Janet Jackson Gets Nasty

Janet Jackson gets nasty at the Super Bowl ... let the spin mill churn.

For the last week, the organizers of the Super Bowl XXXVIII halftime show have been taunting us with the promise of a special surprise guest. Rumors had everyone from Van Halen and Sammy Hagar to Michael Jackson as a potential superstar guest spot. Who would have thought the surprise guest would be Janet Jackson's right breast? (NSFW)

Yes, last night, in front of the 72,000 fans packed into Reliant Stadium and at least 100 million TV viewers in the U.S.. Janet Jackson bared her jewelry-decorated boobie for all to see during a performance with Justin Timberlake. In fact, it was Timberlake who sang to Jackson, "I'll get you naked by the end of this song," and then ripped part of her top off, exposing the now-infamous areola.

Of course, it took only seconds for CBS' switchboards to be lit up with calls of outrage and protest, and only an hour for network suit and ties to release a statement claiming they had no prior knowledge of the incident.

By night's end, Timberlake released the following statement: "I am sorry if anyone was offended by the wardrobe malfunction during the halftime performance at the Super Bowl. It was not intentional and is regrettable."

Okay, regrettable, maybe so. But to call it a "wardrobe malfunction," is a getting a little carried away, isn't it? It's not like her top just popped open on its own. Even a casual replay of the incident (and incidently, TiVo says that it was replayed more than any other TiVo-ed event ever) shows he was tearing something off on purpose. Sure, it is certainly possible he got carried away with himself and ripped her top off by accident. Heck, many a celebrity has tried that excuse. But if that was the case, then why was she wearing a pasty on her breast? Aren't those worn very much on purpose to cover up nipples by strippers and models? This wasn't the kind of flesh-colored pasty that gals sometimes wear when they are wearing a sheer blouse or tight bra, either. No, this was gaudy, silver one, more like a nipple ring or shield -- the kind one wears when purposely trying to shock a nation and revive one's career.

MTV, which produced the event, issued a statement saying, "The tearing of Janet Jackson's costume was unrehearsed, unplanned, completely unintentional and was inconsistent with assurances we had about the content of the performance. MTV regrets this incident occurred and we apologize to anyone who was offended by it."

Well, geez, of course MTV wouldn't have anything to do with a strategically timed moment of televised outrage. I mean, we all know that Britney Spears-Madonna kiss was an accident, right? Didn't they release a statement a few months ago saying Britney slipped on a banana peel and fell on Madonna's tongue?

But the best backpedaling comes from CBS themselves:

"CBS deeply regrets the incident that occurred during the Super Bowl halftime show. We attended all rehearsals throughout the week and there was no indication that any such thing would happen. The moment did not conform to CBS broadcast standards and we would like to apologize to anyone who was offended."

Well, I for one am offended by the term "broadcast standards" when applied to CBS. Are you kidding? These are the people who broadcast Survivor, where contestants eat bugs and poop in the forest; Big Brother, where contestants have pulled knives on each other in real bouts of anger; and Judging Amy, which has flaunted male nudity in exchange for ratings. Nooooo, they would never think of breeching standards.

The Drudge Report (NSFW) says it learned from high-ranking CBS officials that the entire incident was carefully strategized way in advance and was indeed a very calculated move. According to their report, "Top CBS executives approved a musical skit where Janet Jackson would expose her breast during the MTV-produced Super Bowl half-time concert.... 'The decision to go forward went to the very top of the network,' [said] a well-placed source." Now, that sounds more like the CBS I know.

Federal Communications Commission chief Michael Powell vowed to uncover -- scratch that -- vowed to investigate and called it "a classless, crass and deplorable stunt."

Exactly. He may be the closest to saying what everyone believes: A publicity stunt is exactly what it was.

"I am outraged at what I saw during the halftime show of the Super Bowl," Powell continued. "Our nation's children, parents and citizens deserve better."

Powell told the commission to open an investigation that could result in a fine of up to $27,500 or upwards into the millions.

Er...oopps. I hope Jackson's new album sells better than her brother's last one or she may find herself in debt if fined such hefty penalties.

Ms. Jackson has apologized, and it remains to be seen if she just made the best decision in her career since deciding to go from that cute girl on Different Strokes to the vixen who sang "Nasty Boys" in 1986. Then, she shattered her image as a TV princess by flaunting her nasty attitude and presenting herself as a sexual being. Now, she has shattered her image of having a nasty attitude and being a sexual being, by being... well... simply nasty.