The Porning Report

Holy Porn!

Israel's High Court of Justice unanimously ruled on Wednesday that the Playboy channel can continue to be broadcast in the holy land, thereby ending three years of legal sparring over the legality of its broadcasts. The special 11-justice panel rejected two petitions against the adult channel on cable and satellite television in Israel, but, amazingly, the judge decided to uphold the freedom of expression and even noted that the pornographic content of the channel was "relatively light."

One hundred and seventy five other countries broadcast the Playboy channel, with 25,000 homes subscribing to the channel in Israel alone. So obviously there is a demand for their soft-porn content. The people have spoken. They want flesh and they want it now!

Despite the outcry of women groups and religious sectors, Justice Dalia Dorner noted that while she realizes that their programming may be offensive to some members of the public, "no one is forcing them to watch."

Wow! You go, girl!

I can remember the last time a Judge said something in regards to freedom of speech that protected it, instead of restricting it. Especially in conservative Israel!!!

FCC Goes F**king Crazy!

As the FCC buckles down on indecency on the airwaves and on TV in many areas, they are loosening up in others. For instance, did you know the F-word is now considered not indecent when used in a non-sexual manner? Yes, it's true…

This issue came up as a result of the annual 2003 Golden Globe Awards ceremony when U2 singer Bono uttered the phrase "this is really, really, fucking brilliant." Bono's comment was aired in full glory by most television stations, prompting about 200 complaints to the FCC that those TV stations had violated the FCC's restrictions on obscene broadcasts. Months later, in October 2003, the FCC's Enforcement Bureau released a response to those complaints in which it held firm that broadcasts of Bono's words had not violated the FCC's prohibition of indecent program content because the word "fucking" was a "fleeting and isolated" remark used "as an adjective or expletive to emphasize an exclamation" and not "to describe or depict sexual and excretory organs and activities."

Wow! Did ya hear that!?! That's f**king awesome!

Of course, this immediately promoted a flurry of letters by groups outraged at the FCC's leniency. But the FCC is not saying anyone can say the F-word anytime for any reason. It's just saying that when Bono used it, it wasn't meant to be sexual or offensive, and in the context of his speech and the situation, was not indecent. In poor taste, maybe, but not indecent.

So here was a rare example of the FCC using good sense and fair judgment of a situation. A sign of things to come? Hardly. In fact, since Boobgate, not only is FCC Chairman Michael Powell reportedly looking into having the FCC commissioners' panel enact a proposal barring the word F-word from most radio and broadcast television, regardless of context, but he has announced he wants to reverse his decision of Bonogate and overturn the prior decision!

Dammit! I knew those boobs (Janet, Bono and Powell!) were gonna get us all into trouble. Now how am I going to get my TV show "Frank's Totally F**king Awesome Boobie F**K Parade" on the air???

Will Mickey Get a Hickey?

You may have read the headlines last week about cable distribution conglomerate Comcast's bid to purchase Walt Disney Company. Big deal, right? Yet another corporate takeover in world full of 'em, eh?

Well, what you likely haven't read about is that Comcast is one of the nation's largest cable television distributors of porn movies, adult channels, and pay-per-view programming. According to reports, last year Comcast earned an estimated $50 million from porn.

Many porn industry insiders are wondering whether Disney's conservative investors and board of directors will get past Comcast's porn background to do business with them? And beyond the folks at Disney, what about all of the family advocacy groups who enjoy protesting indecency so much? Their heads must be exploding with protest-happy glee at this news!

Yep, they are.

"A lot of us have concerns about some of the things that Disney does, but they still produce a lot of positive family-values movies," the president of the National Coalition for the Protection of Children & Families told the Chicago Tribune.

"We don't believe Comcast is family-friendly," he continued. "The management of Comcast has shown no hesitation to distribute hardcore and softcore pornography. So what does that say about the product and environment of what Disney's going to produce in the years ahead?"

Indeed. What types of product will Disney be producing out after this merger? They've already lost their Pixar deal, which brought in most of their highest grossing animated films in recent history. They've already re-released most of their animated classics and milked their vaults for all their worth. So what's next? Maybe the Comcast crew will start making some creative suggestions: "Snow White and the Seven Giants"? "Two Ladies and a Tramp"? "Sex Toy Story"? I could go on...

Copping a Feel of the Pulse of Women

Women's groups often complain that television is an inherently sexist medium run by men, programmed for men by men. A quick flip through the channels might prove they are right, as the amount of female flesh and male-driven violence is quite staggering. But the Inpulse Digital TV Group plans on changing this, one boob at a time.

By boob do I mean breast, jerky male TV audience member, jerky male TV programmer or slang for TV itself? This time it's all of the above.

Last month on ABC's "The View", a daytime talk show geared towards women, America was introduced to Sandra Staggs and Shirley Rohn-Saito, the principals behind the Inpulse Digital TV Group, a new adult studio that creates adult entertainment for women. First project up is Inpulse TV, the adult entertainment channel geared towards women. They say all of the content is shot in the HDTV format and Inpulse TV will be available on cable, direct broadcast satellite, video-on-demand, telco and through streaming video via the Internet.

"Let's face it, I think women love sex just as much as men do," Staggs explained. Rohn-Saito added that women were just as visually oriented as men (oh really?), so it was logical that they would enjoy erotic videos just as much. The duo testified that many women enjoy adult videos too and backed it up by stating that one in four people who visit adult Websites are women, and 58 percent of merchandise bought at some well-known sex boutiques in Los Angeles are purchased by women.

Well, go friggin' figure. Here I was renting porn in secrecy and pretending to be a gentlemen when, according to these gals, chicks dig filth as much as I do. If that's the case, then why am I still hiding the Playboy under the couch when a girl comes over?

The hosts asked Rohn-Stain if it would be okay if, for instance, her granddaughter decided to perform in adult video. She held firm and said that their productions wouldn't be as degrading as some of the videos that were meant for a male audience. "Nothing weird, nothing bizarre."

Um... did they say productions? Things just got interesting! So, in other words, these gals are makin' porno movies... but because they are women, it's okay and they are being publicized -- nay, promoted -- by the hosts of "The View"?

So it's not taboo to make porn if you are a woman. Good to know.

Actually, it's not that big of a surprise that Rohn-Saito is involved, as she a track record of launching successful start-up networks such as ESPN, Adam & Eve and Spice. What's more surprising is that the hosts of "The View" did not demonize her like they do everyone else involved with the adult film industry they discuss or have on their show.

Music Biz Allows What Film Biz Eschews

French electronica band Air's racy new video for "Cherry Blossom Girl," directed by porn auteur Kris Kramski (Models, Klimaxx, An American Girl in Paris), is the latest in a string of music videos that have recruited directors from the adult film world.

It's not too surprising pop stars would turn to porn directors to helm their MTV clips, as these folks represent one of the only remaining arms of underground or alternative cinema that have not been absorbed by mainstream movie studios. Porn is hip, chic and cutting edge these days. But it is a little surprising that these filmmakers are so shunned by the mainstream movies industry, yet so accepted by the mainstream music industry, two businesses that usually go hand in hand. Record labels have no qualms about employing pornographers, yet movie studios ain't handing Michael Raven or Paul Thomas (NSFW) a deal any time soon (despite the fact that these two gents in particular could likely make a better flick than most Hollywood directors).

It will be interesting to se the reaction from Hollywood when lauded "Hedwig and the Angry Inch" creator/star John Cameron Mitchell unleashes his promised mainstream porn film (mainstream in that he's going to try to get it released theatrically, porn in that it will feature hardcore sex and penetration). Will he be heralded as a visionary, taking chances and breaking barriers, or will he be edited out of the business?

Boob-Gate Fallout

As the fallout of Janet Jackson's Super Bowl half time breast baring begins to settle, let's assess the situation.

It is silly that a breast with a big ol' silver nipple ring covering up the areola is even thought to be shocking in this MTV era where boobs are used to sell everything from hip hop to shampoo to makeup? Yes, yes it is.

Is it just plain ridiculous that the Grammy Awards folks put so much negative pressure on Ms. Jackson over the event that she was forced to cancel out on her appearances as presenter? I guess her "sorry" wasn't good enough. Do you think they made Snoop say "sorry" for all the women he's pimped before he was allowed to present an award with Jason Alexander? Do you think they would not have not let 50 Cent accept an award (had he won one) because he used to peddle crack? Nope. Jackson is definitely getting the pointy end of the fairness stick here, even if her stunt was crude and displayed bad judgment.

But worse than all of the hypocrisy is the opportunism. The opportunism of the media in exploiting the image is expected and, quite frankly, predictable. We know they will sink to any low to get ratings. But it's the opportunism of one Tennessee bank worker Terri Carlin that truly takes the cake. This yahoo filed a class action lawsuit for a what could amount to billions in compensation for herself and the millions of viewers she feels were "injured" by Jackson's lewd behavior.

Carlin filed a proposed class-action lawsuit in federal court in Knoxville, Tenn., against Jackson, Justin Timberlake, broadcasters MTV and CBS and their parent company, Viacom, last week and is seeking financial rewards for her damages when she witnessed (on TV, mind you) Timberlake rip off part of Jackson's costume, exposing her breast. The suit fails to specify what injuries Carlin suffered, saying only that: "As a direct and proximate result of the broadcast of the acts, [Carlin] and millions of others saw the acts and were caused to suffer outrage, anger, embarrassment and serious injury."

This one takes the cake, folks. This is right up there with the Twinkie defense as the most ridiculous case in the history of mankind. So I can just sue the makers of crappy TV shows for offending me and millions others with good taste? Can I sue the makers of "America's Funniest Home Videos" for offending me by humiliating contestants for laughs? Can I sue "The Simple Life" because watching Paris Hilton makes me think of that pirated porn she starred in, which makes me have evil, sexual thoughts?

Though she withdrew the suit yesterday, opting instead to see if broadcasters and regulators can clean up television themselves (don't hold your breath, honey!), I think Ms. Carlin could stand to listen to the words of Mr. George Carlin, a freedom fighter of a different sort. He once told me, when discussing censorship in music, that "There are people who don't like that kind of language, and they should be told there's an on and an off switch, and you have another button there that changes the radio station, changes the TV station. Records are not being forced into your hands, you don't have to go buy them; leave them alone."

Yes, Ms Carlin. Leave us alone.

Janet Jackson Gets Nasty

Janet Jackson gets nasty at the Super Bowl ... let the spin mill churn.

For the last week, the organizers of the Super Bowl XXXVIII halftime show have been taunting us with the promise of a special surprise guest. Rumors had everyone from Van Halen and Sammy Hagar to Michael Jackson as a potential superstar guest spot. Who would have thought the surprise guest would be Janet Jackson's right breast? (NSFW)

Yes, last night, in front of the 72,000 fans packed into Reliant Stadium and at least 100 million TV viewers in the U.S.. Janet Jackson bared her jewelry-decorated boobie for all to see during a performance with Justin Timberlake. In fact, it was Timberlake who sang to Jackson, "I'll get you naked by the end of this song," and then ripped part of her top off, exposing the now-infamous areola.

Of course, it took only seconds for CBS' switchboards to be lit up with calls of outrage and protest, and only an hour for network suit and ties to release a statement claiming they had no prior knowledge of the incident.

By night's end, Timberlake released the following statement: "I am sorry if anyone was offended by the wardrobe malfunction during the halftime performance at the Super Bowl. It was not intentional and is regrettable."

Okay, regrettable, maybe so. But to call it a "wardrobe malfunction," is a getting a little carried away, isn't it? It's not like her top just popped open on its own. Even a casual replay of the incident (and incidently, TiVo says that it was replayed more than any other TiVo-ed event ever) shows he was tearing something off on purpose. Sure, it is certainly possible he got carried away with himself and ripped her top off by accident. Heck, many a celebrity has tried that excuse. But if that was the case, then why was she wearing a pasty on her breast? Aren't those worn very much on purpose to cover up nipples by strippers and models? This wasn't the kind of flesh-colored pasty that gals sometimes wear when they are wearing a sheer blouse or tight bra, either. No, this was gaudy, silver one, more like a nipple ring or shield -- the kind one wears when purposely trying to shock a nation and revive one's career.

MTV, which produced the event, issued a statement saying, "The tearing of Janet Jackson's costume was unrehearsed, unplanned, completely unintentional and was inconsistent with assurances we had about the content of the performance. MTV regrets this incident occurred and we apologize to anyone who was offended by it."

Well, geez, of course MTV wouldn't have anything to do with a strategically timed moment of televised outrage. I mean, we all know that Britney Spears-Madonna kiss was an accident, right? Didn't they release a statement a few months ago saying Britney slipped on a banana peel and fell on Madonna's tongue?

But the best backpedaling comes from CBS themselves:

"CBS deeply regrets the incident that occurred during the Super Bowl halftime show. We attended all rehearsals throughout the week and there was no indication that any such thing would happen. The moment did not conform to CBS broadcast standards and we would like to apologize to anyone who was offended."

Well, I for one am offended by the term "broadcast standards" when applied to CBS. Are you kidding? These are the people who broadcast Survivor, where contestants eat bugs and poop in the forest; Big Brother, where contestants have pulled knives on each other in real bouts of anger; and Judging Amy, which has flaunted male nudity in exchange for ratings. Nooooo, they would never think of breeching standards.

The Drudge Report (NSFW) says it learned from high-ranking CBS officials that the entire incident was carefully strategized way in advance and was indeed a very calculated move. According to their report, "Top CBS executives approved a musical skit where Janet Jackson would expose her breast during the MTV-produced Super Bowl half-time concert.... 'The decision to go forward went to the very top of the network,' [said] a well-placed source." Now, that sounds more like the CBS I know.

Federal Communications Commission chief Michael Powell vowed to uncover -- scratch that -- vowed to investigate and called it "a classless, crass and deplorable stunt."

Exactly. He may be the closest to saying what everyone believes: A publicity stunt is exactly what it was.

"I am outraged at what I saw during the halftime show of the Super Bowl," Powell continued. "Our nation's children, parents and citizens deserve better."

Powell told the commission to open an investigation that could result in a fine of up to $27,500 or upwards into the millions.

Er...oopps. I hope Jackson's new album sells better than her brother's last one or she may find herself in debt if fined such hefty penalties.

Ms. Jackson has apologized, and it remains to be seen if she just made the best decision in her career since deciding to go from that cute girl on Different Strokes to the vixen who sang "Nasty Boys" in 1986. Then, she shattered her image as a TV princess by flaunting her nasty attitude and presenting herself as a sexual being. Now, she has shattered her image of having a nasty attitude and being a sexual being, by being... well... simply nasty.

The Surreal Life of The Hedgehog

Porn vet Ron Jeremy has quietly made history in recent months. In addition to being the first porn star to be the subject of theatrically released mainstream documentary film ("Porn Star: The Legend of Ron Jeremy"), Jeremy is the first recognizable porn star to ever be cast as a regular in a network TV show. The star of this season's reality show "Surreal Life" has been cavorting on television screens across America alongside fellow cult celebs "Chips" star Erik Estrada, former televangelist Tammy Faye Messner, former "Baywatch" hottie Traci Bingham, rapper Vanilla Ice, and "Real World" alum Trishelle Canatella.

For The WB, it's a risky but so-far well-received stroke of casting brilliance. Who better to play opposite to convicted evangelist Jim Baker's former wife, Tammy Faye, than a portly, aging male porn star? For Jeremy, it is the chance of a lifetime. More so than any adult star besides maybe Jenna Jameson (and even she hasn't been in anywhere near as many mainstream films as Jeremy), Jeremy is universally accepted. He still has sex with women in front of the camera, but he has now officially moved into the pantheon of mainstream celebrity. He is now a TV star, a movie star and has even appeared on several music CDs. Not to bad for a guy nicknamed "The Hedgehog."

"It's an amazing opportunity," Jeremy told The Porning Report a few weeks ago at the Adult Entertainment Expo, while signing autographs for dozens of fans lined up in front of his booth. "Who would have thought a guy like me would get these kind of breaks?"

"No doubt there's a shock value to it," Jeremy mused to AdAge.com as to why he was cast. "What's the biggest contrast you can get to a Bible-carrying evangelist? A porn star."

Jeremy has said that he and Messner get along quite well, as is evident on the show. And the mutal admiration is not one-sided.

"He's so kind, he is talented, he is very, very intelligent, and he was a schoolteacher," gushed Messner on the show's Website. "All that does not equal porn star."

Er... apparently it does, ma'am.

The January 11 premier drew 5.3 million viewers, making it the highest-rated show ever in that time period in The WB's 10-year history. These are bigger numbers than every porn movie Jeremy has ever made put together. It's all good news for the unlikely torchbearer.

Playboy Gets 'Buckwild'; P. Diddy Reveals 'H.Y.P.E.'

Host Ken "Buckwild" Francis

Last Friday, Playboy TV launched a new hip-hop themed show called "Buckwild" that features interviews with popular hip-hop artists as they go to strip clubs, shop for lingerie, or participate in their favorite extreme sports, reported AllHipHop.com.

Hip-hop luminaries such as OutKast, Snoop Dog, Busta Rhymes, Lil' Jon and the Eastside Boys, the Ying Yang Twins, and Naughty by Nature will appear alongside Playmates and bunnies, uncensored music videos, and humorous sexual segments such as "Sex Tip of the Day," "That's Ass" and "Eye Candy."

Playboy Entertainment Group, Inc. president Jim English said in a statement that the union between Playboy and hip hop was a logical decision.

"Today's hip-hop culture is based on the same principals that Hugh Hefner originally introduced to this country 50 years ago," English said. "'Buckwild' is our first foray into a culture it only makes sense for us embrace."

This isn't the first hip-hop themed project that Playboy TV has announced in recent months. The network also revealed an upcoming partnership with Sean "P.Diddy" Combs dubbed "H.Y.P.E. TV." (Hot Young People's Entertainment Television) that will attempt rival music television networks to MTV, BET and Fuse. An "adult"-themed hip hop network called 1AM, which will be backed by Universal Music Group and Eminem's Slim Shady Records, was announced last week, too; it will feature "uncut videos, live concerts and complete song lyrics."

It's one thing when an MC lends his name to a porn movie ("Snoop Dogg's Doggystyle," "Ice T's Pimpin' 101," etc.) that can only be found behind the dirty brown curtain of the "no one under 18 allowed" adult section of a video store, but an entirely deeper, more steadfast commitment to pornography when you cavort with naked girls on a cable television show for "hot young people" and/or start your own uninhibited network.

If hip hop has taken over for rock as the music of the young people (hint: it has), and the biggest and most commercial names in hip hop are advocates of pornography (For example, did you see Big Boi from Outkast show off his strippers pole and strippers room on "MTV Cribs"? Here's a guy, married with kids, who clearly doesn't give a damn if the world knows he digs nekkid ladies!) then it's really going to get interesting when these youths start becoming the attorneys, police, politicians, entrepreneurs and performers that regulate and comprise the industry. In the mean time, let's just say it's nice to have so many channels to choose from.

Extremely High Definition Experiences

Sunset Thomas

A new phenomenon has emerged over the last half-decade or so: porn stars "guest starring" in legal Nevada brothels. The trend started back in 1999 (NSFW), when porn legend Sunset Thomas began a residency at the Moonlight Bunnyranch in Carson, Nevada, the only state where prostitution is legal. After Thomas made a ton of dough, other porn stars started clocking in time between the sheets at various whorehouses, using their adult film status to command top dollar. These days, everyone from Teri Wigel (also a Penthouse Pet and Playboy Playmate) to Nikki Lynn to Caressa Kisses to Rebecca Love can be found in places like the Bunnyranch and the Kit Kat Guest Ranch (where Thomas recently relocated), waiting for a fan with some dough to trek across the mighty desert for good time.

All of this is explored on HBO's series of "Cathouse" documentaries, the second of which is titled "Cathouse 2: Back In The Saddle." This latest HBO docu details the history of the 50-year-old Bunnyranch and its owner Dennis Hof, and raises many of the issues concerning legal prostitution. It also happens to be one hell of a sexy, sleazy affair and not to be missed.

Looking beyond the obvious argument as to whether brothels should be legal, lies this interesting twist in the fan-star relationship: How much is it worth to a fan to have sex with his or her favorite celebrity? Would they pay $1,000? $3,000? $5,000? And what about conventional stars? Singer Mya was recently caught on Punk'd believing that a fan had paid $50,000 for a date with her. Consider this "Indecent Proposal" -- sex with Demi Moore for $1,000,000?