The Knife

You eat who you vote

You might have heard that marketing mavens (read: lunatics) have decided your dining habits have much to say about whether President Bush was a bad idea or a really, really bad idea. However, that New York Times piece did prattle on for a bit, making it hard to keep track. Was it Chips Ahoy for McCain, Fig Newtons for Obama? Does eating at Chick-Fil-A mean you harbor a desire to hug Karl Rove? Never fear; now you, too, may know the culinary secrets of your own heart.

Democrats	Republicans
Cane River country shrimp with garlic, bacon and mushrooms	Trout meuniere
Pepsi	Dr Pepper
Sprite	Bourbon
Gin	Scotch
Vodka	Red wine
Evian	Fiji
Popeye's Fried Chicken	Chick-Fil-A
Earthy, down-home food with lots of juice for sopping	Formal food with structure

Obama	Clinton
Vegan Luna Bar	Luna Bar
Grass-fed beef	Boca Burger
Izze sparkling juice	Odawalla Super Protein
White wine	Lattes
Bear Naked granola	Kashi Go Lean
The Cheesecake Factory	Red Lobster
Ben and Jerry's "Yes Pecan!" ice cream	Fruit-filled cookies
Kettle Chips	Newman's Own Pretzels
Panera	McDonald's

Empirical proof that Tom Colicchio needs to spend more time talking to the chefs in his kitchens and less time talking to the press

“You read Rolling Stone and you don’t see rock stars curse like this,” said the chef Tom Colicchio, the lead judge of “Top Chef.” “And it’s recent, too. It’s something you’ve seen just in the past year.” Mr. Colicchio blames a loosening of standards in the whole of American culture.

-- "Too Much Heat in the Kitchen?" by Pete Wells, April 16 New York Times

Food & Wine gives LA a consolation prize

F&W dissed Los Angeles once again with their Best New Chefs 2008 list (we ain't got any!), but the May 2008 issue does include a consolation prize in the form of the "Food & Wine Go List." Those that made the cut: Bastide, Catch, Comme Ca, Fraiche, The Hungry Cat, Osteria Mozza, Paperfish, R-23 and V-Vinbar at Valentino's as well as Campanile, La Terza and Urasawa.

If more than half your menu is in quotes, you are running a metaphor, not a restaurant.

Please click on the image (or on the Achewood site) for high-resolution enjoyment. Your life will be better for it.

Our Bad: Funny Comic Leads to Betrayal, Auction [Gawker]

FOOD SECTIONAL: In which the New York Times gets it right, and wrong

There's a great audio slide show dedicated to tiki cocktails here.

Again with the cocktails! Only this time, the focus is kind of genius: It's the story of Jeff Berry, a California native (! dammit!) who is utterly geeked out (and apparently, utterly serious) about "elevating the lowly reputation of umbrella drinks to their rightful standing" and is the author of “Sippin' Safari: In Search of the Great "Lost" Tropical Drink Recipes... and the People Behind Them” (from a division of the tiny Slave Labor Graphics Publishing). 

Writer Steven Kurutz calls Berry a "cocktail shamus" and he might deserve the distinction: Did you know that the original tiki master was Ernest Raymond Beaumont-Gantt, who renamed himself Donn Beach and, in 1934, opened Don the Beachcomber’s in Hollywood? And was such an obsessive that he wouldn't write down drink recipes, but wrote down the formulas in code? Great stuff, and with an audio slide show to boot.

However, as if to prove that the NYT is also capable of pulling a boner: According to Florence Fabricant, Citrus at Social will open in May. Not so, according to the Social Hollywood rep: They're still aiming for January 15 or thereabouts, the better to coincide with the Oscar season. 

FOOD SECTIONAL: Now pre-cut for your enjoyment

As always, The Knife gives the LA Times' Food section home team advantage.

Oh, dear. Again with the story that's about-New-York -no-it's-LA-OK-it's New York. Interesting topic: Cocktail culture has taken hold to the point that bars are demanding behaviors as sophisticated as the drinks. Betty Hallock cites two examples in LA and more in New York (to the point that I wondered if Death & Co. had opened in LA and why I hadn't heard of it -- sounds like a great place). And her only LA examples were the Doheny (the downtown private club not yet open) and the new Father's Office, owned by Sang "'I'm an asshole; you got a problem with that?" Yoon.

But really, the problem here isn't the NY/LA thing -- it's a small item writ large, when it probably would have made a great Restaurant Journal. Nice recipes, though; too bad the slide show didn't work.

Irene S. Virbilia writes what sounds like a well-deserved takedown of Hidden, a new restaurant I've been avoiding: Why would four cuisines in one space work when most restaurants can barely handle one? Or, as she concludes:

It may be all right for a drink, but the confusing concept, lame cooking and general ineptness make Hidden a no-go zone for anybody who cares about food.

What she said.

By contrast, nice to see a rave for a little place on Robertson, Cafe Bella Roma, which could be the new Osteria La Buca (now that OLB has expanded and has a liquor license to call its own).

Cooking videogames and other reasons not to play with your food

If chefs have stalkers, of course they have videogames!

Next summer will see the launch of the "Hell's Kitchen" videogame, just in time for the show's fourth season. The press release talks about engaging fans across multiple platforms (yawn), but I'd like to see the version in which achieving new levels means getting to hear Ramsay's increasingly florid profanities, including some he's invented exclusively for the product.

Newsletter subscribers: click here for the "Cooking Mama" trailer.

"Hell's Kitchen" isn't the first unholy alliance of whisks and joysticks. There's Nintendo's "Cooking Mama Cook Off" and the just-released "Cooking Mama 2: Dinner With Friends." ("Everyone's favorite Mama returns for a second helping, but this time her finicky friends will taste and judge your kitchen creations!"). These share the same producer as "Cake Mania" ("Help Jill upgrade her kitchen with state-of-the-art baking tools while serving her increasingly difficult customers so she can ultimately earn enough money to re-open her grandparents’ shop!"). Similarly disturbing (although with better graphics) is "Chocolatier 2", which starts you off with 50 sacks of cocoa beans.

My question: Sweet Jesus, who is going to play this stuff?

Expensive restaurants? Oh, I thought you meant expensive.

I take it all back, Michelin: Los Angeles doesn't know from expensive.

At Forbes, Pascale Le Draoulec (she of the LA Times' "it's-so-hard-to-get-good-help" article a couple of weeks ago) writes about the world's priciest restaurants, of which LA has a whopping none.

Spending $150 on a meal might seem steep for some.

At Masa, the sushi temple in Manhattan's Time Warner Center, it's merely the cost of canceling your dinner reservation last-minute.

Should you dine, plan to shell out a minimum of $500.

Costly, for sure. But the $400 prix-fixe dinner at Masa is comprised of about 25 courses. That doesn't include tax or the automatic 20% gratuity--kaching! Nor does it cover a beverage. The least expensive sake on the menu is the Otokoyama Momenya. An eight-ounce pour costs $24.

There's also a slide show that features the usual suspects (French Laundry, Joel Robuchon, Alinea, El Bulli) as well as a "modest little steakhouse" in Tokyo, Aragawa, that runs $550 per person. Baffling: The photos include a Montreal place, Toque! There, a seven-course menu is a mere $92, a barrier LA (and a lot of other cities) could crack without breaking a sweat.

World's Priciest Restaurants [Forbes.com]

FOOD SECTIONAL: Fasting before Thanksgiving

Highway robbery, in progress. Credit: Evan Sung/NYT

There's not much to chew on in Food Sectional when everyone's obsessed with Thanksgiving. And while I'm not in the business of comparing recipes, as a former food editor I have a special reserve of sympathy for those forced to come up with new stories on turkeys, side dishes and traditions every damn year.

So here's what we've got: LA Times' Irene S. Virbilia gives two stars to Melrose Bar & Grill (aka Doug Arango's); Frank Bruni doles out a Poor (!) rating to the once-venerable Harry Cipriani:

Over the years the Cipriani restaurant family and its employees have faced charges of sexual harassment, insurance fraud and tax evasion, the last leading to guilty pleas by two family members in July.

But the crime that comes to mind first when I think of the Ciprianis is highway robbery. Based on my recent experience, that’s what happens almost any time Harry Cipriani on Fifth Avenue serves lunch or dinner.

Ka-POW!

At San Francisco Chronicle, Michael Bauer says quality has taken a dive at the once-fab Kuleto's and Tara Duggan writes about the crisis facing San Francisco restaurants: Between the cost of living and waiters making a city-mandated $9.14 an hour, no one can afford to work in the kitchen.

>> For all my kvetching about the LA Times (and there's probably more to come: It's Food Sectional day!), I am flat-out jealous of this inspired photo gallery that discusses and ranks the celebrity food donations for the strike thus far. What do churros say about CAA? "You business is our concern. Your weight is not." And the granola bars and Capri Sun from APA? "Things are slower in the literary department than usual and that they think of writers as fourth graders."

Celebrity food on the picket line [LAT]