The Knife

Yee-Haw: The Wally's Parking Lot Hoedown

It's July 18, which means it's barely two weeks before the fifth annual Central Coast Wine and Food Celebration benefitting the Michael Bonaccorsi Scholarship Fund at UC Davis, or, as I like to call it, the Wally's Parking Lot Hoedown.

August 3rd, noon-4pm. The food and wine, always great, are now Even Better! thanks to the addition of Jar and Margerum, the boutique winery of former Wine Cask owner Doug Margerum.

Tickets are $110 in advance and can be purchased here; last year's writeup is here.

Happy to say that I don't qualify

These PR emails seem to arrive on a regular basis -- the call for entries/plea for self immolation otherwise known as the cooking-based reality show. Qualifications for this one sound fairly horrific ("Has your husband/wife told you it was probably better if you ordered take out?" Um, really?), but if you want improved cooking skills with your 15 minutes o' fame, rock on:

Are you a hopeless cook? Or is someone you know totally incompetent in the kitchen? Food Network is looking for the most disastrous cooks in the country to participate in a very different culinary competition show! This is the opportunity of a lifetime—to work with the best chefs in the country and learn to cook like a professional.  Seeking outgoing people with a genuine inability to cook, but a need and desire to improve!

NOMINATE YOURSELF
• Do your kids beg to eat out, after you’ve worked hard to make a family meal? 
• Has your husband/wife told you it was probably better if you ordered take out?
• At the big potluck dinner, are you always asked to “just bring the napkins?”

NOMINATE SOMEONE YOU KNOW**
• Is someone you know constantly offering you food that you have to turn down?
• If you know a mom who can’t scramble an egg, a colleague who can’t convince anyone to try their culinary creations, or a friend who tries but can’t seem to get it together in the kitchen, this is your chance to get them the help you BOTH need!

**Nominators: you must attend the interview with the person you nominate

HERE’S HOW TO APPLY:
• Email us at hopelesshomecook@optomenusa.com
• Tell us why you (or the person you are nominating) is the most disastrous cook in the country
• Include name, age, hometown, occupation, contact phone number, and a recent photo of the hopeless cook

BlackBerry Haiku: The not-yet opening of Cafe Wa s

I went to Ivan Kane's Cafe Wa s this week for a pre-opening charity event, Nobody Wa s Thirsty, benefitting Charity: Water. From the  notes on my BlackBerry:

Cafe wa s (name comes from a broken neon sign that read always open)

Rotating piano middle of the floor

pianist opened for daughtry

lounge music for gen x beatles floyd radiohead once the irony has burned out

Smells like a new

new   york

apt

Quirky decor velvet fringe polished wood worn iron bannisters exposed brick naked bulb chandeliers

Not a lounge not a bar thank god

Opens july 30

Valet: 9 bucks wkdays 12 wknds!

Barstool gossip: Steven Arroyo opening Stork at Hollywood & Highland

Steven Arroyo is preparing to open a new spot, Stork, in Hollywood and Highland. So says the bartender at the new Cobras & Matadors at LaBrea and 6th, which, since Arroyo took the space, used to be Goat and was almost Wyeth after it was Happi Songs. No apparent risk of neighborhood C&M burnout; "We're as busy now on Tuesdays as we were on Saturdays when it was Goat."

Not sure what Stork is about, although said bartender said the space looked "amazing" (as he might) and his description made it sound huge-ish, although his sense could also stem from Arroyo's tradition of favoring spaces that can fit in your pocket. (Although I can't imagine anyone heading to H&H for intimate dining.) My friend remembered having dinner at the 3rd St. C&M and, after a lengthy session of job bitching, was startled when someone at the next table leaned over to say brightly, "Oh, you work at [employer]?"

Food at C&M, my first since the menu revamp: Out of the socca pancakes. Drunken goat cheese with brandied cherries came bubbling in a ramekin but was a little too unctuous for its own good, especially when it's accompanied by four small slices of Vons-ian, if toasted, baguette. (I know, "terrible food/yes, and such small portions." But they should have better bread.) We liked the sauteed wild mushrooms with sherry and almonds and the wine (Spanish, of course), although I'd like to know how much their small glass tumblers really hold. And even if it was less than 4 oz., I'd probably come back for the bistro-meets-shantytown decor, which suffered little in the translation from Goat to C&M#3.
 

Peter Bart on RockSugar Pan Asian Kitchen: "Tastes like bad Mexican food"

RockSugar rotgut?

I craved Chinese food when I got home last night, which is a problem because no one delivers Chinese food to Highland Park. It's not a fact I like to discuss, mainly because I'm afraid of what it could do to our property values. But truth will out and there I sat, getting hungrier, because my logic decreases in direct proportion to my blood sugar. I wanted Chinese food and I wanted it at home, even if I had to sulk all night to get it.

And then, a stroke of genius: I could get my late-working husband to bring me Chinese food. I texted my request at 9:48 pm. Practically 10 o'clock! Said husband is swell, but this was a Monday night; where could he find Chinese food at that obscene-in-LA hour?

Answer: Full House. It's located in Chinatown, which I realize is the moon for some people. However, this moon is open until 3am weekdays, 4am weekends. And it's not rotgut Chinese; it's Jonathan Gold Chinese, although his review of red-cooked trotters refers to the Arcadia branch. But whatever. I still can't get Chinese delivered, but I do have access to walnut shrimp and shrimp-fried tofu, for all intents and purposes, at any hour.

And now, for the dark side of Chinese food in LA, we turn west, toward the global dining conglomerate known as Cheesecake Factory Inc. (NASDAQ: CAKE)

"I went to RockSugar last night," said my boss, Peter Bart.

"Oh. And?"

"It tasted like bad Mexican food," he said. "It was disgusting. And expensive. And packed! On a Monday!"

"Well, so is Cheesecake Factory," I said. "They have lines out the door every night."

"Yes, but cheesecake is cheap. This isn't. I don't know how they think they're going to get away with it. I think word will get out."

"Can I quote you?"

"Of course."

And there you have it. I love an employer who makes my work easier.

Full House Seafood, 936 N. Hill St., Los Angeles. (213) 617-8382 
RockSugar Pan Asian Kitchen,  10250 Santa Monica Blvd., Century City. (310) 552-9988

Rookie chef Billy Walsh wipes out in traffic; restaurant vets rally in support

The dream of "opening a restaurant someday" has achieved jet-pack velocity thanks to Top Chef/Hell's Kitchen/Anthony Bourdain and similar. However, among the many elements that should be taken into consideration is that you may have to live for a time without medical insurance. This is a big problem when doctors remove a piece of your skull.

That's what happened to recent culinary school grad Billy Walsh, who got in a Vespa accident a couple of months ago. Brain swelling, a collapsed lung and the aforementioned bit o' skull followed. After three weeks, he woke up to find that his new job at Craft had been replaced by plans for future surgeries, months of physical recovery and the real possibility of a fiscal wipeout.

There's no connection between becoming a chef and suffering a major traffic accident (beyond, maybe, the adrenaline potential in their underlying activities). However, it's a fact that if you're paying for cooking-school loans while you're working two jobs (as Walsh was), paying health-insurance premiums is as impractical as buying a pair of Louis Vuitton sneakers.

So today, July 14, is Balshstille Day at the Foundry on Melrose. Anyone with $40 and sympathy for Balsh's plight is invited to eat, drink and otherwise contribute to the Billy Walsh Foundation, which will go toward defraying his medical expenses. As the Liquid Muse (aka Natalie Bovis-Nelsen, who tipped me to this event -- thanks!) said:

I encourage you to please go - especially if you work in this field.  Any one of us could wind up in the same situation in the blink of an eye.

The Foundry on Melrose, 7465 Melrose Ave. 7pm-11pm. $40 donation; CASH ONLY. Donations can also be made via PayPal through Matt Wise at wisemc@mac.com.

Finally, The Knife has something to say

Hi, all. I'm taking The Knife private, meaning the blog will continue but no longer as part of Variety.com*. Here's why.

* No need to reset your dials; the blog will stay on the same platform with the same URLs, only with some redirects. And I want to give the place a nice makeover, maybe a new layout...

The Knife began with a tagline: Because everyone eats lunch in this town again. And, like so much of the internet, it was just glib and snarky enough (glibarky? snib?) to hoist me by my own petard. It suggests a blog obsessed with where Hollywood eats, why they eat there, if they're no longer eating there, how they got the reservation, etc. However, I was a food person first and Hollywood's not a food person's town.

Before anyone gets stroppy with emails about the glory of our farmers' markets and how Michael Cimarusti just won Iron Chef, let me clarify: Los Angeles kicks culinary ass on many levels and gives me plenty to write about. Hollywood, on the other hand, invented multiple breakfast meetings in which each two-top face-off is a silent competition to see who can order the least. (Dry toast trumps fruit plate.) Many of the restaurants that make the industry run are for people to be seen eating expensive salad, or for not eating much at all.

As a film reporter, I spent a lot of time at Hugo's/Kate Mantalini/Beverly Wilshire/Orso/The Farm. On my own time/dime, those aren't necessarily the places I want to write about. And even when I do (I like Orso's pizza, not to mention their braised cabbage with Parmesan), I don't always want to write about them from an industry POV because, really, that means writing about a lot of grilled chicken palliards on a bed of arugula, vinaigrette on the side.

So why not write about the cabbage and Parmesan at www.variety.com/theknife? Because, as the editor of Variety.com, I can make a case for chicken-and-arugula sharing space with articles dedicated to SAG or Harvey Weinstein. When I try to do the same for the cabbage-and-Parmesan, my head explodes. The result is a blog that feels a little schizophrenic -- and a blogger who feels a lot guilty for not posting more often.

Here's to posting a lot more often. I appreciate everyone who reads The Knife and I look forward to giving you more reasons to do so.

How to cure a hangover

A few weeks ago, I received a hangover cure in the mail, Hangover Buster. Last night I set about acquiring the necessary state.

Actually, I don't think anyone gets a hangover on purpose -- or maybe they do and I don't hang out with the right masochists. I don't even drink too much on purpose, and certainly not on a Tuesday (!), but when I got into bed last night, I realized that's exactly what had happened.

So this is what happened:

7 pm: La Dolce Vita event to promote Starwood Hotels in Italy. (Duly noted: Starwood has a special deal for US travelers -- 20% off their lowest available rates.) This was at the Wattles Mansion, a stunning estate that hides at the corner of Hollywood Blvd. and Curson. It was the second home of an Omaha businessman with the unfortunate name of Gurdon Wattles, but you can have any name you like if you can afford to have a 49-acre estate built in 1907. Today it's HQ for the nonprofit Hollywood Heritage, which rents it out for events like this.

Also noted: Much of the Wattles acreage is now occupied by an enormous community garden. There were passionfruits growing on the chain-link fence that surrounds the property, which apparently is open to the public dawn to dusk and connects with Runyon Canyon hiking trails. (Can't wait to explore this further; if anyone is a garden member or has more information, please email me.)

So: Great setting, nicely appointed in all black-and-white -- although the '70s-mod chairs had an unfortunate tendency to tip over in slow motion, gently depositing guests on the lawn. Wines were pleasant but mass-production Pinot Grigio and Trentino; the buffet included gazpacho shots topped with mozzarella balls (delicious) and a risotto made with red wine, lobster and, uh, raspberries and blueberries. (While not dreadful, decidedly weird.)

8 pm: At the valet, check the NBA scores: It's halftime; we are being pummeled. Consider finding wine bar to wait out the game, the better to avoid the sound of husband inventing new curse words.

8:30 pm: Thought of drinking alone to avoid going home, no matter how sound the reason, is a little too "Mad Men." Walk in the door and am confronted with the sound of... someone playing the piano. The TV's not even on. And instead of NBA misery, Doug is with two friends, one of whom just played keyboards for Jewel on "The Tonight Show," drinking Coronas. And he proceeded to play and drink beer for another two hours. It was great fun, although I did not drink beer; I drank wine.

10 am: I am late to work. Having guzzled water and lemon juice, I feel OK; almost hoping I don't feel too good because I want to try my Hangover Buster.

10:30 am: Arrive at the office; I still qualify.

10:45 am: Open the Hangover Buster press release. Read the following:

For optimal results, take two tablets as directed before bedtime.

10:46 am: Sulk.

11:30 am: Give up and resolve hangover same way as everyone else: Coffee and a Hot Pocket heated inside a microwave sleeve. Feel better almost immediately.

The most exciting new restaurant in LA? or, A Day in the Life

Saturday was my own personal bacchanalia, with visits to LA Mill, SugarFish, Gourmet on Fire and Animal. Some panned out, one was panned and one was the pan o' gold.

I tried to embed this video, but when I did the YouTube annotations wouldn't show. Grr. Click here and you'll see the day's food adventures in all of their pop-up glory.

NOON LA Mill. First time since the opening-night event.

DISAPPOINTMENTS: A dearth of Bunsen burners meant I couldn't order the super-duper Bill Nye the Science Guy coffee; made do wth a cup of Clover-brewed. Baked eggs were a little firm for my taste.

PLEASURES: The eggs' toppings (wild mushoom/lardon, Dungeness crab) were delicious; next time, soft scrambles. And polenta is for breakfast with butternut squash, candied pecans and a dollop of mascarpone. Also noted on the way out: Salmon tartare that looked good enough to make us want to turn around and start over.

6 p.m. SugarFish. The new "casual concept" from Sushi Nozawa.

DISAPPOINTMENTS: None, really, once you get past the fact that this isn't (and can't be) a perfect replication of the original. It's the Nozawa omakase translated for semi-mass production. The tuna sashimi is a tad less buttery; the crab hand roll is now sushi.

PLEASURES: Well, it's Nozawa, innit? Love the spiffy interior (although Mrs. Nozawa said, "Oh, nooo!" when I asked if the dowdy Ventura Blvd. original would undergo a similar makeover. "Nozawa is old-style," she said. "Very Japanese.") Prices are very reasonable (you're required to order one of three "Trust Me" menus, priced between $21-$36). Noted: Tax and tip are included in the listed prices; additional tipping is forbidden. They're currently looking for a second Sugarfish location in Manhattan Beach.

Your Gourmet is on fire!

I've decided that food festivals are the 21st century's bacchanalia, especially since they were originally attended solely by women. Heh.

The Bacchanal, by Peter Paul Rubens

No, really. According to our pals at Wikipedia:

The bacchanalia were wild and mystic festivals of the Roman and Greek god Bacchus. Introduced into Rome from lower Italy by way of Etruria (c. 200 BC), the bacchanalia were originally held in secret and only attended by women. The festivals occurred on three days of the year in the grove of Simila near the Aventine Hill, on March 16 and March 17. Later, admission to the rites was extended to men and celebrations took place five times a month.

The five-times-a-month bit seals the deal, as Los Angeles seems to host food festivals the way dentist offices host Brangelina cover stories. And this weekend's outing is a humdinger, the second third annual Gourmet on Fire at the Loews Santa Monica Beach Hotel. (Second for Loews; the first one was across the street, at the Viceroy. Thanks, LB!)

The list of chefs and restaurants is small but snazzy: Akasha Richmond (Akasha), Govind Armstrong (Table 8), Gregory Foos (Ocean & Vine), Joe Miller (Joe’s Restaurant), Katsuya Uechi (Katsuya), Neal Fraser (Grace and BLD) and Zoe Nathan (Rustic Canyon).

Last year was the first for sponsor Gourmet magazine and there were a few glitches. They've moved the event up by one week and down by three hours; what was once a sweltering summer afternoon now promises to be a cool, sunset-watching evening.

Of course, no food festival can exist without sponsorship, but Gourmet still seems to be getting the hang of it. Last year's lineup included Kikkoman soy sauce and McCormick spices (with aggressive product placement); this year, they've been replaced by Spice Islands and Pam. If anyone comes up with a way for, say, Windrose Farm to bring corporate backing to the table, I'd be happy to play matchmaker.

Tickets are $100, available at the Gourmet website or at (877) 490-3337. A portion of proceeds benefit the Southland Farmer’s Markets Association.