(At right: Jennifer and the Official Unfortunate Jacket of the 2007 Academy Awards)
10:25 So that's all, folks. It's been a long night and I hope everyone enjoyed themselves. Me? I'm already thinking about next year: How can I get the Academy to issue jumpsuits to the press? Make them prison orange, I don't care. But this business of wearing chiffon and schlepping a laptop has gotta stop.
10:19 So I finally asked a question of Graham King, the producer of best picture winner "The Departed:" What did he think about the Brad Grey controversy, the fact that the Paramount Pictures head was denied a producing credit? "I think he deserved the credit on the picture, but I don't make the rules." No, he doesn't, but as the sole credited producer, he did give the speech at the Kodak -- and Brad Grey wasn't in it.
10:09 Scott Rosenberg is a menace to society. His fawning, self-referential questions cause the NYT's David Halbfinger's head to pitch forward, nearly deleting his story.
10:04 Lotsa applause for Marty. Are his glasses getting bigger? And does he dye his eyebrows? After eight hours in this room those are my burning questions, but I don't think they would be appreciated.
9:55 Yeah, that Helen Mirren's a hottie. And she's drinking a Rose's Lime vodka gimlet. I am jealous.
9:46 Hours later, his Oscar win growing cold, we get Alan Arkin. He's talking about the futility of declaring better/best films. "I don't keep score." Yes, especially when "The Departed" won. But at least he's honest: "Everyone thinks I'm gonna keel over." For those keeping track: Arkin had to wait a long, long time between good movies. "Slums of Beverly Hills" was in 1998.
9:41 Forest came back! And for questions like, "What's it been like, the journey, your acting?" But what the hell, he just won an Oscar, so he'll play along.
9:29 We're in the home stretch now: The show's over, but we're still waiting for the good ones back here. Forest Whitaker's talking about finding the humanity in Idi Amin. But could we ask for a ban on the press prefacing their questions with "Congratulations?" After four hours, it starts to sound like "Gesundheit."
9:18 Hudson's still up there, but at least she's not talking about herself in the third person. She was struggling with that at some of the pre-Oscar parties.
9:13 Best picture at last. It's "The Departed." Damn. Never thought in a million years. Graham King's up there at the mike, by himself. And yep, he's got a little list.
9:11 It's Jennifer Hudson, in yet another dress, this one without the OUJ. And this brings on the onslaught of goofball questions. How will you stay the same sweet girl? What will you do to celebrate?
9:07 A Three Amigos joke, ho ho ho, it's Lucas/Coppola/Spielberg. Lucas calls Stephen Frears "Fears." Scorsese, please? This is his only shot... YES! Sorry, forgot myself. Press room goes nuts. Scorsese corrects the Academy with the source of "Infernal Affairs" -- it's Hong Kong.
9:02 Waiting for Forest.; Waiiting, waiting... and yep, there it is. And he's got a little list, he's got a little list! And for once, it's for a good cause, although the NYT's David Carr is not amused.
9:01 I don't know how Reese Witherspoon takes her chin through airport security.
8:57 Melissa Etheridege: "The Oscars are kind of like a gay holiday." and "This is the only naked man that will ever be in my bedroom."
8:56 Gun tumblers! This is messing with my head.
8:55 Best Comment Award goes to Pam Teagarden, who asked: "Where was Anna Nicole in the memorium? Didn't she star in a movie about blonde aliens?" Indeed she did: Look for "Illegal Aliens" coming to a DVD box near you. However, more noteworthy is "Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult." I might recommend the organization of a formal protest if it weren't for the fact that she died two weeks ago -- I think the Oscars include only those who died in the prior calendar year. However, if she's not up there nexy year, you'll see me at the barricades.
8:52 Hey, it's Phillip Seymour Hoffman! Looking like he combed his hair with a mackerel! But's that's OK, because it's time for the Helen Mirren Wins An Oscar category, which means our long national nightmare is almost over.
8:49 Michael Arndt plays the modesty card: "It hasn't really been that successful," he says of "Little Miss Sunshine." "It's only made $60 million."
8:45 Yep, time for the official Oscar Deathmarch. I always like this bit -- there's always someone I've forgotten. This time, it's Maureen Stapleton and Jack Palance.
8:42 Best film editing goes to Thelma Schoonmaker for "The Departed." I fear it's another psychological sop for Scorsese -- best pic's gonna go to "Sunshine."
8:35 Will Smith is up - what's he introducing? Morricone's still talking. It's something political aand well meaning, only now there's clips from Superman and Talledega Nights. Truly baffling. Turns out to be Michael Mann's view of America.
8:30 Biggest press room applause of the night goes to Morricone.
8:28 And does all that hard work pay off? Nope - it's Melissa Etheridge, who found a way to rhyme "Inconvenient Truth." Al Gore and Davis Guggenheim watch her acceptance from backstage, their arms around each others's shoulders. Jennifer and Beyonce call off their BFF truce.
8:27 Damn, the "Dreamgirls" songfest is still going. Cate Blanchett's beginning to look a bit twitchy.
8:24 Gore fires off a contender for the night's best quote: "William Hung was a rock star; I just have a slide show."
8:21 Our girl is singing and then Beyonce rises from the floor. There's no hard feelings, especially since she gets to take the lead on the second song.
8:12 OK, original screenplay. "Little Miss Sunshine," right? "Pan's" doesn't have a chance, which is too bad; Tobey Maguire did a great job with the script reading. Yep, it's "Sunshine," but I don't care because Team "Inconvenient" is back here. And there's six of them, including someone I know, Scott Burns. In fact, he's holding the Oscar while Al's talking. That's a little weird. Al's still not wooden, either, although people keep calling him "Mr. President." He's talking about how the Academy's gone green and how the industry's stepping up... and how no, he's not gonna run. He's all climate, all the time.
8:08 "Babel" gets some love in the form of best score. It's the only category that the Three Amigos (directors of "Pan's," "Babel," "Children of Men") faced any head-to-head competition.
8:06 I go in search of water and discover that the hotel has run out. And I've cut my finger on the brad that holds the program together, leaving my keys a little sticky with blood. How much longer is the show going on?
7:55 Back on the broadcast, Ennio Morricone is receiving an honorary award; Celine Dion is singing. I am very grateful that the sound is down.
7:53 Whooping and hollering for "The Lives of Others" director and the first question is in... German! One more reason to be grateful that I'm not responsible for backstage notes. All I understood was "Vanity Fair party."
7:47 OK, time to give it up to Al Gore, let the "Inconvenient" lovefest begin... the best documentary feature goes to -- yep. "We were inspired by this man," says Davis Guggenheim, who's up there with Al Gore, Laurie David, Lawrence Bender and I think someone else. Hey! They get five people up there and the best picture only gets three? I'd like to see the Academy body-block Oscar-accepting wannabes... get the Tito Ortiz crowd to tune in.
7:43 To the surprise of no one, documentary short winners are seated in the very back of the theater.
7:39 Sherry Lansing comes backstagreallye in a cool dress, sort of like Cruella De Vil hosts a garden party. She says she had no idea who was going to give her the award, but that it explains why Tom Cruise was giving her the cold shoulder at the Oscar parties. Her prediction: Cruise will win an Oscar for producing and/or directing in the next five years.
7:34 OK, another good award, for supporting actress. Jennifer Hudson, right? Hey, our mascot got it! She's walking away with an Oscar in one hand and George Clooney in the other. Simon Cowell can rot in hell.
7:32 Yay, tumblers! I think it's "An Inconvenient Truth"... no, it's "Snakes on A Plane." It's a little like cloudwatching.
7:29 Clive Owen and Cate Blanchett prepare to give the best foreign language film: "Pan's Labyrinth" for four? If it weren't for "Pan's," I'd say "The Lives of Others." Yep, got one: It's "The Lives of Others." Chalk one up for Michael and Tom at Sony Pictures Classics. Meanwhile, the "Pan's Labyrinth" cinematographer comes back to gamely take more questions in Spanish.
7:25 Milena Canonero, the winner for best costume design, is backstage; this time, questions come in Italian. I've never heard so many foreign languages at the Oscars. And no sooner did I type that than she said, "The Oscars are American and America speaks English. I'd like to speak to the audience in English." The press obliges.
7:20 Robert Downey, Jr. makes a self-deprecating drug abuse joke in the name of the best visual effects award, which goes to "Pirates of the Carribbean." The more interesting question remains unanswered: did anyone vote for "Poseidon?"
7:16 "Little Miss Sunshine" tumblers!
7:14 "Pan's Labyrinth" goes three for three with best cinematography. New Line has what's probably it's worst year ever until the two days of December, when Picturehouse releases this weird little Spanish-language anti-Fascist fantasy that becomes the best-reviewed/most-awarded film of the year. Go Bob Berney.
7:12 A vague William Monahan backstage takes questions. As he said in his acceptance speech, Valium works.
7:05 Tom Cruise on stage, without Suri and with the bangs out of his face. He's giving the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian award to Sherry Lansing which, as Nikki Finke pointed out, is something of an inside joke since both Cruise and Lansing were kicked out of heaven/Paramount by Jehovah/Sumner Redstone. They walk off stage together, no doubt to plot their revenge.
7:02 Anne Hathaway and Emily Blunt give the costume Oscar to "Marie Antoinette." I've never heard two presenters giggle so much.
7:00 pm Meryl Streep gets a bigger laugh giving a steely glare behind sunglasses than Ellen De Generes does wearing an ill-concieved Oscar-Bjorn.
6:53 William Monahan wins for best adapted screenplay with "The Departed;" the Academy embarasses itself by calling "Infernal Affairs," the original film, Japanese.
6:45 Fracas in the press room!
The "Iwo Jima" "Dreamgirls" mixers were hating on "Apocalypto" sound mixer Kevin O'Connell who is, according to the winning mixers, little more than a whiny bee-otch.
"Maybe he should just go away after 19 wins and let it stand as a record," said one third of the mixer team. "I just wonder what he's trying to prove. He's an OK mixer, but enough's enough. Maybe he should take up another line of work."
One of his partners (sorry, I don't know their names) was a little more mellow. "I think Kevin's time will come," he said. "He should just relax."
Who is this Kevin? Is he the Sally Kirkland of sound mixers?
6:44 Heh. "Happy Feet" won.
6:43 Sharon Waxman at the New York Times: "That's how they introduce Cameron Diaz? 'The voice of Princess Fiona?' "
6:40 The "Dreamgirls" sound mixers come backstage to a smattering of applause. I have to think the press room looks like something to be endured. We're all on deadline and no one's looking at them, not even the people who ask questions.
6:38 Al Gore and Leo Di Caprio. Gore looks more comfortable onstage at the Oscars than he ever did stumping for votes.
6:31 Back at the Oscars, Randy Newman is at the piano for the "Cars" theme while James Taylor sings and plays acoustic guitar. Has anyone noticed Taylor now looks just like the creepy chiropractor in "Ed Wood"? Probably not.
6:29 The first English-language question, for the Danish winner of best animated short. Unfortunately, it's not a very interesting answer. She doesn't have any plans for features and wants to make more short films.
6:26 More scrim tumblers! What the -- oh. They're penguin-shaped.
6:22 The first real category of the night, for supporting actor. It's Eddie Murphy, right? And this is where it gets tough: while they're announcing the winner on stage -- it's Alan Arkin, I'm dead wrong -- and I can't hear a thing. Backstage, the achievement in makeup winner is answering more questions in Spanish and I have no idea what Arkin's saying. Not that it matters, probably. The Oscar's sitting on stage so he can read his thank-you notes.
6:19 Sound mixing goes to "Dreamgirls," thereby cutting "Apocalypto" out of the race. Bob Iger was right. And more speechreading! More orchestral drop-kicks!
6:15 "Letters From Iwo Jima" gets best sound editing, bringing us the first prepared thank-you list for the night. He reads it verbatim, thereby depriving his partner the chance to speak.
6:14 Steve Carrell and Greg Kinnear make a sound editing joke that incorporates both masturbation and prostitution.
6:12 For the sound editing category, we have a presentation that resembles a choir performing bird calls.
6:11 Ellen apologizes for insinuating that Penelope Cruz is from Mexico.
6:04 Questions for the "Pan's Labyrinth" art director team. Five out of six questions are in Spanish. I have a feeling that will happen a lot tonight.
The Oscar camera pans on what appears to be an entirely bald Jack Nicholson. He appears truly terrifying.
6:00 The first awkward stage patter, between preteens Abigail Breslin and Jaden Smith. Innocence lost.
5:57 The "Apocalypto" shutout begins: "Pan's Labyrinth" wins for makeup. And it's the first overrun -- the orchestra kicks them off the stage.
5:53: Will Ferrell and Jack Black get the first real laughs of the night, although John C. Reilly may have been redundant -- Ferrell looks more like him every day.
5:50: "We do want the art direction, winner, right?" A woman at the front of the room wants us to specifically request each Oscar winner for questions. What the hell? Can you imagine winning, only to be told "Uh... nevermind. Hey! Wolfgang Puck's got some great snacks!"
5:49 pm Again with the inscrutable acrobatic tumblers, this time behind a scrim.
5:45 pm I'm sitting next to the AP reporter from Venezuela, which means I have a good seat. "Pan's Labyrinth" won the first award (the uh-huh category of art direction). She's been busy collecting Oscar stats on Mexican and Spanish-language filmmakers. They'll probably be put to good use.
Ellen DeGeneres presented Janet Jackson with the Vanguard Award during Saturday's GLAAD Media Awards at the Kodak in L.A. Before handing over the kudo to Jackson, DeGeneres joked; “I looked up the Vanguard Award and the people who have won before are Liza Minnelli and Elizabeth Taylor, both have their picture taken with Michael Jackson. Coincidence, I don’t know, I’m just saying, I’ve never had my picture taken with Michael Jackson, and I’ve never won this award.” photos: WireImage
