If Fox ever gets the idea of airing "Celebrity Name That Tune," put all of your money on whoever is up against Simon Cowell. As accurate as many of his assessments have been over the years, his taste - as determined by what he pegs as good or even great songs - has always been dubious.
He's keen on frothy, disco-inspired pop and overwrought, melodramatic ballads and understands rock music music only in the context of current commercial appeal. Sound like Pearl Jam, it's dated; imitate Maroon 5, you're contemporary.
Never in the six previous seasons, however, has Cowell fessed up to his musical ignorance in the manner he did Wednesday when the dozen female semi-finalists  paraded their talents for the first time. He had never heard "More Today Than Yesterday," the single, catchy hit from Spiral Staircase, and doubly discounted the tune  after he was told who had a hit with it. Apparently, Cowell is also unfamiliar with the fact that the decade was littered with one-hit wonders.
Amy Davis' dull reading of "Where the Boys Are" was criticized for lacking the Patsy Cline touch. Would Connie Francis, who had the hit, take exception to to that comment?
The true mystery, though, came after Amanda Overmyer - the Rocker Nurse, for those of you who prefer nicknames - did a hybrid of the Amboy Dukes' and Them's  version of Big Joe Williams' blues classic "Baby, Please Don't Go," a song recorded by at least 40 rock and blues acts. (Just a quick gander at my iTunes library revealed  more than a dozen versions, from Aerosmith to Bob Dylan to Mose Allison). He seemed equally confused by the concept of scat singing.
Add to that, not one mention was made of the incomparable Dusty Springfield when the tiny tiger Ramiele Malubay delightfully rendered "You Don't Have to Say You Love Me." She held her own up against the Springfield version, but the judges accepted it on its own terms without the smudged rear-view mirror they use for viewing so many of the other perfs. Could it be he is also unfamiliar with the oeuvre of his homeland's greatest  female singer? Say it isn't so.
Cowell, Randy Jackson and Paula Abdul did agree on one thing: The girls were not having enough fun onstage.
OK, so why harp on Cowell so much and not dissect the girls' performance? Simple answer: A lack of stand-out, better-than-the-rest performances. (The one thing that did stand out actually was how attractive this class is with the exception of the professionally groomed Carly Smithson).