Attention Lousy Tippers: Making Bad Movies Is No Excuse

Over the last four months, The Knife has worked hard to sift through the latest in big-, bigger- and biggest-ticket restaurants, seeking only those that are worthy of your attentions.

Now, it's time for a moment of reckoning.

From (of all places) Fox News:

"The tangle of fame and fortune can also result in terrible tippers," said Eliza Pharrell, an assistant manager at a high-profile New York restaurant. "For instance, Kirsten Dunst came through and ran up a $233 bill and left without even the smallest gratuity." But the "Spider-Man" star isn’t the only one weaving a web of whining waiters. According to the Web site bitterwaitress.com, where workers spill on the stars who do the Scrooge, Bill Cosby spared only $3 from a $375 meal, Ricki Lake parted with only $8 from $142.50 check (even after having been granted free dessert) and Sean Penn didn't top his $450 wine and dine in New Orleans with a single penny."

Let's leave aside that I am deeply suspicious of this "Eliza Pharrell," who assistant manages "a high-profile New York restaurant." (Someone says things like "The tangle of fame and fortune can also result in terrible tippers"?) But buying a $450 dinner and not leaving a tip is Penn trying to spread the pain of making "All The King's Men." And $3 on a $375 tab is sheer cojones. Did Cosby mean to write "$30" before the pen ran out of ink? (Bitterwaitress.com has a whole database of these mingy misers, but it's down as the site undergoes a revamp. The Knife eagerly anticipates its return.)

Anyway, if you know of someone who deserves to join this ignoble lineup, tell me. Or if you were a server in a former life and you bear the scars of a celebrity diss. Or if you feel the need to confess. The Knife is of a generous heart and can see the way to grant papal dispensation. Probably.