):
Agree with Kathy on this one. All of the yougsters were super cute with their big anime eyes, super cool haircuts and great singing voices. (See how cute he is over there in the picture at right?) They were like a cross between puppies and Urban Outfitter clerks.

Those who I liked before but found disappointing in Hollywood (Kathy):
- Amanda Overmyer — Love her personality but she needs to tone down the Janis shtick.
- Kristy Lee Cook — The Oregon cage fighter kind of lost her sparkle for me. Still, I wish her well.

Those who I liked before but found disappointing in Hollywood (Erin):
Sorry, Josiah. You were so yummy before you got to Hollywood, but than one day later, you went Hollywood. Never dismiss the band. They know what they are doing when you clearly don’t. I’ll still be rooting for you, but you are just not as shiny as before

Erin, did you see the big gals Corliss and Brittany? Did they make it through? Gosh, I hope so…

Kath, I have no idea. And what happened to fingernails guy? Or Dolly Parton chick? Pia Easley, with the mohawk? Readers, help us out here. If you've seen them, give us a holler. We're worried.

Tonight we go from 50 to 24. There won’t be any singing but there will be lots of crying. Good times!

— Erin Maxwell and Kathy Lyford

It's all plenty impressive to engineer a climactic plot twist with a fragment of a broken sandwich dish. It's something else to have that fragment channel the emotional burdens of a desperate, dying man.

By the way, the broken dish is not pictured in this first photo.  That's merely an image of Walter White (Bryan Cranston) cleaning up the acid-dissolved remains of a dead crystal meth dealer at the start of Sunday's episode, while the dealer's partner sat Kryptonite-locked to a pole in the basement below.

Yeah, AMC's "Breaking Bad" is a dark show. 

In fact, it's dark enough that even though it's played out in suburbia, it eschews the hip irony such a description usually implies. Nevertheless, far from being too dreary to watch, "Bad" is energizing in they way it continues to carve out intense rewards for the handful of viewers tuning in. (Actually, Sunday's episode drew a few hundred thousand viewers more than evening counterpart "The Wire" on HBO, but let's not split hairs here.  Most of the country is not watching.)

Following a week's hiatus to avoid competing with the Feb. 4 Super Bowl, "Bad" resumed its ingenious acceleration of good guy Walter's descent into a criminal and moral wasteland by having him hold someone captive. Then, after spending the better part of two episodes showing Walter become, ever so naturally, the victim of a kind of reverse Stockholm Syndrome by sympathizing with his prisoner, "Bad" once again flipped the story on its ear, all in the form of that missing shard of broken plate that proved he couldn't cop out from the ugly reality of his situation.

So now, White Walter (calling him by his last name seems too impersonal at this point) is not only a meth dealer, he's a killer. And though he can choose to justify his actions by knowing that his prisoner would have killed him given the chance, we can gather that it's not going to be easy for Walter to sleep at night. Not to mention the fact that Walter's family has circled around the truth, all but forcing Walter to pop his small bubble of secrecy about his lung cancer and drug dalliances.

Throw in a cameo by the always welcome Jessica Hecht, and "Bad" emerges from under the radar as too good a package to ignore.

For viewers seeking out the best television on Sundays, the first stop is "The Wire." But is the same group of people already opening their TVs up to "Breaking Bad," or do "Wire" fans need to discover this show as well?

— Jon Weisman

There's little point in speculating today how much more "Friday Night Lights" we'll see. Just too many unknowns right now (though certainly, it's not too soon for viewers to mobilize in support of the show at "Save Friday Night Lights.")

Essentially, "FNL" fans are like the fans of the Dillon Panthers.  With the regular season ticking away, we're wondering if the show is going to make the playoffs.

But thanks to the show's efficient crew, we did get a good long look at the 2007-08 "FNL" team.  Here's a scouting report for the team on (hopefully) the eve of the postseason.

ROLE PLAYERS
You see a play called for them every so often, but they've been deemphasized from the game plan.

Jason Street: Perhaps it was a result of the ticking clock that always hovers over "FNL," but the notion born in last season's finale — that Street had just the right makeup to become a shed-no-tears paraplegic football coach — was tossed aside with seemingly little regret. It's not that one can't understand the impatience or alienation that led Jason away, but was landing him as a car salesman really more satisfying, for the character or for the viewer? Though capable of great moments (such as last week's pregancy story with his one-night stand: "If it happened and it's true and it's mine, it's a miracle."), Street became an ancillary player. On a show that has more roles than it can handle in a given week, "FNL" might have lost something when it sent Jason into the figurative wilderness.

Lyla Garrity: You could be forgiven for wondering whether Lyla still went to school, or whether she simply spent her days praying and hiding from Tim Riggins. The intentions of "FNL" were unassailable in having Lyla explore her faith, but the show simply ran out of time to do so in as meaningful way as it surely would have liked to. Though "FNL" did scratch the surface of a young person trying to live a religious life in a secular world, and last week's episode set up a nice conflict between her faith and her hormones, in the end she, like Jason, had to take a backseat to most of the other characters.

SPECIAL TEAMS
When you need an extra point or two, they're automatic.

Buddy Garrity: Buddy is still Buddy — kind of the Michael Scott of Dillon with his tendencies toward misplaced priorities and saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, but also with his surprisingly good intentions. Buddy adds a lot of life to the show in his short bursts of screen time, and "FNL" wouldn't be the same without him.  If "FNL" found Buddy a woman on par with him, that would be a riot to watch.

Corinna Williams: My colleague Kathy Lyford has been extolling the performance of Liz Mikel all season, and I agree that she deserves a special shout-out. Corinna was critical because we needed to take seriously that her son Smash didn't operate in a football-only vaccum. Corinna transcended the cliche that she might have been. She didn't have all the answers, but she provided backbone in a world that, when you think about it, lacked any outside of Eric and Tami.

STRONG IN RESERVE
This player's learning curve would pay off in future seasons.

Julie Taylor: Quietly, after a rather noisy start to the season, Julie seemed to mature this year in a way that was gratifying. She's still a young girl who can be overly demanding of her mother's attention, but one gets the sense that she was really learning from her misinfatuations with the Swede, Noah and Riggins. Both she and Matt Saracen have been through some rough times without each other this year, and I wouldn't have any problem seeing them reunite in the theoretical future and really get serious. Keep in mind that for all the romantic comings and goings, "FNL" hasn't yet had a sustained teenage relationship that lasted a season. A Matt-Julie combo would be a nice complement to Eric and Tami. Julie's a fine, developing player on this team.

OVEREXPOSED
Sometimes, there can be too much of a good thing.

Tim Riggins: When in doubt, give the ball to Riggins. That seemed to be the "FNL" mantra this year. His Odyssean search for a place to crash, his endless pursuits of Lyla and his woebegone status on the football team all provided him with all the screen time he could handle.  Was there any better example of this than his inexplicable appearance as a courtside helper with Tami's girls volleyball team? In my mind, some other "FNL" players suffered because of the overemphasis on Riggins, though it's not as if he couldn't get the job done. His performance as a first-time sportstalk host last week provided one of the funniest moments of the season.

1,000-YARD RUSHER
Just give him the ball and watch him run.

Brian "Smash" Williams: Unlike his character, who was suspended at season's end, Smash had his biggest moments as "FNL" went down to the wire. His anguish over his future and his attempts to make sense of how God closed a door but opened a window were completely convincing, and they helped the show overcome the contrived conflict that cost Smash his scholarship. (Was there not one enterprising reporter in football-mad Texas who could expose the lie when Smash's provocateur said that he and his friends were attacked "just because we were white"? Guess we may never know.)

LOST IN THE OFFENSE?
These would-be-MVPs have worlds of talent, but they aren't always getting the right play called.

Matt Saracen: Matt might have had the single best "FNL" moment of the year with his "What's wrong with me" lament from inside the shower, but all in all, it was a bit of a lost year for QB 1.  His relationship with Carlotta was pretty but never got to fully develop. Little of interest happened on the field. He lost touch with Landry throughout the latter's troubles with the law. Matt's the greatest, but he probably deserved a little better.

Landry Clark and Tyra Collette: What's truly depressing about the Landry-Tyra saga is that, just as I feared, history is being rewritten on some websites to suggest that it was the killing of Tyra's stalker that brought Landry and Tyra together. Some people have already forgotten that the bond between Landry and Tyra was being formed before Tyra's stalker even materialized — that it was Landry's rescue of Tyra at the end of the first season that crystalized them as a couple and made the show's most-criticized storyline this year unnecessary. Landry and Tyra worked because Landry's love of Tyra yielded an insight into her character that in turn gave life to her self-esteem and made her see that beauty was anything but skin-deep. That's a lot of brilliant material right there, and it was all in the works before Landry ever hit anyone over the head with a pipe. Still, I eagerly anticipated every moment that either of them were onscreen. They're just wonderful to watch. (And by the way, I loved Landry's jilted Jean (Brea Grant).)

MVPs
You cannot stop them; you can only hope not to contain them.

Tami Taylor: It's hard to believe that when the TV version of "FNL" was being developed, Connie Britton was going to pass out of fear she wouldn't have an important enough role. Tami became as essential to this show as anyone outside of Eric and is a role model for any television writer trying to create a female character. Perhaps my only frustration with Tami this season her recurring tendency to be judgmental. In Friday's episode, for example, she walked out in an indignant huff when Eric gets in the fight with her ex-boyfriend Mo (Peter Berg), neglecting the fact that she kindled the fire by being so warm to Mo and so oblivious to how that would make Eric feel. But there's no denying it: Tami could be the MVP of the show.

Eric Taylor: It's Eric's world; the rest of us just visit. Nothing against Chris Mulkey, who played Eric's draconian replacement in the season's opening episodes, but can you imagine "FNL" without Eric's presence?  He's the man, and no one outshines him.

— Jon Weisman

ABC is wasting no time getting back to work, renewing nine series for fall Monday in a post-strike pickup binge.

The renewals were pretty much no-brainers, encompassing some of the Alphabet web’s top-rated scripted performers. Frosh series scoring orders include “Dirty Sexy Money,” “Private Practice,” “Pushing Daisies” and “Samantha Who?”

All four have received 13 episode pickups, as is standard practice among frosh skeins.

ABC staples earning another year include “Brothers & Sisters,” “Desperate Housewives,” “Grey’s Anatomy,” “Lost” and “Ugly Betty.”

Net is still mulling how to handle the remaining orders for this season on all of those shows. What eventually happens will vary, according to show. In some cases, back nine orders will be shot, but held for next year. In other cases, shows will go back and fulfill back nine orders, shooting as many segs as possible before the season ends.

What actually airs before the end of the season is also still in question. Some shows will be held back until they can be properly relaunched next fall – such as Wednesday newbies “Pushing Daisies” and “Private Practice” (net is doing all right on the night against tough “American Idol” competish” anyway).

"The strength of our schedule this fall was unprecedented and speaks for itself," said ABC Entertainment prexy Steve McPherson. "We're looking forward to building on that success."

-- Michael Schneider

My weekly sessions of shouting at the characters of "Grey's Anatomy" not to act so stupid finally ended last fall, when I freed myself from the show's hold.

Of late, those catcalls have been replaced — on an almost nightly basis — by my exasperation with Dr. Paul on HBO's "In Treatment."

Like "Grey's," "In Treatment" redeems itself from time to time, and that redemption is often enough to keep me tuning in.  But my frustration with Paul is definitely skirting the deletion point.

I've got no bias against flawed characters — there's nothing interesting about Mr. Perfect. I watched two episodes of "House" last week and still find myself enjoying Hugh Laurie's portrayal of the good/bad doctor as much as ever.

But what can I tell you? Paul's lack of self-awareness is really getting on my nerves.  Maybe the problem is that Paul is more blind than I feel he should be.  Therapists are human, of course, and can be petri dishes for marriage troubles and midlife crises, but Paul just seems to miss such obvious observations about himself and his situations that it tests the show's credibility.  Too often, the show's plot depends on Paul being daft.

Given a choice between those moments and the moments when Paul is, for example, mostly on his game in trying to help troubled gymnast Sophie, I'll take the latter.  Her problems feel meaningful; Paul's don't. And yet Paul is the centerpiece of the show.

— Jon Weisman

OK. Like every good American, I watched the first two seasons of “Survivor.” Why? Because it was new and fresh and fun. But around season 3, I started feeling like the tricks of the game had become too obvious, and it wasn’t as entertaining anymore. Which is probably why the concept for this, “Survivor’s” 16th season, is kind of brilliant. Why not acknowledge the fact that viewers at home have become as savvy about the game as those who play it?

Also, at this point in the show’s life, why would you go on “Survivor” if you weren’t a fan? Easy. Because you were already on “Survivor” and have nothing better to do with your time. As I haven't watched recent seasons of the show, I have no idea who most of the so-called favorites are. For the most part, they seem pretty interchangeable, except that I’m completely weirded out by how much Ozzy’s hair reminds me of a 1990s teen idol. He’s like David Faustino after rehab.

The one exception to my ignorance of these guys is Jonny Fairplay (the sinister looking one at left). I saw an episode or two of his while home visiting my parents, but had somehow blocked out all memory of him until this moment. Oh, god, I’ve just committed to watching an entire season of a show where this man will be talking about himself in the third person. I’m doomed. (Editor’s note: At what point did this idiot actually legally change is name to Jonny Fairplay? Because when he was on the first time around his name was Jon “Fairplay” Dalton. Being on the same reality show twice makes you a loser. Changing your name based on a reality show nickname makes you something beyond pathetic. — Kathy)

Do they cryogenically freeze Jeff Probst between seasons? I swear to God he hasn’t changed a bit since 2000. It’s honestly kind of creepy. He’s still hot, though, as he greets the Fan team and tells them who they’ll be playing.

It seems like the producers missed an interesting opportunity to let the Fans figure out on their own that these were favorites of previous seasons.  But assuming that fans of “Survivor” can figure out things on their own has never been one of this show’s selling points.

The fans are appropriately impressed by their competitors.  Tracy the residential builder wants to kick Fairplay. We are going to be friends, Tracy and I. During the scramble to find immunity idols and maps to the team camps, Yau-Man bodyslams Fairplay into the side of a boat. Yau-Man and I will also be friends.

The teams make for their separate camps, where we spend a bit of time with the Fans, finding out who’s gay (Chet) and who’s homophobic (Karen). We also get a little interview with Mikey B the aspiring writer, who needs to stop making up nicknames for the other contestants. For one thing, that’s what I’m supposed to be doing. For another thing, he’s awful at it. Wow, the big guy is the Incredible Hulk? Mikey B is Salieri to TWoP’s Amadeus.

Meanwhile, the Favorites have this game well figured out. Knowing that the choice hotties will be snatched up quickly, the more sex-crazed of the contestants secure snuggle-buddies by the beginning of night 1. Pair-ups are Parvati/James and Ozzy/Amanda, who clearly has some “Married With Children” fetish I don’t want to understand.

But even though the Favorites have made fire utilizing Yau-Man’s glasses by the beginning of day 2, they still seem a little clueless. An tight alliance is formed between Ami, Yau-Man, Jonathan and Eliza, who are expecting the Hook-up Kids to form their own alliance. Which, of course, they do. But then both alliances decide to pull in Fairplay, despite knowing full well that he’s a jackass who’ll screw everyone over. Fairplay sums it up nicely: “I think it’s insane that there are nine other of your favorite survivors of all time, and they all believe what I say. Have you not watched this show before?”

The immunity challenge is exactly why I like “Survivor” — a complicated and ridiculous obstacle course involving puzzles, pushing carts, and setting stuff on fire. Fan Eric proves to be a bit of a dick, tossing sand onto the favorites while they try to dig up their planks for the bridge. He’ll be fun down the line.

Anyway, the Fans kick ass and win easily, getting a bonus of flint for fire-making. And back to the Favorites camp we go for the pre-tribal council drama. Cerie, the one survivor without an alliance, is just hanging out, keeping it real. You get the feeling that even if she got invited to the party, she wouldn’t attend.

Fairplay attempts to play both the Hook-up Kids and the Bitter Spinsters against each other — until he realizes how badly that’s going over. So then he starts talking a lot (and I mean a LOT) about how he’s going to be a father in two months, and maybe he should go home and be with his girlfriend instead of on a reality TV show. A rocket scientist, our Jonny is.

Tribal council consists mostly of talking about Fairplay’s reputation as a liar. Which is nicely combined with Fairplay saying, hey, he’s not quitting, per se, but you guys can vote me out if you like. The tribe takes him up on that, essentially taking him out unanimously. I breathe a sigh of relief. It’s fine. Everything’s going to be fine. Everything is going to be just fine.

Next week on “Survivor”: There’s this whole other team. They’re a bunch of fans. Has that come up yet? Well, apparently they’re going to actually talk and stuff next week. Fun times.

— Liz Shannon Miller

Ill-at-easiness.

If last week's season premiere of "Lost" was at once ebullient and heartbreaking, tonight's follow-up was blunt and unsettling. We met four new characters, none of them the least bit soothing. Well, except maybe Frank (Jeff Fahey), a good ol' salt-of-the-earth drunkard who nonetheless can pilot with the best of 'em.

But Daniel Faraday (Jeremy Davies), though nice enough, is a stammering bundle of nerves. Miles Strom (Ken Leung, coming off that memorable guest appearance last year on "The Sopranos") has anger issues. And Charlotte Lewis (Rebecca Mader) doesn't exactly win our trust.

Considering how many new questions were raised, we should take note of what we saw in the teaser: the bulk of the Oceanic 815 aircraft is underwater, south of Bali. Or, it will be - because that revelation comes in the series of flash-forwards that kick off segments of the episode. (Or for the alternate explanation, see the update at the bottom of this post.)

But that's tomorrow's news.  Tonight, in watching the episode, which is focused on trying to piece together why the four in the helicopter were coming to the island ("Rescuing you and your people, can't really say that's our primary objective," Dan says), the overall experience is like a dream going in a direction you can't control and can't be much of anything but apprehensive about.

Add on to that the lingering presence of the King of Unease, one Benjamin Linus.  Locke's splinter faction is dragging him along, and Sawyer is all too aware of how problematic that is. "It's only a matter of time before he gets us, Johnny," Sawyer says. "And I bet he's already figured out how he's gonna do it."

Eventually, it all comes together.  In what has to be an old school "Lost" flashback (although time-travel questions are dogging my thoughts – or is that just my own paranoia?), it's confirmed that Matthew Abaddon (Lance Reddick), mysterious visitor to institutionalized Hugo last week, had commissioned an ambivalent Naomi (Marsha Thomason) to go to the island. "This is a high-risk, covert op in unstable territory," she says. "It's dodgy enough without having to babysit a head case, a ghostbuster, an anthropologist and a drunk." That covert op, we finally learn, is to get Ben.

And Ben knows it.  In fact, Ben, per usual I suppose, knows everything.  Knows about their mission, knows about their backgrounds.  Knows about their boat, and knows to have a man on it.  And this knowledge is enough to spare him from cold-blooded execution by Locke for the time being, although the one thing perhaps we don't know is if Ben is the problem, why is saving him the solution?  Not that I generally advocate firing squads.

Those of you who know my biases won't be surprised that an episode more plot-driven than character-driven isn't going to be a "Lost" classic in my book. But tonight kept me sufficiently on the edge of my seat – the whole shebang carried the affect (with an a) of Ben – and with that groundwork laid, I'm eager to see where things go.

Highlights: Sawyer, after learning that Locke got instructions from Tall Walt: "You didn't ask any follow-up questions?" And, Jack being bummed that Kate didn't pick up on his wink.

Lowlights: Why does (or how could) Charlotte wait until broad daylight to cut herself down from the tree?

Truths I'm willing to wait to find out, that you're probably on your way to figuring out: Who gets firsties on the helicopter? What is "it" that Miles finds hidden away upstairs with the bag o' cash at Grandma's house in Inglewood? Why are polar bears not just on the island, but in Mednine, Tunisia? What kept Frank from piloting 815? And just how good a weatherman can Locke become?

– Jon Weisman

Update: I watched this episode twice, and both times I thought that the introductions to the helicopter team were all flash-forwards, except in the case of Naomi.  But now I'm reading other pieces on the Internet and reflecting, and seeing that people are treating them all as flashbacks ... and that the scene of 815 underwater was something concocted at the time of the crash, as opposed to something that hasn't happened to the remains of the craft yet. Is that the definitive reading? Maybe it makes more sense, but can we count on it?   

Update 2: Colleague Brian Cochrane has more in his post on the episode, "Excuse me, but is that my Dharma Beer you're drinking?"

It looks like the wheel of Dharma, er Karma, is rolling again. And Benjamin Linus is smack in the middle of the trail, looking like potential roadkill.

With this second episode of season three, the "Lost" team wasted no time in uncorking the revelations and further drawing the lines in the Losties' camp. Unlike season three, which spent its first six episodes -- the "mini season" -- warming up to answering questions and setting up new conflicts, this season is rolling along with big leaps that are rapidly broadening the "Lost" universe. For "Lost" addicts, the long wait is paying big dividends.

Last week, we learned that Hurley made it off the island, presumably as one of the "Oceanic Six" alongside Kate and Jack. This week, we're confronted in the opening scene with apparent physical evidence that Oceanic 815 did, in fact, crash into the sea, complete with pilot Seth Norris eerily strapped into his captain's chair.

That revelation kicks "Lost" and its whole riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma right into Oliver Stone-"JFK" territory: It takes some kind of extensive and well-funded conspiracy to drop a whole airliner into the ocean, complete with dead pilot, doesn't it?

This episode, titled "Confirmed Dead," introduces us and the Losties to the four folks who dropped in via helicopter from the mysterious freighter ("not Penny's boat," as Charlie warned). But despite Ben's dire admonitions, it doesn't look to me like these four pose much threat to anyone but Ben himself.

Yeah, they carry guns and talk tough ... sort of. But as we see later in the episode, Naomi was the muscle of the group. Daniel Faraday (Jeremy Davies, in photo below) is some sort of physicist, Miles Straume (Ken Leung, above) looks to be a ghost whisperer/con man, Charlotte Lewis (Rebecca Mader) an Indiana Jones wannabe, and Frank Lapidus (Jeff Fahey) a pilot who claims to have been the originally scheduled captain of Flight 815).

Judging from Dan's bumbling and apparent ignorance of basic sneaky protocol (apparently Miles and the rest of the team didn't even clue him in on the secret "Tell my sister I love her" tipoff), this team isn't exactly prepared to reconquer the island.

My guess is that they're Dharma techies and workerbees, and that they really are just trying to protect themselves from a Ben-style "purge" (they brought gas masks, so they've clearly heard about the big Dharma wipeout) and that they're back on the island to sort out all of its mysterious anomalies and maybe set things right. Maybe. This is the Dharma Initiative, after all, and I've never trusted that Dr. Marvin Candle and his cohorts were in it just for the science.

As part of its flashback intros to Miles and Charlotte, the episode throws us a couple of other juicy nuggets, though I think hardcore fans might be a little unnerved with Miles' backstory.

For me, Charlotte's find of a Dharma-collared polar bear skeleton in Tunisia was one of those great goosebump-inducing moments, on a par with (and almost an homage to) the scene in "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" in which Claude Lacombe finds a squadron of lost WWII planes, completely intact, in the middle of the Sonoran desert. It's that "Hey, something big's going on here" feeling that "Lost" delivers so well.

On the other hand, the introduction of Miles as a sort of huckster speaker to the dead instantly conjured feelings of "uh-oh." The last thing I want in "Lost" is for that sort of "Medium"/"Ghost Whisperer" pseudo-science and spiritual housekeeping to creep into the show. "Lost" has always done a smart job keeping its internal logic firmly -- or at least mostly -- in the realm of plausable extrapolation. Yeah, Miles shows up sporting a gadget that suggests it's scientific, but only in the "Ghostbusters" sense. Mostly it looks like a Dustbuster with a buffing attachment.

I can buy John Locke and Hurley seeing dead people. It seems to fit within the show's logic, and the writers are always keen to wink to let you know even they're not sure you should buy the concept. Witness tonight's gunshot moments: Locke shows his followers he really did get shot by Ben, but notes that it passed right through and probably would have killed him if he didn't already have that kidney conveniently removed. Then Charlotte takes a couple of slugs to the chest, also courtesy of Ben, but seems to have a miracle of her own when she sits up and shrugs it off. Ah... bulletproof vest. Thank you, writers.

As for Ben, he continues to do what he does so well: manipulate everyone on all sides. The man's taken some bloody beatings over the last three episodes, from Jack, Sawyer and Locke, but he keeps on ticking and plotting. And once again, his knowledge of the big picture might just save his bacon yet again.

Naomi looked to be the likeliest of the freighter folks to put some hurt on Ben. We haven't yet met the mysterious George Minkowski (which has to be a key part, since he's slated to be portrayed by Fisher Stevens), but none of the foursome who dropped in on the island in "Confirmed Dead" looks likely to be punching out anyone soon.

I could easily see Ben not only surviving but thriving again, perhaps even plying his knowledge of the island and the newcomers to team with Locke and his group. Certainly the episode's final revelation, that Ben has a man on their boat, seems to give him another strong hand to deal from.

-- Brian Cochrane

It’s the final audition episode of the season. Let’s all say it together: THANK GOD! How long have these audition rounds gone on now? Like three years? The wrap-up of the audition process brings out more of the good (sort of), the bad and the just plain ugly. It’s a highlights reel akin to what we usually see during a fifth-season of a sitcom when reruns are running thin. These folks run the gamut pretty good to “jumpin’ Jesus on a pogo stick, no.”

THE BAD

A shoutout to Corey and Chris Lane (below), the dress-alike-at-age-20 twins who convinced their girlfriend Ashley Lawing (yup, she’s dated them both) to audition by telling her she was great, but secretly set her up for failure.

HA! I knew It! I have had a theory ever since this show began that 60% of the bad auditions began with an evil friend. “No, you’re good. Really good. You will totally not make a fool out of yourself. And yes, you should wear that costume.”

Ashley has Kellie Pickler’s accent and IQ and brings along an adorable little Pomeranian puppy Panda, who turns Simon into a puddle of goo. None of the trio makes it through, and the three of them walk off into the sunset to set up a commune in Utah.

A little tip to any folks new to the “American Idol” universe: if the contestant has strong religious convictions, there is a good chance they'll suck. Take poor Tiffany McCampbell, who could be the stunt double for the actress that played Jamie Foxx’s mother in “Ray.”

Poor Tiffany (right), who borrowed Granny’s dress to wear for her audition, claims that her voice is a gift from the heavens (not much of one), thus allowing “Idol” producers and Simon to play Neizche with her beliefs. So, remember kids, when auditioning for “Idol,” please check all religion at the door. There is no God in reality TV. If there were, “Moment of Truth,” “Big Brother” and “The Bachelor” would not be hits.

Joshua Moreland, aka Jay Smoove. He sings an original song called “Beautiful Lady.” I’ll say it again: Original songs are never a good idea in the early rounds. Joshua hits some high notes that make him sound like a dog whistle and Simon declares his audition “revolting.”

THE SOB STORIES

Amy Davis, who grew up poor. Yada, yada, yada. No sob story is ever going to come close to Asia’h Epperson’s, so don’t even try. Amy is very pretty and very boob-y and Simon leers at her. Her voice is OK and we’ll see her again.

THE GOOD
Or, the not too shabby, which is about the best we’ve gotten so far:

Cardin Lee McKinney (left), winner of “I wanna be like McPhee” contest.

JoAnne Borgella, the plus-size model who sang the National Anthem at Madison Square Garden during March Madness. JoAnne sings “I Love You” by Celine Dion. We really like her. We want all models to look like her. But Paula nearly ruins a perfectly good audition by saying “I bet a lot of interesting sounds come out of you.” Huh?

Alesha Stelzl, who describes her voice as “unique,” which is never good. And it’s not — at first. Never in my life have I changed my tune so quickly about a contestant. When she began, her wobbly, shrieking of Celine Dion made my ears bleed. But than Paula made an interesting and resourceful comment… Before I continue, let's look at that last sentence again… PAULA SAID SOMETHING THAT WAS INTERESTING AND RESOURCEFUL. It finally happened. Mazel Tov. Also, Simon admits he was wrong. The Apocalypse is coming, folks.

Anywho… She tells Alesha to try again, but with Dolly Parton. Alesha scrambles to the waiting area where she quickly finds on YouTube Dolly’s tour de force performance of “Islands in the Stream” with a pre-plastic surgery Kenny Rogers. Then she comes back to the judges and nails it.

I think it was the song choice that got to me. I (Erin) love Dolly and anything that has anything remotely to do with Dolly. So, yay Alesha. Good for you.

I would like to also mention that this is the first time in “Idol” history that this ever worked. Usually, if the judges tell someone to come back, they return and are still horrible. But this time, the angels have blessed Alesha and her little-girl singing style. Take notes, He-man Princess Leia bikini-waxer dude (right, remember him from Philadelphia?).

Chikezie Eze, who also auditioned last year and is back for another try. He makes it through. His voice is just OK, but his name is spectacular!

Danny Noriega, who appears too young to even compete, hits it out of the damn park with his soulful rendition of “Proud Mary.” Danny tried out last year (how old was he then? 12?!) but nerves got the better of him.

Danny makes it clearer that this year, odds are in favor of a flamboyant gay man winning “American Idol.” I know what you're thinking but Clay was a runner-up, remember? We need someone with style, pride and humor to carry the "American Idol" torch. Someone that can both hit a high note and lead the Halloween festivities in West Hollywood. Kathy, what say you?

Well Erin, anyone who knows me well knows that the prospect of a gay boy winning “Idol” has me in a dither. I have all my fingers crossed on this one.

THE INEXCUSABLE

The whole broom bit was a fiasco. Thanks for poking-fun at a production assistant for your own amusement, Simon. Almost everyone in the business has to start somewhere, and most of us, me (Erin) included, began as a production assistant. The hours are grueling, the work is humiliating, and the pay is low. So there is nothing like mocking our status on the Hollywood ladder in front of 12 million people to make us feel good about ourselves. Low blow.

I did enjoy the montage of Simon mispronouncing all the names, however. But I was disappointed they didn’t show us his embarrassing attempt to pronounce Obama.

Seven cities. 164 through to Hollywood. Zero contestants who gave us chills or moved us in any way. Zero front-runners. But we do like Kristy Lee Cook the cage-fighting horse trainer from Oregon; Carly Smithson, the Irish lass with the tattooed hubby and the immigration issues; Michael Johns the saucy Aussie and future Mr. Erin; Pia "Zpia" Easley, with the faux hawk; and Brittany Wecsott and Corliss Smith, the buxom twosome.

I’m guessing that for the first time in seven seasons, we did not see the eventual winner in the audition round.

Next week! Hollywood! Contestants playing instruments!! People with actual talent (we hope)!!!

— Erin Maxwell and Kathy Lyford

It’s Super Tuesday and we’re in Atlanta but this episode is only partially super. The intro song is “The Devil Went Down to Georgia.” Very original, producers. Atlanta is the audition city that spawned Fantasia, Jennifer Hudson and Clay Aiken. It’s also Seacrest’s hometown. Atlanta giveth and it taketh away. Seacrest’s parents show up and they’re totally normal looking y’all! I’m not sure what I expected but “normal” wasn’t it.

We’re going to switch up the order today and just get this out of the way before I start crying again:

SOB STORY OF THE DECADE:

Asia’h Epperson, whose dad died in a car accident TWO DAYS BEFORE HER AUDITION! Before she even gets in the room I’m on the couch pleading “Please be good, please be good.” (There was a lot of pleading going on at my house last night.) Because, you know, if she couldn't sing this would have just been all kinds of wrong.

Asia'h (left) tossed out her original song choice so she could sing “How Do I Live Without You?” — with aching emotion. And it killed me.Yes, folks, she can sing. And she’s gorgeous and she’s modest and can dress appropriately. I love her.

Simon also loves Asia’h. She even gets the rare wink from him. (He winked at me once and I was on cloud nine.) She made Paula cry. Granted, not a difficult achievement. If you’ve ever saw “Hey Paula” and her meltdown over the “Bratz” movie, you get the feeling Paula is often on the verge of a crying jag. Making me cry? Not so easy.

Many family members are there to greet her after she receives her golden ticket. We’re trying really, really hard not to be cynical here, but didn’t they have more pressing, um, business to attend to?!

SOB STORY (OF HIS OWN MAKING)

Josiah Leming, a high school dropout who lives in his car and is very lonely. Stay in school, kids! He says his family doesn’t know about his living situation. Well they do now, sweetheart! He sings a song called “To Run,” which he wrote himself. Josiah (right) is good but he picks up a Brit lilt while singing. It’s weird and charming all at the same time.

I only live a few blocks from the Idol studios, so there is a good chance he’s living in my neighborhood in a nearby loading zone. I hope he wins, because I can totally see him parked in front of my driveway for the next few years if he doesn’t.

THE GOOD

Amanda Overmyer, (left) a Harley riding nurse with a rocker voice. She would bring some much-needed personality to the proceedings. I was on my couch pleading “Please be good, please be good.” And she is, even if her Janis song choice (“Mean Woman”) was a bit obvious. I can’t wait to see what the stylists do to her hair if she makes it past the Hollywood round. I’m guessing red chunks. They seem to love that look and force it on one contestant each season. I think they call that style the Nikki McKibbin.

Alexandrea Lushington, which sounds like a name out of a teen novel. She can sing and she inherited her sass from her 93-year-old grandma.

Brooke Helvie, aka Miss Florida Fair, who was beyond annoying. Her perky pageant demeanor was off-putting at best and had me on the couch pleading “Please be bad, please be bad.” The things that are important to Brooke are, in order, performing, God, brushing her hair, oh and her mom and dad.

Brooke (right) sucked the soul out of “Who’s Loving You.” Yeah, yeah, she can sing, but I really can’t care. Alas, she’s going to be with us for a while. Simon, once again, is right there with me: “I wanted her to do badly. She’s possibly the most annoying person I’ve ever seen in my life.” She completed the audition with a shout-out to nearby dolphins by emitting high-pitched squeaks.

THE BAD

Eva Miller, who fell, which is fun. And sang and danced to Vanessa Carlton — badly. And pledged her love for Simon — repeatedly.

Then there were the angsty teenage antics of Nathan Hite, a “ninth grade repeater” who sang “Paralyzer” by Finger Eleven. He did a fair imitation of no-talent contestants with lots of attitude but his attempt to out-retort Simon was feeble at best. Don’t screw with the master, kid. His proud parents greet him after his audition. Some people just really have low standards, I guess. I see another year of 9th grade in this boy’s future. Stay in school, kids! (But, you know, get through it in a reasonable number of years. You don’t want to be 20 at your high school graduation.)

Josh Jones, who apparently has crazy eyes. The judges made him turn his back to them while he sang. It’s said that if you look directly into the eyes of a glass-worker, he can steal your soul… and possibly replace your windshield. Yet they let him through despite the fact that he was terrible. Step off, son. Butcher a Queen song again and I will hurt you.

JP Tjelmeland, who auditioned three years ago and sat two seats away from Carrie Underwood. He still regrets not getting her number. Carrie, honey, if you’re listening, go get a restraining order, now. JP believes he has star quality. Oh lord. He also says the reason he wanted to be on “Idol” is so that he “doesn’t want to do four years of school.” Something tells me he’s not doing well in his studies as a music major specializing in singing. And what is it with the aversion to school down there in Georgia?

ANNOYING MONTAGES

1) Paula and “She’s Just a Girl Who Can’t Say No.” Also can’t “just say no” if you know what I mean.

2) Georgia peaches. Gawd.

3) Nerdy Clay-like boys singing badly. Except for the dude in a skirt, very boring.

4) Various contestants paying homage to Fergie with “Glamorous.” Producers did you really have to go the racist stereotype route and have that poor Asian woman sing “Gramorous”? We really hate you right now.

All the promos during the Super Bowl showed super talented contestants playing instruments. We gotta ask, where have they been hiding all these talented people?

— Kathy Lyford and Erin Maxwell

"In Treatment" is simply not the straightforward therapy series one might have expected. From the opening moment Monday, when Dr. Paul's lack of greeting for client Laura betrayed obvious tension, and on through his unprofessional mannerisms throughout the session, the show continued down its path (see previous posts) of therapy gone wrong. It's not that this can't be a worthy topic for a show, but it's rather profoundly irritating.

Do I want to see whether Paul can get a grip on himself and stop letting his personal turmoil seep into his counseling? I don't know. It's already rather hard to watch him counsel patients he no longer has any business counseling, or seek counseling from someone he has no business seeking counseling from. As a skilled therapist (so we're told), Paul should realize this.  The fact that he doesn't, however human that makes him, is hard to abide. I'm skeptical whether "In Treatment" can justify this path creatively.

— Jon Weisman

In last year's underseen film comedy "The TV Set," Fran Kranz played the actor that the showrunner played by David Duchovny didn't want anchoring his would-be thoughtful comedy. As Zach, Kranz had the kind of mainstream appeal that Sigourney Weaver's network exec relished, but he his lack of sophistication dragged down the material.

"Welcome to the Captain," which premieres on CBS tonight with Kranz in the starring role as Josh, feels a bit like life imitating art.  There are hints of a fun, wistful series here, but Kranz doesn't seem to have the nuances to coax it all out.  He's likeable, perhaps because of (or despite — your call) a kind of nervous energy he possesses, but an excess of depth isn't apparent.

Then again, "Captain" itself is a weird bird. A exponentially energized Chris Klein, almost too big for the smallscreen, dominates the early moments of the premiere, to an extent that you're fooled into thinking he's also going to play a lead role. But over the first two episodes, Klein fades into the background, and the show is taken over by Kranz's encounters with comic Al Madrigal, Jeffrey Tambor ("Larry Sanders," "Arrested Development"), Joanna Garcia ("Freaks and Geeks," "Reba") and Raquel Welch (uh, she's Raquel Welch).

The show trades on quirk, not entirely without success. While some sequences are rather mindless, others uncover some fairly poignant moments for the mostly has-been inhabitants of "The Captain," a building that will be familiar to local Rossmore Ave. residents. The second episode seemed an improvement upon the first — to be fair to Kranz, he and Tambor have some really nice exchanges, though Tambor interacts best with Madrigal — so I'll be tuning in for No. 3 to see if the show can continue that trajectory. It's possible I'm being too forgiving of the show, but as "The TV Set" showed us, a pilot isn't always representative of what a show can become.

Also returning to the air tonight is "The New Adventures of Old Christine." I'm guessing that four out of five dentists would recommend "Christine" over the "Captain," but I don't know which I'll like better in the long run.

— Jon Weisman

Watching this seg of "The Wire" is kinda like making Jell-O pudding (regular, not instant) when you're at the the halfway point, when your wrist is starting to get tired of stirring but you can see the payoff coming as the milk thickens into chocolate mud.

Episode 5, "React Quotes," penned by David Simon and David Mills and directed by Angieszka Holland, gallops along in advancing, twisting and expanding the plot. In this sea of unsavory characters, no one is more unctious in this seg than Marlo Stanfield's defense attorney Maurice Levy, who's positively giddy at the prospect of being awash in litigation fees when he realizes that his star client is using a cell phone. "Joe gave him to us just in time," says Levy, played by Michael Kostroff (pictured left).

Cruise on over to Variety's On the Air blog for the rest of this post.

You've got to hand it to "House" for perhaps the most unique promotion of the year – and no, I'm not talking about Hugh Laurie's deadpan remark in character that he doesn't need cable on Tuesdays (the night "House" typically airs).

No, I'm talking about the ad that was a 30-second clip show showing Laurie's House doing nothing but popping pills, set to the tune of Amy Winehouse's "Rehab." ("They tried to make me go to rehab, I said no, no, no ..."). See the video here...

You just don't see that kind of commitment to black comedy from the marketing department every day, or any day, or certainly any day that the Super Bowl just aired. It wasn't "Leaving Las Vegas" or anything, but it was pretty edgy for a mainstream promo, and it really sold the spirit of the show.

That ad was the best thing about Sunday's special edition of "House" for a good chunk of the episode – and for those who didn't manipulate their DVRs to account for the ep starting and ending nearly 30 minutes late, it might have been the only good chunk they saw. Some (though I don't quite count myself among them) would argue that "House" has suffered from its own auto-immune disease, doing itself in with predictability and dead-end stories for its characters. Sure enough, the formula was in place this time around. You had the mystery disease that House keeps misdiagnosing, and you had some rather lifeless scenes for House's past and present medical staff to work through. In addition, there was what started out as a one-note perf from guest victim Mira Sorvino as Kate, an Antarctic psychiartist (based loosely on the case of Jerri Nielsen).

But rather nicely, the webcam flirtation between Kate and House became something both sassy and sweet, as our cold warm-weather doctor developed a little crush on our warm cold-weather doctor. One thing House doesn't do often is actually have feelings for someone, and it was cool the way they sneaked up on him and us.

In addition, the apparent throwaway storyline involving Cameron, cable and the three surviving newbies became integral to the plot, and there was even a nice twist in the end involving Wilson (who earlier in the seg had a laugh-out-loud scamper away from House) and his new but familiar gal pal.

In short, post-Super Bowl viewers got to see "House" continue to defy the odds and make the procedural form work.  Yes, there's a formula, but it's a winning formula.  Just like the winning formula Patriots – excuse me – Giants have patented.

– Jon Weisman

Okay, this is just getting weird.  For the third consecutive night, "In Treatment" on Thursday featured a storyline in which the client had no interest in getting therapy, but rather was simply seeking a verdict on some aspect of life. It's like watching a series of "American Idol" auditions where the contestants don't want to go to Hollywood.

Following Alex and Sophie, we now have Jake (Josh Charles) and his wife Amy (Embeth Davidtz). Jake is a live wire telegraphing all kinds of problems, but when we get to the crux of the episode, he just wants to Dr. Paul to tell them whether or not they should have an abortion. Well, he doesn't really want that, but that's why he thinks he's there.  Not for counseling.

Look, I get ambivalence.  A lot of patients aren't actually happy to get therapy. But some people who walk in for their 50 minutes actually intend to get therapy, whether it's pleasant or not. 

It's not a bad episode, but like Monday's premiere with Laura, it was definitely strange. It didn't help that Jake and Amy seem profoundly mismatched, and not just because they're not getting along.  The only hints as to how they would ever have made it through a single dinner date is Amy's tepid claim that she still finds Jake sexy, and Jake's general angst over her. I guess they're fascinated with each other – at least Jake is – but how did they ever not kill each other?

So, in this lab of force-fed therapy, it just so happens that the antagonistic patients are getting under Paul's skin.  We learned this in Friday's first-week finale, when Paul seeks someone he himself can confide with.  But in another twist that is more bizarre than satisfying, Paul calls an old mentor, Gina (Dianne Wiest), with whom he has all kinds of baggage.  The two of them can barely exchange sentences without dredging up some happy, sad or bitter incident from the past.  Clearly, this challenges the chances of Paul getting what he needs, but I guess at this point, we have to accept that "In Treatment" isn't going to let the conventional muck up the works.

I find myself surprisingly eager to see next week's episodes, partly because I have enjoyed the show on some level, but mostly to see if the show can justify its off-the-wall beginnings.  Don't get me wrong - I'm no fan of shows that only go by the book.  But there's exciting strange, and then just head-scratching strange.  Which is "In Treatment" gonna be?

– Jon Weisman

Man. I think I'm speechless. 

Tonight's scenes with Smash and Saracen, one on top of the other on top of the other on top of the other, were just beyond exceptional.

Both storylines brought the entire history of the series, the entire weight of the pressure both these two kids have been feeling for 30-odd episodes, to an emotional intensity that was just a privilege to be a part of.

For me, this was the Super Bowl.

– Jon Weisman

"Lost" stomped all over the competish in its return to ABC's sked on Thursday. "Eli Stone" had a harder time of it in its debut.

The 9 p.m. fourth season premiere seg drew 16.1 million viewers and 6.7 rating/16 share in the adults 18-49 demo, per Nielsen prelims. The 8 p.m. "Lost" clip show did a healthy 13.1 million 4.9/13 in the key demo.

"Lost's" premiere ratings were down from last season's opener (18.8 million, 7.7/19), but we all know last night's numbers will balloon when DVR viewing sources are factored in week after next.

Kind of a mixed bag for the 10 p.m. bow of ABC's dramedy "Eli Stone." The well-reviewed drama about an idealistic lawyer who begins to realize that he's a prophet had a hard time hanging on to "Lost's" coattails. It opened to 11.6 million viewers and 4.2/11 in 18-49. Not great, but not terrible either, and it is an improvement over the perf of "Lost" companion "The Nine" last season.

-- Cynthia Littleton