My tivo seems to have something against insipid, skinny girls learning to properly have their picture taken. For two weeks running, there has been a recording problem. Last night it was a basketball overrun. But I’ll do my best to fill you in.

Last week: Remarkably boring episode highlighted by Dominique, Whitney and Fatima competing for the title of queen bitch. And lowlighted by the marvelous Marvita being sent home after it was deemed she’d lost her desire. I shall miss her.

On to last night’s episode:

Reward challenge: A posing lesson with Tyra where she teaches “the walk,” “the three-second pose,” and how to use pain to help them with their poses. That’s an actual technique? Who knew?

It’s a surprise reward challenge, which Anya wins. Her prize? She gets to roll around naked on a bed while Nigel shoots her photos. So, best reward ever in the history of reality television if you ask me.

Tyra’s most over-the-top moment: Pretending to sprain her ankle to demonstrate posing with pain. Girl really needs some acting lessons.

Catfight of the week: Dom is causing problems by ignoring her alarm, which pisses off Claire, then Anya, then Lauren. All three of these girls are pretty passive, so good work there Dominique. That’s really quite an accomplishment. Then Whitney joins in and it seems the whole house is anti-Dom, as I would be if I lived there. Fatima was strangely silent throughout. The fight is revisited later when Dom is not feeling well and is trying to sleep. At this point Claire, Lauren and Whitney won’t let her rest and are all acting like children and I am no longer taking sides.

Photo shoot: Embodying different music styles for “world famous” photog Russell James, who I at first thought was Nigel in a surfer boy wig. Fatima is adequate as “metal rock”; Kat is “emo”; Lauren struggles but ultimately shines as “pop” and Whitney rocks “grunge.” We also see Dom as “folk,” Anya as “punk” and Stacy-Ann as “house.” Coming in at the bottom are Aimee as "R&B," which she can’t grasp at all and Claire in a ridiculous country-Western getup. When I think country music, I think Carrie Underwood, so the big hair and fluffy skirt were not only ridiculous, but they made this challenge particularly unfair to my girl Claire.

Judges panel: My tivo cut off about a minute into panel so I had to ask around to see what happened. Damn you, basketball overrun.

First one called: Whitney, rebounding nicely from her bottom 2 finish last week.

Bottom 2: Aimee and Claire, who gets a Tyra scolding for her lackluster shoot. Wish I could have seen that.

Eliminated: Mormon good-girl Aimee. Those pesky religious convictions always seem to get in the way of top model-dom.

Favorites: Lauren and Whitney. Claire lost some points with her petulant behavior.

Can’t wait to her go: Dominique

— Kathy Lyford

I haven’t decided which task is more difficult: The job of “American Idol” producers attempting to fill a 62-minute show with 5 minutes worth of content, or attempting to fill a recap about said content.

In this hour, “Idol” attempts to keep viewers tuned in with iTune plugs, a singalong, a video, a songwriting contest, the return of Kimberley Locke, questions from the viewers and, of course, giving one hopeful the boot.

So, what were the highlights?:

Kathy: Not a one of those kids can dance. Did you watch during the singalong? Kristy does this weird limp-wristed thing with her left hand, Brooke has all the rhythm of Elaine Benes and Jason moves like Axl Rose.

Kathy: Carly denies reports that she’s pregnant and admits that she wore Spanx on Tuesday night. And Seacrest knows precisely what Spanx are. Oh my.

Erin: Idol once again offers a chance to failed singer-songwriters to pen a tune for the final. After a clip of Jordan singing last year’s ditty, I’m starting to think this is not that hard of a task. Behold:

This is the first line of the song,
It's about how life can be hard.
But don't worry, I'll come along,
By using rhymes that will embarrass the Bard.

CHORUS
This is the chorus,
This is the chorus
I won Idol and scored a Ford Taurus,
This is the chorus

In the second verse,
I'll sing about hope,
And name drop Jesus or God,
If I’m desperate, I’ll mention the Pope,
I'll try not to make the rhymes too odd

CHORUS
This third verse has a big high note,
Where I prove how awesome I am.
I remind viewers that I have a golden throat,
And show the world this isn't too much of a scam

CHORUS

I think I missed my calling.

Kathy: By God, Erin, I think you’re on to something. With a little polish I think we could actually submit that. And perhaps sell it on iTunes, which has a deal with “Idol,” in case you hadn’t heard. Maybe we can add a line about iTunes and Coca-Cola and one about mall openings and county fairs in the winner’s future? Or how finishing third or fifth seems to pay off? Which segues nicely into…

Erin: Kimberley is doing great. She’s lost weight, owns a restaurant, and has reaffirmed there is life outside “Idol” that doesn't involve the TV Guide channel.

Kathy: I always loved Kimberley and believe to this day that she should have won season 2. Great to see her doing so well. But that dress made her look as if she’d gained weight not lost it. It might be the most unflattering dress I’ve ever seen.

Erin: According the TMZ, Christian Siriano from Project Runway designed Kim’s dress.

Kathy: Oh, that explains it. And confirms that I was right about Christian not being able to design for anyone but Posh.

Bottom 3: Syesha, Chikezie, Jason

At the end, Sanjaya’s, er, I mean Kristy’s jingoistic ploy worked and she once again ducked the ax, which hit Chikezie square in the face. Bye Chikezie, I’ll miss you and your one awesome song. Chikezie can now go dust off his orange suit and reclaim his discarded surname and return to his previous life.

— Erin Maxwell and Kathy Lyford

Only three episodes in and the fourth edition of "Top Chef" has a mano a mano flavor that distinguishes itself from the predecessors. This is a lab experiment, the sort typically conducted with rats, in which one species recoils and the other claws to a role of dominance regardless of their place in the food chain.  Assimilation with these cooks — are you kidding?

Third episode opened on aggressive notes of male bragadacio that only ramped up as the segment progressed. Credit the astute editing and the less than scintillating tasks — a gourmet taco and a block party picnic — for making this one more about personality and less about food. (And "soggy" was the word of the day even if Padma did not repeat another judge saying it).

Spike, Andrew and Erik have taken on roles of  imperious aggression and we have yet to see the cooking behind it to give them a pass on their behavior. It's Type A instead of an A game, and it ultimately tripped up Erik who packed his knives after making a ghastly looking taco plate and miscalculated the effect of time on a corn dog.

Enhancing the positions certain males have assumed are the selected shots. It's one thing to show a competitor cheering "yay, us!," but here they're slamming beers and basketballs, flailing about as they compliment themselves and boasting before a task is started about the genius of strategy. It's the apes of "2001" in chef's jackets.

Women and the non-alpha males, meanwhile, are captured in passive lounging positions — the lesbian couple in bed, Richard seated on a folding chair in the street slightly bewildered; Manuel being silent; Stephanie being selfless. Perhaps it will get back to food next week when Daniel Boulud visits.
KATHY: Everyone from the contestants to the network folks who come up with the phone-in polls seems to be deeming this the season a woman finally wins this thing. Is it possible that they tapped just enough self-destructive male cretins to ensure that it will happen? Stephanie has won twice already so it looks as if we have a female front-runner.

PHIL: I  agree with Erik and Spike — tacos are street food. Interesting that the one guy who avoided the tortilla won. It could just as easily been an entry into a nouveau crepe competition.
KATHY: Tacos are street food but I think nearly anything can be made more elegant. I thought both the duck tacos and the ones with the chick peas were creative and upscale. It's interesting that the contestant who admits to routinely serving lobster corndogs gets bent out of shape about being asked to upgrade a taco. There is no excuse on any reality show to say "Screw him" about a visiting expert. I'm glad Erik is gone.

PHIL: In previous seasons, Tom Colicchio has been the gentle master. Now he's not only more of a task master, but he is also displaying more food knowledge. Paella is all about the crust, for example. He appears to be dropping his Tim Gunn tendencies to be simultaneously questioning and supportive.
KATHY: Cause and effect, Phil. Populate the show with abrasive macho creeps and the judges must also step up their aggression. Andrew's little "this is my house" tirade was particularly pathetic and childish.

PHIL: So, is lavender sexy?
KATHY: In a bath, yes. In lemonade, not so much.

PHIL: Did you notice Padma struggle to keep a gooey substance in her mouth?
KATHY: Now I'm embarrassed.

— Phil Gallo and Kathy Lyford

The theme this week is "a song from the year you were born." So, basically, it’s ’80s week again. That’s right folks, most of these kids were born in the 1980s. Wrap your brain around that one. Michael and little David each just barely missed the decade, in opposite directions. Erin, I’ll be recapping the rest of the show from my rocking chair. (Thank God the show is now only 90 minutes. That’s 30 minutes of my life I get back every week.)

Nothing says “You’re closer to the shroud” like showing talented tykes born in a year you clearly remember. When David A. was born, I went to my first Spring Fling. Share the chair, Kath. I’m just a few months away from chasing kids off my lawn and earning the title of “Neighborhood Crazy Lady.”

A moment of silence for Amanda please… Oh, rocker nurse. I shall miss you and your one-trick pony ways. Good luck and God bless.

And back to the show…

On the vidclips, moms and dads hype up the fruit of their loins while “Idol” contestants chat about Astrological signs and moments from their childhoods. We’ll choose the best moment from each clip.

Ramiele (TV Guide power ranking #8)
Vidclip tidbit: She used to bite other kids. She could still bite people on the ankles.
Song: “Alone” (Heart, 1987)
Kathy: Finally, the little girl with the big voice chooses a song with some big notes. Perhaps next week she could try hitting some of those notes. Also, another terrible outfit.
Erin: Her performance sets the tone of the night and the real theme of the show: Songs from the DMV Line. Boring, boring, boring.
Paula Abdul and her fingerless gloves: "I give you a lot of brave."

Jason (TV Guide power ranking #5)
Vidclip tidbit: He can’t pronounce “Aries.”
Song: “Fragile” (Sting, 1987) — with guitar
Kathy: I hated this song when Sting sang it. I hate it even more now. Even Jason admits he could spend a little more time practicing.
Erin: This Sting song fits his coffeehouse vibe. If I saw him play, I would totally throw a buck into his open guitar case. And then never think of him again. Simon was right on the money when he said that Jason was in his own world, which probably consists of a lot of Phish posters and black lights.

Syesha (TV Guide power ranking #9)
Vidclip tidbit: She cried a lot as a baby. And proves it with the crying baby imitation. Again.
Song: “If I Were Your Woman” (Gladys Knight, 1987)
Kathy: She hits all the notes but I am distracted by the way she sings “If I WAS Your Woman.” Bad grammar will win you no points with me, young lady.
Erin: First off, the baby crying thing she does in not endearing. It’s creepy and gross and it needs to stop. As for the song, technically speaking, she hits all the notes. That said, I just don’t care. I am sick of ballads. It’s only three songs in to the show and I’m ready to check out how the skanks on “Rock of Love.”

Chikezie (TV Guide power ranking #10)
Vidclip tidbit: Used to sing to his mom but didn’t know the words
Song: “If Only for One Night” (Luther Vandross, 1985)
Kathy: Awful song, awful performance. Chikezie is boring beyond his years.
Erin: “It’s like Luther Vandross was the ‘Last King of Scotland.’” — roommate Paula.
I’m done. Really. “American Idol” crushed my spirit and won the war against my patience. The only reason I’m still watching it is because I hurt my neck at the gym and I can’t get up to turn the channel. Chikezie gives us another boring ballad of another song I would never listen to willingly.

Brooke (TV Guide power ranking #3)
Vidclip tidbit: Plays piano by ear
Song: “Every Breath You Take” (Police, 1983) — with piano and straightened hair
Kathy: She messed up the very first note, stopped, then started over. If this had been a gymnastics meet, that would have been an automatic 1 point deduction. Instead the judges seem to find it admirable. She hit all the notes after that first bum one and it was, you know, fine. But the words were clipped and sung with no feeling. I really missed that stalker vibe Sting brought to the song.
Erin: Brooke takes a perfect good song about stalking and obsession and gives it a G-rated twist. Now it’s a song about a loved one, probably a family member like Grandma, looking over a young precious tyke with adoring eyes. “I’ll be watching you,” she whispers as her grandchild plays with other scamps in the schoolyard. See that? I just made it creepier.

Now you can design the judges’ coke cups?! Please stop. Just stop.

Michael (TV Guide power ranking #6)
Vidclip tidbit: Was a poor sport as a child
Song: “We Will Rock You/We Are The Champions” (Queen, 1978)
Kathy: You know that thing I said about not singing Queen? You are exempt Michael. You rocked this stadium classic. This was your best performance since “Bohemian Rhapsody” in Hollywood. In fact, I think maybe you should only sing Queen songs.
Erin: FINALLY. Thank you, Australia, for lending us Michael. I will only talk fondly now of Paul Hogan and Koala Blue. Michael’s parents babble on about their darling boy. Something about a happy childhood with very few dingoes eating their babies. I’m only half listening to it, totally expecting another ballad. But then Michael surprises me with glorious Queen. He not only delivers a song that isn’t going to lull me to sleep, but a hell of a performance. During the perf, the boy had enough light on him to trick the aud into thinking it was the Second Coming. And judging from the screaming girls, I think the ruse was successful,

Carly (TV Guide power ranking #4)
Vidclip tidbit: Had lots of curly blond hair as a child. And no tattoos. Also, she's named for Carly Simon. That must piss off Brooke.
Song: “Total Eclipse of the Heart” (Bonnie Tyler, 1983)
Kathy: Here’s the thing. I looked away from the TV for a bit. OK, most of the episode. Give me a break, I was shopping on Ebay. There’s only so much of this crap I can take. Anywho, I paid very little attention when I heard her start this horrific song. Then I heard some really good vocals, only to look up and realize it was the backup singer. Next week can the theme be “Backup singers perform”? Carly, my dear, you could run away with this competition if only you stopped picking ghastly songs.
Erin: This is my song. I have been performing this song in karaoke for the past decade as my crowd pleaser. But when I do it, I flourish the act with hand gestures, crying jags and sweeping movements to symbolize my heartbreak. I could have given a few tips to Carly, who was robotic and stiff. On the bright side, it looks like Fox let her husband emerge from hiding for a little camera time.
Hey Kathy, what the hell was with the bathroom talk at the end? It was disturbing.
Kathy: I don’t know but Oh. My. God. Also, I think I’d like this song better if I heard your version.

iTunes plug. Sigh.

Why didn’t they have iTunes downloads in seasons 1-4, when there were actually performances I might have wanted to see again? Seriously. There has not been one performance this entire season that moved me, save Asia’h’s initial audition song to her dad … not one rendition of any song that made me feel as if the person singing even understood what they were singing about … not one to make me sit up and take notice or say “Wow.” I guess I’ll just have to satisfy myself with “American Idol Rewind’s” repeats of Kelly’s “Natural Woman,” Fantasia’s “Summertime” J.Hud's "Weekend in New England" or LaKisha's "And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going."

David A. (TV Guide power ranking #1)
Vidclip tidbit: He may miss the prom. And they show his girlfriend in the audience and little pre-pubescent hearts all across America break.
Song: Who knows or cares? (1990)
Kathy: Awful performance. He gets the trophy for most inconsistent contestant. Keep it up and you just might be back in Utah in time for the prom, David. I have never heard this horrific song and hope to never hear it again. Of course, it’s possible I was already in the early stages of Alzheimers by 1990 but I have a feeling I’m not alone here. Erin?
Erin:  I am completely stumped on this one. I mean, I was 16 when this song supposedly came out, and I have a pretty good memory. I can remember all of the original castmembers of “Degrassi Jr. High,” the lyrics to the “ALF” cartoon and can recite  the fictional family trees of V.C. Andrews clans, but I have no idea what this boy is singing. And neither do the judges. And because I don’t know it, I hate it. I know this is shallow and closed-minded, but I’m old and set in my ways. I don’t like new things. And you can’t make me.

Kristy (TV Guide power ranking #7)
Vidclip tidbit: No horse in this week’s preamble. Shocking!
Song: “God Bless the U.S.A.” (Lee Greenwood, 1984)
Kathy: Kristy, you might curry favor in middle America with this redneck anthem but it won’t work on me. You need to go home. And soon.
Erin: DONE! I am friggin’ done with this chick. She should have never made it to the Top 12. And now that she’s made it this far, I’m doomed to watch her for the rest of my life in bizarre hosting gigs for the TV Guide channel. Her song choice was insipid. I don’t care if she did it well, I couldn’t listen to it for another second. It was grotesque and wrong.

David Cook (TV Guide power ranking #2)
Vidclip tidbit: As a baby, he looked like Gazoo from “The Flintstones.”
Song: “Billie Jean” (Michael Jackson, 1982) — with guitar
Kathy: Randy loved it. Paula was so excited, she couldn’t sit down. Simon thought it was amazing. My friends were emailing me. I don’t get it. David and his massive ego did not put a twist on the song. Chris Cornell did, and David copied him. And he's smug. I don’t like this kid, which probably means he’ll win the whole thing.
Erin: David rocked the pimp spot. This was my favorite performance of the night. Just wow. Much like the way he tore up “Hello,” the rocker with a combover took hold of Jacko’s beloved favorite and made it amazingly cool. I actually think this was one of my favorite perfs of the season.
Honestly, I’m starting to love this kid. Now that Amanda is gone, I have picked him as my new BFF. I would love to go hat shopping with him.

Best:
Kathy: Michael
Erin: David C., Michael

Bottom three:
Kathy: David A., Chikezie, Carly
Erin: Kristy, plus any two of the others

— Erin Maxwell and Kathy Lyford

P.S.
In “Idol” news, Josiah gets record deal.
Kathy: Say it ain’t so!
Erin: At least my driveway is safe now.

So here is the good thing and the bad thing about having a TiVo. The good thing is that you can trust the TiVo to record every episode of the show you're watching, even if something silly happens like CBS switching said show to Wednesday night. The bad thing is that when CBS does something silly like switch "Survivor" to Wednesday nights, your TiVo just assumes you'll notice and doesn't, like, tell you. So, um, sorry about the day delay.

At the Malakal camp, Tracy and Ozzy are fighting over whether or not to kill the chickens for meat, as opposed to letting them live and eating their eggs. Ozzy interviews that they have plenty of food and it doesn't make sense to kill a renewable resource. Tracy complains about how Ozzy catches the food, cooks the food, and tells people when to eat it. If eating meals on someone else's schedule is that big a problem for you, Tracy, maybe you should cook the food yourself? That's what my mom used to tell me, anyway.

Seriously, Ozzy, buddy, if you have to get rid of anyone this week, do me a favor and make it Tracy? She's boring the crap out of me. Eliminate her, and it's a win-win situation for everyone. Well, except for Tracy, who will lose. But I'm comfortable with that.

At the Airai camp, Kathy and others complain about the rain. James complains about the people complaining about the rain. RIVETING TELEVISION, HAPPENING RIGHT HERE. Please oh god can we set something on fire soon?

Back to Malakal, where Erik is drawing up sketches for his "I heart Ozzy" tramp stamp. Though, when Erik tries to prove his coconut-gathering prowess, the moment takes on a slightly competitive "All About Eve" quality. "Whenever [Erik] says Ozzy's name," Cirie interviews, "it's like stardust comes out of his mouth. Ozzy. I think that if Ozzy were to propose marriage to Erik right now -- [claps hands] -- done deal." Oh, Cirie. Keep that up, and I'll be getting my own tramp stamp in your honor.

Jeff shows up! He asks if we're ready to get to today's reward challenge. HELL YES. Except, of course, that it's another crush-the-tiles-to-acquire-puzzle-pieces-because-god-forbid-a-challenge-emphasize-mind-over-body-or-vice-versa challenge. Plus, no fire. Sigh.

This time, to crush the tiles, four team members are blindfolded while wheeling a giant Micronesian money wheel through the jungle, while guided by a sighted team member. And Malakal, unburdened by Chet, wins it! Huzzah for Malakal. It's been a long time coming. They win showers, so there's a whole bunch of naked happening. Cirie abstains.

Back at Airai, Kathy is not enjoying the differences between watching "Survivor" on TV and actually being on "Survivor." Apparently, when she applied to be on the show, she didn't quite process that there is some amount of reality involved in being on reality TV. So Kathy decides to quit. That's right, for the second week in a row, we lose someone halfway through the episode. Kathy lets something slip about how her sister pressured her into being on the show because "she wants to live vicariously through me." That's going to be an awkward Thanksgiving dinner, right there.

Immunity challenge time! Because it doesn't matter how many people we lose on the way to tribal council -- if Jeff doesn't get to snuff someone's torch every three days, he gets cranky. This time, the puzzle pieces are on a pier in the ocean, and need to be dragged to shore via a tow line before being assembled by two other teammates. Ozzy, with a little assistance from Erik, gets all of Malakal's puzzle pieces to shore way before Airai manages the same task. But then Amanda and Cirie get blocked on the actual puzzle and Airai wins it.

Time for the Malakal who's-going-home dance. Ozzy hears my prayers and immediately decides that they should all vote for Tracy, but Amanda and Cirie want to get rid of Erik, before Ozzy and Erik's Love That Dares Not Speak Its Name consumes the entire island. Ami, meanwhile, knows that if Ozzy continues to have his way, she'll be out soon enough. So she tries partnering with Tracy to take down Ozzy -- but in order to for their plan to work, they need to get Erik with them. And while they don't really show Erik talking at all about that decision, they do show Ami reconsidering her plan and talking to Cirie and Amanda some more. They don't show her talking to Tracy. I start crossing my fingers.

At Tribal Council, while Jeff lays out the votes that eliminate Tracy, I finally figure out what's been bugging me about her face. I know you want to look good on TV, honey, but there's such a thing as too much collagen. Tracy takes it well, all things considered, though she keeps referring to Ozzy as manipulative in her out interview. Sometimes, I really think no one has ever watched this show before. Did you expect anything different?

Next week: The body count continues to mount. I thought we'd all start feeling safer when Joel was voted out. I thought wrong.

--Liz Shannon Miller

Non-elimination (ie: boring) part of the show:

Ryan announces the mentors for this season: Dolly Parton, Mariah Carey, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Neil Diamond. Can't say I'm looking forward to any of those episodes so much.

They are repeating the songwriting contest this year. You know, the one that last year gave us "This Is My Now." Goodie.

Bad Beatles medley.

Hey, speaking of bad, two of the worst finalists ever are in the audience: Kevin Covais and Jon Peter Lewis. No, I did not have to look up those names. Yes, I'm a dork.

Recap of Tuesday's awful performances. Nobody is safe, as far as I'm concerned.

Stupid call-in portion of the show. They aren't really going to do this every week are they?

A performance from Kellie Pickler. That shoe song. Who doesn't feel like singing about their shoes? Depending  on how you feel about her, Pickler is either sitll adorable or still irritating. Personally, I always found her adorable.

Elliot Yamin and Fantasia go to Angola to give out mosquito nets and plug "Idol Gives Back." Fantasia's spontaneous "Amazing Grace" proves to be the best performance of the season thus far for me.

Not only do we have a Ford video, we get to see the "making of the Ford video." For those who had the foresight to fast-forward, let me tell ya, it was every bit as horrible as you think it was.

Now the part we all tune in for. And this time Ryan brings the contestants out one at a time.

Brooke - safe
Carly - bottom 3. Wow.
David A. - safe
Michael - safe. Whew.
David C. - safe
Kristy - bottom 3. Good
Jason - safe
Ramiele - safe
Syesha - safe. Comeback!
Amanda and Chikezie. Drumroll. Chikezie is safe. Amanda is in the bottom 3.

Carly, Kristy and Amanda take center stage. Carly looks petrified.

Carly, you're safe.

Kristy and her shiny top live to sing another week.

Amanda rides off into the sunset on her Harley.

Erin won't be happy.

Goodbye, cool chick,. We will both miss you.

- Kathy Lyford

Kathy: Here we go again. Sixteen and a half minutes of actual singing in a 120-minute show. Oy.

This week it’s not just Lennon/McCartney it’s the Beatles. Nifty. I’ve never liked the Fab Four. I know I’m out here on a limb alone with this one, that they were the greatest band of all time, blah, blah, blah. I just don’t like them. My sister played their music incessantly back when we shared a room. The only thing worse than listening to the Beatles is listening to kids mangle the Beatles. Throw in all the plugs for iTunes, Coke and Paula and Randy's stupid single and the show nearly jumped the shark for me last night.

Off we go with the stiff introductions. Simon winked at Ryan. Have they kissed and made up? Also Randy, mirroring my feelings, is yawning. And Paula has learned a new word: “gumption.”

The vidclip confessionals this week are also a yawner. The kids recount their most memorable “Idol” moment. Isn’t it a little early to be asking that? Anyway, seven of the 11 say last week was their most memorable moment. Even little David, who forgot his words, and Syesha, who was in the bottom 3. Michael and Chikeze harken way back to the Hollywood round when they were still factors in the competition, Jason liked his perf of “Hallelujah” and Ramiele enjoys making friends. What, Ford didn’t pay one of them to say “making the Ford video has been my most memorable moment”?

Also, in addition to the songs, it seems each contestant has been told to give a campaign speech after the judges speak. Seriously, why all the talking?

Erin: I am out of town on a well-deserved vacation. However, I didn’t want to leave Kathy in a lurch, so I dusted off my Magic Eight Ball to help me with “Idol” predictions. I have complete faith in this thing. It got me through my SATs.

Amanda (TV Guide power ranking #7)
Song: “Back in the U.S.S.R.”
Kathy: Amanda’s dancing reminds me of something… what is it?… hmmm. Oh yeah, I have to go to the gym and do some squats. I had high hopes when Mandy announced she was going to tease her hair up really high, throw on lots of black eyeliner and have fun with it. It makes me feel like Erin is here. However, my hopes are dashed, because what we get is another screeching hard rock song. Paula says “You are the quintessential, authentic, who you are.” Alrighty, then. Simon tells Amanda she’s got to show some versatility and I wholeheartedly agree. Then Amanda goes off on a monologue about selling concert tickets and having fun and I think she even uttered “shit.” Uh-oh, Fox, the FCC is going to come after you.
Erin’s Magic Eight Ball Question: Will Amanda ever sing a ballad?
Answer: My sources say no

Kristy Lee (TV Guide power ranking #10)
Song: "You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away"
Kathy: I took notes, but I still remember very little about this except that it sounded like one of my sister’s 45s playing at the wrong speed. (Kids, 45s were the mp3s of your parents’ generation.) Paula tells her she looks beautiful and we all know what that means. Kristy’s post-judgment speech turns naughty as she tells Simon “You know I could blow you out of your socks.” Simon and Seacrest get the unintentional joke, but Paula doesn’t and just keeps repeating it over and over until parents all over the country start sending the kids to bed.
Erin’s Magic Eight Ball Question: Is Howard Stern behind the whole “Why is Kristy Still Here?” phenomenon?
Answer: My sources say no

David A. (TV Guide power ranking #2)
Song: "Long and Winding Road" (one of the few Beatles songs I can tolerate)
Kathy: The performance of the night; not that that is some great achievement. But little David remembered all the words and is back in form. Plus he remains adorable and humble and giggly. What’s not to like? David’s speech was short and sweet. He thinks people relate better to ballads. Hear that, Amanda?
Erin’s Magic Eight Ball Question: Does any over the age of 17 believe David can win at this point?
Answer: Absolutely!

Michael (TV Guide power ranking #6)
Song: "A Day in the Life"
Kathy: Oh, Michael, you just continue to fall from grace. You really should have listened to that person I heard in the video who said “How are you going to do this song in 90 seconds?” It was just a mess, with painful high notes. Michael goes for the sympathy votes by explaining the he sang it for a friend who died last year. Oh, honey.
Erin’s Magic Eight Ball Question: Are most of Michael's fans girls who don't see the ring?
Answer: No
This requires further investigating
Magic Eight Ball Question: Are most of Michael's fans guys who see the ring, but don't care?
Answer: Yes.
And there you have it...

Brooke (TV Guide power ranking #3)
Song: "Here Comes the Sun"
Kathy: Brooke says she loves the words to this song. Which ones? Doo, doo, doo, doo? My girl Brooke is really awkward without a piano or a guitar to hide behind. And when she made that Richard Simmons “Woo” sound I cringed. The judges didn’t like it either and Brooke spends a few minutes acting as mediator between the judges and the audience. 
Erin’s Magic Eight Ball Question: Will Brooke break away from her “authentic” sound and show us a different side?
Answer: Outlook not so good

David C. (TV Guide power ranking  #1)
Song: "Daytripper" (with guitar and other accoutrements)
Kathy: This was pretty much last week’s performance all over again but with the addition of a “voice box” contraption that bordered on Blake Lewis gimmickry. Plus rocker Dave has grown cocky and smug in a week’s time, as evidenced by his BS session with the judges. I liked him much better last week when he was humble and awestruck.
Erin’s Magic Eight Ball Question: Will David open for Daughtry in the near future?
Answer: No way!

Carly (TV Guide power ranking #4)
Song: "Blackbird"
Kathy: Her performance was fine but, lord, I hate this song. She’s definitely the most professional one in the group. Oh, that’s right, she kind of is a professional. I’m still not feeling Carly. She just hasn’t clicked with me. And her new “7” tattoo (for season 7) and her speech about how they are all broken birds trying to fly free didn’t help.
Erin’s Magic Eight Ball Question: What are the chances of a Carly/Heart pairing at the finale?
Answer: Absolutely!

Jason (TV Guide power ranking #5)
Song: "Michelle"
Kathy: This was just really awful, particularly the French portions of the song. I still am fond of Jason for some reason. C’est la vie.
Erin’s Magic Eight Ball Question: Will Jason use his newfound stardom to sneak into the ladies’ dorms when he returns to college?
Answer: My sources say no.

Syesha (TV Guide power ranking #11)
Song: "Yesterday"
Kathy: Syesha busted out her assets in a desperate attempt to garner some votes. That, er those, combined with this performance could keep her around another week.
Erin’s Magic Eight Ball Question: Will Syesha's happy go-lucky rendition win over judges?
Answer: Definitely

Chikezie (TV Guide power ranking #8)
Song: "I’ve Just Seen a Face"
Kathy: Chikezie morphed into Sybil in front of our eyes, showing at least three different personalities in the course of his 90 second song. He started off slowly, then played the harmonica — badly — then changed it up again into a bad Kristy Lee bluegrass version of the song. It was so disjointed, I felt like I was in my car with the radio on “seek” mode. Chikezie wisely kept his mouth shut after the judges’ critiques.
Erin’s Magic Eight Ball Question: Will Chikezie forget about recent triumphs and return to his old, mediocre ways?
Answer: Yes

Ramiele (TV Guide power ranking #9)
Song: "I Should Have Known Better"
Kathy: Poor kid tried an upbeat song in an attempt not to be boring this week. But it was still boring. And then she engaged in baby talk with the judges. OK, I get that she’s little and cute, but she’s not Cindy Lou Who. Stop with the baby talk, Rami. And I didn’t like her outfit. So there.
Erin’s Magic Eight Ball Question: Did Ramiele learn to stop taking Nyquil before she hits the stage?
Answer: No way!

David H. (booted last week)
Erin’s Magic Eight Ball Question: Did David return to his former career of “serving pizzas”?
Answer: No way! (NOTE: At this point, I am starting to doubt the magic of the eight ball.)

Best: David A., Syesha
Bottom three: Kristy, Chikezie, Amanda

— Kathy Lyford and Erin’s Magic Eight Ball

I ... just don't know.

For many, the post-strike return of CBS' "The Big Bang Theory" and "How I Met Your Mother" was long-awaited. For my part, I'll go as far as to say they were welcomed, even mildly anticipated. I don't live and die with these shows, but they have had their moments of sweetness and light.

However, even by those less-than-exacting standards, tonight was a disappointment.

I expect the people who really do love "Bang" will be happy with tonight's airing; it had the show's typical silliness.  My problem was that it was all-too-typical. I stared at the screen blankly for almost the entire half-hour.

Doesn't it get old after a while that Leonard has bad clothes and things to be embarrassed about, that Sheldon is anal-retentive, that Penny is nonplussed by their behavior?  The same behavior is mined, and the situations don't change all that much. The one twist that tonight's episode did have going for it – the fact that Penny's meddling was actually undermining Sheldon and Leonard's friendship – was barely exploited.  Even the fight between Sheldon and Leonard was undercut by stock reactions from Howard. Though there was a good moment when Leonard outlined all his insecurities before insisting Sheldon was worse, I was never really won over.

It's weird because "Bang" truly is likable - I almost always sit down expecting to enjoy it more than I do. It says something about the show that I'll watch it even when I'm not laughing, but I don't know if I'd want to do that indefinitely.

"How I Met Your Mother" usually delivers for me more than "Bang" does, but I was even more mystified by its comeback outing.  The A story had Ted repeating the same joke – wow, he's being a bad guy, but it's working out great – and the payoff?  Hey, being a bad guy doesn't work out great. Okay. ... The B story, involving an apartment with a slanted floor, was even more flimsy.

These episodes just felt very by-the-numbers.

– Jon Weisman

Season Pass and the Paley Center for Media still have tickets available for the Paley Fest ’08, which started Friday and runs through March 27 at the Cinerama Dome.

All the events, which begin at 7 p.m., include a screening followed by a Q&A with the shows’ cast and creatives.

Hit the comment button and tell us which event you prefer and why you really, really want to go. We will notify you by email if you win. And there are no "Buffy" reunion tickets available, no matter how nicely you ask.

Friday, March 21: "Dancing with the Stars" (4 pairs left)
(Guests confirmed: co-hosts Tom Bergeron and Samantha Harris; judges Len Goodman, Carrie Ann Inaba and Bruno Tonioli, pro dancers Cheryl Burke, Tony Dovolani, Derek Hough, Julianne Hough and Edyta Sliwinska; and exec producer Conrad Green)

Monday, March 24: "Damages" (2 pairs left, pictured above)

Tuesday, March 25: "Dirty Sexy Money" (2 pairs left, pictured below)

Also, for the first time in the 25-year history of the annual television festival, fans can submit questions to askpaleyfest@paleycenter.org by March 10 at 5 p.m. PST. Some questions will be selected for use in the evening's discussion.

— Kathy Lyford

Note: There are no tickets left for "X-Files," "Friday Night Lights," "Chuck" or "Mad Men" and the "Tracey Ullman's State of the Union" event has been cancelled.

We come back to the Malakal camp on “Survivor,” and the mood is somehow lighter, less tinged by mortal terror. Why is this? Oh, right, Joel’s gone. Erik, shocked by the loss of Joel, interviews that he’s going to try lying and backstabbing now. Congrats, Erik, on finally figuring out that you’re playing a game based on manipulation and deceit. Probably would have been smart of you to figure this out a few weeks ago, but hey, points for effort.

Meanwhile, Tracy doesn’t like not being in control, and thus doesn’t like how Ozzy-focused Malakal is becoming. So she and Ami begin a formal courtship. Ami is more than happy to consider the thought of working with the Fans on Malakal. Seeing as how the Favorites never really liked her anyway.

At Airai, Jonathan worries about his knee, while James worries about Jonathan having to exit the game and “leave him with a bunch of girls.” There’s not a lot of time to dwell on this fretting, though, because it’s time for a reward challenge!

This week, each tribe has a tunnel and a bunch of obstacles with which to blockade it before the other tribe tries to break through. It’s a bit disjointed, and Airai seems to win because… I don’t know, they just do. It’s what they do, win.

But in victory comes tragedy, or something like that. Jonathan’s knee is just effed up, and “Survivor” Doctor tells him that he has to choose between playing the game or keeping his leg. Realizing that the title of “Survivor” is meant to be more rhetorical than real, Jonathan decides to drop out of the game and get proper medical care. I want to make fun of him, but it’s actually kind of sad. So I’ll let this one go. Meanwhile, Kathy is sobbing and talking about how she only knew Jonathan for a few days, but in those days they loved a lifetime. (I’ll make fun of Kathy a little bit.)

James, his fears about Jonathan now having come true, is concerned about being surrounded by women, whom he does not think he’ll be able to persuade easily. James, sweetheart, women are just as shallow as men. Just keep your shirt off, and the girls (and Jason) will fall in line.

On Exile Island, Jason goes looking for the hidden immunity idol while Chet enjoys a little siesta, claiming that he too has an injured leg. (Given the beating he took last week at Joel’s hands, that’s pretty plausible.) Jason manages to follow the clues pretty easily, discovering the fake immunity idol Ozzy planted last week. So of course the question is: will Jason think that it’s the real idol? And the answer is: yes, hell yes. Even though it’s a stick with some notches in it and no other decoration. Oh, Jason. You are a babe in the woods.

Jeff lets us know that Jonathan is doing fine before setting the tribes to immunity challenging. The task involves helping two tribe members cross between two platforms by holding up a pair of stepping poles. James literally carries Airai to victory by balancing Eliza and Parvati on top of the poles and hauling them across one at a time. James? Seriously. Enjoy your tribe. As you are now their king.

Malakal returns to camp, still in shock over Jonathan’s departure (losing challenges, at this point, is not at all a surprise). But Chet feels left out, and points out his own leg injury, which he decides also needs surgery. I’m sure it hurts, Chet, but until “Survivor” Doctor shows up I’m not too impressed.

No matter what I might think, though, Chet says he’s done, and asks the tribe to vote him out that night. He pretty much begs them to do it. Ozzy is all about that, but Erik is not, because Erik thinks it would be a much more noble thing for Chet to stick around, join Erik, Tracy, and Ami in voting off Ozzy, and continue to let the island kick the crap out of him. So Erik pleads with an exhausted Chet: “If you could use your last dying breath to do this for us, it would be the most amazing play in the history of the game.” OK. We might have a problem with misplaced priorities here.

Chet tells them that he’ll think about this Ozzy plan, but he flakes before tribal council and is quickly put out of his misery. As a result, Ozzy doesn’t have to reveal his immunity idol and Tracy loses her favorite pawn. I’m rooting for Tracy, but I have to say that I’m glad her plan didn’t work. Her “vote out the strongest and most interesting players” plan has had a lot of success for her, but it is making the show a little dull — and my job harder.

Next week on “Survivor”: Kathy’s ready to crack. But she’s been ready to crack for about two weeks now, so we’ll see how that goes. Also, rain!

— Liz Shannon Miller

Well, certainly, when your wife tells you at 8:45 p.m. she might be going into labor, this is the episode of "Lost" you want to be watching, isn't it?

Suffice it to say, for all the tension you might have felt during tonight's latest segment, there was a double dose in the Weisman household.  We seem to be in a holding pattern, but forgive me if I suddenly have to make this evening's post short (but hopefully at least half as sweet as little Ji Yeon).

"Lost" has a way of making you (or should I say, me) feel stupid, but most of the time, it does it in a good way. Tonight, by the time I realized that Jin's Korea events were a flashback even though Sun's were a flash-forward, I felt dumb for taking so long to clue in.  But I think that speaks to how well-executed the scenes were.  Though "Lost" has had few kookier moments than Jin's headlong pursuit of a stuffed panda, there was enough of an eerie vibe to make them feel natural. And certainly, the creepy OB and nurse attending to Sun in the hospital had me and my couchridden wife on our figurative toes that some baby swap or abduction was in the works.

Ultimately, it came together in a payoff that made the enterprise – further accessorized by Juliet's jaw-dropping spilling of Sun's big affair – seem well worth it. The way Jin makes peace with Sun's betrayal – "I know the man I used to be. ... His actions caused this" – was not only touching, it resonated for the entire series thematically.  And the graveside scene, though straightforward, was truly melancholy.

Additionally, considering how big a story this was, it's impressive that so much other stuff was jammed in.

Highlights: Yunjin Kim and Daniel Dae Kim's performances were exceptional in capturing practically the entire gamut of a marriage - the love, the anger, the sorrow, the friendship and, in the end, the parting. In extraordinary circumstances, they remained very real to me.

The way Bernard stumbled into Sun and Jin's lowest moment was pretty priceless as well. And where many writers would have had him slink away, Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz not only had Bernard press on, he actually quietly delivered a turning point speech.

And I still love every moment Frank has had onscreen.  I mean, I never really had an opinion on Jeff Fahey before, but I am really just digging him.

Lowlights: The story of the sixth episode of the season was revisited tonight, with Kate explaining why Charlotte popped her one, and it made no more sense to me the second time around than it did the first time.  If Charlotte and Daniel were trying to do something that everyone would support – deactivate a poison gas station – why did they have to be so secretive and antagonistic about it? Even if there's some nefarious scheme behind it, it just seemed like a false conflict for the moment it was in.

The character of Jack – at least the on-island Jack – is suffering right now. You can tell this because even when he has a completely innocuous moment, such as when he's checking in on Sun's condition, he still seems vaguely annoying.  Almost like Kate has become.

Truths I'm willing to wait to find out, that you're probably on your way to figuring out: 1) Jin gets the September 22, 2004 deathdate on his tombstone, but that doesn't begin to confirm what really happened to him.

2) Hi Regina. Bye, Regina. See you again in flashback, Regina?

3) We meet the Captain (Grant Bowler). We're told we can't trust the Captain. Of course not, why would we trust him?  Well, turns out, he tells you just about everything you'd want to know, so you really want to trust him. Bummer, huh?  Anyway, he implies that Ben is to blame for the 324 dead bodies that were used to forge the Oceanic crash coverup? Seems plausible – Ben's capable of just about anything. So do we ignore that?  Or should we really not trust ... Michael?  Yep, there he is, finally – undercover with an alias. Kevin Johnson's his name, and fake janitorizing is his game.  The problem with Michael as an agent, double-agent or triple-agent is that I still have an emotional pull toward trusting everything Augustus Hill says or does. But let's face it – we can't be sure what to believe.

4) For all the complications Sun was having, how the heck did she push that baby out so quickly?  She wasn't even doing her breathing right! Let me assure you, for yours truly and his best gal, that's truly the big question from tonight's "Lost."

– Jon Weisman

Runway lesson: Off to a fire station (oh boy, eye candy!) where the girls have 90 seconds to change into little fireman/exotic dancer outfits. Fatima forgets her shoes and gets a scolding from Miss J. Then they must walk while the firemen watch. See, reality challenges aren’t all bad. Most of them are getting the hang of this walking thing but Fatima clomps her feet “like a Clydesdale,” Dominique tries out some stripper moves; Amis skips and Lauren? Well, she’s just awkward. I think poor Lauren may have trouble walking from her couch to her refrigerator.

Catfight of the week: Aimee calls dibs on the shower so she can lock herself in the bathroom due to her modesty issues. That sets off most everyone since they all have to pee. Whitney jumps to Aimee’s defense and Dominique, Fatima and Marvita get irrationally angry. I have a feeling Dom spends a good portion of her life irrationally angry.

Reward challenge: Cycle 8 winner Jaslene pays a visit to explain the challenge and designer Bryan Bradley from Tuleh is there, along with runway producer Andrew Weir and Seventeen editor in chief Ann Shoket. The girls must do a quick change into their assigned Tuleh outfit and then walk the runway. The winner will appear in an ad in Seventeen with Jaslene for Lot 29. Fatima buttoned her sweater wrong (hey, who hasn’t done that!?) and Lauren looked as if she was running to catch a plane. Lauren gets a harsh smackdown from Jaslene. Everyone else is unremarkable but Katarzyna wins the challenge and chooses Marvita and Amis to join her in the shoot. See, everyone loves Marvita. She’s hard not to like.

Photo shoot: Posing with raw meat, dressed in raw meat at a meat packing plant. Ugh. They’re not going to sell that meat now are they? I may not have steak for a while.

Tyra’s most over-the-top moment: Introducing the judges by singing their names/credentials opera-style

Judges panel: Paulina grasps the obvious parallels between the photo shoot and models being treated like raw meat. Thanks for pointing that out. Amis slept until five minutes before panel and then threw on an outfit that made her look like a 5-year-old allowed to dress herself for the very first time. Miss Tyra, as one might expect, was not happy. Most of the photos are disturbing, frankly, due more to the creepy eye makeup they used on the girls than to the meat bikinis. Anya and Whitney are the first names called and the elimination comes down to Fatima, because of her Shit Zu puppy face in every shot, or Amis, due to general lack of enthusiasm and focus.

Eliminated: Amis. Good riddance.

Favorites: Still Claire, Whitney and Marvita. Also Lauren.

Can’t wait to see her go: Aimee

— Kathy Lyford

The beauty of “American Idol” (Yes, I know we’re recapping “Top Chef.” Just indulge me a second) is that by the time you get to the Top 12, you’re invested. You already have a few favorites. You’ve picked your winner. You know who to hate on. With the other competition reality shows, like “Top Chef,” “Project Runway” or “American’s Next Top Model,” you spend the first episode or two just trying to put faces to names and choosing a villain. That’s where we come in.

One thing about “Top Chef,” they really do step up their game in each season. They take the show and the contestants very seriously, so the challenges are based on the idea the those that compete have watched the show already, learned from past episodes, and need harder challenges in an effort to create new hurdles. This learning curve keeps the show fresh and fab.

Anywho, off to Chicago…

The first episode, we are bombarded with a whole bunch of names and personalities, all of whom explain how they completely different from past personalities and why they will win. But guess what? They are not special snowflakes.

The breakdown:

Andrew
Reminds us of: Kenneth Lee, obnoxious Irish guy with icky fingers, season 1.
Erin: Gets deep dish pie pan stolen. Is annoying on many, many levels.
Kathy: So many annoying traits, not the least of which is his foul-mouthed Hep Cat act. We both hate him already. And he didn’t know the ingredients of mayonnaise. I knew that when I was 10.

Antonia
Reminds us of: Candice from season 1
Erin: One of the four best. She bests Nimma with non-salty and edible shrimp scampi.
Kathy: She’s hot. So I’m guessing she’ll be the favorite for our fellow recapper, Phil (who returns next week).

Dale
Reminds us of: Hung, winner of season 3
Erin: He thinks he is the big winner of the Elimination round because he can cook steak. Surprise. He’s not.
Kathy: Cocky to an annoying degree.

Erik
Reminds us of: Frank, big burly tough guy with a heart of gold from season 2
Erin: Has scary tattoos and can’t cook a souffle without making it into nachos. This is not really a bad thing in my book. I think all good food can be made even better by turning it into nachos.
Kathy: Personality plus and self-deprecating. I hope he sticks around. But his pizza looked like something you can order at Dominos.

Jennifer
Reminds us of: Sandee from season 3
Erin: I enjoyed that she shamed Richard by showing up with the same haircut. Dates Zoi.
Kathy: I look forward to the challenges where they pick teams and Zoi and Jen don’t pick each other. Sparks could fly.

Lisa
Reminds us of: Becky, from the first season of the “Real World.” What? I never said I had to keep it in the "Top Chef" family.
Erin: Makes a mean eggs Benedict.
Kathy: Likes to “touch people with food.” Not sure how I feel about her.

Manuel
Reminds us of: Carlos from season 2, but not as fabulous
Erin: Um, he drinks beer. Honestly, he got no love from the camera.
Kathy: I thought he was a goner so I paid no attention.

Mark
Reminds us of: Suyai, nice Brit lady that was kicked off in the first episode of season 2
Erin: A Kiwi that uses Marmite molasses in his pizzas. In the bottom four for screwing up Duck L’Orange
Kathy: Closest thing we get to a cute guy this season. The accent helps. But I’m afraid inconsistency will cut short his visit to Chicago.

Nikki
Reminds us of: Marisa, the pastry chef from season 2
Erin: She made lasagna with handmade pasta, which endeared me to her, but her pizza looked like challah.
Kathy: Anyone who can turn out delicious lasagna in 90 minutes AND make her own pasta is a god in my mind. It takes me hours to make lasagna. Time management won't be her downfall.

Nimma
Reminds us of: Elia from season 2, if she lacked social skills and a sense of humor. So a pathetic version of Elia.
Erin: She uses salt to fill the void in her life. Got kicked off, thus bucking the “Top Chef” trend of filtering out all people with accents in the first episode.
Kathy: As soon as I heard she had no intention of interacting, I knew she’d be the first to go. The producers can’t keep people around who won’t clash with others.

Richard
Reminds us of: A cross between Stephen and Marcel. This is not a good sign, folks.
Erin: He stole a pie pan, uses blowtorches and smokers, makes a dessert pizza of peaches and lands in the top four. Quite a day for Richard.
Kathy: My early front-runner after landing in the top echelon in both challenges. I look forward to more “molecular gastronomy.”

Ryan
Reminds us of: Dale from season 3. But I don't want to make him my BFF like I did with Dale.
Erin: Has no idea how to made chicken piccata, which seems odd to me. I guess he's never been of the Olive Garden.
Kathy: Been working in restaurants since age 11. Living proof that working in a restaurant does not make you a chef.

Spike
Reminds us of: Not enough screen time to remind me of anything yet.
Erin: Has a hat. Has a few issues with Zoi and Jennifer being chosen to compete together.
Kathy: That’s a stupid name for an adult human.

Stephanie
Reminds us of: Leia, season 3.
Erin: Lost the Quick Fire with gamey prosciutto, but won the Elimination Round with all sorts of ducky goodness. Has the shakes.
Kathy: If nerves don’t get the better of her, she could be a contender. Her duck dish looked fab.

Valerie
Reminds us of: A meat-and-potatoes version of Casey
Erin: Also doesn't understand the basics behind chicken piccata.
Kathy: I have no recollection of her at all.

Zoi
Reminds us of: Elizabeth Berkley. She does. Just look at her.
Erin: Dates Jennifer.
Kathy: See Jennifer comments.

Deep dish pizzas I would try
Erin: The peach one looked mighty interesting. I think it would go well with brandy.
Kathy: Richard’s peach with white tea reduction; Ryan’s escarole, ricotta and butternut squash; and Jen’s grapes, bacon, fontina and rosemary. Maybe Mark’s molasses concoction.

Classic dishes that looked appetizing
Erin: I’m a huge fan of crab cakes. I think it was to do with my kosher background. Once I left my mother's house, I felt the need to make up for lost time and inhale shellfish whenever I see it. Plus, I enjoy a few special effects with my food, so that smoke screen that accompanied the cakes looked awesome. 
Kathy: Stephanie’s duck; Richard’s crab cake; Nikki’s lasagna; Lisa’s eggs bene.

Eliminated: Nimma goes home.

Padma, is she real?: Still no.

— Erin Maxwell and Kathy Lyford

P.S.
Dear producers, Can Anthony Bourdain be on every week?
I love Tony and his Ramones-listening, chain-smoking ways.

It is always interesting to see how "Idol" will stretch what is essentially a five-minute show into an hour. And by interesting, I mean lame.

This hour, we had Jim Carrey pimping "Horton Hears a Who" (I was embarrassed for him. KL); the return of McPhee-ver; a horrible video featuring Cake's "The Distance"; a singalong of Beatles songs; and a Q&A from callers at home. (That call-in thing is the worst idea they've ever had. Shall we call in next week and tell them so Erin? KL)

One note of interest: it's nice to see that Danny was adopted by Ramiele's family. It looks like they all went on a field trip to the Farmer's Market to get matching t-shirts. See, there are happy endings on "Idol."

The bottom three consisted of David H., Syesha and Kristy. No real surprises there. Kristy looked like she was ready to throw in the towel. The fact that David H. was kicked off even surprised her.

Hopefully, the experience has cured her of re-working songs into country standards. But somehow I doubt it.

As for David, I feel he left too early. I mean, yes, there was no doubt he was going to leave, but now I'm left with a full tank of stripper jokes and no one to use them on.

Farewell, dear David. There is an adults-only cabaret with your name on it somewhere. You should hook up with Frenchie and see if you can join the touring version of "Rent." (I thought Ruben might write or at least sing a brand new song for the "you're going home ballad." But no, it's just a rehash of Kenny Loggins' "Celebrate Me Home." KL)

— Erin Maxwell

Next week: More songs from Lennon-McCartney. Another chance for Amanda to sing "Helter Skelter" and little David to try "Yesterday." And the mind reels as to what Kristy might do to "I Want to Hold Your Hand."

What an episode! Fights, failures, freakouts, forgetting lyrics and the Fab Four!

Looks like Wacko Jacko needed some cash, ’cause this week the Idols get to pick songs from the Lennon/McCartney songbook. So Fox locked the would-be superstars in a hotel room with “Revolver” for about a week.

And can we talk about the new set? It’s a lot like the old set only the band is elevated, the judges are isolated and there are more stairs for cheesy entrances. And there’s a mosh pit. Will there be stage diving later in the season?

The vid clips aren’t worth talking about tonight. It’s basically a rehash of everything we already know: where they’re from and what they did pre-”Idol,” all for the benefit of those folks who don’t tune in until we get to the top 12 portion of the season. By now we know them so well, we'll be on a first-name basis going forward.

Syesha
Song: “Got to Get You Into My Life”
Erin: Randy says it was the Earth, Wind & Fire version, I say Tom Jones. Either way, it was extremely lackluster. The judges seemed to like it, but it was nothing to write home about.
Kathy: The band was great, especially the trumpet section. Syesha did well enough to cement her position in the middle of the pack.

Chikezie
Song: “She’s A Woman”
Erin: Wow. Just wow. This perf did for Chikezie what “Hello” did for David Cook. The man stepped up his game. Starting with a bluegrass version of the song which morphed into rock, Chikezie proved his showmanship and blew away both the judges and the audience. Friend, you can wear an orange jumpsuit anytime you like now. You have my permission. This was my favorite performance of  the night.
Kathy: I enjoyed the Cajun take on it at the beginning quite a lot. Then it became a rock version and got a little too frenetic and all over the place for me. Plus he gave Ryan an excuse to touch a sweaty man and get all out of breath and that disturbed me. I put Chikezie in the middle of the pack too.

Ramiele
Song: “In My Life”
Erin: I had good money on David Archuleta singing this song. And it’s a shame he didn’t, because Ramiele’s version totally blew. There are roofies on the market that are less effective than her performance. I did enjoy the “Idol” fanwave in audience and the knowledge that her family hangs out at the Farmer’s Market t-shirt booth. But other than that, I thought this was snoozeville. And the judges agree.
Kathy: I flew in from Vegas very late last night after a long flight delay and made a valiant effort to stay awake long enough to recap. Ramiele was no help at all. God this was boring. It was so bad that Erin thought she sang “Yesterday.” And Paula said she “looked pretty” so you can almost count on her going home tonight.

At this point, Ryan and Simon have whipped up enough animosity for each other that it’s straddling the line between disgust and sexual tension. It’s just too “Moonlighting” for words. The minute they sleep with each other, the show will take a dive in the ratings.

Jason
Song: “If I Fell” (with guitar)
Erin: “If I Fell” fell flat. There are actually parts of the perf where I winced. When he leaves the show, he needs to team with Ramiele on an album of children’s songs. But the perf here isn’t the important part. The important part is that PAULA DISAGREED WITH RANDY. Sure, she went on a babbling tangent about the heart and connections with the audience, but it was still pretty jarring.
Kathy: Wow the lads from Liverpool wrote a lot of downer songs. Jason has built up quite a lot of good will with me so I can forgive him one subpar performance. But he only gets a week. Also, I’d like to know how the hell the kids are supposed to know what to do when Randy and Paula keep contradicting themselves and each other by alternately telling the kids to “make the song your own” and “don't switch it up too much.”

Carly
Song: “Come Together”
Erin: She’s living with Amanda now? This sounds like the best reality TV show ever. Fox, get some web cams in there! You are sitting on a goldmine. As for her perf, it looks like living with Amanda really rubbed off on her. Carly rocks out to the Joe Cocker version of the Beatles tune and does it justice. I was very impressed. This was the over-the-top-but-in-a-good-way performance I was waiting to see from her.
Hey Kathy, what’s up with the husband shot? I thought he had a bunch of tats and piercings, but the guy they showed looked all clean cut and pristine?
Kathy: I think he invested in some of that cover-up that you put on your tattoo when you don’t want your parents to know you’ve been inked. Not that I know anything about that. Plus, long sleeves helped. He probably doesn't want to scare America off from voting for his future meal ticket.
I liked Carly’s performance but she still hasn’t topped her initial audition for me. At least she finally woke me from the coma that Ramiele and Jason put me into. And can I just ask, what do the words to this song mean?! “He got toe-jam football, he got monkey fingers.” Huh?

David C.
Song: “Eleanor Rigby”
Erin: I was kind of hoping one of the chicks would step up to the plate and perform the Aretha version of this song, but this will do. Another interesting judges note is that Simon acknowledges that this show is more often than not a popularity contest, not a talent show. Did you really have to explain that? I think Sanjaya pretty much established that about a year ago.
Kathy: David and the stylisist continue to find new ways to cover his receding hairline. Poor kid. But his performance rocked. And he must have tipped the lighting crew because he got a light show the others did not. He is quickly becoming a favorite of mine. Simon says he could win. But I think Simon is just covering his bases because he’s now said that to at least four of the kids.

Back from the break and Ryan is whispering sweet nothings into an aghast Simon’s ear. What is going on?!

Brooke
Song: “Let It Be” (with piano)
Erin: “Idol’s” own Carly Simon takes to the stage. People seemed to like it. I couldn’t care less. I don’t think she’s bad, but just don’t relate to the “Gee Whiz” factor that Brooke seems to emanate. I did like the part where Randy and Simon called attention to Ryan’s foot fetish.
Kathy: This song was released in 1970. Oh God, I’m old. This was the perfect choice for Brooke and I loved everything about it. And she played the piano for the entire song this time. Plus she gave Paula a chance to use her new favorite word: “Niche.” Erin, you and I are just going to have to agree to disagree about this girl.

David H.
Song: “I Saw Her Standing There”
Erin: After talking about his job “delivering pizzas” (I guess that’s what the kids are calling it these days), David “treats” the audience to an extra cheesy version of the Beatles early pop tune. At this point, I’m thinking David’s artistic ability rivals that of a tissue box covered in glittered macaroni. It’s time for the boy to go.
Kathy: He said he took a Beatles 101 class in college. Is that part of the ancient history curriculum? God this was awful. Corny, messy, boring. You name it.

Amanda
Song: “You Can’t Do That”
Erin: Dressed to impress (and by impress, I mean impress Mr. T), Amanda unleashed her wonderful fury. Love her. Sure, it wasn’t her strongest performance, but still pretty dang good. That’s my girl.
Kathy: Next week, Amanda bites the head off a bat. Hey, Erin, I think you owe me five bucks because you said she’d sing “Helter Skelter.”

Erin, are we going to have to enlist a third recapper just to keep up with the Simon/Ryan interactions?

Michael
Song: “Across the Universe”
Erin: Consider me swooned. I thought it was lovely. And so did Paula, who once again rocked the boat by taking an opinion other than Randy’s. I have no idea what is going on with Paula tonight, but I think I like it.
Kathy: I thought it was heartfelt and sweet and he’s safe for weeks to come. Hopefully the stylists will use some powder on him next week so he doesn’t look so shiny. Randy tells him he should have “switched it up.” Dude, make up your mind already.

Kristy Lee
Song: “Eight Days a Week”
Erin: “I didn’t know that the Beatles released a polka song,” my aunt Jenny said.
Quite possibly the worst “Idol” performance in the history of the show. This Bear Country Jamboree version of the Beatles tune was just wrong. I was horrified. The audience was horrified. Even Paula was horrified. I mean, she didn’t even cushion the blow of bad news with a compliment on her looks. Consider this a sign of the apocalypse. If you look closely at the audience, you can see at least two of the Four Horsemen looking appalled during Kristy’s country-fried rendition of the classic tune. The pony you had to sell is deeply ashamed of you.
Kathy: For this they sent Asia’h home? I don’t even have the words to describe how bad this was so I’ll let Simon do it for me: Horrendous.

David A.
Song: “We Will Work It Out”
Erin: Even more evidence that the world is doomed. With Ramiele and Brooke biting on his style, “Idol’s” golden boy forgot the lyrics and mumbled his way through the chorus. The front-runner has fallen on bad times.
Kathy: Oh my, that was terrible. I actually had to rewind to verify that he forgot the lyrics. For a kid who has been performing most of his young life that's a rookie mistake.I told Erin last week that if he sang “Yesterday” I would slit my wrists, but I’m now thinking that would have been a fine choice for the boy. I'm afraid Little David may have peaked with "Imagine" two weeks ago.

Best
Erin: Chikezie, Carly, Paula
Kathy: Brooke, David C., Carly by default

Worst
Erin: So many to choose from. David A., Ramiele, Kristy, David H.
Kathy: Kristy in a class all her own, then Ramiele, David H., David A.

Probably going home
Erin: Kristy
Kathy: Kristy

— Erin Maxwell and Kathy Lyford

Before we get started today, here's something interesting I learned this week: Ozzy and I were in the same high school graduating class. It was a big school and I don't think we ever knew each other -- back then, he was known as Oscar and I was known as a nerd, while nowadays, he's Ozzy and I'm... Well, my hair's improved, at least. Anyway, he's probably the most successful person to ever graduate from my high school. Which makes me reconsider the real value of our honors program.

But this is "Survivor," where we spend a lot more time dwelling on losers than winners. After voting out Mikey B last week, the Fans quietly return to camp for some sulking and gloating. Jason the gymnastics coach whines about how he doesn't want to belong to a tribe of weaklings, while weaklings Tracy and Chet relish the fact that "the outcasts prevailed." "For now," Tracy warns. Always an optimist, that Tracy.

Meanwhile, the Favorites decapitate Charlie, the rooster they won in last week's reward challenge. Cirie and the other girls get all squeamish about the actual act, so here is my tip to them -- if you don't want to feel bad about killing animals for food, consider not naming them first?

Ozzy interviews about how he doesn't plan to tell anyone about finding the Exile Island immunity idol. Well, except for James. Because he trusts James. Oh, and Amanda. He trusts Amanda. And Parvati... Ozzy is awfully trusting for a "Survivor" veteran. Some lessons, I guess you never really learn.

Jeff makes his first appearance of the episode a little early this week, but that's because it's time for a tribe switch, and when you're picking people schoolyard-style, it takes a while. Ozzy from the Favorites and Natalie from the Fans are randomly selected as team captains, and the new tribes break down as follows:

AIRAI: Natalie, James, Alexis, Jonathan, Jason, Parvati, Kathy, Eliza

MALAKAL: Ozzy, Joel, Amanda, Eric, Ami, Tracy, Cirie, Chet

And look, I wouldn't say it if it weren't true -- Joel looks murderous when Chet joins his tribe. I mean, he looks like he wants to murder Chet. Is it possible to get a restraining order while you're still on the island?

We go immediately from picking teams to a reward challenge, in which folks from one tribe chase folks from the tribe through an obstacle course, attempting to remove flags from the chase-ees. Sounds simple, except that everyone is paired up and tied together, and if the chasers don't catch up to the chase-ees in under a minute, the chase-ees get a point. It's kind of like the awful deformed offspring of a three-legged race and Capture the Flag. With a touch of "American Gladiators" for spice.

Maybe it sounds like fun. But this game beats the crap out of these people. Ami tweaks her knee, Jonathan scrapes up his leg, and oh my sweet lord. During the last bout, Joel and Chet (and seriously, who thought it was a good idea to pair them together?) have a hard time catching up to Parvati and Eliza. Joel gets frustrated, and this is bad for Chet, as it means Joel begins physically dragging him through the course. Because Chet is not exactly a physical dynamo, Chet gets flipped, tumbled, and flung against obstacles, like a rag doll on a string. They fail to catch up with the girls, meaning that Airai wins the challenge. And just when you think Joel's capacity for brutality has been maxed out, there's this charming exchange:

Chet: "I hit my head."
Joel: "I don't care."
Chet: "I know."

That, right there? I may be mistaken, but I believe that is the actual clinical definition of a sociopath. Joel later interviews that perhaps it's good to have people around who are expendable. Yes, he actually says that.

The new Malakal tribe has been back at camp for maybe 10 minutes before Ozzy decides to agree with the Joel-based wisdom that Chet needs to go. His feeling is that Chet "gave up" during the last challenge, which is certainly one interpretation. Chet compares his situation to that of a chicken coop, where the strongest chickens will peck the weakest chickens to death. Aw. Poor Chet.

And at the Airai camp, not only are the conditions poor (the tide rises high enough to snuff out their fire, just as they were preparing for their celebratory barbecue), but everyone is definitely feeling the injuries sustained during challenge. Jonathan gets a visit from the "Survivor" medics (who have charming Australian accents and many needles), who stitch up a nasty knee wound. Hey producers, maybe next time, something a little less violent? A full-contact pillow fight, perhaps. Just a suggestion.

Joel and Ozzy, as the two "superpowers" of the new Malakal (Erik's phrase, not mine), agree to work together to eliminate weak elements from their tribe before backstabbing each other. Joel thinks that this competition is still Fans vs. Favorites, but he is clearly underestimating the power of Erik's new man-crush on Ozzy.

Ozzy, though, isn't interested -- mainly because his special lady Amanda manages to catch a forty-pound shark with a fishing net. "That's pretty attractive to a guy like me," he says. How to win a man, "Survivor"-style.

The immunity challenge is another smash-tiles-and-collect-puzzle-pieces combo, but while at first things look good for Malakal, Airai triumphs during the puzzle-assembly phase. Why? Well, Airai uses strong teamwork and positive energy to match together the puzzle pieces, while Chet struggles to guide the puzzle assembly and Joel shouts contradictory suggestions from the sidelines. Very helpful, Joel.

So of course, back at camp the only song KJOEL is playing is a ditty called "Get Rid of the Spineless Wet Rag." It includes lyrics like "if these were medieval times, we'd kill him ourselves." Joel, I'd have a lot more sympathy for your cause if your cause didn't involve so much bloodshed.

And Cirie, having heard that she's next on the list of weaker tribe members Joel plans to get rid of, is pissed. So Tracy partners with her to save Chet and instead target Joel. Cirie gets the job of convincing Ozzy and Amanda to go with them, and handles it easily. She uses this crazy thing called logic to point out that despite his size, Joel isn't very good at smashing tiles, solving puzzles, or suppressing his homicidal urges. And Ozzy buys into her theory that a wet rag will be easier to manipulate than a serial killer.

And thus, for the second week in a row, a tribe on "Survivor" casts out the strong over the weak. Hilarious. Goodbye, Joel. We'll all sleep so much better at night.

Next week: People squabble. And Jonathan fights... his infected leg. I miss Joel already.

Wait, no. Here he is, talking about how he'd like to ring a few necks. If I were Chet, I'd hire an armed guard for the reunion show. I'd hire the A-Team.

Team Snark headed over to the Pacific Design Center last night to party with the "American Idol" top 12. And by "party with" I mean we watched them get treated like rock stars on the red carpet for an hour and a half while we remained behind the velvet ropes like Les Deux rejects.

The recap will be cut into two timelines: shindig time and "Idol" time. Like "Hammer Time," only different.

7:30
We arrive at the PDC, aka the blue whale building, home of Oscar parties, "Top Design" and numerous other Los Angeles-based events.

Earlier in the evening, I (Erin) created a plan of action in case I run into trouble with any of the "Idols": "Are you that mean chick who hated my version of 'Love is a Battlefield'?" "Nope. My name is Phil Gallo. Nice to meet you."

7:35
The finalists were still en route so we amused ourselves at the bar and the buffet. We snagged two Sour Simon drinks (Midori sour, sweetened lime juice, grapefruit juice, vodka). Yummy!

During the party, Fox is flashing glamour shots of the Top 12 on plasma screens, so we quickly use our powers of deduction to figure out who got booted off.

No Danny. No Luke.

So far, so good.

No Kady.

No problem.

Wait... where is Asia'h? What the hell?!

7:45
We pose for our pictures to be taken and transferred to chocolate CDs.

Erin: Kathy spots Constantine Maroulis. He is really, really tall. It is now my mission to try to talk him up in an effort to get a usable quote, so I force her to chase him around the party with me.
Kathy: Erin literally made me chase him down. I now have a new "most embarrassing moment." Constantine and I happen to have a mutual friend, so I say "Mary* says hi" because I can think of nothing else to say to him. And actually I think Mary* would consider him an acquaintance.
*Name has been changed to protect the innocent.
Erin: Hi. I'm a loser. Not only am I a loser, but Constantine calls me a "vampire." In case the loser thing didn't sink in yet, I was insulted by Constantine. Or flattered, depending on his take on Anne Rice novels. Hard call.
Kathy: We also noted, then ignored, the presence of former Idols Kimberly Caldwell, Gina Glocksen and Blake Lewis. It worries me sometimes that there's room in my brain for seven seasons worth of "Idol" finalists' names but that I often lose my keys.

8:02
Show starts:
Blake Lewis takes the stage and keeps with this week's '80s theme by singing an OMD-inspired song "How Many Words." It really sounds like a synth song from 1986, except of course for the beat boxing.

8:10
Shindig:
The "Idols" are on the red carpet, where they will stay for the remainder of the night. Carly is really tall, Ramiele is really, really short. I know they kept saying that on the show, but I didn't really believe it. But 'tis true; we, at 5'2" and 5'3", towered over her like Amazon goddesses. Cool. (at right, the finalists with "Idol" exec producer Nigel Lythgoe and Fox reality topper Mike Darnell)

No judges or Seacrest appearances.

8:15
Show:
David C., David A. and Jason are in the top 12.

Ryan announces that Paula's video is the No. 1 download on iTunes.
Erin: Apparently, I'm not the only one who hasn't mastered the one-click system on iTunes.
Kathy: WHAAAA? Did he mean No. 1 video from a former Laker Girl? No. 1 Randy Jackson produced video? I'm flabbergasted.

8:20
Shindig:
We go to pick up our chocolate CD (left) and run into Luke. Both of us look at each other and stammer. Really, what is there to say? Except that he's smokin' hot. As Kathy says, "I wanted to say 'I'm sorry you got kicked off the show,' but I'm really not." I agreed. I needed a few more Sour Simons to lie like that. Speaking of which, one more round of Sour Simons please!

8:25
Show:
Brooke, Syesha make the top 12. Kady bites the dust.

Shindig:
At the bash, we meet two lovely gents who have made it their life's work to party with David Archuleta. We wish them good luck in their quest. We also met a gaggle of 12 year old girls who have the same goal. May the best man or tween win.

8:35
Show:
David H. and Michael make the cut. Former carpet-cleaner Luke says adios to the show. It is revealed that he too has a hottie wife to go home to, so I can't feel that bad for him.

8:45
Shindig:
Danny Noriega is hanging out with friends in a Ikea-inspired den of iniquity.

Show:
Ramiele, Amanda, Kristy make the top 12. Asia'h goes home.
Erin: I feel terrible. Apparently, America's heartstrings have a limit. Dead dads just don't cut it anymore. To stay on Idol these days, you need a combo of conquering a disability while grieving a dead or missing parent while in line for your audition. America, what happened to you? You've grown cold over the years.
Kathy: Even Simon looks sad at this development. I am crestfallen. Asia'h I will miss you. Sniff.

8:55
Show:
Erin: Danny says goodbye to newfound friends and is off to join the touring version of "Hedwig." Chikeze is safe.
Kathy: It was a sad and tearful night for the four soon-to-be-forgotten contestants. That inspired me to suggest a few song choices for Ramilele to perform in upcoming weeks: Lesley Gore's "It's My Party and I'll Cry If I Want To," "Cry Me a River," Roy Orbison's "Crying," "Crying Shame" and perhaps Guns n' Roses' "Don't Cry."

There you go folks. Our top 12  for 2008 are: Ramiele Malubay, Carly Smithson, Brooke White, Amanda Overmyer (yay), Syesha Mercado, Kristy Lee Cook, Chikezie, Jason Castro, Michael Johns (hot in person too) and the Davids - Archuleta, Cook and Hernandez. (Pictured above, our picks to win.)

9ish:
Kathy: We run into Justin Guarini (at left with Kimberly Caldwell). Oh boy, is he good lookin'. And nice. Erin, do you have something to say to Justin?
Erin: At this point I need to apologize for any anti-Justin comments I have made in the past. Now, while his music isn't really my cup of tea, the boy is smoking hot. I saw him and my knees buckled. It was totally unexpected. Now I can never, ever make a Sideshow Bob comment ever again. Ever. I am deeply ashamed.

Grab another drink. Randy's Yo Dawg for Kathy, a cosmo for Erin. Randy's drink is terrible so I pawn it off on Erin and steal her cosmo.

9:30
We chat up Fox's reality guru Mike Darnell, who is super cool.

9:55
One more drink and I'll be able to understand Paula's world.

Goodie bag contents: Nifty canvas "Idol" tote bag, Coca Cola T-shirt, little bottle of Coke, Ford poster, Ford/Susan G. Komen scarf, Hot Wheels Mustang and a magnetized chart for your refrigerator that comes with stickers of the finalists' faces and red X's to place over them as they get booted off. I (Kathy) actually use it every year. I'm such a nerd. Erin gave me hers so my nieces could have one too. Thanks, Erin, from the girls.

- Erin Maxwell and Kathy Lyford

Sorry for missing last week everybody, there was an unfortunate Tivo incident at my house and I wasn’t able to watch until Sunday.

Let me recap episode two for you: It was boring. Want more? Oh, OK.

The show’s home base moves back to New York. I guess they ran out of Hollywood Hills mansions to pimp? The two innovations this season are the Fab Cab, a giant Hummer taxi that shepherds the contestants around town. Evidently we’re done with the “green” theme from last cycle, then? Also Tyra Mail now arrives on one of those electronic message signs that looks like the CNN crawl. It’s quite a treat to hear 14 girls read. Inane. Messages. Aloud. One. Word. At. A. Time, let me tell ya.

The girls took a tour of Manhattan, ending up in Times Square, where they did a Badgley/Mischka runway show. Miss J has her work cut out for her this season because most of them need a lot of work on their walks.

Fatima started making enemies early, beginning with Marvita, who is going to be my favorite, I believe.

There is no reward challenge, unless you count being ripped to shreds by Paulina Porizkova a reward. That’s what happened when the girls visited Elite for an assessment of their potential. Paulina tells them things like “You have bad skin,” “You look like a drag queen” and “You have a squished face.” Nice.

The photo shoot involves homeless youth and the girls pose as homeless people and are surrounded by actual homeless kids dressed in couture. Fatima (left) and Marvita come to an understanding because they’ve both experienced homelessness in their pasts. And the feud seems to end there. Also, they both nail their photo.

At judges panel, Paulina is introduced as this season’s new judge, replacing Twiggy. That must fill the “drag queen” contestant with confidence! Little blond Kim announces that she just isn’t excited about modeling or fashion in general and so Tyra sends her home, just like that. Wow. Also Atalya (below, right) got sent home before I was even able to form an opinion about her. And we’re down to 12

Now you’re caught up.

Last night on “America’s Next Top Model”

Catfight of the week: Not satisfied with just one enemy, Fatima starts in on Allison, who’s not exactly a sweetheart either. They have an extended tussle over who has the bigger ass. Then Allison acts out their fight using Barbie dolls and racist remarks and loses any shred of respect I might have had for her. Also Allison can’t stop talking about how much modeling experience she has. I hate her.

Reward challenge: Taxi to Wal-Mart where they get 5 minutes to shop in the CoverGirl aisle and make up their faces. Allison and Fatima are both just sure they have this one in the bag and I squeal with glee when the CoverGirl rep calls them both out as being the worst. Claire (at left, getting her makeover) rocks the challenge and her face will appear on Walmart.com’s CoverGirl page. Let’s hear it for product placement!

Makeovers: Woo hoo! I love this part. This year there are no tears, except for Fatima and that’s because she’s in pain from the weave, not because she hates the look. All the girls embrace their looks this cycle. Where’s the fun in that, show? There are lots of long, blond weaves and almost everyone gets a new color.

My favorites are Claire’s Susan Powter-style blond buzz cut, awkward Lauren’s blond weave with red highlights and Marvita's horse-mane do. Plus-size Whitney and Anya’s new blond locks don't work so well for me.

Photo shoot: The girls model Elle Macpherson intimates on a yacht in the harbor. Elle is the most nurturing supermodel they’ve ever had on this show, plus she doesn’t talk about herself constantly like Tyra and Paulina do, so that’s a plus. The most entertaining part of the photo shoot was Allison’s incessant bragging about how she “nailed it” and “kicked ass.” Yeah, not so much.

Judges panel: Told that she looks “soft and pretty,” Allison replies with “I know!” and seals her fate. Lauren (right) and Marvita’s (above) photos are best and the elimination (below) comes down to Dominique, who thinks she’s “high fashion” but keeps being told she’s “commercial,” and Allison who’s too snobby to be believed. Allison is out. Yay! Also out, I have a feeling, are the stylist who dressed Whitney and the colorist who did Dominique’s hair. Let’s just say Miss Tyra wasn’t happy with either of them.

Tyra’s most over-the-top moment: Probably the “Tyra vision” where she mimicked each contestant during the makeovers. But making Nigel grab her booty came close.

Early faves: Clair, Marvita, Whitney

Can’t wait to see them go: Anya, Katarzyna

— Kathy Lyford

Well, Erin, I’m beginning to think these girls aren’t listening to me. Did I not say, just last week, not to sing Whitney, Celine, Mariah or Linda? Didn’t I make it abundantly clear that if you sing Queen you’re dead to me? Asia’h, Syesha, Carly, Kady... Go stand in the corner. Amanda, go to the head of the class, you are the new teacher’s pet because you rocked on that Joan Jett song I told you to sing. Good girl! And Brooke, you get three gold stars. You other two, do your homework. Perhaps if I talk to the contestants directly…

Oh Kathy, they are a younger generation with minds of their own. They pay no heed to the older, wiser folks who have sacrificed perfectly good date nights to watch this show. That is their folly. Until someone creates an invention that allows us to shake some sensibility into the contestants through the TV, our protests and suggestions will be ignored.

Last night, Paula was slightly more lucid and Simon was slightly less caustic. But Randy was still a dope.

Asia’h Epperson (TV Guide power ranking #6/last week #4)
Most embarrassing moment: Was a roller-skating extra in a movie and ran into some lighting equipment.
Song: “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” (Whitney Houston)
Kathy: Oh Asia’h honey. You did fine, but it was Whitney. Not only that, but it was Whitney at her freshest; before Bobby Brown. Before crack and reality TV and doodie bubbles and rehab. Whitney when she was just Cissy’s little girl and Dionne’s niece. You set yourself up to fail. I won’t even bring up the ill-fitting, ugly pants. Oops, just did. Still love you, but if you make the cut tonight you’re going to have to start bringing it.
Erin: Asia’h provides us with the obligatory Whitney song that appears in every other episode of “Idol.” She sounded like Whitney, but I was too distracted by the pants. This is further proof that the girl is not making any close friends behind the scenes. Friends don’t let friends go on national TV with a camel toe.

Kady Malloy (TV Guide power ranking #8/last week #8)
Most embarrassing moment: Sang an Xtina song at a talent show, screwed it up, then fell.
Song: “Who Wants To Live Forever” (Queen)
Kathy: You sang Queen. I’m not talking to you. You’re destined to spend your life doing Britney imitations at county fairs.
Erin: Her embarrassing moment now seems a Sisyphean challenge as she is doomed to sing one ballad after another on “American Idol” and fall, but in a metaphorical sense. I found her uninteresting. Honestly, if she is going to go with Queen, she should have spiced it up with “Radio Gaga” or “Flash’s Theme.”
By the way, The banter between Ryan and Simon is really evil this year. I predict a knife fight by the time we get to the top six.

Amanda Overmyer (TV Guide power ranking #7/last week #7)
Most embarrassing moment: Burning down her family’s deck and pool. She seemed to be reminiscing her pyro days fondly.
Song: “I Hate Myself For Loving You” (Joan Jett)
Kathy: See what the right song choice can do for a girl? This was fantastic. So great, in fact that I nearly forgot the Cruella De Vil debacle from last week. This was the Mandy we know and love. You are going to have to lighten up a bit and smile though. You’re playing to America here. You’ve already won over me and Erin but not everyone appreciates dark and cynical the way we do. You probably don’t have enough versatility to take you super far but hopefully you sealed a spot in the top 12 with this perf. Manilow week might kill you off though.
Erin: Ladies and gentlemen, our girl is back! Tough as nails and rocking hard, Amanda brings down the house with Joan Jett. She’s in her element and provides my favorite perf of the night. She’s got the upper lip snarl, good hair, cool clothes and amazing song choice on her side. Even Simon adored her. Oh Amanda, I missed you. Thank you so much for this.

Carly Smithson (TV Guide power ranking #2/last week #6)
Most embarrassing moment: Got her leg stuck in a railing
Song: “I Drove All Night” (Roy Orbison recorded it first, Cyndi Lauper made it famous in the ’80s, then Celine ruined it later)
Kathy: Let’s face it Carly, you’ve got the best voice in the competition, always in tune, always on pitch. And your song choices aren’t awful. But you’ve got to start wowing the crowd. You remind me of Carrie Underwood, who delivered reliably solid, but bland performances every week and was never in danger of being voted off. Carrie waited until about the top 7 or 8 to floor us with that Heart song and really lay claim to the prize. Don’t wait that long, you’ve got more competition than she did. Also, don't ever wear those stupid sailor pants, which I was prone to in the '80s, again.
Erin: There can be no ’80s night without the divine Miss Cyndi, and with the encouragement of a MILF mom on the sidelines, Carly took to the stage singing “Drove All Night” and nailed it. I enjoyed her performance a great deal, but Simon was a bit harsh on this one. I think it’s further proof that Simon just might be dead inside. Check out his eyes. They are cold and soulless, like those in a Build-a-Bear bin. He needs take a big gulp of Paula’s Coke and chill out.

Kristy Lee Cook (TV Guide power ranking #5/last week #2)
Most embarrassing moment: Suffered from a canine psychosis.
Song: “Faithfully” (Journey)
Kathy: Kristy, you’re about as scintillating as a city council meeting. Were you just trying to suck up to Randy with this choice? I think you succeeded there but it didn’t work for me. Picking songs from bands is unwise in general, but if you’re a girl you shouldn’t pick a band led by a male singer with a big, big voice that you can’t emulate. Also, what happened to the country songs? I thought we had agreed to try that.
Erin: When Paula doles out the pretty comments, it’s pretty much the kiss of death. I was bored to tears. Her country version of the “Journey” song might have won her points with Randy, but it did little to endear me to her. It sounded like a throw away song you hear in any romantic comedy when the main characters reflect on their loneliness.

Ramiele Malubay (TV Guide power ranking #3/last week #1)
Most embarrassing moment: Rode bike to crush’s house, left him a picture, then spied on him while he and his mom laughed at her picture. Ouch.
Song: “Against All Odds” (Phil Collins)
Kathy: A decade of great artists, fun girl groups and daring female solo stars and you pick Phil freakin’ Collins? Why? And this song?! You’re young, you’re fun, you’re adorable. You have a big voice. Shape up before it’s too late.
Erin: Yes folks, it’s another depressing Phil Collins song. He’s really giving Whitney a run for her money this year on “Idol.” Hey kids, the man did have a few upbeat numbers over his career. Have these contestants never listened to “Sussudio”? Or did Patrick Bateman ruin it for everyone? Ram’s perf was fine, but it sounded like she was holding back. However, her after-performance convo was adorable. So she wins points from me.

At this point in the evening something bizarre was going on with the judges. Simon and Paula got all cozy, then Simon had an uncontrollable giggle fit and everything nearly went to hell. What happened during the commercial break? Did Paula finally share whatever's in that coke cup of hers? Did David Hernandez come out and give folks in the crowd lap dances? We'll never know. (Sorry David, but you reap what you sow with us.)

Brooke White (TV Guide power ranking #1/last week #5)
Most embarrassing moment: A church story. Go figure. She ran up to a man she thought was her father and hugged him and it turned out not to be her father.
Kathy: That actually happened to me once, not at church but at the school carnival and the man I hugged was the school principal, in costume. It was quite embarrassing, but I was 10; I got over it. Many more embarrassing moments followed. Still, Brooke and I are kindred spirits in a way.
Song: “Love is a Battlefield” (Pat Benatar)
Kathy: Wow. Just wow. I loved everything about this. You took Pat Benatar and slowed it down and made it your own. It was exactly like what David Cook did last night only flipped. How Randy could say “it was good but you did nothing with it” is beyond me. But Brooke, sweetie, next week stand up and move around a bit. With all the sitting I’m starting to wonder if you have a bum knee or something.
Erin: To this day, if you get my sister and I together anywhere within earshot of Pat Benatar’s “Love is a Battlefield,” we bust out in a mean rendition of the taxi dancer routine from the video. Just ask any of the clerks at the Bed, Bath & Beyond at the Beverly Center. As Brooke sat on the edge of the stage singing her sappy, spineless version of the song, she killed my childhood. It lacked the passion and edge that made me shimmy my shoulders in defiance against imaginary pimps. The judges seemed to like it, but they have never pretended to liberate headband-wearing hookers to freedom. For me, Brooke took the battle out of the “Battlefield.”
Kathy: See, folks, sometimes Erin and I disagree but we remain BFF. That’s how friendship works. Perhaps Ryan and Simon should give it a try. I also have fond memories of Ms. Benatar, and that song in particular. But seeing as how I am much, much older than Erin, my memories involve public fun of the variety that’s not quite as innocent as dancing with a sibling in a sweet-smelling mall store. And therein lie the makings of my true most embarrassing moment. Oh, sweet, wild 80s how I miss you. Now I’ve said too much.
Erin: I won’t hold it against you. But you are wrong.

Syesha Mercado (TV Guide power ranking #4/last week #3)
Most embarrassing moment: Wrote a letter to a crush and included some strawberry gum. The jerk not only chewed the gum but he told on her to the teacher.
Song: Saving All My Love for You (Whitney, again)
Erin: Good.
Kathy: Fine.

Best:
Kathy: Amanda and Brooke
Erin: Amanda and Carly

Worst:
Kathy: Kady and Ramiele
Erin: Brooke and Kady

Probably not joining us tonight at the top 12 party: Kady and Kristy

— Kathy Lyford and Erin Maxwell

The theme this week is one that’s repeated annually on “Idol”: A finalist's naughty past is made public.
In this case, David Hernandez’s stripper experience hit the Internet yesterday. David won’t be kicked off the show, however. And somewhere Frenchie is cursing Simon Fuller and Nigel Lythgoe.

Oh, and the boys sang ‘80s tunes.

Erin: Remember when malls used to be equipped with personal recording studios that would offer “demo tapes”? I would go with junior school cronies to sing Kim Wilde songs in hopes of making it big. My sister practically lived there. That’s why I love ’80s night on “American Idol.” It’s almost exactly the same thing, but with a slightly larger audience than the group that would gather outside the Panda Express to watch you make a fool of yourself.

Is it me or were judges at their weirdest in this episode? Randy looked like just got off chaperoning duties from Sparkle Motion, Simon seem unable to control his catty side and Paula seemed unable to grasp the concept of pronouns. Kathy says she was speaking in tongues, but I think she was just chatting with her other personalities. Perhaps the ones that once led her to a duet with MC Scat Cat.

Kathy: Wasn’t only you, Erin. The panel was just strange last night. I hope Randy plans on sharing whatever it is he’s been smoking at the Top 12 party on Thursday night. And I think Paula must have, upon exiting her spaceship, conked her head hard enough to damage the portion of her brain responsible for language. I didn’t understand a word she said all night. She did seem to enjoy the mostly sucky performances though, based on how she kept standing up and trying to clap. As for Simon, I thought perhaps he’d been afflicted with Tourette’s overnight what with how he kept blurting out insults.

Luke Menard (TV Guide power ranking #6/last week #9)
Most embarrassing moment: Sister dressed him up as a ballerina when he was little, which might be directly responsible for his song choice.
Song:  “Jitterbug” (Wham!)
Erin: The night starts off with a whimper as Luke takes the stage with a Wham! Song. It’s just his way of saying that he’s having fun with the competition. Either that or, “Hi, Mom. I’m gay!” His rendition is slightly on the pitiful side. It just doesn’t work without the Day-Glo and “Choose Life” T-shirts. At this point, he seems less likely to follow George Michael on the path of a successful solo career and more likely to follow George Michael into a public park bathroom. Sorry, Luke. It was nice meeting you. I look forward to forgetting your existence next week.
Kathy: I should have stuck with my original plan to watch Luke with the sound turned down. But he was so bad from the first note I completely forgot to hit the mute button. His high, breathy voice makes George Michael sound like a baritone in comparison.

David Archuleta (TV Guide power ranking #1/last week #4)
Most embarrassing moment: Forgot the words to a song during a performance and his mom had to come onstage and finish it for him. Meanwhile Paula keeps racking up embarrassing moments all episode.
Song: “Another Day in Paradise” (Phil Collins)
Erin: David embraces the new “Idol” trend of starting the song with a musical instrument and disregarding both it and the union labor it took to get a piano on the stage by only playing a few opening notes. I like little David, but I agree with Simon here. He’s a bit of a bummer these days. His version of “Another Day in Paradise” should have been used for the “Idol Gives Back” special, not for the ‘80s round. At least Paula isn’t threatening to decapitate him this week.
Kathy: Simon has already downgraded David A. from “You’re going to win” to “You’ll be in the top two.” At this rate Simon will be predicting David A.’s demise in just a few weeks. I enjoyed David’s explanation as to why this isn’t a depressing song: “It’s about people who have nothing.”

Oh, look Denise Richards is in the audience.

Danny Noriega (TV Guide power ranking #7/last week #5)
Most embarrassing moment: Friend tripped him and he fell down some stairs in front of his crush. Apparently, FWIW, that’s more embarrassing than speaking in text language. OMG.
Song: "Tainted Love" (Soft Cell)
Erin: I have been waiting seven seasons for “Tainted Love” only to be treated to this wild-eyed scary version aided by a light show that could cause Pokemon-esque seizures in Japanese school kids. When he was done, Simon unleashed a laundry list of suck on the poor sap. Not that he didn’t deserve it. I don’t see Danny making it much further. At the most, he can apply to become Chris “Leave Britney Alone” Crocker’s sidekick once his reality show kicks in.
Kathy: Speaking of embarrassing, did you get a load of Danny’s dancing? Simon calls him “absolutely useless” and gets a “whatever” in return, which Simon seemed to find amusing. I would say Danny is NLFTC (not long for this competition).

David Hernandez (TV Guide power ranking #4/last week #8)
Most embarrassing moment: Had booger in nose during photo shoot. Oh, really? Surprisingly, his most embarrassing moment did not end with “…and then he took off into the night with my G-string and my money.”
Song: “It’s All Coming Back to Me Now” (Meat Loaf)
Erin: His decision to pick the song “It’s All Coming Back To Me Now” solves the mystery as to why a majority of his clientele were men. Well, that actually wasn’t much of a mystery. Encyclopedia Brown could have solved that one without leaving the garage.
Kathy: Paula said “You missed some notes, but it was really good.” HUH? Also she thinks he’s “becoming a really good performer.” I think we all know that now.

Michael Johns (TV Guide power ranking #2/last week #1)
Most embarrassing moment: Beaten up while dressed as a mascot called “Boomer the Roo.” His most embarrassing moment will give furry “Idol” fans fodder for slash stories for the rest of the season. Gotta say, I wish he had film of that. One of the funniest things I’ve ever seen in my life was when two mascots got into a brawl during a college football game.
Song: “Don’t You Forget About Me” (Simple Minds)
Erin: YAY! Finally. He takes to the stage with Simple Minds’ “Don’t You Forget About Me,” which perfectly exemplifies my point as to why there needs to be a “Breakfast Club” musical on the Great White Way. It’s already going in that direction with “Legally Blonde” and “Cry Baby.” It will be perfect. After his perf, Paula gurgles something about leaving the planet. Oh, honey. Admitting you have a problem is the first step.
Kathy: Randy commended Michael for “returning to his Australian roots” and repeated that our Aussie crush reminds him of Michael Hutchence. I’m sitting there on the couch thinking “What does a Scottish new wave duo have to do with INXS, Australia or Michael Hutchence?” And I don't get paid to be an expert on music. Oh, Randy.

David Cook (TV Guide power ranking #5/last week #6)
Most embarrassing moment: Forgot the words to a song at a talent show.
Song: “Hello” (Lionel Richie), with a guitar
Erin: So, that was unexpected. Mr. Cook took stalker song/MySpace anthem “Hello,” and made it very, very cool. Color me shocked. His ability to rock out on the song not only brought him ahead of the pack, but it just might spike enough sales in the iTunes single to pay for this week’s batch of baby clothes for Nicole. Way to go, David. You rule. I am so sorry about the hair comments from before. We’re buddies now, right?
Kathy: I loved this. Maybe my favorite performance of the season thus far. Way to take a treacly, unlistenable ballad and give it a rock twist. Simon ruins the moment with a “brush with fame” story about himself, Lionel Richie and the Whole Foods produce department.

Jason Castro (TV Guide power ranking #3/last week #2)
Most embarrassing moment: One of his dreds came out during a dinner date. Eww.
Song: “Hallelujah” (Leonard Cohen)
Erin: Another shocking performance. This night is ripe with all sorts of goodness. After telling his tragic tale of hair loss, Jason gave a fab perf on Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah.” I am in awe. I loved his version and can gladly say that his hair in no longer the focal point of his personality. I see Jason making it far. Well, far enough to be used in “Idol Remix” moments where he reflects on his learning experiences, but not far enough to win.
Kathy: Paula and Randy both mention the “degree of difficulty.” What is this now, Olympic platform diving? See, I wasn’t on board the Jason train last night. It was good, but I didn’t think it was all that. Perhaps the fact that I had just finished listening to kd lang’s version of the song seconds before watching “Idol” didn’t help.

Chikezie (TV Guide power ranking #8/last week #7)
Most embarrassing moment: Used the girls bathroom in high school without realizing it.
Song: "All The Woman I Need" (Sister Sledge, then Luther, then Whitney)
Erin:  When did he drop his last name? Has it been a while and I’m just noticing this, or is this a new development? Kathy? I can’t remember a single note of this performance. It was bland. What he needs is a gimmick, like a bright orange suit.
Kathy: He dropped his last name a couple of weeks ago but I refused to acknowledge it. You know it’s not a good sign when Ryan announced there’s only one singer left and for the life of my I couldn’t think of who it might be. Sorry Chikezie Eze, been nice knowing you.

Best:
Erin: David “The Man” Cook; Jason Castro
Kathy: David Cook and that’s it

Worst:
Erin: Danny Noriega; Luke Menard
Kathy: Danny, Luke

Probably going home: Luke and Chikezie, which means one-fourth of the top 12 will be named David.

— Erin Maxwell and Kathy Lyford

The Save Friday Night Lights movement has taken a philanthopic turn, with more than $2,000 in raised funds already donated to such charities as the Buoniconti Fund to Cure Paralysis and the U.S. Quad Rugby Association. The grass-roots organization has also sent DVDs of "Friday Night Lights" to troops stationed overseas.

Now, Save FNL has turned to helping out the family of David Edwards (right), who passed away last week, four years after suffering a paralyzing injury that "FNL" creator Peter Berg used as the template for the show's Jason Street character. Save FNL is aiming to help defray Edwards' medical expenses. 

Approximately 2,500 people, including Berg, attended Edwards' funeral Sunday. Video of Edwards can be found at KSAT.com.

In its most recent update, Save FNL said it has raised nearly $20,000 overall. Much of that amount, to be sure, has gone toward advocating for the return of the two-year-old show, through such means as sending mini-footballs to NBC honchos Ben Silverman and Jeff Zucker. (Inscribed on the footballs: "Clear Eyes. Full Hearts. Can't Lose This Show.") The movement's spokesperson added that Save FNL has also sent DVD compilations to CEOs and presidents at several networks that Josef Adalian of Variety reported could offer an alternate home for the series.

"FNL" lost some of its luster when the Landry-Tyra storyline at the start of the show's second season disappointed a swath of critics and fans, but the series remained one of the best on television. In the wake of Taylor Kitsch (Tim Riggins) being cast in "X-Men Origins: Wolverine," some also wonder whether "FNL" can keep its appealing cast together long enough to get that third campaign.

Nevertheless, the show's quality (from its acting and writing to its top-notch but thrifty production values) and its passionate following bolster the case for keeping the show alive, even if cable is to be its ultimate home.

— Jon Weisman

Imagine if infuriatingly fraudulent reporter Scott Templeton were the lead character of HBO's "The Wire," appearing in nearly every scene, infecting the lives of all the characters. 

That's the way things are with network-mate "In Treatment," which has drawn a cadre of passionate supporters who don't seem to mind the endless violations of ethics and good judgment by its lead character, Paul (Gabriel Byrne). Its fans maintain that Paul's crumbling existence is the stuff of great television — the show couldn't ask for a much better champion than Maureen Ryan of the Chicago Tribune, who writes, "The voyeuristic thrill comes from both the fascinating revelations of the patients and from our intimate knowledge of the repressed Paul’s own fraying emotions."

Though I've watched every minute of "In Treatment" so far, I continue to find the show more vexing than thrilling. I certainly have no rules against making an antihero the central figure of a series, but I am struggling to find satisfaction in a universe where all the characters behave in such profoundly flawed ways that it's not clear the writers realize it.

The latest in a long list of breaches to surface came last week, during an episode in which Paul recommended that teenage gymnast Sophie, who has attempted suicide, should resume training with her coach.  Paul's decision hinged on whether Sophie's psyche stood to benefit more from resuming her routine, or whether the stress would be counterproductive. Oh, and there were issues about whether Sophie would trust Paul as her therapist — that sort of thing.

At no point is it considered that hey, maybe the fact that Sophie's coach molested her should be factored into the deliberations. 

Events like these do more than make me unsympathetic toward Paul; they make me deeply hesitant to put my faith in the show. A best-case scenario for "In Treatment" is that the writers (who have adapted the series from an Israeli version) know exactly what they're doing, and the choices they have the characters make are part of a polemic against an entire world of therapy that they consider irresponsible, a farce. (It's worth remembering that with the possible exception of Laura, every patient on the show is overtly hostile to therapy, Gina has abandoned it as a profession and Paul is on the verge. Believe it or not, some people in this world are actually enthusiastic about the practice.)

A more likely scenario is that the writers aren't really in control of the world they've created. It's not that they don't think about what they're doing, but they make their choices based on convenience of plot rather than toward delivering a greater truth.

Contrast this with how David Simon and friends have done on "The Wire." Scott's judgment and excesses are every bit as loathsome as Paul's.  In one sense, Scott (Tom McCarthy) benefits in a comparison to Paul from not directly endangering the mental well-being of the people he is victimizing, although Gus (Clark Johnson) is lucky he's made of tough stuff. But Scott is putting other people's careers — their livelihood — in jeopardy, all out of his own laziness and greed. He's an awful man, lacking in almost any redeeming qualities.

But "The Wire" gives Scott's actions context.  We are confident that the world he lives in has an understanding of right and wrong, regardless of whether Scott himself has that understanding. The good moments that periodically come on "In Treatment" are negated by a universe that doesn't really seem to have any coherent value system.  Paul doesn't have one. Gina, the mentor/therapist who counsels Paul though she knows their personal baggage invalidates such an arrangement, lacks one as well.

Of course, Scott is hardly the only flawed character on "The Wire." In this respect, the grandest offering in the series' final season has perhaps been Jimmy McNulty (Dominic West), who committed all kinds of legal and ethical violations in bringing a dynamic end-justifies-the-means strategy to the police department's investigations, and who is now enduring the consequences in Shakespearean fashion. Truth be told, I find myself more sympathetic to McNulty now than I did at the start of the season. His world's about to crash down on him, but wherever he went wrong on the police side, the constant was his pursuit of a greater good. Paul's selfishness on "In Treatment," however believable, is selfishness for its own sake — and yet this is the program's lead storyline. At the end of the series, short of some profound insight into the plight of the egotistical, what will have been the point?

"I think 'In Treatment's' only real requirement is that it is good fictional drama," Ryan wrote in response to a comment of mine on her blog. "As I said, I've been shocked by some of his actions and the way he's dealing with his patients. No way should he be seeing Gina. Agreed on all fronts. But that's the stuff that's interesting — watching these signs of his arrogance and stupidity come out. All that makes him more intertesting — not necessarily a good therapist, but a deeply conflicted and believably complicated man."

The passion of people I respect toward "In Treatment" frequently makes me wonder whether I'm being too harsh on the show, but I'm still not convinced that being "interesting" is enough. There's no way I could watch "In Treatment" five nights a week if it weren't compelling television. But compelling doesn't always mean satisfying. Good fictional drama, even if its characters aren't responsible, needs a responsible author, and there's still too much evidence that "In Treatment" doesn't quite have one.

— Jon Weisman

(More on Sunday's episode of "The Wire" can be found at Cynthia Littleton — On the Air.)