Puck Feeds Oscars; Troops Grateful

The Governor's Ball: You Are Here.

I don't like food as much as the next person; I love it, often to distraction. And even so, food love is getting a little weird.

Exhibit A: The Governor's Ball Preview.

The invite requested the press' attendance to witness "a preview of the food and decor... If you plan to bring a microwave truck or van, please contact XXX."

Oscar hors d'oevures: Breaking news.

Lenses were trained on the sushi display and the Champagne magnums. If you tried to put a notebook on a table (decorated just like the ones for Oscar night!) a publicist barked, "Don't step on the carpet!" (Overheard: "Then who should be stepping on it? Isn't this a press event?")

Don't even think about it.

I didn't see anyone do live stand-ups, but it may have been because I wasn't looking closely enough. The ballroom was an obstacle course of reporters, microphones and cameras, one that surrounded a central altar in the form of a flower-and-greenery covered gazebo.

The big news: This year, Brad Grey can't be a table-hopping boor because the ball has no tables for 10 or assigned seating; it's "an elegant supper party." (Translation: It's a lot like going to a premiere.)

Presiding over all of this, of course, is the good Rev. Wolfgang Puck.

God bless Puck. Not because of Spago and Granita and all the rest, or because he has a canned soup empire or even because he's stopped decorating his restaurants with bits of broken dishes. I love Wolfgang Puck because he knows how to feed the troops.

It's always a relief to attend premieres at Hollywood & Highland (he holds the contract) because no matter how bad the movie may be, you'll be well fed. His food isn't fancy or innovative; it's even predictable. But when Hollywood is often its own series of unpleasant surprises, who cares?

The chopped salad is always flawless (you think it's easy to brunoise a carrot?); the Caesar is inevitably a credit to its kind. Tiny Kobe meatball burgers are juicy. And the tuna tartare in little sesame cones have been copied by everyone but McDonald's, but Puck did it first and his are still the best.

And that's what everyone's going to be eating Oscar night. Instead of Haute Puck -- last year, his menu included Celery Root Soup with Fuji Apples and 24k Gold -- the stars will eat Hometown Puck, the same food they've already had at hundreds of movie premieres. And they'll probably be happier for it.