October
5
"The Amazing Race 13" -- Dysfunction Junction
Whenever the new competitors for "Amazing Race" (or "Survivor," "Big Brother" or any other returning reality competition for that matter) are unveiled, you can easily envision how the producers and casting directors worked out the potential mix of personalities. ("Let's see, we need two teams of screwed-up couples. Gimme a nerd herd, at least a couple of hotties with issues and throw in a mother-son act. Oh, and don't forget the zany siblings. Also, be sure to give us some bonded bad boys.")
The thing is, I'm pretty sure that most of the teams on "AR" don't have a clue which category they're in. Certainly, the dysfunctional teams never seem to think they're dysfunctional. If they did, they'd knock it off, wouldn't they?
The part that, yes, amazes, me is that the dysfunctional doofs usually thrive -- at least in the race's early going. Episode two finds the socially and emotionally challenged in top form:
Early signs of future therapy: Terence berating Sarah (above right) for talking to other teams. Talking! (Sarah: "He feels like I'm betraying him.") Terence getting a boo-boo on his head and blaming Sarah. Sarah not only placating him but tending to his "wound." Terence asking her to blow on it. And that's within the first 10 minutes of the show.
Ever wonder why people don't like you?: Ken and Tina (below left) get to the airport first then try to take credit for somehow getting the airline to bring in a bigger plane to get all the teams on the same flight.
Ever wonder why people don't tell you they don't like you?: While Ken and Tina jockey for position to board the airplane first, the voice of protest comes from, yes, Terence. Geek squad Mark and Bill utter a mild protest but then sit back for the fireworks while the rest of the teams whisper about the "drama" upfront. Then Tina, clearly realizing it's only episode two and there are a lot of miles ahead, tries to make nice. Ken and Terence back off their looming dogfight with some princely apologies and then Ken kisses Terence on the cheek!
Best dysfunctional team spirit: After Sarah whines about her fatigue while shuffling the boat down the beach, Terence assumes the role of supportive life coach: "Next time I tell you not to do pushups in the morning, don't!"
"I wonder why no one's stopping for us?" Terence and Sarah take turns screaming over their inability to hail a cab, while wandering from side to side across the road and watching other teams zip by.
"We're not dysfunctional, we just can't follow instructions": Divorcees Kelly and Christy waste precious time at the beach looking for the container specified in the instructions for the other Detour, then vow to pay closer attention to directions in the future. Then they forget to tell their taxi to wait ... after reading the instructions to tell their taxi to wait.
How's it all work out? Ken and Tina crack the whip on their cab driver (edging out Mark and Bill) to get to the Pit Stop first. They win a dune buggy. Terence and Sarah land the No. 3 spot. Hurray for Type A whackjobs.
Karmic balance: Toni and Dallas finish fifth after helping out other teams. (Toni: "I'm just a mom." Awww.). Anthony and Stephanie get to the mat last and are eliminated, but they reflect warmly about their place in the world and the recognition that others can be far less fortunate.
Episode imponderables: Are headbanded frat boys Andrew and Dan consciously trying to channel the mojo of Jonah Hill and Michael Cera?
So tell me, which dysfunctional team do you think is headed for elimination first? Which team do you think will win, and which one should win?
-- Brian Cochrane
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