March
28
Transformers Wrap Poem
This poem--by anonymous-- is making the Hollywood e-mail rounds today. It is assumed by many to be written by one of Transformer's many producers, Angry Films' Don Murphy (who has called rival Transformer producer Lorenzo Di Bonaventura Skorponok on his blog, and has squabbled with DreamWorks production head Adam Goodman throughout production). But Murphy denies authorship. Here's the original link dated September 29 from Transformers Live. "It isn't by me," says Murphy, who got his first email of the poem at 4 AM this morning from AICN's Drew McWeeny, followed by 15 more. "It's a disgruntled fan. It was never on my website. It has nothing to do with me. I like the movie! I think it's going to be a big hit." While Murphy wishes this little ditty would just go away, it's going to be tough to put this cat back in the bag. UPDATE: Another Transformers producer insists: "Things are going great on the movie. My guess is it is an internet fan who was pissed at some creative decision. But I really could not be happier with the movie...promise."
The film is a wrap? Wow how about that! It’s still loads of crap. And the Stooges swallow this pap?Murphy and Desanto lead the cheerleader charge
While Skorponok takes credit by and large.
The fact is today
There is nothing okay
The content of the film’s not fit for a barge.Let your sugary friend answer the clamor
All you sweet kiddles want in on the drama?
The trouble beginning to end
Is named A-D-A-M GoodmanNew studio head Snider
Decided him to fire
But then in a Hail Mary pass
Goodman kissed the right piece of ass“Do not fire me, no do not please”
The chubby young Goodman said on his knees
I can do something you don’t want to do
I can control Michael Bay just for you.New studio head Snider
Knew he’s a liar
But decided to stay out of the mess
“Sure Mr. Chubwon, you control Bay-san
And keep this boy’s movie shit off my dress”Then dumb Mr. Goodman
As only a dunce can
Proceeded to hide in the sand
For the first time in history
It was a complete mystery
How one director had ALL of the power!!!!!!The film is what it is and that’s all that it is
Most trufans will want to take a long whiz
And though valiant and Brave Tom Ian and Don slaved
Fact is Goodman gave the keys to the Kingdom to Bayed.If you hate the dumb story
And realize the characters are a worry
And wonder how Bay could screwup so bad
Remember the missive that Sugarboy brought you
It wasn’t just Michael but Goodman too!
Here's the trailer:
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Let's be honest: The Transformers(tm) are dolls.
There's been plenty of movies about dolls -- sorry, "action figures" -- and the Transformers movie is about catering to grown men who want to play with dolls.
Throw in expensive CGI, explosions that contribute to the greenhouse effect, whatever... it's still about adult men who want to feel secure about PLAYING. WITH. DOLLS.
"Look, honey, that movie cost as much as Europe's gross national product! That means it's all right for me to PLAY WITH DOLLS and still feel like a man! A manly man! Brrrm! Whoosh!! Boom! Arrrgh! Take that, Decepticons!"
(Hey, whatever floats your boat.)
Posted by: A.R.Yngve | March 29, 2007 at 05:50 AM
I know that Yngve was attempting to blister my skin with his scathing remarks, but if he ever wants to come over to my house to play Transformers: Armada http://www.boardgamegeek.com/game/6841 he's still welcome to visit. If not, he could always hang out with the good Dr. Wertham. He can even go out and find some Frankfurt School scholars who will join him in mocking the vulgar bourgeois toy playing adults.
Me? I won't care. I'll be too busy playing my Xbox 360 (Marvel: Ultimate Alliance, naturally), reading my comic books, playing D&D (if only I could get Steve Colbert to join my group), and...yes, playing with dolls. I don't only play with "action figures" though, there are miniatures and legos/playmobil people to be considered as well. We don't want them to feel left out.
"Oh no, Megatron is attacking my Playmobil castle! Good thing I have my Battletech units, and legions of D&D miniatures, to battle the Decepticon hordes."
Just so you know, even though I typically use dice to determine outcomes of success or failure, it is the onomatopoeia that really brings the pleasure.
Brrrrm! Whooosh!
I don't need something to "tell" me it's okay to play with dolls, but I do like to go and watch movies just for the fun of it sometimes. Not every film ought to be Jules et Jim. Some should be, to be certain the artistic in film is important, but sometimes I need an old Harryhausen style (even if it is CGI) romp through the imagination.
Posted by: Christian Johnson | March 29, 2007 at 10:16 AM
Barrel, meet fish. Fish, meet shotgun.
Posted by: A.R.Yngve | March 29, 2007 at 11:29 AM
You need a SHOTGUN to shoot fish in a barrel?!
Wow. Remind me never to go hunting with you.
Posted by: Christian Johnson | March 29, 2007 at 03:09 PM
"You need a SHOTGUN to shoot fish in a barrel?!"
Yep. I miss the mark worse than Michael Bay missed the mark with PEARL HARBOR.
Posted by: A.R.Yngve | March 29, 2007 at 04:17 PM
Michael Bay is a big, loud, dumb jock of a moviemaker, like the thugs who gave guys like Christian (and me) wedgies in junior high. I'd rather let somebody work on my skull with a jackhammer.
Posted by: David C. | March 30, 2007 at 03:50 PM