The Porning Report

Holy Porn!

Israel's High Court of Justice unanimously ruled on Wednesday that the Playboy channel can continue to be broadcast in the holy land, thereby ending three years of legal sparring over the legality of its broadcasts. The special 11-justice panel rejected two petitions against the adult channel on cable and satellite television in Israel, but, amazingly, the judge decided to uphold the freedom of expression and even noted that the pornographic content of the channel was "relatively light."

One hundred and seventy five other countries broadcast the Playboy channel, with 25,000 homes subscribing to the channel in Israel alone. So obviously there is a demand for their soft-porn content. The people have spoken. They want flesh and they want it now!

Despite the outcry of women groups and religious sectors, Justice Dalia Dorner noted that while she realizes that their programming may be offensive to some members of the public, "no one is forcing them to watch."

Wow! You go, girl!

I can remember the last time a Judge said something in regards to freedom of speech that protected it, instead of restricting it. Especially in conservative Israel!!!

The Rise of Cell-Porn

In recent months, there has been a heated debate in the UK over the issue of cell phone porn. Should it be okay for people to access or download pornographic images through their cell phones? To porn or not to porn, that is indeed the question.

New advances in handset technology have resulted in better visual capabilities for mobile devices, which has lead to a greater content demand among cell users (especially the younger ones). And guess what these hip, young people want access to on their phones? Why, porn of course! This does not sit well with the telecoms industry though, as operators and service providers comprehend the potential for adult content to get into the hands of minors. This new-found sense of social responsibility is a terrific stance to take … that is until they realize that (according to data analyst Visiongain) adult content transmitted to mobile phones will reach an annual $4 billion by 2006, out of a total annual adult market of $70 billion. You think the cell phone companies are gonna pass up on a piece of that action just to stay on moral high ground? I think not…

Last month, a Mobile Adult Content Responsibly conference was held in London to discuss these very issues. While no firm resolution was reached at the meetings, the very fact that this gathering was even held just goes to show how serious the issue is.

How do you protect kids from getting porn on their cell phones? I could have saved these folks a lot of time a money by providing the answer. Put this in your pipe and smoke it: DO NOT BUY YOUR KID A CELL PHONE! Wow! What a concept, eh? What the heck does a 13 year old need a cell for anyways? Is there anything more annoying than standing in line with a group of dorky teens yammering away on their cells at top volume? Don't they get enough gossip time at school and at home? Do they absolutely need to have a cell so they can talk every other breathing minute too? It's the same answer I'd give these overprotective conservatives in the FCC and at Clear Channel too. If you don't like what you are hearing or watching, just turn off your TV or radio. But don't you dare reach over and turn MINE off just because YOU can't handle a fart joke, a boobie or the N-word.

The Last Dirty Picture Show

Last month, the San Mateo Planning Commissioners voted to tear down the Palm Theater in San Mateo, California, one of the last porn theaters in America. Though many supporters were drumming up support to have the 1950s art deco building added to the California Register of Historical Resources, which would have saved the theater, the Planning Commissioners sided with the many protestors of the buildings existence and decided to have it leveled instead, despite the fact that the Palm is one of the last neighborhood theaters in the Bay area still intact (Yeah, I suppose declaring it a Historical Resource would be sort of like saying, "Porn is okay once it's been around long enough," which would be akin to them declaring 'Deep Throat' a classic just because it was made a quarter of a century ago.).

The Palm Theater originally showed mainstream films but switched to adult films in 1972. With the advent of video, the theater began to show videos instead, which quickly became its of format choice. The Palm showed adult videos seven days a week, with women always admitted free. In the wake of it's destruction, a 19-unit apartment building with 38 parking spots will go up in its place. So now instead of parking their butts on sticky seats, local resident will park their Buicks in a soon-to-be sticky lot. Wow! What an improvement!

What's amazing is that after three years of debate, with Palm supporters pointing out that the building is a historical site despite how some folks feel about the content of the movies shown there, the Commissioners still decided to knock down the old-fashioned, single-screen theater. One of the last of its breed, the Palm represented a different time in porn, and therefore in society. These were the days when porn itself was much less accepted by mainstream than it is today, yet to see a porn movie you had to go out to a public theater and watch it surrounded by other creepy men. These were the days when watching a porn movie could get you harassed by police or even arrested if you happen to be touching yourself (just ask Pee Wee Herman). This was before porn was discussed openly on the radio and on TV, yet wasn't confined to the privacy of your bedroom or hotel room. Back then, watching porn in closed quarters wasn't often an option. So you had to be out of the closet just to get in it, so to speak.

Bob Dylan once sang, "The times they are a-changing," but I'm pretty sure he wasn't talking porn theaters. Maybe he should have been…

FCC Goes F**king Crazy!

As the FCC buckles down on indecency on the airwaves and on TV in many areas, they are loosening up in others. For instance, did you know the F-word is now considered not indecent when used in a non-sexual manner? Yes, it's true…

This issue came up as a result of the annual 2003 Golden Globe Awards ceremony when U2 singer Bono uttered the phrase "this is really, really, fucking brilliant." Bono's comment was aired in full glory by most television stations, prompting about 200 complaints to the FCC that those TV stations had violated the FCC's restrictions on obscene broadcasts. Months later, in October 2003, the FCC's Enforcement Bureau released a response to those complaints in which it held firm that broadcasts of Bono's words had not violated the FCC's prohibition of indecent program content because the word "fucking" was a "fleeting and isolated" remark used "as an adjective or expletive to emphasize an exclamation" and not "to describe or depict sexual and excretory organs and activities."

Wow! Did ya hear that!?! That's f**king awesome!

Of course, this immediately promoted a flurry of letters by groups outraged at the FCC's leniency. But the FCC is not saying anyone can say the F-word anytime for any reason. It's just saying that when Bono used it, it wasn't meant to be sexual or offensive, and in the context of his speech and the situation, was not indecent. In poor taste, maybe, but not indecent.

So here was a rare example of the FCC using good sense and fair judgment of a situation. A sign of things to come? Hardly. In fact, since Boobgate, not only is FCC Chairman Michael Powell reportedly looking into having the FCC commissioners' panel enact a proposal barring the word F-word from most radio and broadcast television, regardless of context, but he has announced he wants to reverse his decision of Bonogate and overturn the prior decision!

Dammit! I knew those boobs (Janet, Bono and Powell!) were gonna get us all into trouble. Now how am I going to get my TV show "Frank's Totally F**king Awesome Boobie F**K Parade" on the air???

Utah Sex Trade Tithe

Earlier this month, Utah house members approved a special 10 percent tax on nude dancing and escort services. House Bill 239 would generate an estimated $500,000 the first year and $1 million annually thereafter if imposed on certain sexually explicit businesses, according to legislative budget analysts. Most of the money would go for treatment programs for convicted sex offenders, with 15 percent reserved for the Attorney General's Office to investigate Internet child sex crimes.

Now, what is more surprising here: The fact that the state of Utah is making money of the sex trade or the fact that there's at least $10 million in sexually explicit business in Mormon-dominated Utah?

"We're not saying we want to shut these businesses down," sponsoring Rep. Duane Bourdeaux, D-Salt Lake City told Associated Press. "We're saying we want them to pay for" costs associated with treating sex offenders.

However, not all are so liberal about making money of the flesh trade.

"I think it's dirty money," said Rep. Greg Hughes, R-Draper.

"I do personally believe we're overstepping First Amendment rights," said Rep. Dave Ure, R-Kamas. "I think it will come back to haunt us and it will cost us some money."

Rep. Judy Buffmire, D-Millcreek, questioned why potential court battles were brought up in the sex-industry tax when the Republican majority didn't blink at constitutional concerns over legal expenses related to anti-abortion and anti-gay marriage bills.

Buffmire has it right. How exactly is taxing legal businesses overstepping First Amendment rights? Is a sex-industry tax any worse than tax on any other industry?

There is a certain hilarious irony though in making the strip clubs paying the equivalent of a tithe to treat and educate sex offenders though, I have to admit...

Stern Gets Stern Punishment For Indecency

Ladies and gentlemen, we are officially entering a new era of McCarthyism. Just as when Senator Joe McCarthy and his band of conservatives launched a witch hunt for communists within the entertainment industry via nationally televised hearings in the '50s, conservatives today are hunting for examples of indecency in the media and castrating and crucifying all who are branded inappropriate.

This has been bubbling under the surface since the inaguration (and some would say since the Starr Report), but has come to a boil in the aftermath of Boobgate, when Janet Jackson's breast baring infuriated conservatives and trigger hand wringing around the nation. The result was a FCC meeting last week where they verbally rapped the knuckles of Viacom president Mel Karmazin (one of the many men behind the broadcast).

Then the government proposed a $755,000 fine against Clear Channel Communications over a on-air bit by Florida shock jock Bubba the Love Sponge, which was the second-highest such fine ever proposed. Clear Channel, the multi-media monolith responsible for pulling all songs with lyrics about fire and war from the air in the wake of 9-11 (yes, that included James Taylor's "Fire and Rain," John Lennon's "Imagine," and Deep Purple's "Smoke On the Water") responded by firing Mr. Sponge this week, another knee jerk reaction to Republican government pressure.

So what got Bubba fired? It was an interview with the cast of the hit play "Puppetry of the Penis" where one of the actors exposed himself. Um... was the FCC aware this was RADIO?!

Now, under a new "zero tolerance" policy toward indecency, Clear Channel has pulled Howard Stern from all six of its markets that carry his nationally syndicated show. They cited his interview on Tuesday with Rick Salomon, the man behind (and in) the Paris Hilton sex tape (NSFW), during which Stern asked him if they engaged in anal sex and referred to the size of his penis. A caller then called in and asked Solomon if he had ever had sex with any famous black women... using the N-word in the process.

"If a DJ is found to be in violation of FCC rules, there will be no appeals and no intermediate steps," said Clear Channel Radio president John Hogan. "If they break the law by broadcasting indecent material, they will not work for Clear Channel.... We will not air Howard Stern until we are assured that his show will conform to acceptable standards of responsible broadcasting."

Racy, yes. Worse than anything else Stern has been saying on his show for over 20 years, hell no. But under FCC rules and federal law, radio stations and over-the-air television channels cannot air obscene material at any time, and cannot air indecent material between 6 a.m. and 10 p.m. The FCC defines obscene material as describing sexual conduct "in a patently offensive way" and lacking "serious literary, artistic, political or scientific value." Indecent material is not as offensive, but still contains references to sex or excretions.

The question is, are the members of the FCC the best regulators for MY taste and yours? I think it's safe to say that what offends some over-50 Washington-beltway conservative appointee may not offend me, a 30-something male rock 'n' roll fan who enjoys porn and likes to laugh, yet has kids and doesn't want them to be exposed to adult materials and concepts. I got news for ya folks, if you don't want your kids to hear Stern or watch porn, pay attention to what they watch on your radio and TV! No one is forcing you to own these media transfer devices and certainly no one is forcing your kids to pay attention to them. If YOU can't control your kids' access, then get rid of the devices -- it's not impossible to live without them.

"They are so afraid of me and what this show represents," Stern said on the air this morning in a scathing rant against the FCC.

Blocking Stern, and even Stern wannabe Bubba the Love Sponge, from the airwaves does nothing for cleaning up the country's growing sex industry and the increase of sexual content in pop culture. What it does is rob the free-thinking citizens of one of the best broadcasters in the history of the business and push radio and network television even further towards bland, milquetoast entertainment.

FYI, today Congress takes up the issue of the growing crudeness of TV and radio programming before the House of Commerce subcommittee on telecommunications and the Internet. Prepare for the fallout, and stash your porn before they start requiring you to register it.

High Class Rebellion Onscreen in Japan

According to Japantoday.com, two daughters of high class, respectable Japanese families have admitted they've turned to porn as the ultimate act of rebellion and many folks are up in arms about it.

Last month, word got out that the daughter of a powerful Liberal Democratic Party Diet member had become a porn star. The news resulted in a panic within the political circles of her hometown, Nagata-cho.

"I became a porn star to escape from the control my father had over me," she said after describing the strict household he runs.

After her story broke, another gal -- the daughter of a political big wig -- announced she too had turned to porn.

"I wanted to show my dad that I can live by myself," she told reporters. "I was always called 'his daughter' and it weighed on me. This (being a porn star) is my resistance to his repressiveness. I really hated my dad's double personality. His eerie smile in front of supporters turned to abuse toward me and my mother. He destroyed our family life."

So why are these ladies turning to porn movies as a way to get back at their parents? Why not just move out or tell them off? Well, being a porn star in Japan isn't as taboo there as it can be elsewhere. Heck, in Japan, porn stars have gone on to become popular TV entertainers. Dabbling in adult entertainment might actually be a better way to rebel than crashing your dad's car or flunking out of college.

Tabloid Unearths Past of German Actress

Turkish born, German raised, 23-year-old actress Sibel Kekilli might have been celebrating her Golden Bear win the Berlinale 54th Berlin Film Festival for her role in the award-winning film "Head-On" without a care in the world, were it not for the fact that the 23-year-old actress is embroidered in a sex scandal centered around her porn-laced past.

It seems that German tabloid Bild recently published details about nine pornographic films Kekilli made before she went legit and became a critically acclaimed actress with her clothes on. The newspaper even printed photos from the films of Kekilli in action. These weren't movies a young, naive actress new to the biz did a decade ago -- she is only 23 -- these were as recent as autumn 2002.

"Yes, I did make these (porno) films. But that's the past. What counts is the Golden Bear," Kekilli told Bild. Her family and the media doesn't see it that way; both have condemned her publicly.

"Thanks to the media, she can't even go out of her home. She's totally besieged," Berlinale's director Dieter Kosslick said to Bild.

What's amazing here is that Kekilli was able to get as far as she did without her past coming up. No one involved in the film or the awards raised an eyebrow about her porn background -- and most admit they knew about it -- and she was critically acclaimed until the tabloids dug deep and outed her. In America, she wouldn't have gotten three feet into the casting director's office before someone recognized her, tipped off the casting agents and had her pulled from the picture.

In America, if we give porn stars screen time in mainstream films, it's only minor roles as strippers and, well, porn stars, in mainstream films (Traci Lords and Ron Jeremy being the exceptions). Kekilli woulda been run outta the picture long before she proved to the world that her past was just that and that she actually had genuine talent.

As German actor Mathieu Carriere pointed out, "The fact that Sibel Kekilli had starred in pornos is unimportant. Better to go from pornos to the "Oscar" than the other way round."

Hustler to Open Stores in Britain

Porn publisher Larry Flynt and his Hustler (NSFW) empire will soon be invading the U.K. via a chain of his Hustler sex stores.

Flynt has announced a deal with a group of British investors to launch a chain of "erotic superstores" selling his collections of lingerie, sex toys, and "leisure" wear. The first two stores will open in Birmingham and London this summer as part of the Hustler Hollywood chain of sex shops run by Flynt's daughter Theresa. Another three outlets are planned for next year in cities such as Manchester, Nottingham and Cardiff, with Hustler "gentlemen's clubs" to follow if all goes well.

Though Hustler Hollywood U.K. insists that hardcore magazines, "extreme" sex aids (NSFW) and all sex videos and DVDs will be banned from the U.K. stores, the play marks a significant move by the United States' sex industry to expand into Britain, following hot on the spiked heels of another recent thrust of American flesh into the U.K. market, the invasion of the Spearmint Rhino.

Spearmint Rhino is a growing chain of strip clubs that recently opened up in Britain amidst a firestorm of protest and controversy, including a series of legal clashes over licenses and resignation, the employment of an under-age dancer and allegations of drugs abuse.

What this really boils down to is every country's right to decide what is legal for adults to purchase. Can an adult buy a U.S. nudie mag in England? Generally, yes. How about a dildo? That depends on where and what kind. How about a porn movie? Yes, even in gas stations, but apparently not in a Hustler store. What about a lapdance? Well, that seems to be a bit of a sticking point...

"You have a right to buy whatever you want," Flynt recently told Wired.com. "You may not be able to afford a printing press to print it, but you have a right to buy it. That's not something that's often talked about in relation to the First Amendment. But civil liberties and individual rights are all we really have in this country."

True. But what about the civil liberties and individual rights of the Brits?

Will Mickey Get a Hickey?

You may have read the headlines last week about cable distribution conglomerate Comcast's bid to purchase Walt Disney Company. Big deal, right? Yet another corporate takeover in world full of 'em, eh?

Well, what you likely haven't read about is that Comcast is one of the nation's largest cable television distributors of porn movies, adult channels, and pay-per-view programming. According to reports, last year Comcast earned an estimated $50 million from porn.

Many porn industry insiders are wondering whether Disney's conservative investors and board of directors will get past Comcast's porn background to do business with them? And beyond the folks at Disney, what about all of the family advocacy groups who enjoy protesting indecency so much? Their heads must be exploding with protest-happy glee at this news!

Yep, they are.

"A lot of us have concerns about some of the things that Disney does, but they still produce a lot of positive family-values movies," the president of the National Coalition for the Protection of Children & Families told the Chicago Tribune.

"We don't believe Comcast is family-friendly," he continued. "The management of Comcast has shown no hesitation to distribute hardcore and softcore pornography. So what does that say about the product and environment of what Disney's going to produce in the years ahead?"

Indeed. What types of product will Disney be producing out after this merger? They've already lost their Pixar deal, which brought in most of their highest grossing animated films in recent history. They've already re-released most of their animated classics and milked their vaults for all their worth. So what's next? Maybe the Comcast crew will start making some creative suggestions: "Snow White and the Seven Giants"? "Two Ladies and a Tramp"? "Sex Toy Story"? I could go on...